Example 1. A woman I know shared with me her struggle with gender identity. This wife, mother, and grandmother said that throughout her childhood and through her teen years, she wanted to be a boy, so she dressed like a boy and acted like a boy.
She did so, she said, “Because I felt that I would be safer from the abuse if I were a boy.”
Her sentiments echo exactly one of the points I am making here: She did not feel safe as a woman, so she rejected her female identity and determined to be something else. Thankfully, later in her life she found the safety she needed and learned to embrace the woman God had made her to be.
Example 2. A boy with a tender personality may have a father who is “a man’s man” and who belittles, criticizes, or in some way expresses disappointment at his son’s tenderness, when he should bring his son alongside him to learn godly manhood. A boy who experiences male rejection (real or perceived) may relate to his mother’s gender rather than his father’s and may a) adopt his mother’s feminine traits, b) experience anger, resentment, and hostility toward his father, c) long for the male affection and acceptance his father did not give him, and d) seek for that acceptance and love from older male sexual partners.
A boy with extreme anger toward his father, particularly if there is male violence in the home, may reject the male role model altogether and, thus, reject his own maleness. He may embrace a female gender or an “other” gender.
Fathers Are Essential. A child growing up in a single-parent home can struggle with the same issues listed above. Both boys and girls need a safe male role model and a father’s love and acceptance. Absent a father in the home, children may look to find a father’s attention elsewhere. Girls may seek a man’s love “in all the wrong places” and become promiscuous; boys may seek male affection through male sexual encounters.
The varied “pieces and parts” of a bad or missing father relationship (absent any godly male role model) can wreak havoc on an adolescent youth’s sexual and gender identity.
Conclusion
AGAIN, THIS BRIEF APPENDIX is not intended to be an exhaustive treatment of homosexuality, but I would like to conclude with two observations. First, childhood and sexual development are complex, intertwined processes, but the family has everything to do with producing well-developed, well-rounded adults.
Second, no single experience or set of circumstances produces homosexuality. Family dynamics and dysfunction; how children perceive (translate) and internalize those dynamics; emotional attachment and bonding; how children observe gender roles played out; whether they identify with, are accepted into, or reject their biological gender role; early sexual trauma or experiences—desired/undesired/abusive (heterosexual or homosexual); and individual personality all impact sexual development and personal maturation.
Due to humanity’s fallen nature and the influence of sin upon the world around us, not one of us has a perfect childhood or is a perfect parent. Life manages to break all of us in some manner or fashion.
The answer to every kind of brokenness is, and always will be, Jesus.
Group Discussion Questions
Your group’s discussion may have more depth to it if everyone participating in the discussion has read, in addition to Sarah Redeemed, the Appendix, More on the Subject, before approaching this set of questions. Blessings!
—Vikki
1) “WHAT IS INSIDE a person shows up on the outside” is a theme Sarah Redeemed presents in at least three ways within Chapters 3, 7, and 9. Discuss this concept and what it means with regards to a Christian’s behavior and growth.
2) Pastor Carmichael, in Chapter 17, said the following about judgments: “You refused these men forgiveness, not realizing that your unforgiveness gave Satan a foothold in your heart. Your wounds festered over years of abuse, and you became angry, filled with rage—an uncontrollable of rage that erupted whenever you were offended . . . And when your anger fed upon new transgressions—both real and perceived—Satan’s hold on you grew stronger. Your anger strengthened to the point that you passed judgment upon an entire class of people, upon all men.”
—What kinds of judgments (as defined by Pastor Carmichael) against classes or categories of people do we see in society and the church today? (You may wish the group to make a list to study and discuss.)
—Do you observe any commonalities between the roots of Sarah’s judgments and the roots of judgments in society and the church today?
3) What are some of the results of judgments we see in our society today? What about in the church today?
4) In Chapter 16, Minister Liáng said, “Deception, if we allow it entrance into our hearts and minds, is not static or inactive. Deception grows; it progresses. If we allow deception to develop unchallenged, its mature state is delusion.” Discuss what he teaches about delusion and error. What examples of delusion do we see in churches today? What about in our society?
5) How important was Pastor Carmichael’s advice to Sarah (regarding ongoing forgiveness) when he likened forgiveness to the layers of an onion? (Read Sarah’s recollection of this advice in Chapter 18.)
6) What did you think of Pastor Carmichael repenting and asking Sarah’s forgiveness? How do you think it affected her ability to forgive the men who had abused her? (Chapter 17)
7) Universal brokenness is another central theme of Sarah Redeemed. For example, Sarah found common ground with Dr. Croft when he shared his brokenness; his vulnerability helped Sarah feel safe and able to connect with him. How does realizing that we are all broken free us to seek freedom from our own particular brand of brokenness?
8) After reading the Appendix, More on the Subject, how are you now better able to
—Have compassion upon those who struggle with same-sex sin?
—Pray for those who struggle with same-sex sin?
—Discern the difference between the truth of God’s word and the gay community’s agenda?
—Discern a gay individual’s real pain and its undergirding lie and, lovingly, speak truth to that pain?
9) In Chapter 20, Rose answers Lola with, “Despise you? No, quite the opposite, Lola. I wish only God’s best for you.”
—How does Rose’s response show how we can bring the Lord into our conversations with individuals trapped in the gay lifestyle?
—When we “wish only God’s best” for someone, are we agreeing with their sin? What is God’s best for them?
10) What is your most important “takeaway” from Sarah Redeemed?
Books by Vikki Kestell
A Prairie Heritage
One family . . . steeped in the love and grace of God, indomitable in their faith, tried and tested in the fires of life, passing forward a legacy to change their world. The compelling saga of family, faith, and great courage.
Book 1: A Rose Blooms Twice
Book 2: Wild Heart on the Prairie
Book 3: Joy on This Mountain
Book 4: The Captive Within
Book 5: Stolen
Book 6: Lost Are Found
Book 7: All God’s Promises
Book 8: The Heart of Joy—A Short Story (eBook only)
ALSO, A Prairie Heritage: The Early Years: Immerse yourself in the world of the American prairie of the 1800s and witness this family as they demonstrate the courage and overcoming spirit born of faith in God. This collection contains the full editions of Books 1-3: A Rose Blooms Twice, Wild Heart on the Prairie, and Joy on This Mountain. A Prairie Heritage: The Early Years is the perfect way to introduce your friends to this series!
Girls from the Mountain
If you loved my series, A Prairie Heritage, you will love the full stories of a select group of women you met first in the little mountain village of Corinth, Colorado. Tabitha, Tory, and Sarah Redeemed are three such stories—the testimonies of fallen women, destined to become lights in this sinful world. Each book can be read as a standalone story; however, having already read A Prairie Heritage may increase your enjoyment. —Vikki Kestell
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p; Nanostealth
“Invisibility comes with its own set of problems.” Review: “This is by far the ABSOLUTE BEST reading I’ve completed in years.”
Book 1: Stealthy Steps
Book 2: Stealth Power
Book 3: Stealth Retribution
Book 4: Deep State Stealth
About the Author
Vikki Kestell’s passion for people and their stories is evident in her readers’ affection for her characters and unusual plotlines. Two often-repeated sentiments are, “I feel like I know these people,” and “I am right there, in the book, experiencing what her characters experience.”
Vikki holds a Ph.D. in Organizational Learning and Instructional Technologies. She left a career of twenty-plus years in government, academia, and corporate life to pursue writing full time. “Writing is the best job ever,” she admits, “and the most demanding.”
Also an accomplished speaker and teacher, Vikki and her husband Conrad Smith make their home in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
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Sarah Redeemed Page 31
