I think my silence and disarray for what’s happen scares him most.
I feel the door open, it hitting me as Jonah seeks a quick escape. The door doesn’t shut, it remains ajar; the noise from outside flittering in, but none of it affects me. My body’s barely registering that I am alone right now. I just feel like a betrayer. I’ve gone against everything I believe in, forced to do so to save Jace from more hurt, but I never thought about myself.
I stare forward, catching sight of my defiled body in the glass bedside cabinet. I hardly move, just reach down to pull the skirt of my dress over me. It’s too late to preserve my modesty, but I can try to wrangle some of it.
My movements are lackluster and before I know it, I’m just slumped staring at my own reflection. The life in me has left and while everyone is enjoying their time at the club, I feel like I’ve died inside. The multitude of everything has toppled, and I no longer feel a need to carry on as I was.
I don’t know how I’ll ever come back from what’s happened.
I see the light change outside the door in the mirrored surface opposite me and see the door open. I see a pair of legs and recognize the polished shoes, but I don’t look up, don’t react, and don’t invest time in communication.
Eli kneels down in front of me, taking away my view of my disgusted self. I don’t even look at him; I just continue looking through him, as if I can still see the mirror.
“Hey,” he murmurs softly, his voice light on my ears. “Clara’s letting me take you to mine. She doesn’t want you alone,” Eli whispers as he begins to pick me up off the floor. Wrapped in his jacket, he keeps me scooped up protected. I don’t realize he sneaks me out of the room without much attention, until the cool air from outside hits me. I don’t even acknowledge the heart Clara’s presented us with allowing me comfort and not punishment.
Even then I don’t respond much.
I turn my face into his chest and just break down.
***
I've sat in the tub for too long. But I can't move, nor will I until I am cleansed. I don't care if the pellets of water are icy cold by that time, I just cannot allow myself to feel that man's hands all over me. I cannot survive with this feeling of victimization. I feel dirty and as if I'm a traitor. I had no choice is the lie I tell myself, but let's face it, I could have said no. I could have fought him, I could have called Clara's bluff. I could have savored some of my remaining sanity. Instead, I let it go and told myself it was for Jace.
What here is for Jace? I've been back in the club all of a few weeks and I feel less like myself than ever. How will I be presented to Jace after four years? Will I be broken? Maybe I’ll be shattered into a million pieces. A shadow of my former self seems likely. I'll be a dirty little viper by the time I'm done, and I can't do a thing to save myself.
Not after all the time Clara uses Jace as leverage against me.
As crude thoughts fall with the water, I run my hands up my face, tearing at my soaking hair, and let out a low scream. Jace is going to hate you. The hatred fueled attack is incessantly driving into every brain cell in me. Jace will never forgive you. Jace will never want to see your face again. Jace will regret the day he married you. My subconscious just darkens at every evil jab. It's all driving me to further insanity. Pushing me further away from the way I wanted to live out my time here.
I wanted to be strong, it’s all I wanted. I wanted to face the devil and dance with her all at once, but fate had other ideas. It broke me down, took chips away from my heart piece by jagged piece. I got beaten by the she-devil. I never rivaled her, I never could. She tangoed with each of my weaknesses and mocked with them all at once.
Now look where it got me. My heart led me to the right man, but our timing was awfully off beat. My head told me to trust him, and I won’t ever regret that, but I forgot to remind myself that whatever we had planned, Clara would always be been two steps ahead, waiting with her claws to draw me in and get what she wanted.
Sitting up, I look at the showerhead as the water pours down upon my face with little relief. I drop my hands; one clenched, one hanging limp. My left hand tightens around the piano string that Jace cut away from his piano a year ago. My head falls once more, and I squeeze so tight around it, my nails dig into my palm. The skin upon my knuckles goes stark white, but still I continue to compress. I continue to do so until I see blood prick to life when I give a little release on the hold.
And then all the energy reserved in my body dissipates, and I just hang my head and arms in one last shameful posture. I stare at the drain, the water running away with little drops of red from my bleeding palm.
I barely register the water stopping. Take hardly any knowledge as the cold prickles across my pruned skin in a rush of icy hell. The goosebumps spike to life, but I still don’t move. My disentanglement with the room around me, and anything else for that matter, has me scarcely able to react as I register someone is with me.
My body slowly becomes alert, knowing the person who with me, but nothing in my brain tells me to look or push them away. It tells me to do nothing. I’m informed to remain where I am, that the sanctum I’m after is a few seconds away and the moment they’re behind me I know why.
"I've got you," Jace coos softly as he pulls me back into his embrace. I feel my soaking skin stick to him, his shirt absorbing the moisture.
He's gotten into the soaking wet bath with me. I didn't even know he was here. I had no idea he was called. My heart races as I just lie stiffly in his arms. He’s here and he’s with me and I don’t want this to ever change. I want to remain in this state for as long as I can, but I know I can’t. As my body warms against him, my mind eases back and the catatonia I was thrust into melts away, washing down the drain. I didn’t react to him here – not at first. I just allow him to hold me. I was senseless to any stimuli around me, but had I known, I’d have had a few more choice seconds of knowing he had come for me.
Even with the wicked thing I’d done.
I twist against him, laying on my side, grasping at his partially wet shirt. I cling for dear life, drawing in every and any part of him I can – his touch, his smell, his comfort. It’s all here, and it’s all dawning upon me that he isn’t in a hurry to leave, but I still don’t entirely welcome his presence.
He presses a kiss to my wet hair. "Come back to me," Jace's voice whispers out to me, and his hold intensifies around me. "Come back to me, Joely Mason."
I could never have prepared myself for the power such a small sentence would have on me, but as a crashing wave of realizm attacks, I finally break down. My husband came to me in my darkest hour, and I don’t even know how much he knows or doesn’t know. I cry for fear that if he doesn’t know the act I was made to partake in and he learns of it, he’ll cast me aside, forgotten and discarded. I sob for the thought of the child I almost potentially carried – the small piece of him and me that I eluded myself to believe we had conceived. I howl out in terror that after tonight, he’ll be gone again and I’ll never have him back.
“Please, Joely,” he soothes above my cries. “Please, stop this. I hate when you cry.”
There’s no break as the waves crash in.
“Please, Lee, come back to me,” his voice speaks, and it’s getting more shrill. “Please.”
Suddenly, my head is forced up to look at him and the moment our eyes meet I feel a strange wash of calm overcome me. At long last, I’ve found that salvation and all it took was one look into his eyes. When words don’t work, actions do. He knew to give it a try and as much as I still want to sob my way through the entire evening, I see that doing no more good than ignoring Clara’s threats.
“Come on,” he gestures, throwing his head to the side. “Let’s get you out of the tub. Brianna brought you clean clothes over.” He recognizes my hesitation and frowns. “I’m not leaving, Baby. You’ve got me all night.” Again, he notices my inability to move. “I promise.”
Now I move, slowly lifting away from his embrace. I sniffl
e, but I allow him to get out of the bath, pulling me up after him. I stand before him at my ultimate barest. He reaches behind me for the towel Eli left when he put the shower on to warm up. He covers me with it, wrapping it around me and leads me from the bathroom and into Eli’s guest bedroom. I go to the bed, automatically sinking down. Jace follows immediately after. He doesn’t speak, he just sits there. I love how he doesn’t pressure me. He knows full well I will break and have to tell him all.
“Where do you want me to begin?” I ask slowly, looking to him.
“I’d say the beginning, but you and I know that’s not how you work,” he comments, teasing me with a strand of mirth, and I bite and giggle lightly. He grabs my hand, his thumb stroking it gently. “Start whenever you want to.”
I nod, gulp, and divert my attention. I’ll start with the most important playing card in my deck. The one that could potentially have him run away from me because let’s face it, an unplanned pregnancy isn’t a guy’s best dream, but mine would have been the ultimate sucker punch to the gut. Your Viper Girl of a wife, who deals with other men’s fantasies, is currently bearing your child and you can’t do a thing to stop it. Well done on fatherhood, Mr. Mason. It’s a great reality I live in.
“I-I,” the words seize up for a moment. I shake my head and try again. “I-I thought I-I was pregnant,” I admit solemnly, staring at the floor between us. “I had a scare a few days ago, b-but the tests were negative.” I do look at him, but I find it hard. He looks sad. He looks as if he’s been deprived of something and that hits my heart square on. “And tonight, he,” I pause, biting my lip. I close my eyes, trying to find the words. “T-the client, h-he just wanted to get me off. He wanted to not feel like a failure.” I finally look at Jace. “I said no, Jace. I told Clara I couldn’t do it, I tried, but she threatened you and told me what she would have done to you, and I couldn’t risk it!” I ramble on, the words just in free fall now. “I took him to my room and allowed him to do what he wanted, but the moment he touched me, I felt dirty. I still feel dirty. I can’t get him off me. He’s still touching me!”
Jace reaches out, taking my hand. He hasn’t recoiled away from me. He’s still here. His touch is cleansing, but I need his forgiveness before I can forgive myself. The fact he’s not stood up and walked away is promising.
“I cheated on you,” I whisper depressively, my voice whimper upon the sentence. “I cheated on you, and I don’t know why I didn’t say no!” The pathetic need to beg overcomes me, but not before I say the one thing I hope to prevent. “Please don’t hate me, Jace.”
Jace’s face falls with utter destruction at my words, and my nerves roll over. They feed off one another, develop from the last and become harsher. He hates me. I was right! My insane thoughts weren’t washed down the drain for nothing. They left their mark of what was to come.
“I told you once that when you left a room and went back to work, you were meant to be a Viper Girl, not my girl.” His voice is soft and coarse all at once. It’s a weird mix, but I hear every underlying emotional tone to it. “It’s harder now, I won’t lie, allowing my wife to endure it, but my stance on the matter still remains. You do whatever you have to make sure you don’t get hurt or get on the wrong side of Delvine.”
“But I feel like I’m doing wrong by you.” I look away. “Now more than ever.”
He places a hand to my chin and forces me to look up. “You dare start that, and I will leave this room.”
Alarm floods my mind and I shake my head, my eyes widening. “Please, don’t!”
“Joely?” he softens toward me, bristled by my plea. “I’m sorry, that was cruel of me. I just need you to see how serious I am about this. You never cheated on me. I know what that Hart guy wanted, Eli told me. Never think you cheated on me when all you’re doing is keeping me alive.” He calms me down, and I listen to him. I don’t say a word. “I can keep myself alive. I need you to keep yourself on top of your game. I know it’s hard for you. Your heart always led you and it’s something I will always love most about you. You care for everyone but yourself. It’s your biggest strength and weakness.”
“I’ll be fine,” I answer plainly and look down a little. I don’t want to continue this conversation further. I’m too tired and beaten for this any longer. I want today over with, and I know I shouldn’t, not with Jace now here, but I cannot help how weak my body feels from the emotional trauma. “Please, don’t leave me,” I beg meekly before looking back into his eyes.
“I’m going nowhere,” he vows and leans in to give me one small kiss on the lips. "We have all night," he whispers and stands.
He reaches for a duffel bag and unzips it. Pulling out a pair of pyjamas bottoms, a fresh pair of panties and a top, he turns back. Item by item, he dresses me and each time his skin connects with mine, I feel something within me light up. Piece by piece I’m feeling complete again.
All it took was for this moment for me to feel like I wasn’t losing everything in my life.
I feel desire swirl up from within. Verification hits me that Clara hasn’t quite broken me yet. All the time Jace is fighting for me I will never be able to give up. All the time he loves me, I will never fall at her feet.
Once we’re done, he doesn’t allow me to sit back down. Instead he wraps his arms around me. It’s like how it used to be when all we had was sand, sea, and each other. He leans down, enough for our lips to touch. As electricity begins to spark, his hands fall away from me, and he frowns at my face. He leads the kiss to a higher stance, spiraling me to a place I haven’t been in a while – our personal nirvana.
And that's when I feel it - my only way to feel clean again - and I react upon it.
I don’t allow him to leave me be. I have weeks to catch up. A chaste, quick phone call and a letter don’t make up for what seems like a lifetime of separation. This – the first kiss – does the job.
Jace’s firm grip is supportive as my arms curl around his neck, and he moans against my mouth. When we eventually break apart from one another, he puts his forehead to mine.
“You look exhausted,” he states, looking into my eyes.
“I haven’t been sleeping well since I’ve gotten here,” I comment softly. It’s not a lie. The pit offers little comfort, and my apartment does nothing for my screaming mind when I lie there awake all night.
“Or eating it seems,” he comments infuriated at how much further his arms go around me. “Are you hungry now?” he asks, and I shake my head. I’m just tired and in need of his embrace. “Let’s get you a good night’s sleep. We have tomorrow to talk.”
I nod and obey him. I crawl onto the bed, yanking the sheets down to climb under. Jace strips down to his boxers, and I’m left with the sight of his glorious body. I can see a light dusting of bruises across him, the reminders of the last attack. I yearn to touch it, kiss it, worship him all night long, but tonight isn’t it. He pulls me down, and I know the right choice is to lay here with him, allowing him to care for me. As we lay together, I cherish every moment he gives by just being here. I take it all in and find a sense of peace that’s been missing for so long. I didn’t realize how exhausted I am, mind and body, until I find myself drifting off almost immediately.
“I’ve really missed you,” I whisper as I begin to fall into a deeper sleep than I’ve had since this hell started up in my life. “So much.”
“Not as much as I’ve missed you, Mrs. Mason,” he murmurs back, kissing into my hair. “I’ve left you here too long. I promise you, the wait is nearly over.”
“It better be,” I remark half asleep.
Jace chuckles and pulls me in tighter. “It is, and this time she won’t come looking for you.”
Chapter Eighteen
I woke up in heaven.
That’s the only way I can describe this. This is my first morning, in so many weeks, where I’ve woken up to a beating heart beneath my ear. I don’t even move. I allow my eyes to stare at the lightly covered windows, the sun piercing through
and drowning us, but I don’t move.
Jace is still asleep and between his calm heart rate and heavy breathing, I don’t dare move. I should have known my own personal peace would come in such a way. It should never have been a doubt in my mind, and I don’t want to break away from it.
Jace has other ideas.
I feel his breathing change, his chest lowering as he inhaling and stretches. He only stops when his body realizes how it’s entwined with another – a first for him too apparently – and the next thing I know, he’s placing a light kiss onto the crown on my head.
“Morning, Mr. Mason,” I murmur and lift myself from his chest. I push up, reverting back to my side of the bed and lay beside him, my body turned to face him. “I seriously thought it might have all been a dream.”
He stretches some more, turning onto his side to mirror my body. Jace’s hand comes up between us, resting upon the pillows. He reaches out, his knuckles glide softly across the frame of my face, his thumb rubbing across my bottom lip. I involuntarily close my eyes at his touch and enjoy it.
“This is far from a dream,” Jace whispers to me with an affirmative. His speech is slurred a little with sleep, thick and hoarse, but it doesn’t matter to me. “This is real, baby.”
“Good,” I mumble, still seduced beneath his touch. I open my eyes and look directly into his. “I don’t know how you do it, but you seem to save me right at the moment I really need you.”
“There’s not much to it,” Jace replies quietly. “I get the call, I come running. It’s just that simple, and it always will be.”
My eyes water, and I feel my anxieties drip away. There’s a reason I allowed him to catch me that first day, there’s a purpose to the fact I allowed him to save me. It was destiny that allowed a client to fall in love with a Viper Girl and vice versa.
“This does seem kind of surreal, I’ll admit,” Jace adds, stealing my attention. I look up, my lips parted with bated breath, my eyes flicking across every feature of his for more details. He just lays there with a small smile upon his lips. “I woke up every morning feeling like I was missing something vital. I don’t know what you did to me, Joely, but please keep doing it.”
The Runaway Viper (Viper #2) Page 20
