by Ann, Natalie
“Then they weren’t the right guys for you. So you were better off in the long run.”
“Easy for you to say. Because here I am at age twenty-eight still trying to get past this. So now that you know, will you help me?”
Sorry
“What?” he asked her.
“You said maybe you could help me if you knew everything. I just told you. So can you help me now that you know? It’s not like I’m asking for any type of commitment. I just want to have sex, get it out of the way.” As an afterthought she added, “I suppose I could pay someone to do it, but that seems kind of tacky to me.”
He tried not to choke on her “get it out of the way” comment. But suggesting she pay for sex—that angered him more. She deserved better. She deserved her first time to mean something, not be with a random guy. “I’m sorry. I still don’t think I can help you. It doesn’t feel right to me.”
Her shoulders drooped. “I understand. I’m sorry I put you on the spot tonight. And I really wish you would forget this whole discussion happened. I’m going to try to. I had fun tonight, with the exception of the last thirty minutes or so.”
“I did, too. I enjoyed spending time with you. I wish I could help.” He truly wished he could. But he was right when he said it didn’t feel right to him. It felt cheap and that wasn’t him and it definitely wasn’t her.
“No problem. I’ll find someone else. Not everyone will feel as honor bound about it all as you,” she said cheerfully, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Before he could respond—because he honestly didn’t like the sound of her finding someone else but what could he do—the lights came on.
“Not too bad,” she said, looking at the clock. He followed her gaze, noting it was just shy of eight o’clock. “Thanks again for staying with me.”
Dismissed. He stood up to leave, knowing he had to get out of there before he changed his mind, because there was nothing more he would rather do than help her, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t.
She walked him to the door and turned the front porch light on. “Drive safely. Thanks again. For the ride. And the company.” Her eyes twinkled a bit. “Even if I didn’t get everything I wanted tonight.”
He tried not to wince. She seemed completely oblivious of the battle he was fighting within himself. Of course, it all made sense now that he knew she was a virgin. “You’re welcome.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, the most he would allow himself to do. “Just live your life for the now. Don’t try to plan it all out.”
***
Two weeks later Ryan was sitting at his desk poring through law journals, trying to find any angle he could for the three big cases he was working on. He needed to stay busy. Every time he stopped working his mind wandered back to Kaitlin and their conversation.
Her revelation was shocking, in more ways than one. He honestly didn’t know anyone that was still a virgin at her age, man or woman. Come to think of it, he didn’t know of anyone who was still a virgin at age twenty, let alone twenty-eight. Especially someone who looked and acted like her.
That was another thing. He hated that she felt she had to be someone she wasn’t in order to find a guy. Why the pretense?
If he’d had any wits about him that night he would have pointed out to her that five years of being someone she wasn’t hadn’t worked for her either. Except he couldn’t think of anything that night other than trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing by turning her down.
He knew it was the proper thing to do. Only he had a hard time convincing his libido of that. Not that night, or in the two weeks since. Because when he let his mind wander, it almost always ended up on her. And images of her in his head continued to plague him, day and night.
“Ryan.” He heard his name over the intercom on his desk phone.
“Yes, Carol,” he answered the receptionist.
“Alec Harper is here to see you if you have a minute.”
Great, another reminder of Kaitlin. “Send him in.” He set the journal aside and stood when Alec made his way into the office.
“I’ve got your plans for the gazebo. Phil asked me to send them over. He was rushing to get a few things done so he could take Linda out later tonight,” Alec said with a smirk.
Ryan chuckled. “Not your biggest fan?” he asked about Phil’s girlfriend.
“No. And I’m pretty sure she knows I’m not hers either. I really don’t know what Phil sees in her,” Alec said with a shrug.
“So let’s see what you’ve got.” Ryan gestured to the large cherry wood table off to the side of his office that was often used for small meetings with clients.
Alec spread the designs out and explained, “It’s not really big, which you wouldn’t want anyway. Nothing to dominate your yard—more like something to accentuate it. I think it would be best to keep it simple. I don’t think white is your thing though. I know it’s for Jack’s wedding, but I suggest staining it the same color as the deck would be best.”
“Yes, I agree. It will look better that way. Maybe even set it off to the side of the deck. They’re getting married late afternoon so the sun will be right over the water then. We can see the setting sun from the deck and it might work for some nice pictures later on.”
“Sounds good to me. When do you want us to get started?” Alec asked.
“Can you wait a bit? I don’t want it done too early. I would like it to be a surprise. They’re getting married the first weekend in July, so if it doesn’t take long maybe try to get it finished a few days before. Weather pending?” Ryan asked, hopeful.
“I’ll work it in. We’ve got you covered. And since that’s out of the way, want to get a few drinks tonight?”
Ryan looked at the clock and realized it was almost five, on a Friday night no less. He hadn’t been out on the town in over a week. He went out last Friday night looking for some company, but went home alone.
No one seemed to catch his eye and he couldn’t drum up the energy to call someone he had dated before. Going out with Alec might be just what he needed to get his mind off of Kaitlin. “Can you wait a bit? I’ve got a few things to finish up?”
“I’ve also got a few errands to run. How about I meet you around seven? I was thinking of staying in Albany tonight, seems like once I head home I’m ready to call it a night.”
“That works, tell me where you want to meet.” Ryan took note of the downtown bar and knew they could get a good dinner there as well. “See you in a few hours.”
***
“Are you ready yet, Katie?” Alec asked, his patience running thin.
“Give me a minute. It’s the first time I’ve been out since I’ve been home. How do they dress here? I’m used to the clubs in Manhattan. No offense, but the atmosphere and fashion is quite a bit different.”
“Not the way I want to see my sister dressed.” He walked into her room and saw she had on a pair of slim black jeans with a dark green and black fitted top that showed off a bit more of her curves than he was comfortable with. “Don’t you have a jacket you can put on over that top?”
“Oh, I need to dress up more. Sorry, let me grab a blazer quick.”
She came out of her closet with an emerald green jacket buttoned in the front that only pushed her breasts up even higher and showcased how tiny her waist was. Trying not to cringe, he said, “Let’s go,” his tone a bit rougher than he meant.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hold you up. I just need to get my shoes on.” She walked to the front door and slipped on a pair of black leather ankle boots with a deadly looking four-inch heel, then pulled the bottom of her jeans over them.
At least no one would see much of the heel, he thought. Now he just needed to get the image of those boots out of his head. How come he never dated anyone who wore a pair of them?
The thought just made him cringe even more. This was his sister standing in front of him. “No worries. This place is nice. Good food, not too loud on a Friday night. Th
ere should be some music later on, but it should be pretty quiet for a few hours,” he explained.
“I think Ben might stop in. I talked to him earlier and told him you were taking me out and showing me around,” she said with a smile that always warmed him. “I figured you wouldn’t mind if I extended the invitation.”
“Good. Then he can watch over you, too,” he said with a smirk.
Kaitlin sighed. “Great, just what I need,” she mumbled.
***
Ryan had his back to the door, sipping his beer at the bar. He was still dressed partially in his suit from work; he’d taken off his jacket and tie and left them in the car. Now he was only wearing charcoal gray trousers and a light green shirt, unbuttoned at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves. He didn’t mind; he was just as comfortable in a suit as he was in jeans and a T-shirt.
Alec, wearing jeans and a slim-fitted button-down shirt, untucked of course, slapped Ryan on the back. “Hope you haven’t been waiting long. I got held up by someone who couldn’t figure out what to wear,” he said with a laugh.
Ryan shifted his eyes behind Alec and saw Kaitlin standing there looking equally as uncomfortable as him. He wished Alec had told him who else would be joining them tonight. He would have made an excuse if he’d known.
“Ryan, you remember my sister, Katie, right?” Alec said, making the introduction.
Kaitlin put on her best smile and reached out her hand. “Nice to see you again, Ryan. It’s Kaitlin now.”
He returned her smile, placed his hand in hers and felt heat rise right up his arm. “Nice to see you again, too. Been a while,” he said, lifting his eyebrow. He could play that game, too. Maybe the night was starting to look up.
“Katie.” Alec stopped when she narrowed her eyes. “Sorry. It’s hard. You will always be Katie to me,” he said, smiling fondly at her. “Anyway, Kaitlin hasn’t been out yet since she moved back home and asked if I would show her around to meet some people. I thought this might be tame enough for her first time out of the gate.”
Ryan shifted over so she could grab a seat next to him at the bar. Alec sat on Ryan’s other side, leaving him in the middle. “It’s a good place to meet people,” Ryan said, his eyes casually checking her out. She wasn’t dressed like any other single woman in the bar. The only word to describe her was classy.
He always had a thing for classy women but had made a point to stay away from them. Classy women weren’t normally out for a good time and that was all he was offering.
But man, Kaitlin had curves and she knew how to showcase them without being overly sexual, getting her point across and leaving a lot to the imagination. Especially since he noticed the looks she was getting from other men in the bar. He found he wasn’t real happy about that either.
“I just thought we would stay here at the bar and order some food. I’m starved,” Alec said, interrupting Ryan’s thoughts and getting comfortable.
“That sounds good,” Kaitlin answered, ordering a glass of white wine, then leaning back to take in the atmosphere.
The three of them settled at the bar, placed their food order, and now Ryan was trying to divide his attention between both Alec and Kaitlin. He would have preferred to ignore Alec all together, but that would have been too obvious.
He had no choice, though, to divert his attention away from them both when a past acquaintance in a short mini skirt recognized him.
But he still had his ear half listening to what was going on and didn’t miss someone talking to Kaitlin. “Hello, I’m Dean. I haven’t seen you around here before? First time?” Ryan paused briefly from his conversation and glanced at the thirty-something in a cheap three-piece suit introducing himself on the other side of Kaitlin at the bar.
“I’m Kaitlin. And yes, my first time here.” She extended her hand to his.
Ryan looked away quickly, annoyed that he cared, but he did and fought hard not to jump into their conversation and push the man along.
“You don’t look like you’re from around here,” Dean said, using one cheesy line after the next.
Kaitlin nodded politely. Ryan hoped she wasn’t too naive and knew a pick-up line when she heard one. “Actually I’m originally from here. I just moved back to the area from Manhattan.”
“I expected as much. You are much too classy for a place like this.” He beamed his overly white teeth at her, the sparkle almost forcing Ryan to shield his eyes.
That line itself made Ryan snort. If the guy was looking for someone classy then why was he there? It’s a bar on a Friday night in downtown Albany. Then again, he thought the same thing when he saw Kaitlin tonight.
“Can I get you another drink?” Dean asked.
“I’m good right now,” she said, looking down at her full wine glass slyly, which had Ryan smothering a laugh, and schooling his features. He tried to remember what Alec was talking to him about, hoping he was responding properly. His past acquaintance, Candi, or maybe it was Brandi, either way, he gave her a push along quick enough.
“Are you sure? I can give you a lift home if you’re nursing a drink and don’t want to drive,” Dean offered helpfully, smiling bright, blinding everyone at the bar.
Ryan was ready to interrupt; it had gone on long enough in his mind. But he didn’t have a chance. Her brother Ben placed his arm around Kaitlin’s shoulders, having heard enough of the conversation to set him off from where he had been standing behind Kaitlin, out of her view. “I can get my sister home just fine,” Ben said with a steady gaze.
Ryan snickered when Dean looked up at the tall muscular man with the military haircut and serious expression across his face, then backpedaled off the stool. “No problem. Nice to meet you, Kaitlin.”
Ben took Dean’s spot next to his sister. “What’s wrong with you? I could see sleaze ball written all over him from a mile away. You’re like a babe in the woods. Please tell me you don’t fall for that stuff,” he said, scoffing. “And who the hell wears a three-piece suit out to a bar? Even pretty boy next you shed his jacket and tie,” he said, nodding his head at Ryan, laughter surrounding his eyes.
Kaitlin looked at Ryan, he could see the red hue creeping up her neck, most likely for him witnessing yet another humiliating scene in her life.
She smiled grimly. “No worries. My virtue is intact.”
You Know
“So you see, Sophia, even if I was stupid enough to fall for that guy’s cheesy pick-up lines—which I wasn’t—or if I wanted to go home with some stranger—which I don’t—I still couldn’t have because my brother stepped in and shot down any chance I might have had.” She sighed, flopping down on the couch. “I might as well be the poster child for a spinster at this point in my life,” she said dejectedly.
Sophia laughed on the other end of the phone, the throaty sound vibrating on every last nerve Kaitlin had. “I don’t know, Kaitlin, I think you should just try not to focus on it so much and live your life day to day. It will happen when you least expect it,” she offered helpfully.
Kaitlin hated how those words reminded her of what Ryan had said when he kissed her cheek after leaving her house weeks ago. And thoughts of Ryan popping in her head were the last thing she needed right now.
Shocked was the least of the words she could come up with when she saw him at the bar last night, but thankfully he went along with her ruse. No one was the wiser that the two of them were already reacquainted and she could keep her embarrassing confession to him a secret.
“I don’t know. It’s hard to forget about it. I’ve been focused on it for so long, it seems like it’s never going to happen. I just want it over with,” she said with an exaggerated whine.
“Really, Kaitlin. Do you even hear yourself? Where did that cool sophisticated woman of the last five years go?”
“She’s still a virgin, too. So I guess it really doesn’t matter who I am at this point,” she said. Suddenly the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She spent the last five years trying to be someone she wasn’t
, to no avail. She would have to think of that more at another time.
“What about that one guy you told me about? Bryan or something? One of your brother’s friends?”
“Ryan,” Kaitlin corrected her. “I’m still thinking about him.” It was the truth. She was still thinking about him. A lot. But she wasn’t about to tell Sophia that she got shot down there, too. Sophia would only say, “I told you so.”
“Well, while you’re thinking about it, I’m going to let you go. Since you got me up this early I might as well run to the market now before it gets too busy out. I’ll check in with you in a few days. Just go relax and enjoy your weekend alone. Someday you are going to wish you had time to yourself.”
Kaitlin hung up the phone and decided to take Sophia’s advice. She changed into an old pair of shorts, a faded T-shirt and pulled her hair into a messy bun on her head. No time like the present to finish unpacking those boxes in the guest room.
***
Ryan had no idea what he was doing. Well, that was wrong. He knew what he was doing. He just didn’t know why he was doing it. Or what possessed him. And thinking about it only perplexed him more.
Sometime in the middle of the night, hours after he had gone to bed and continued to stare at the ceiling, he came to a conclusion. And that conclusion brought him here.
He rang the doorbell once and waited. A few minutes passed with no answer. He knew he had the right place, and the Volvo sedan in front of his Mercedes looked like the type of car she would drive. So he rang the doorbell again.
Ryan heard a yell and turned the handle, thankfully he found it unlocked. Pushing the door open, he stood staring at the sight in front of him with his mouth hanging open.
***
Kaitlin had the music cranked up loud while she swiveled her hips to the dance song playing out of the portable speakers she set up with her iPod in the guest bedroom. Nothing like a little bit of music while she worked.
