by Heidi Perks
‘He was in a taxi,’ your dad told me. ‘A lorry swerved around the corner too quickly.’ He was shaking his head and I watched the tears slipping down his cheeks, thinking it was the first time I had ever seen him cry. His words pierced through the fug surrounding me. The lorry hit the taxi head-on. You weren’t wearing a seat belt; you died on impact.
‘Stop,’ I begged him, as I felt his arms grip my own to stop me from falling to the floor. I needed their strength yet even then I knew he himself couldn’t have had any left. He was as broken as I was, so filled with the grief of losing his only child.
*****
It’s taken me a long time but I do now accept there was nothing I could have done to stop what happened. And finally I realise that many things weren’t my fault.
I didn’t start seeing Maggie because of my past; I went because I couldn’t see a future without everyone I ever loved in it. But I can now. I can see a really bright one and for the first time in a very long while I’m excited about it. So I’m going to let you go now. And I’m going to let myself go, too. Because I have two beautiful girls in my life again and I can finally see the future I was so desperately searching for.
Thank you for listening to me, Adam. I will always love you.
Abigail
xxx
Acknowledgements
Writing a book is something I have always wanted to do, and along the way there have been many people who have given me the encouragement to get on and do it. From everyone at the school gate who asks how the book is going, to friends who have given me feedback and helped in other ways, I am grateful to all of you.
In particular I have some wonderful friends who have helped me on my journey to publication: Lucy Emery, Donna Cross, Deborah Dorman, Becci Holland and Kevan Kelsey. Thank you all, I know I am very lucky to have such good friends in my life.
My many early readers who encouraged me with enthusiasm and direction: Vanessa Edkins, Sandra Clayton, Fran Moore and all the Hinchley Wood Literary Ladies: Jennifer Plant, Jane Worsley, Vasiliki Arvaniti, Roisin McHugh, Larisa Strickland, Liz Sabell and Rach Hyams. Thank you Kate Bradford for your medical input (any mistakes are entirely my own) and Kate Chisman for all your insights into the world of social media!
Without my wonderful support group of writers there were plenty of times I wouldn’t have known which way to turn. Your thoughts, comments and motivation kept me going and I feel very grateful to have made some good friends along the way. Thank you Alice Clark-Platts, Catherine Bennetto, Julietta Henderson, Dawn Goodwin, Alex Tyler, Moyette Gibbons, Grace Coleman and Elin Daniels.
Thank you to Sheila Crowley and Becky Ritchie who believed in me and the book from the start. And to Christopher Wakling and Anna Davis for your support and guidance.
Thanks to Clare Christian and Heather Boisseau who have given me much help in getting my book published. I am so pleased I found you both.
Mum, you have shown more love and encouragement for everything I do than I could ever hope for. You inspire me to be the best mother I can be. I know I don’t have to say I hope you are proud. But I hope you are!
My wonderful husband, John, who has the eye of a hawk when it comes to a misplaced comma. You never once stopped believing in me and I truly wouldn’t have been able to do this if it weren’t for you. Thank you for giving me the time, patience and love that enabled me to follow my dream.
And my two amazing children, who I do this for: Bethany and Joseph, you make me proud every single day. Mummy loves you to the moon and back.
About the Author
Heidi Perks is a full-time writer and mum of two. She is fascinated by what makes people tick and how they interact with others, especially when those people or their relationships are slightly dysfunctional. One of the very first books she fell in love with was Enid Blyton’s Island of Adventure, which sparked her passion for telling stories. She is a graduate of the Curtis Brown Creative Novel Writing course and studied Marketing at Bournemouth University before enjoying a fifteen-year career in marketing. She has since returned to set up home by the sea with her husband and their two young children. Heidi’s passion for the beach and the sea always makes its way into her writing, and her happiest times are spent on the sand and in the waves with her family.
www.heidiperksauthor.co.uk
Table of Contents
Title page
Copyright
April 2001
One
Two
Fourteen Years Later June 2015
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Three Months Later
Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Nine
Forty
Acknowledgements
About the Author
