by Bonnie Dee
U suck, my little sister texted one day. U promised to take me to the new Bloodsuckers movie. When?
Crap! I was a failure as a big brother. Saturday? I replied.
Dad’s birthday.
Oh right. I’d forgotten that too. Chalk up another fail. After the party. Late matinee, I suggested.
Great.
Goal accomplished, Katie fell silent. But a few minutes later, another text popped up. BTW, thanks for coming to my game.
Mom was right. The kid really did care. It was simple enough to make Katie happy. I just had to put forth a little effort.
No prob. You play gud. Nice to live in an age of intentional misspellings, because relearning how to read and write hadn’t been easy for me.
I glanced up to realize the bus had reached the station near my work. The office building was like a second home, I spent so much time there. I should quit mentally whining about a job I was lucky to have. Not many people would hire someone with both a disability and a DUI record.
I greeted Shelly at reception and headed for the janitor room. My gaze flicked to the elevator when the doors opened to spew out men and women in business clothes. Anna wasn’t among them.
I got to work. As I dusted, I heard the occasional sound of another person leaving the building until at last it was quiet. I started the vacuum, cranked up my music, and was alone in my Fortress of Solitude. As I rolled the vacuum over industrial carpet in a first-floor conference room, a movement caught my attention. I flicked off the sweeper and looked up to see Anna in the doorway. She was as pretty as I’d remembered. I wondered if her hair was as soft as it looked. I wanted to plunge my hands in it to find out, and kiss those pouting lips and… Holy shit, I was hard and hungry for this woman I barely knew.
She raised a hand. “Hi, Jason.”
I pulled my earbuds out. “You’re here late.”
“Yeah. This is kind of weird, isn’t it? But something good happened today, and I…I wanted to tell you about it.” Her cheeks flushed. “Now I feel like a complete idiot.”
Anna feeling like an idiot made me feel a lot more confident. “What happened? Tell me about it.” I rested an arm on the vacuum handle, casually cool.
“I took another crack at court today, and I did okay. I remembered everything without looking at my notes, made good eye contact, spoke succinctly.” Her eyes sparkled. “I was damn good.”
“Congratulations.”
“I don’t mean to brag. I just wanted to tell somebody who would understand what it meant to me. I didn’t feel like I could talk to anybody at the office.”
I grinned, glad to be the person she shared her secret happiness with.
She tucked her hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. “I’ve been thinking about you. Working two different shifts like we do, there was no way to bump into you accidentally on purpose.”
“You wanted to?”
“Today I finally thought I’d just grow a pair and come find you. So here I am.”
I was shocked that she’d been thinking of me like I’d been thinking of her. I wasn’t such a stalker after all. So how should I answer? Glad you came, or maybe Want to make out? I went with, “Good.”
“So… I wondered if you might want to go for coffee sometime.”
“Sounds good.” I was proud of myself for sounding calm when inside I was jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning. I didn’t want to let her go with a promise of some vague date in the future. I wanted to pin her down before she changed her mind. “I’m usually done here by midnight. Would that be too late?”
“Um, sure. How about that diner around the corner. Josie’s?”
“Tonight,” I confirmed. My head was spinning. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, especially since it was playing out almost exactly like some daydreams I’d had. “See you later, then.”
Anna smiled and turned to go.
I watched her walk away and immediately felt my confidence ebbing. Would she show? If she did, what would we talk about? Would I make a fool of myself, stumbling over words or losing my train of thought? I couldn’t count on being sharp late at night when I was tired. Plus, I hadn’t been on any dates since before the accident, so my self-esteem wasn’t at its highest.
Not a date, I reminded myself as I turned the vacuum on. Just friends meeting for coffee.
Forcing myself to concentrate on my present actions step by step, I worked through every task. At midnight, I double-checked to make sure I had my keys, then let myself out of the building. I glanced down at my faded T-shirt and jeans—not great for an almost-date but better than a janitor coverall.
I inhaled a breath of the cool night air tinged with exhaust fumes as I walked past my bus stop and around the corner to Josie’s. A neon-red Open sign was in the window. My heart beat faster as I entered the coffee- and grease-scented diner. Either Anna would be there, or I’d have to sit and wait for her, wondering if she’d really show. Either prospect was daunting.
I glimpsed her blonde-streaked hair across the room just as she raised her hand to beckon me over. I slid into the seat across from her in the booth.
“Hi,” I said at the same moment she said, “Long night?”
I shrugged. “The usual. What about you?” My plan was to keep lobbing the conversation back to her so she’d do most of the talking.
She smiled. “Well, I got a puppy recently, so she keeps me pretty busy. She’s not completely house-trained yet, but I’m working on it. I feel bad about her being cooped up in her crate almost all day, even though it’s a really large one. But I can’t trust her in the apartment outside of the cage. I take her to the dog park for a really long run after I get home. I think I’m going to have to find her a pet day care so she doesn’t spend so much time alone. But I really am glad I got her. She’s a sweetheart.”
Anna blurted her dog story in a way that let me know she was as nervous as I was. She nodded at the menu in her hands. “I never got around to eating dinner, so I thought I’d order a sandwich or maybe an omelet. Are you hungry?”
“Sure.” I’d had a microwave Cup o’ Noodles not long ago, but if coffee was about to turn into sharing a meal, I wasn’t going to argue. I grabbed a sticky menu from the stand. I was so wired I didn’t think I could choke down anything, so when the waitress came, I ordered a bowl of soup.
“That’s all you’re going to have?” Anna asked. “I was going to get the tuna casserole. ‘Just like mom used to make,’ it says. Maybe somebody’s mom, but not mine.”
After the waitress left, it was time to make small talk. Conversation hadn’t seemed so hard that first night we’d met. Now I couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Anna picked up her coffee cup and cradled it in both hands. “Are you from around here?”
“Pickens. A little town south of Columbus.”
“Is your family still there?”
“Yeah.”
“How’d you happen to move to the city?”
“The therapy center I used to go to after the accident is here. It made sense to live closer, though I’ve stopped therapy since I moved. Anyway, I was ready to get out of my parents’ house. They wanted me to stay at home and work nearby, but I needed to be on my own.”
How’d we get onto the subject of me when my plan had been to keep Anna talking about herself?
“Living with your parents, or even visiting them, can be stressful,” she said.
“Where are yours?”
She set down her cup. “Detroit area. Bloomfield Hills. Far enough away that I don’t have to see them too often. Oh, that sounds bad, doesn’t it? I love them, but being around them is just—”
“Stressful,” I completed.
She laughed. “Exactly. Parents. Ever think maybe they’re not the problem? Maybe it’s just us, imagining we’re not living up to their expectations.”
I shook my head. “I’m pretty positive I’m not living up to expectations. I was supposed to get a business degree, then help my
dad in our hardware store.” I thought about Dad’s permanent worry lines because of business being slow and the second mortgage he and mom had taken on the house in order to pay my bills.
“Couldn’t you still work there without a degree?”
Of course I could. That was what Dad wanted—me by his side, stocking shelves and helping customers. It was simple enough work that I could do it too, but… “I can’t live in Pickens.”
Anna nodded. “Everybody knows you there, and you can’t escape your past.”
I felt a little lift inside because she understood. “Exactly.”
“How long ago was your accident?”
There it was, the elephant in the room which could only stay in the corner for so long before it came lumbering into a conversation.
“About three years. I was pretty messed up at first, but I relearned everything, more or less.” Time to get back to more talk about Anna and less about me. “How did you happen to move to Ohio?”
“I graduated from MSU Law College, passed the bar, and fielded some offers closer to home. But I chose to join this firm for a fresh start. Everybody around our area knows the family name. I wanted to accomplish something on my own, away from all that.”
She really did get me. We were both escaping our past. “You like Columbus?”
“I do. The city’s got a lot to offer, and I’m starting to make some friends.” She smiled. “Occasional meltdowns and doubts aside, I’m pretty happy with my job.”
“I’d like to see your dog.” The completely unrelated thought popped into my head and out of my mouth before I could stop it. That happens sometimes, taking whoever I’m talking to by surprise. Plus the words sounded sort of suggestive. “I mean, your new dog sounds cute.”
“She is.” Anna paused, then added, “I could introduce you to her some time.”
That sounded as if there was hope for a second date. I took a sip of water to keep from grinning like an idiot, then answered, “I’d like that.”
The waitress arrived with our food, a welcome distraction. I was glad I only had a bowl of soup to contend with. I gripped the spoon carefully so I wouldn’t spill soup down my chin. Tonight, handling cutlery felt like more than my fine motor skills could handle.
Anna forked up a bite full of casserole. “God, I’m starved. I haven’t eaten any real food since this morning, just some cheese curls from the vending machine. I should snack on fruit more.”
“I think cheese curls are the base of the food pyramid,” I teased.
“Hey, they have cheese, so they’re in the dairy group.” Her smile sparkled, even with a dab of tuna stuck to her lip. I wanted to lick it off.
I liked how easy she was to talk to, and my nervousness had eased. “What’s your favorite food?”
“All of it. Can’t you tell from my figure?”
I swept a look over the portion of her body visible above the tabletop. I didn’t need to see any more. “Looks good to me.”
She blushed and dropped her gaze to her plate. Damn, was I actually flirting? I hadn’t done that since… Actually, I couldn’t remember ever flirting. That was pre-accident Jason and I was Jason 2.0. I never felt as if his experiences were really mine.
“You look really nice in that top,” I added and hoped she didn’t think I meant because of her boobs. I avoided staring at them.
“Thank you.” She glanced at me. “And I like your T-shirt. Local band?”
I’d forgotten what I was wearing, so I looked down at the graphic and logo: Modern Miracles. “I guess so. I got it at a thrift store.”
“Have you heard of The Gastonburys? They play this weird mix of grunge, jazz, and hip-hop. They’re like music gumbo.”
“Don’t know the name, but I might remember their music if I’ve heard it before.”
“What do you usually listen to?”
“A little of everything.” I pulled my MP3 player from my backpack and handed it to her.
She rummaged in her purse and offered hers in exchange. I looked at her current playlist but only knew a few of the song titles.
“Oh! The Naked Farmers,” Anna exclaimed as she studied my music library. “They’re good.”
We chatted about music for a while, and Anna insisted I listen to a particular song on her player. “Unless you think using other people’s earbuds is too gross.”
“What’s a little ear wax between friends?”
It sounded funnier in my head than it did aloud, but Anna laughed anyway. The sound warmed my insides more than the hot soup. Damn, her flashing dimples and sparkling eyes floored me. It could’ve been because it was the first female attention I’d received in a long time, but I don’t believe that’s all it was. There was a spark in her that ignited me, a brightness about her that shone into me.
I listened to the song she wanted to share and smiled. The song sucked, but I couldn’t have cared less.
****
I can pinpoint the exact moment my interest in Jason moved from basic attraction into something more. As we sat in the diner that night we went for coffee, he smiled, and a bite of tuna casserole got stuck in my throat. I gulped it down as I watched him absorb the music with that quiet air of intensity.
His eyelids lowered as he listened to White Countess by the Gastonburys, shielding his eyes so I could study his face undetected. His features were sharp, sculpted angles, the kind of strong bone structure that would age beautifully. My eyes traced the scar from his hairline around the curve of his eye socket and down to his jaw. The straight line of his mouth was softened by a slight tilt at the corners, which gave him a perpetually amused look. I felt an impulse to touch my fingertip to the deep bow of his upper lip. Instead, I stuck my fork into the casserole I’d lost interest in.
When Jason’s gaze flicked up and met mine, I focused all my attention on my plate. I was suddenly off-balance and couldn’t think of anything to say. Our work lives were light years apart, and there wasn’t a lot to discuss about the janitorial profession. What could the two of us possibly have in common?
“Good song,” Jason said. “It’s got a…good beat.”
“You hated it,” I guessed from his tone. “That’s okay. You can say it.”
His wrinkled his nose. “The band’s okay. Maybe a different song…”
I took the player from him and skipped forward a few tracks. “Try this one.”
This time, as I watched his frown of concentration, I swear I saw the moment when his expression changed from doubt to belief. He nodded. “Better. I like it.”
For some reason, that really mattered to me. I wanted him to enjoy that song, but for real, not just to be polite. I guess I needed to know we had some similar tastes.
“Try this.” He offered me his iPod, and I listened to a rockabilly tune that had my toe tapping.
“Do you like to dance?” I asked.
“I’m more of a listener. My feet don’t move so well.”
I’d completely forgotten about the way his right leg seemed to drag a little. Of course, he wouldn’t be into dancing.
“You can slow dance. It’s just shuffling around with a partner.”
His mouth quirked up on one side. “You offering?”
Was I? Did I really want him to meet my dog or to go out dancing? What would be the harm in setting a real date?
“There’s a club I like. No electronic dance music. More of a retro kind of place. You might like it, and I won’t force you to dance if you don’t want to.”
Jason looked at me, and a little shiver of anticipation tickled my spine. Immediately I understood the harm that might come from one date. With this guy, casual could turn into something more, and I didn’t know if I was ready for that. But cart before horse. It was a little soon to be worrying about the future.
“I’d like that,” he said. “But I work most nights.”
“We could go after your shift, if you’re not too tired. Up to you.” I acted nonchalant, part of me hoping he’d turn me down and put an end t
o my wondering if this was a bad idea.
Instead, he stared even more deeply into my eyes and asked, “Why?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Why would you want to go out with me? Why’d you ask me to meet you here?” He sounded honestly curious.
“Why not? I like talking to you. Look, if you’re not interested, just say so.”
He was silent long enough for me to start feeling like a fool. “I’m interested,” he said at last. “I just don’t understand why you are.”
Whoa, self-esteem issues much? I knew how I responded was pretty important right then, so I took a breath and thought it through.
“I like your sense of humor. You have a unique way of looking at things. It would be interesting to get to know you. Anyway, I could ask the same thing.”
“Why I’m interested in you? You’re kidding.”
I glowed as if he’d given me the most elaborate compliment. His eyes spoke volumes, which was good, because he didn’t add anything more.
“All right, then. Let’s go out.”
He paused, and I began to realize he usually paused before he spoke. Maybe it took him some time to find the right words. “I’m off on Saturday.”
“Saturday evening, then.”
We talked a little more, first-date chitchat that felt pretty comfortable with Jason. We exchanged phone numbers, and as we walked out of the diner, I offered him a ride home so he wouldn’t have to wait for a bus.
Jason looked at the traffic flashing past. “It’s probably out of your way.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Let me give you the address first, before you decide.” He took his wallet from his back pocket and handed me a laminated card with his name, address, and phone number on it and a line at the bottom explaining he was brain damaged. There was also a contact number for his parents. The little card was sobering, reminding me that, despite appearances, Jason had been through severe trauma.
“I don’t have my address memorized. Just know what bus stop to get off at. You need to understand I have problems, mostly with my memory but other things too. If you change your mind about the date, I understand.” His jaw clenched. I could see what that admission cost him.
