But I wasn’t stopping there. Once my hand was inside, I kept going until I was able to hold his cock in my hand. As though I were blind, I imagined based on feel what I thought it looked like…but, more than that, I wanted to know what he felt like. Enough foreplay already. I needed relief.
Our tongues were once more wrestling with each other and I used the fact that I had distracted the shit out of him to lift myself up and try to force him to roll over. I discovered that, as long as his dick was in my hand, he’d do whatever I wanted. It wasn’t that there was a threat of him being hurt but that he was now putty in my hands for a change. And I was fucking taking over, because I was impatient like that.
I kissed his neck along the jawline toward his ear while massaging the tip of his cock with my thumb. Then I whispered, “Where would I find a condom?”
It was his turn to groan with expectation. “In my back pocket, babe.”
I shivered. There was that word again—I loved how he called me that. And then he lifted his ass to pull out his wallet and moved on top of me again. He had a devilish grin on his face. I asked, “How can you smile at a time like this?”
That smile grew wider. “‘Cause I know what I’m gonna be feeling like in about thirty seconds.”
Fair enough…but that was thirty seconds from now. As he fumbled with his wallet, I pushed against his chest again, and this time he willingly let me shove him down so his back was on the bed. It was going to be an awkward moment anyway, so I rolled off for a minute and pulled my panties off, throwing them toward the foot of the bed before straddling him again.
He had that bad boy of his sheathed. What a shame. I’d considered riding him bareback but then realized what a stupid idea that would be. Just because I made sure all my sexual encounters on the road were as safe as possible (no condom, no fuck) didn’t mean he was as fastidious in his pursuits.
It was a chance I couldn’t take.
He was ready and so I straddled him once more. I hovered over his cock getting ready to feel him fully inside me. He slid his hands up my thighs to my waist and said, “You’re a beautiful woman, Kyle.”
Calling me a woman kind of pulled me out of the moment, because I’d been called a girl or a young lady most of my life. I’d been viewed that way because of my age. While I had no issues being called any of those titles—because they didn’t change who I was or rattle my sense of identity—CJ calling me a woman made me think of the reason why he had waited so long to be with me like this…and it made me want to give him another dose of his own poison.
I shifted myself so that his cock was lined up at the entrance to my pussy and then I paused. “Oh, wait.” I looked around his room as if looking for something. “Is it after midnight yet?”
He raised an eyebrow, a slight smile tickling his lips. “What?”
“I’m not sure if it’s my birthday yet, so I don’t know if we should be doing this.” I dipped down a little, this time just brushing the tip of his cock so that it barely slid up my slit and then I paused.
“Very funny.”
I feigned innocence. “No, I’m serious. I don’t want you to go back on your word. I mean…what if you meant my birthday in the time zone where I was born?”
He grinned. “Oh, fuck. I didn’t think about that. Were you born on the west coast?”
I swirled my hips, teasing the tip of his cock a little more. “I’ll never tell.”
“And you called me a tease, you little devil.” I thought he was going to grab me again and throw me down to the bed so he could properly fuck me, and I wouldn’t have complained or protested. Instead, though, he slid his right hand down my thigh before snaking it between my legs. I felt his finger touch the hypersensitive flesh down there as if trying to figure out exactly where he was in terms of my anatomy, and I considered pivoting myself but didn’t. Instead, I raised my eyebrows in challenge. I wanted to see what exactly he was going to do.
He moved his finger back toward himself, dragging it against my slit—and that allowed him to feel that hard little nub that had brought me so much pleasure since becoming sexually active and realizing that I could feel like a real woman whenever my body caved into that explosive release. I sucked in a breath, because just that one finger gliding over it, slick from my body’s preparations, promised to make me feel better than I had in a long time. “Hmm. What’s that?” he said, still enjoying teasing me.
A tiny swirl of his finger made me almost lose my breath. “Mmm.” I couldn’t concentrate now that he was touching me like that, and I couldn’t help from rocking back and forth against his fingers. I steadied myself with my hands on his chest, my eyes closed, my head tilted back, but I opened my eyes again so I could see him. Those dark orbs of his were full of desire, but he was patient now, focusing on me. I bit down on my lip even as my breathing grew deeper and heavier and my muscles tightened again. He licked the thumb of his other hand and cupped my breast, brushing my nipple, and that was when his fingers took over below too. He sped up the tempo more than I could by moving my hips, and I gasped as my body responding, growing more tense. A groan poured out of my mouth as I felt my thighs begin to quiver and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. “Oh, God, CJ. Oh, God. Ohhhh.” My body finally gave into the massive orgasm it had been building to. My thighs clenched in waves, my knees pressed against his sides, and I threw my head back once more.
He had no idea what he was doing to me, but it was unbelievable.
As my orgasm began to subside, I moved my hips, sliding past his fingers and shoving him inside me. Having that rock hard dick inside made me feel amazing once more, only I focused my attention on my motion. It might not be ladylike to have a lot of sex with a lot of guys, but it made me good at sex. I knew what men liked. Yeah, blowjobs would always be at the top of their list, but I’d decided that I was going to be very picky about whose dick I let in my mouth. Lots of guys loved anal sex too, but most men were simply satisfied with any attention you would show their cock. I’d made it my mission to not only make sure I was taken care of during sex but could also make it as pleasurable as possible for the guy too.
So CJ was going to benefit from my year on the road.
Being on top, I knew how to move my hips for maximum pleasure and I was also good at reading signals. His eyes, his breathing, his body language would tell me what he liked and what he didn’t. “Fucking amazing,” he breathed. Yeah—he could verbalize his enjoyment too.
As I drove his cock into me over and over, I felt another built-up orgasm sneak up on me again, and my thighs began to clench against him once more. He too groaned aloud in pleasure as my fingernails dug into the flesh of his chest.
When we were done and catching our breath, I looked down at him, a slight smile on my face. He smiled up at me too and I almost said it. I almost told him I loved him. But thank fuck I didn’t. A smile was all he was gonna get.
“Choke” ~ Kittie
Chapter Thirty-three
LYING IN CJ’S bed with my head on his chest was nothing short of feeling like heaven. He was strong and felt so right. The smell of sex was heavy in the air, more noticeable than I’d ever observed before, and I figured that was because I was completely sober. I was in the present and my brain was fully accounted for.
I was swirling a finger on his shoulder absentmindedly, feeling full of bliss unlike anything I’d ever known. After a while, he said, “Sorry. We forgot to take that picture.”
“What pic—? Oh, yeah…all dressed up. Oh, well. Maybe we’ll have to do it again then.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I think so. I love seeing you in a dress.”
I smirked even though he probably couldn’t see it. “I’m doubting I’ll ever see you in a tie again.”
“You never know.” We were quiet for a few minutes until CJ said, “So…worth the wait?”
Yeah—probably one of the best times in bed I’d ever had but, for some reason, I didn’t want to tell him that. Maybe I was still miffed that I’d had to w
ait all that time. My voice probably sounded pouty when I said, “Yeah.”
“I, uh…should probably talk to you about something.” I could feel him stirring underneath me—and I didn’t like the sounds of that.
So I tried not to sound alarmed but I sat up anyway. “Okay. What?”
He sat up to, lending credence to my belief that something was going on. And I wondered why he was telling me now instead of earlier—not that anything would have stopped me. “I think you know I really care about you, Kyle, but…” He swallowed…and it made me nervous. If he was going to tell me that that stupid Pepper J whore really was his girlfriend, I was going to pull back and clock him hard on the jaw. Maybe more than once. But I was going to reserve reaction for when he actually spoke. “I can’t get into anything serious right now.”
A huge weight slid off my shoulders. I don’t know why at that moment hearing that he didn’t want to have any kind of real relationship was better than him already having a girlfriend, but it was. I nodded. “That’s cool.”
He smiled. “Great. I just—you already know what it’s like on the road, and I’m not ready to settle down. Not by a long shot. But, if you’re cool with it, I would love to keep seeing you while we’re on hiatus.”
I grinned back, feeling loved when I probably should have been threatening his balls. “Yeah, I’m cool with it.” I imagined hours and hours of hot sex with him—so nothing else mattered. But as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me before lying back down and running his hand over my hair, it started to wash over me that I wasn’t getting what I wanted. I had somehow managed to fall in love with this guy—but the feeling wasn’t mutual. He wanted to play the field from now until I had no idea when…and I was so in love by this point that I was happy to share him.
At least he was being honest, right?
Stupid girl.
* * *
The Vagabonds were going to start practicing our new material come the day after Labor Day, so I was surprised when I got a call from Vicki’s mom in mid-August. “Kyle, we need to meet with you and all the girls in the band. Can you make that happen?”
That made me think that she was going to tell us Vicki couldn’t be with us anymore—nothing was worth her baby girl turning into a junkie. I sent a group text to Liz, Kelly, and Barbie, trying to figure out when the four of us could go to Vicki’s house together. Liz called and we chatted, and she said, “Be prepared to help me find another drummer.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of what I was expecting too.”
“Probably better for her.” I could hear the remorse in Liz’s voice, but she was her typical stoic self.
It was a week later that we were all able to meet at Vicki’s house. I was glad we hadn’t planned to begin rehearsals and recording until the fall, because that would give us time to take care of whatever was going to happen after this meeting…although the first week in September might not be feasible anymore.
I was pleasantly surprised to feel happy at seeing my bandmates again. I’d been so fucking sick of them when we finally got home. They all had little habits and quirks that had driven me crazy—even Kelly. Mild-mannered, always smiling and look-on-the-bright-side Kelly even pissed me off with her perennially positive outlook. Yeah—I’d needed the vacation, but now that I was in the room with the other girls, I realized they meant more to me than I would have admitted at first. They felt like sisters. We had done something huge together and it took a little time away to give me some perspective.
I loved them like sisters. Yeah…even Barbie.
And that filled me with a sadness that threatened to hollow me out, knowing Vicki might not be part of our team anymore. But I tried to smile instead. I hugged her, shocked by how frail she felt, almost like she was nothing but a layer of skin covering her bones. Still, I smiled at her because I’d missed her and I loved her, and I was glad to see her alive.
She’d scared me a lot over the past year.
She had a haunted look in her eyes, though, and dark circles under them. Vicki’s mom was a pleasant hostess, offering us all iced tea and lemonade before we settled in. Barbie was even only five minutes late, so I considered her to be on time. Kelly kept us entertained before our vocalist got there, telling us that her big brother and his wife had had their first child in May, so she’d been staying with them, enjoying her nephew and chilling.
The only news I had to report was CJ—but I kept my mouth shut. My friends would find out soon enough, but they wouldn’t be surprised. I think I didn’t feel like sharing it because CJ wasn’t really my boyfriend. He was more like a friend with benefits—and, for some reason, that didn’t seem like anything I wanted to share with my friends…probably because the FWB status hadn’t been my decision—it had, instead, been something I’d agreed to live with.
None of my friends seemed to have much they wanted to share either, but my other three friends at least looked well-rested and healthy, unlike Vicki. The time off had done them good, but I wasn’t so sure about our drummer.
Vicki’s mom sat down and said, “Thanks so much for agreeing to come over, girls. Vicki and I both appreciate it.”
“We wouldn’t miss it, Mrs. Graham,” Liz said.
“Oh, please call me Danielle, Liz.” Liz smiled but said nothing. “Anyway, on to business.” She swallowed and wrung her hands. That was when I could tell how hard this was for her. I got the feeling that Vicki wasn’t planning on doing any of the talking, and I didn’t think I could really blame her. If her mom pulled her out of the band, that wouldn’t have been Vicki’s choice. Sure, she might see the wisdom in it, but she loved the band. I couldn’t imagine her willingly leaving, and talking about it might prove impossible. “Vicki had a really hard time on tour. She enjoyed it—probably a little too much—but there are some things that happened that all of you need to be aware of, things I don’t think you knew about…things that fueled her addictions.”
All of us were quiet. We all knew about Vicki’s addictions, although I didn’t know if we had any idea of the scope or severity. Danielle grabbed her daughter’s hand and gave her a gentle smile before continuing. “She was in rehab for thirty days. It was…hard…but she made it.” I could tell from Danielle’s eyes that it was more than hard for her to watch her daughter suffer withdrawal symptoms on the first step to recovery, but I was glad that she hadn’t chosen to ignore Vicki’s addictions. “But that’s not why I called you here. Our family has a history of addiction and it’s something we’re familiar with. We’ll get through that.” She took a deep breath and paused, looking over at Vicki again before continuing. Then she looked at each one of us and asked, “Did Peter sexually abuse any of you?”
It felt like the floor had fallen out from under us. Why was she asking that? I shook my head but then looked around the room, wondering if I was, once again, the only one not invited to the party—not that I would have wanted to attend. But my other bandmates shook their heads—first Kelly, then Liz, and Barbie, but she was slow about it, making me wonder if she was hiding something. But as I was starting to put the pieces together in my mind, Vicki’s mom continued. “I am very glad for your sakes that he didn’t.” She inhaled before she said, “I can’t say the same for my daughter.” There were shocked murmurs among us all, but I felt a little relieved that I wasn’t the only one who’d been in the dark.
“Vicki, why didn’t you say anything?”
She shrugged but her mom continued doing the talking. “Who do you think fed her drug habit?” I felt a chill charge through my spine like a horse running for the gate. “Vicki didn’t just do this on her own, girls.” Well…something her mom didn’t seem to know, but I wasn’t about to correct her, was that Vicki had had a hand in her addiction as well. I’d seen it firsthand myself. I wasn’t going to say that Peter hadn’t been abusing her, but I did know that Vicki was likely a willing victim. She’d do anything for her next fix. But, for all I knew, Peter might have been the start of it all. Vicki could have been getting her ow
n drugs in an effort to try to get away from him. I’d never fully liked Peter but had believed in his vision. With this new information, though, he’d just given me a reason to hate him for life. Vicki might have had a lot of issues, but I loved the girl, and it sounded like, under the right circumstances, it could have happened to any one of us.
“Vicki had an abortion last week. She wasn’t sure if the baby was Peter’s or that dipshit Andrew’s baby, but it doesn’t matter.”
We were all quiet for a moment. I couldn’t speak for the rest of my bandmates, but I hadn’t expected these revelations. Liz broke the silence. “Well, we’ve obviously got to get rid of Peter and Andrew.”
The look on Danielle’s face was one of obvious relief. “We were hoping you’d feel that way.”
Liz looked around the room. “Any objections?”
I and Kelly shook our heads immediately. Barbie acted like she was thinking about it before nodding in agreement. “Fuckers are gone.” I tried to analyze why she’d hesitated—maybe because she felt like Peter was the only reason why we allowed her to continue to be part of our band or maybe it had something to do with Andrew. Really, though, I was the only one who had major issues with her and, even then, she was a mere annoyance who pissed me off. She was still part of the band and I couldn’t see us functioning without her.
On the Road: (Vagabonds Book 2) (New Adult Rock Star Romance) Page 21
