by Mike Heppner
Before she left him, she said, “By the way, tell Don I approve.”
“I will,” he said.
The next morning, she invited him to lunch, and they met at Steeple Street, a fairly run-of-the-mill sandwich place on the East Side. By coincidence, their waiter was the same Carlo from the night before. Recognizing her, he exclaimed, “Ai! You’re not supposed to see me here!”
Allison laughed and said to her father, “That’s Rhode Island for you.”
4
Record of live web chat with film director Heath Baxter,
10/12/02, 16:04.33 PST.
WebModerator (GS266): Welcome to our forum with Heath Baxter, director of The Independence Project, who’s in L.A. right now, working on a new feature for Miramax. Heath, thanx for being here.
HeathBaxter (surfergrrl03): Thanks for having me.
GS266: We’ve got 47 UIN logged in, so if you have a question for Heath, give us your nick, a /s /l, so Heath knows who he’s talking to. K?
surfergrrl03: Sounds cool.
GS266: K
jillslut17: Heath! Sup Jill, 16 /f /Dallas Ft Worth area, wanted to know about the new project, r u almost done with it, heard u were working with Chloe Sevigny / Marilyn Manson / Nic Cage what’s the deal and where can I get DVD copies of TIP 4-17??
surfergrrl03: Hi Jill. Don’t know about DVDs, if there’s anything out there, I haven’t seen it so take heed. Ummm, hard to type this fast. Nic Cage, no, M. Manson, unlikely, Chloe, no comment but stay tuned.
GS266: What about the new project if u could tell us just in general
surfergrrl03: Still working on the script. I like to know what I’m doing before I start working with actors, technical crew, etc. Obviously, TIP was different because we had like no budget, no permission to shoot etc so we had to make do. Studio backing really helps, and Miramax has been totally cool so that’s cool.
GS266: And if u could give us an idea—story, characters, who’s on the soundtrack thx
surfergrrl03: It’s kind of hard to say cuz of the evolutionary nature of film, like I can’t visualize the end result when I’m still meeting with cast members and that kind of preliminary sh*t. Like TIP was crazy that way.
GS266: Totally, but if u had to summarize it in one word or ten words, or like five words
surfergrrl03: Five words, I would say spiritual, religious, transcendental, pagan and f*cked up.
GS266: Good let’s get another question
Progfan2000: Bill, 24 /m /Oakland, Heath I’m an independent filmmaker and I was wondering how u shot fragment 27b looks like the screen is tinted for night effect but there’s lens flare in the upper right corner at 5:03.17, so I’m like what. Did u do that in post?
surfergrrl03: Bill, everything was in post cuz of time restrictions. I don’t remember using any gradient tints during the shoot, so maybe what you’re seeing isn’t lens flare but a problem with your download.
GS266: I know what Bill’s talking about. I thought it was lens flare too, and I was like whoa
surfergrrl03: Totally. I don’t know, but I’m moving my site to a different server, so that should help to clear it up.
Progfan2000: Thx. BTW, have u heard of a prog-rock group from the 70s called Mirthrandir? Their awesome! Check out Grobschnitt, Gentle Giant, Wallenstein, Van Der Graaf Generator, Banco del Mutuo Soccorso, Area, P.F.M., Magma and Goblin—did the soundtracks to those Argento flicks.
surfergrrl03: Cool, I’ll write ’em down.
GS266: Good new question
hafunny77: Heath wondering what you think about sudden fame sudden success for TIP and what advice for other artists.
GS266: hafunny77, let’s have your name, a /s /l.
hafunny77: 34 / m / Orlando, Kevin
surfergrrl03: Thanks Kevin. I guess I feel cool about everything. I miss a lot of my old friends from back east. Just been so busy. My advice is to stay focused on what you want to do and not worry so much about the business side of things, like with TIP I made with no studio support no professional actors just some friends working on weekends, and that’s true of writers, filmmakers, visual artists, whatever, sometimes its easier to focus and stay true to yourself when there’s no expectations or pressure from the outside.
GS266: Good advice. Let’s hear from someone else
Oluckyman01: BAXTER YOU SUCK FUCKING ASSHOLE NO TALENT HOW PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT BLOWS MY MIND TOTAL HYPE I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT YOUR SHIT’S GOING TO LOOK LIKE PROBABLY SOME WHINY GEN-X BULLSHIT LIKE LINKLATER OR WHATEVER YEAH I CAN USE A SUPER 8 TOO I CAN TAKE HOME MOVIES TOO DOESN’T MEAN THAT I HAVE ANYTHING MEANINGFUL OR RELEVANT TO SAY ALL THIS IS JUST CORPORATE BULLSHIT PEOPLE NEED TO JUST CHILL AND REALIZE THEY BEEN HAD
GS266: Oluckyman01 is banned. Let’s move on
pretty_princess: Hi Heath, my name’s Kelly 20 /f / I live near Phoenix but hopefully moving to L.A. this spring. I was wondering if u had a g/f and if not if u wanted to hang out sometime. My favorite TIP downloads are f-4a and f-19a b/c you’re in it. Why don’t u do more acting? xoxoxoxoxox
surfergrrl03: Thanks Kelly. First let me answer the other question from the person who didn’t give his or her name. I’m sorry if you don’t like my work, and I can understand if you think that everything is corporate or orchestrated or overhyped, because in a sense that’s true. But the fact is that I struggled hard to get where I am, and I’m not going to give it up just because some people think things are bullsh*t.
GS266: Cool point taken
surfergrrl03: And as far as my own work goes, I’m not hurting anyone, nor am I stealing chances from other artists who want to be in the same position. I’m just trying to make something lasting and beautiful.
GS266: word and then Kelly had a question
surfergrrl03: Right I’m sorry. Hi Kelly. Yeah I’d love to hang out sometime—whisper to me later. No girlfriend at the moment. I was seeing someone before I moved to Cali, but couldn’t make it work out.
GS266: that sucks
surfergrrl03: you know whatever. But right now, I’m so focused on what I’m doing, and getting my script together, that maybe I just need to do that and nothing else for awhile.
GS266: Any more questions for Heath?
surfergrrl03: That a**hole must’ve scared people away. Is Kelly still out there?
aceventura782: Hi Heath I read on tipchat that there’s an alternate version of f-44a/b that has better resolution and a different ending, six seconds longer or something. Please comment on that, and also comment on whether you’re going to release another batch of frags before the feature comes out, and also if f-81b still exists in the vault, and if so when do we get to see it?
GS266: Ace, you sound pretty hardcore How bout your name a /s /l? thx
aceventura782: Rick 15 /m /Newton Mass
surfergrrl03: Thanks Rick. First things first, don’t expect to see the full-length until winter ’04 at the earliest, maybe even spring or later. As far as alternate versions go, I don’t know about the specific one that you mentioned, but as I’ve said before, the vault’s already been cleaned out, so unless someone’s got a fifth generation dub, which I highly doubt, that stuff’s gone for good. Sorry! ☹
GS266: Cool maybe u could talk about how you’re coping with L.A. and like how different it is from the New York scene and sh*t.
surfergrrl03: Well, I’m not from New York, but I know what you mean, the whole east coast west coast thing. My friend Brian and I talk about once a week, and it really helps to keep me grounded.
GS266: Brian the beach boys dood
surfergrrl03: That’s right. Sometimes I feel like he’s my only real friend out here, not that I haven’t met a bunch of cool people, because I have, like Michael Moore and John Singleton. But I think that Brian understands me in a way that’s different, you know, like he’s been talking to me since I was a kid.
GS266: Totally I feel the same way about Todd Rundgren
pretty_princess: Hi Heath it’s Kelly again, sorry, I was afk I saw what u wrote
about me—that’s so sweet! Like u were thinking about me and stuff.
GS266 Kelly do you have a ?
pretty_princess: Not really just that I’m probably going to be in L.A. for Thanksgiving, so we should get together—do u like Ethiopian food? I know the joke is that there’s no Ethiopian food cuz Ethiopians don’t have any food, but it’s actually really good!
surfergrrl03: K Hold up and we’ll go private.
GS266: If there’s no other questions, Heath maybe u could wrap it up with a few last words, like something inspirational or whatever. But make it quick, k? thx
surfergrrl03: I guess I would say that you shouldn’t worry so much if you don’t know what you’re doing, cuz that’s actually a good thing. Don’t make plans—I mean it’s okay to make them, but don’t adhere to them too closely, you know? And read a lot and listen to interesting music and watch a lot of interesting movies. That’s it.
pretty_princess: Hi Heath it’s Kelly again. I think that’s so sad what u wrote about not having any friends in L.A. U shouldn’t say bad things about yourself, k? I don’t have any friends here in Phoenix either.
surfergrrl03: Sorry to hear that.
GS266: Yeah we all are Heath thanks for coming
surfergrrl03: Thank you. It’s been fun.
GS266: Spring ’03 for the new material? That’s awesome
surfergrrl03: Nope, like I said, it’s going to be early ’04, maybe even the summer, but definitely sometime soon.
GS266: Looking forward to it
surfergrrl03: yep it’s gonna be beautiful
END OF SESSION
5
One night in late October, Marlene came home from her shift at Zales and found Stuart still working in his office. The lights were off in every other room of the house, and the only sounds were the hum of Stuart’s computer and some nondescript jazz on the radio.
His back was to her when she came into the room. “My head is throbbing,” he said. “Do you mind if we order a pizza tonight? I’m too tired to cook.”
She stepped out of her shoes and left them by the door. “No, that’s fine. Wanna see my new bracelet?” she asked. With the commission that she’d earned that day, she’d treated herself to a sixty-dollar bracelet, which she thought looked sexy around her ankle.
He turned away from the computer and glanced at her hands. “Where is it?” he asked.
She pointed down at her right foot. “There. It’s an ankle bracelet.”
He admired it as one might admire a child’s drawing. “Nice, but you’ve got it on the wrong foot.”
“I do?”
“You’re supposed to wear it around your left ankle.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because you’re married.”
“I don’t think so, Stuart. I don’t think it works like that.”
He shrugged. “Okay. Fair enough.”
She didn’t want him to be unhappy, so she bent down and took off the bracelet. “No, I’m sure you’re right. Here, I’ll just fix it,” she said, transferring it to her left foot. She stood back up. “There—better?”
“It’s fine either way, Marlene. You didn’t have to change it for my sake.”
She smiled uncertainly and put her arms around him. The tension in his neck and shoulders failed to melt under her caress.
“Have a good day?” he asked.
“Pretty good. I sold an engagement ring. This poor kid was going to give it to his high-school girlfriend.”
“Why does that make him a poor kid?” he asked.
Boy, she thought, he’s not letting me get away with anything. “No reason, just . . . he was sweet. How about you?”
“What?”
“Did you have a good day?”
He slouched and put his head in his hands. The computer screen in front of him was filled with words, and she wondered how long he’d been staring at the same sentence.
He sat up suddenly and pointed an angry finger at the screen. “Listen to this and tell me which version you like better.” Reading from the screen, he said, “ ‘After Joseph’s death in 1733, Nancy became even more promiscuous and eventually took one of her own offspring to bed.’ Or: ‘Nancy became even more promiscuous after Joseph’s death in 1733, and eventually took one of her own offspring to bed.’ ”
Marlene closed her eyes tightly. “I can’t tell the difference, hon.”
“Fuck. Goddamn it. This is driving me crazy.”
She sighed, disappointed to find him in such an edgy mood. Her plan for the evening had involved a glass of wine, a stack of catalogs and maybe a nice foot massage. No spot quizzes. All in all, she preferred her husband when he wasn’t working.
“Anyway, I’m going to have some wine,” she said. “Do you want anything?”
She’d turned away when he said, “I’m sorry, hon. I’m still in work mode right now, that’s all. I’ll be done in five minutes.”
“That’s okay. Take your time.” Picking up her shoes, she went into the bedroom and stripped off her clothes. Once she’d undressed, she opened the closet and put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Being naked was now a temporary, transitional state, like passing through a room without lingering there.
Downstairs in the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of wine and sat down to read the paper. Stuart joined her fifteen minutes later. His hair looked a mess, like he’d been pulling at it all day.
“What do you want to do tonight?” she asked. Thus far, pretty much all she’d seen of him was the back of his head.
He stood at the refrigerator, scanning the shelves for a beer. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Reaching for his beer, he unscrewed the bottle cap and slumped over to the table, where he dropped into the chair across from her.
“Maybe we could take a bath together after dinner,” she suggested.
“A bath.”
“There’s some champagne in the basement, I think.”
He finally rewarded her with a smile. “What’s the celebration for?” he asked.
She took his free hand, the one that wasn’t holding the beer. “Just because I love you,” she said.
He laughed, though his heart wasn’t into it. They’d had days like this before—days when neither one of them felt like talking—but there was always the awareness that they ought to be talking, ought to be trying harder. Stuart didn’t seem to have that awareness anymore.
They ordered a pizza, ate in front of the TV, then made waves toward going upstairs. Marlene offered to draw their bathwater, but Stuart abruptly decided not to join her. “I don’t think I’d be much fun tonight,” he apologized.
“That’s okay, honey. It was just an idea.” She stood and kissed him gently on the cheek. “I think I’m going to have a quick soak anyway. I still feel sticky from work.”
Once upstairs, she decided to take a shower instead of a bath. With her hair in a wet tangle and the water streaming down her face, she looked as miserable as she felt.
Later, in bed, she asked him if he still found her attractive. “Of course I do,” he said.
“Because I do,” she replied hotly.
He modestly lowered his eyes. “Thanks.”
“No, I mean me. Me. I think I’m attractive. I’ve never felt attractive before, but I do now. I’ve lost six pounds this month, Stuart. That’s a real accomplishment. I’m actually proud of myself, you know?”
He felt like she was goading him into having sex. “You’ve always been attractive to me. I’ve told you that.” To prove his point, he willed himself to get an erection but couldn’t sustain it for more than a few minutes. When he pulled out of her, the condom that they’d been using stayed inside, like a crumpled-up, defeated version of himself.
The next morning, he woke up early to get a jump on the pages he wanted to finish that day. Marlene generally slept until nine, so he was careful not to wake her. Going into the kitchen, he started the coffee and sat down to browse through the over-eighteen listings in the Providence Phoenix. O
ne ad called for a personal foot slave, while another, posted by an overweight black woman, sought an effeminate white man to wear her clothes and masturbate on demand. Reading the listings aroused him, and he wondered why he was continually drawn to the dark side of sexuality. In his mind, sexuality was dark, or maybe only his personal experiences of it were. He’d never had the kind of sexual experience that made him feel lighter inside.
He worked from eight to eleven, taking breaks only to go downstairs for more coffee. The memoir that he’d been working on for Gregg Reese was a patchwork of rumors, history and out-and-out fabrications. Some of the material had come from notes Gregg had provided, while some he’d made up on his own. Some even derived from sources who weren’t directly related to the Reeses, such as Sarah Cranberry, who’d divulged much of her family’s history to Stuart during those cold nights in New Hampshire. It was fun to distort the truth, Stuart thought, rather than having to invent a story from scratch. Gregg encouraged these flights of fancy, no matter how strange or incongruous. It didn’t matter to him, for example, that the Reeses were originally from South County while the Cranberrys were from the East Bay. Everything belonged in the book.
