He stood up and checked his appearance in the mirror. Cade knew he had a bad habit of running his hands through his hair when he concentrated, and it ended up looking like a bird’s nest on many an occasion. Satisfied he looked in control and a true Master, he replied to Stefan.
"Thank you. Could you bring her in please and arrange for refreshments?" And bring me a mug of enthusiasm as I feel about as interested as I do in cold porridge.
The door opened, and Cade looked up. The ready—and he admitted, false—smile on his face froze, as the door swung closed behind the person who'd walked in.
"Anna?"
****
It seemed Daisy had kept her word, and not divulged just whom Ms. Taylor was. The startled look on Cade's face was all Anna could wish for. His rapid change of color alarmed her, as he went ashen, red, and then chalky white. The speed at which he recovered his aplomb impressed her. Then, as a Master, shouldn't he be able to control his reactions fast?
She swallowed rapidly and wiped her hands on her conservative skirt before she walked across the deep carpet toward him. As she held her hand out in greeting, all Anna hoped was that she conveyed confidence, because she didn't feel any. This was one big gamble, and she had no idea how things would end up. In fact she had no idea just what she wanted the outcome to be. She took a quick glance around the room. No photo. Then she saw the back of a frame on his desk. Was that it? There was no way of telling, and judging by the look of impatience on his face, no time either. She rushed into speech.
"Mr. McCourt? I'm Anna Taylor." It wasn't a total lie, as Taylor was her middle name. She'd just omitted any surname. "It's a pleasure to meet you." I hope.
He raised one eyebrow in a gesture she decided was meant to intimidate. It might have done if Anna hadn't seen the tiny pulse that beat out a rapid tattoo in his neck. It was evidence he wasn't as calm as he wanted to project, and it helped her.
"Master to you." His tone was deep, crisp and even.
Anna bit her tongue to stop a giggle slipping out. Her imagery brought on snow and Christmas Carols.
"Sorry, Master." She stumbled over the title. This was what didn't sit happily with her. Stop it, keep an open mind. No point being here otherwise. Her hand tingled as he shook it.
Caden dipped his head. His dark hair glistened in the sunlight that filtered though the windows. "Sit down." His voice conveyed no recognition. "There on that low stool.”
Well, isn't that what you want? To start over as strangers? Anna walked to the seat he'd indicated. It was, as she feared, almost impossible to sit on it elegantly and retain some dignity. Presumably that was his idea. She was relieved she'd got a skirt with a little side fan of pleats. It might show her thighs but in her mind that was better than baring her all, and she'd followed the introduction details regarding that to the letter.
"Shoes off and put them in the corner."
Bastard, why didn't he say that before I sat down? Anna stood up, walked across the room, and kicked her shoes into the corner.
"Ms. Taylor. Please pick them up and stand them side by side. Make sure you bend from the waist. Elegance at all times please."
Anyone who knew her, and he did, even if not as well as he had once, would recognize her smile as false. "Sir." She would choke on Master if she said it again. By the gleam in his eyes, and the faint smile playing in his lips, the bugger knew it.
"For now."
She wasn't even going to reply to that. As far as she was concerned any salutation had to be earned. Nothing had happened to make her decide it had been.
However, she did as he asked and was pleased her practicing over the past few weeks had paid off, and that she had an ally in Daisy. That first initial email to Daisy where Anna had bared her soul had been the hardest thing she'd ever written. Thankfully, Daisy had replied promptly and offered her help. It had been the start of several emails, including the information sheet they had concocted between them. The only thing Daisy had been adamant about was the criteria regarding dress and personal grooming. She'd warned Anna that those things were non-negotiable. As she remembered several lost battles in the past, where she'd been desperate to find something she could do and not cringe too much, Anna had grit her teeth. Then she'd taken herself to a beautician friend and ignored Debbie's laughter as she asked Debbie to help her have all her pubic hair depilated.
"You with a Brazilian?" Debbie had sniggered. "Hell’s bells. Anna, you'll be asking for a tattoo next." Anna hadn't shown Debbie the tiny Shibari-rope tattoo hidden under her left breast. It had been her reminder to herself why she loved Caden and feared his ideals. In a strange way it had been her comfort once she left him. Even though he didn't know it, she still held something of him close to her heart.
Anna straightened up and glanced at Caden. The gleam in his eye told her he knew exactly why she moved as she did. Well, sod him, if they were playing cat and mouse she'd be damned if she'd be easy to catch. It had taken all her courage to come here, and if she had to try then by god so did he.
"So, Ms. Taylor, be seated again, and tell me. Why are you here?" It seemed he was prepared to play along, at least for the time being.
Anna took a deep breath. His anticipation was palpable. She fancied even the room waited for her reply. Her senses went into overdrive, and she could smell his cologne, a mixture of spice and fresh cut grass. It was so personal to him it evoked sweet, and not so sweet, memories. Her fingers tingled.
"I need to discover who I am, what I am, and what I could be."
He stared at her so long, Anna was hard pressed not to fidget.
"Elucidate."
She waited for him to say more, but he crossed his ankles and leaned back on his desk, his hands loosely touching the leather top. His fingers splayed out and stroked the material in such a way that Anna could imagine it was her skin he fondled. Her mouth went dry.
"Oh, sorry." She realized he was waiting for her to speak. Damn it, this is hard. She'd known it was going to be. Why should he give her any quarter? She'd left him, and then not been prepared to meet him halfway when they'd met again. Why should he play nicey-nicey now? His eyes narrowed. Damn, I keep forgetting. "I beg your pardon, Sir. Well, many years ago, I loved a man."
"Loved?" A tic in his left eye flickered so briefly Anna almost missed it.
"Loved. But as time went on, I found that our ideas on what love meant weren't the same. We had…" She hesitated, worried how to explain herself and not cast blame. "I guess you could say we wanted different things. Needed to show our love in different ways. I was stupid and young, and instead of trying to talk to him I ran. I didn't want to watch his love die, you see. And it would, because he needed to be who he was, and no way could I take that from him, but nor could I do as he wanted."
There was silence. Anna couldn't tell what Cade was thinking. His face had no emotion showing, and his body was still. Even his hands weren't moving.
The faint noise of a car on the road outside sounded unnaturally noisy, and the tic, tic of the radiator warming up seemed as loud as the strokes of Big Ben. He kept his eyes on her face. It took all of Anna's concentration not to squirm.
"Why?" he asked finally, just as she was ready to scream.
The question confused her. "Why what?"
His eyes flashed.
Oh shit. "Sir."
He nodded. "I think we'd better set out some basic rules of courtesy, Ms. Taylor. You will always address me as Sir or Master. You will answer all my questions, and you will strip."
What? The bastard, he knows I hate this. Well, fuck him. She stood up and walked across to him to stare into his eyes. I'll sodding well show him, even if I spit in his eye afterwards. After all, this is not public. Okay, it's his office. His. But not public, not public. Maybe if she repeated that like a mantra it would help. Because it was almost public. That guy outside could walk in, anyone else could. She did her best not to think about that scenario. There was no need to go down the 'what if' route unless it happened.
<
br /> "Yes, Sir. Any particular order?" She couldn't help the frosty tone. Cade, however, ignored it—up to a point.
"Bratty. That will have to go. Skirt, blouse, and the rest. If you're serious about all this, then the first thing to remember is no backchat, no sass, and do as I say." The look on his face dared her to contradict him.
The heat that filled her and the tingles that raced up her spine were contrary to what she expected at his command, and Anna grinned.
"Do you think that's funny, Ms. Taylor? Perhaps you need to learn about what happens to bratty subs?"
The gush of liquid that coated her thighs surprised her. How could something she'd abhorred make her skin tingle and her heart race in a good way? It wasn't the spanking she'd hated, and she knew it. How best to answer him?
"No, Sir, and I'm not trying to be bratty. I'm scared." Where has that come from? Anna hadn't even known the truth of that statement until she blurted it out. He didn't say anything, and Anna realized he was waiting for her to expand on those few stark words. Well, she'd wanted to try and explain her actions and feelings, and now was her chance.
Her fingers fumbled with the zip at the back of her skirt. In her mind this was the most nerve-racking thing she had ever tried. Even more than anything they'd done before. Her fingers slipped, and she swore.
"I can't get this bloody thing to move. It's stuck." Her breath hitched, and she bit her lip to stop it trembling. Caden moved so fast she didn't realized until he cuddled her close to him and rested her head on his chest. Under her cheek his heart beat a comforting thump-thump that surrounded her and gave her comfort like a warm blanket on a cold night.
"Anna, my love, don't. Please, love, it's okay." He stroked her hair, and that simple gesture was her undoing.
She jumped and swayed as his faced blurred.
"It's not, you know. I can't even do this properly. I thought I could come, and we could start again and see what might happen. But I can't even str ... strip for you. Not here, where people might see." Her eyes stung, and she felt the tears gather. Annoyed with herself, Anna bit her lip and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm useless, and bugger it I hate feeling like this."
****
Cade wanted to hit himself. Why had he tried to be so clever? Fuck it, she'd had the courage to do this, and he'd behaved like an asshole.
"Hey, stop this." He rubbed her lips with a finger and forced them open. "Don't mutilate yourself. You've been so brave, so bloody brave, I don't want to hear you denigrate yourself. It's me. I've been a fucking shit. On purpose, which is bollocks. All me, me, me. And that, my love, is so not on. So, let's start again, eh? Talk, really talk and say what we both want and need. Be honest." He waited. His skin was so taut that if anyone had touched it Cade reckoned he'd hit the ceiling. He waited for her response, his body as tight as a coiled rope. For what seemed minutes, but was probably only seconds, she stared at him. Then she gave a juddering sigh, blinked, and smiled. It was like the sun coming over the horizon at dawn.
"I want you … Sir." She paused and ran her tongue around her lips. Cade's cock, already hard, began to throb.
"Well, you can have me." He stopped and watched her eyes dilate, go cloudy, and then clear. "Once you're honest. Tell me, what the fuck went wrong?"
She was so rigid Cade wondered if she'd fall over if he touched her. Then she shut her eyes and swayed. Just as he thought he'd need to grab her before she fell over, Anna groaned. "I've got to." She opened her eyes. "And it scares me shitless. So sit down and shut up. Please let me have my say."
He took a deep breath and watched as she stared at his cock and smiled. Well, it was somewhat aroused. "I can do that."
"So sit." Anna pointed to a rather exquisitely covered chaise, which he knew was about as comfortable as sitting on a sword. "And don't speak."
He was amused to find himself on the end of a command. Okay, he'd pander to her for now. It suited him. He sat.
Anna was so silent for so long he wondered if he'd misread her. Then he saw her swallow and take a deep breath.
"What went wrong, I now know was no one’s fault," she began. Then she shrugged. "Well, not quite true. It was my fault for not being open and your fault for not seeing the signs. But," she held her hand up, "don't interrupt, please. This is not sub to Dom or anything remotely like it. This is your ex-wife."
"Estranged wife," Cade interrupted. "Not ex." Anna nodded. She knew in theory he was correct.
"Estranged wife then, trying to put things right. I have to show you, explain to you things I never ever thought I'd voice. And Cade? It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Even harder than leaving you."
She stopped speaking again. Bloody hell, we'll be here for a week come Tuesday if she doesn't get a move on. Cade held his tongue. He'd wait for a while.
"Um, okay, I've done a lot of thinking. And I know now, that it wasn't everything we did that I hated. In fact, quite a lot made me more than hot and bothered." She giggled, and Cade saw the younger woman she'd been, before she sobered suddenly. "And a lot made me feel sick. It's sorting out which is which that's difficult. Will you help me?"
She stared at him, and his body tensed as if he was waiting for a blow. That was stupid. It was Di … no, Anna, for goodness sake.
"Anna, love, I'd be proud to. Tell me what you need, what you want, and how I can serve."
His choice of words made her giggle—or something did. Yeah, that'll be the day. "Okay, I need to try to see what I can do. No worse than that. Oh hell, Cade, I need to see what would satisfy you. Therefore." She took a deep breath, and Cade watched as perspiration dotted her brow. "Um, I want … will you do things?"
How the hell could he answer that? "What sort of things, love?"
Anna nibbled her nail. Cade forced himself not to grab her hands and demand she stop. This had to be her show.
"Well." She tucked her head to one side, something he remembered her doing when she was deep in thought. "Will you handcuff me and make me come?" she asked in a hurry, her words tumbling over each other. "I bloody loved that."
He waited to see if she would say anything else. She didn't, so it was all up to him.
"If I do that for you, what else?"
She stared at him like a rabbit caught in a trap. "How do you mean?"
"If I handcuff you, how do you want me to make you come?"
It was obvious she hadn’t thought that far. Anna stared at him and licked her lips. "I don't understand. I mean you'll make me come."
Cade closed his eyes so she wouldn't see his frustration. "Oh I understand that. But in what way? Tied? Over a bench, blindfolded? Making you fuck yourself? You need to be more explicit, Anna. I don't know at which point the 'I loved it' became the 'I hated it'. If I'm to help you here, I need a little bit of direction."
Anna looked startled. "But you're the Dom. Don't you tell me?"
Oh shit.
"If I do, love, we might not get any further. What I want could perhaps be three steps too far. So you tell me. Do I shackle your handcuffs? What do you want?" He paused took out a bottle of water from his desk drawer and had a swig of water. "This time, let's assume there's no Dom and no sub and only a beautiful lady asking her man to play." Would she go for that?
Anna wandered around the room, not really looking at anything, but he could sense her mind whirling. Then she stopped dead, swiveled, and walked to stand in front of him.
"If I cry ‘red’?" she demanded. "What then?"
"Then we stop. I'm past trying to persuade you. What I want here is secondary, I reckon. You know what I want. We need to work out what I need." Who the hell knew if that chasm could be breached? It seemed as unlikely as snow in the Sahara. Cade stopped talking. "It's up to you, love. We need to see what you want to give as well. I'm happy to follow your lead for now. But we both know, for me to meekly sit back and watch as you destroy anything we might have is so not going to happen. I want to fill you, bind you to me with more than physical ties, and hear you cry o
ut for me. Can you cope with that?"
He watched her go through the colors of the rainbow on her skin, and swallowed. Hell’s bells, she does that a lot, and it sends my body to high alert. Promises, promises.
"Can you, love?" He pressed her for an answer, because he had to know. His skin was so tight that he thought if she touched it she'd bounce.
God almighty, even the air held its breath. It was getting to be a habit.
Slowly, Anna nodded. "I need to try. Hell, Cade, I love you, and I want you. Whether that's enough, who knows? But really, honestly, I want to try. So can we?"
His heart swelled, and he wanted to punch the air. Yes!
"I reckon so, love. I reckon so. Now, if I say assume the position, just for me, can you? Will you?"
Ana smiled, the enticing smile of a siren home from the sea. With a graceful movement, she knelt in front of him, put her hands behind her back and dipped her head.
"Oh, I reckon…" The muscles in her neck moved convulsively. "Well, I reckon. Yes, Sir."
Cade thought all his birthdays had come at once. Surely, surely this was a good start. He hardly dared look at Anna in case he saw desperation or negativity on her face.
Come on, act the part. Look and help her, that's your remit. You're a bloody Master, for goodness’ sake, so be one. Cade gave himself a minute to collect his thoughts before he turned to the woman who kneeled in front of him. As he watched, a faint tremor shuddered through her. So she wasn't really comfortable. That little movement made him stiffen his resolve. He would push and prod, and see if they could come up with a compromise.
Chapter Ten
Anna wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt and wondered what the noise in her ears was. She couldn't see a grandfather clock in the room, but she was sure she could hear one. She glanced around her and noticed Cade was watching her, his expression wary.
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