by Shorty Rossi
I hope to be like Bebi. More openhearted, loving, and cuddlier than I look.
I hope to be like Geisha. Mellowing with age, to become a grumpy old crank that grays around the temples and farts in inappropriate places, without apology.
But mostly, I hope to be like Hercules. Steady, present, and able to bear the burden of this battle on broad shoulders, with patience and grace.
That’s who I hope to be.
A man as noble as a pit bull.
If I can do that, turn out anything like my dogs … I’ll be proud.
Essential Shorty
On Love and Relationships
Once you go small, you will never go tall!
What freaky stuff goes on in Shorty’s bedroom stays in Shorty’s bedroom.
I prefer to date taller women. I love the climbing technique. It makes getting the prize more interesting.
On Work
Get the hell out of my office!
I sweet talk, I con, I hustle, but I never give up.
On Being a Little Person
Little people get their revenge on tall people when Hercules farts in the elevator!
I have only dated two Little People women in my life. I call one the Bride of Chucky and the other one Psycho Bitch.
I came to the conclusion that it is okay to slap a Little Person when he tells your wife her hair smells pretty.
Four foot nine is too tall to be short and too short to be tall. Those guys are just screwed.
I may look harmless … until I grab your cojones.
I love going to a crowded mall, it gives me the chance to look at a good piece of ass and not get caught.
On Other People
I just can’t understand how many stupid people we’ve got in this world.
I wish you would!
Everyone deserves a second chance … as long as they’re trying to change.
Are you serious?
On Where He’s Been …
I came from my mama’s womb and my daddy’s nuts!
If Hercules could write a book, I’d be in big trouble.
and Where He’s Going
Watch out, world, here I come!
Life will take you places you’ve never expected to go.
Don’t take life for granted when things are going good.
On Activism
One pit bull at a time.
Why aren’t we punishing the humans instead of the pit bulls?
The people who run the city of Denver might as well be called Nazis!
Dogs don’t talk shit back.
If the dog’s on a plane, it’s not a dog that’s gonna bite you. Pet the fucking dog.
You can rescue all the pit bulls you want, but if you are not promoting the breed, you are doing nothing to change people’s minds about adopting the breed!
On Religion
A Quinceañera? Isn’t that when the young girls lose their virginity?
One time, I was at confession and the priest asked if I had my flask on me.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank …
Everyone at Random House for letting the world know more about me and who I am. You’ve made my dream come true. Special thanks to Julia Pastore on the Random House team.
SJ Hodges, the person who caught the words that came out of my mouth and put them on the page.
Maura Teitelbaum, the agent who gave me a chance.
Everyone at Animal Planet, especially Majorie Kaplan, Rick Holzman, Erin Wanner, Tahli Kouperstein, Michael Eisenbaum, and Amaryllis Seabrooks. You’ve given me the chance to speak to the world, and you continue to help me every day.
My producers at Intuitive. You never give up on me. Special thanks to Mechelle Collins and Kevin Dill. And for the entire production team, who has no choice but to put up with me, especially Jodi Baskerville.
My family, especially my sister Janet Burton and uncle Charles Bailey.
My friends who have been with me before I was Pit Boss, and now, including Juan Antonio Vidal Castillo, Ron and Nadine de Yong, Dawn Tarr, Linda Distante, Sam Clemente, Clay Roberts, Alex Svenson, Debbie Carrabello, Jerry Lucas (RIP), Hank Pervis Henderson, Derek Zemrak, Dan Brunning, Allison Queal, Jack Selby, Eduardo and Diana Aviles, Steve Dunn, Little Darlin, and Jeff.
My Shortywood Team. My employees and friends, you need a special mention: Ashley Brooks, Candy Clemente, Julie Marie Hernandez, Liz Fiano, Marcos Ramirez Hernandez, Brayan Castillo Borjas, Alma Castillo, Alexander Nah.
The corrections officers, counselors, and prison employees that gave me a second chance, including Celia Cruz-Reed, Vic Federico, Judy Nahigian, Jones Moore, Don Reynolds, Sonia Miller, Steve Larson, Lieutenant Centurino, Gary Gonzales (Gee), Larry Mackey, Mike Gallegos.
My legal team. You make life a little easier on me. Jeff Cohen, Craig Stien, Pilar Villazón, Tammy Vo Hamilton.
The guys I did time with. You always had my back: Tony Carrabello, Roger Clark, Kevin Fuqua, Ray Benard, Irby Davis, Lefty, J-Rock, Noel “Do-Low” Pinnock, Michael “Snake” Aaron, Odell (Big O), Big Will, Big Will (ii), Lawrence (L-Dogg), Green Eyes, Big Ike, Little Will, Sexton Davis.
And finally, thank you to my priest, Father William Raymond. It always takes his entire afternoon to hear my confession.
About the Author
Shorty Rossi is the star of Animal Planet’s Pit Boss; the owner of Shortywood Entertainment, a talent management company for Little People; and the owner of Shorty’s Pit Bull Rescue.
www.shortywood.com
