by Vivi Holt
Sarah nodded. “Yep. Can you believe it? Four in five years. I’ll need to go to a sanatorium any time now.”
Angela laughed. “If you’re going, I’ll go with you.”
Sarah’s tone softened, and she rested a hand gently on Angela’s arm. “Why do you say that?”
A sob escaped that she hadn’t even known was coming. “I can’t remember who I am or where I came from,” she cried. “If anyone’s crazy, it’s me!”
Sarah put her arms around Angela’s shoulders and held her close. “There, there. I know it must be so hard – I can’t imagine it. But didn’t the doctor say it wouldn’t be likely to last?”
Angela sobbed against her shoulder. A headache was coming on, and she knew that when it did she wouldn’t be capable of much more than lying in a dark room until it finally dissipated. “He doesn’t know – he said I might remember, but there’s no way for him to be certain.” She’d seen the look in Dr. Underhill’s eyes – pity and uncertainty. What if she never remembered anything? “I don’t remember my family, and yet I miss them. That must sound crazy.” She covered her eyes.
Sarah shook her head. “It doesn’t sound crazy at all. I know what it feels like to miss family – I miss mine every single day. And you’d think it’d get easier as time passes, but it doesn’t.”
Angela’s hands fell to her sides and she frowned. “Where are your family, if I may ask? Obviously you don’t mean Bill and the kids …”
“No, I mean my Crow family.”
Angela’s eyes widened. “You’re an Indian?”
“I was raised in a Crow camp – my mother was Crow, my father was a white soldier from Fort Smith. I’ve never met him, yet there’s always an ache in my heart when I think of him.”
Angela’s eyes filled with tears and her throat tightened. “So you do know how it feels.”
Sarah nodded. “My mother died a few years ago, and I ran away from home to try and make it on my own. I’m so grateful I met Bill – he’s been an answer to prayer ever since, and I love him and our children – but that still doesn’t stop me missing home. I miss my mother and I know I’ll never see her again in this world. I miss my best friend Ky and the rest of the Crow who were my family and friends. Each year that passes and I don’t see them, the ache only grows.”
Sarah took a long, deep breath and arched an eyebrow. “So I guess I do have some idea of what you’re feeling. Though I imagine it’s a whole lot more frustrating when you can’t even remember them.”
Angela nodded. “It’s like I’ve betrayed them – at least that’s how I feel. I should remember them, whoever they are, but I can’t recall their names, their faces or anything else about them or our life together.” She sobbed and covered her face again.
Sarah touched Angela’s arm again, and she could hear Sarah’s warm smile through her words. “Come on, let’s go inside and sit down. You need to rest and put your feet up some. Trust me, once the baby comes you won’t get time to yourself again. You’ve got to take the opportunities now while you can.” Sarah chuckled, bent to pick up the baby and linked her free arm through Angela’s to lead her back into the ranch house. The other children followed close behind.
As they walked, Angela couldn’t keep her thoughts from Ost. Where was he now? Was he thinking of her the way she was thinking of him? What would happen when he found her family – her husband? Just the thought of having a husband she didn’t know or remember made her shiver. She hoped he was a good man, though she couldn’t imagine marrying someone who wasn’t. Surely she was loved.
But it seemed strange that whenever she searched her mind for some kind of clue, some recollection of the people who might be waiting for her somewhere, her heart began to race and a cold sweat broke out across her brow. She didn’t understand it. All she knew was that when she was with Ost, the fear dissipated, at least for a few minutes. She felt safe and secure by his side, and when she looked into his eyes she saw an entire future’s worth of new memories to be made.
4
“I’ve got a lead, Sheriff,” said Ost with a grin.
The sheriff chuckled. “Ya do?”
“Yep. Two actually, in two different cases.”
“So ya been workin’ all this time and I just didn’t know it?” Sheriff Stanton smirked and unwound his long legs from where they were crossed over his desk. He set his boots on the floor, the rowels of his spurs ringing against the boards.
“The woman I took to Paradise Ranch …”
“Rose?”
“Actually, her name’s Angela.”
The sheriff’s eyes widened. “She remembered?”
“No, she still can’t recall a thing. But Dan Graham and his wife Claudine remember meeting her when they were down in Wyoming Territory. Her name’s Angela Wilcox, and it seems she was traveling west to Utah with her folks in a schooner when they met her about eight months ago. They said there was no way she was married or had a sweetheart at the time.”
“Interestin’ …”
“And that’s not all.” Ost felt as though he was really getting the hang of being a lawman. He liked the way it felt to share everything he’d discovered with Stanton, like he’d done something important for the first time in his life. “Last night at the Stock and Barrel, there were three men, strangers to me, but I thought I recognized one of them. I asked Jacob about it, and he said two of them were Mark Jackson and Kip Weaver, who work for a scoundrel name of Yannick Berger. Weaver was the one I recognized.”
“I know Yannick Berger. He’s a mean ol’ varmint.”
“Then I remembered where I’d seen Kip before – on the trail when I was chasing those rustlers. I’m not entirely certain, but he might be one of them.”
Ost clicked his tongue and Auger stepped quickly through the narrow pass. He urged the horse to a canter once they reached a wider section of the trail, and soon the shortcut was behind them. He wanted to get to Paradise Ranch as quickly as he could. He’d already missed so much work and couldn’t afford to miss more, but both the sheriff and Jacob had given him leave to check on Angela and update her on what was going on. Also, Doc Underhill wanted him to see how she was doing and report back as soon as he returned to town.
Ost’s report had finally nudged Sheriff Stanton into putting together a posse to go after Yannick Berger and his men. He said he couldn’t hunt them down without a warrant for their arrest, and there was no way he could get one based on as little as Ost maybe recognizing one of his crew as a cattle rustlers. But he could question the man, take a look around and maybe find something worth arresting him for.
Ost’s ride was a pleasant one. He loved the valley in the summer – the bird calls, the chuckle of the river over the shallows, the tall green grasses waving in the warm breeze. It’d all change soon enough, but for now he’d enjoy every single moment.
He found Angela in the garden behind the ranch house, wearing a bonnet and apron over a gown dotted with a wildflower pattern. He smiled, dismounted and walked to greet her.
She watched him come with one hand on her hip and the other shielding her sparkling eyes from the sun’s glare. “Hank, it’s so good to see you,” she called. “What a pleasant surprise.”
He coughed to clear his throat. “I came to let you know I’ll be gone for a while.”
She frowned. “Where are you going?”
“We’ve been tracking some cattle rustlers for months now. We’ve got a lead on them, so Sheriff Stanton’s putting together a posse to go after them. It shouldn’t be more than a few days.”
She nodded. “Thank you for letting me know.”
As Angela bent to continue pulling weeds, he tugged his hat off and twisted it between his hands. “How are you feeling?”
“Well enough. Though bending over like this isn’t easy.” She straightened and laughed, her hands on the small of her back.
“Why don’t we head on inside and have a seat?” he asked, offering her his arm.
She tugged off a glove and
put her hand through the crook of his arm with a smile. “That sounds good to me.”
Inside, she took off her other glove and set them on a table by the back door, removed her bonnet and hung it on a peg in the kitchen. “Genny is so generous with her things. She’s letting me borrow an entire wardrobe.” She chuckled and waddled through the kitchen, one hand pressed to her back. Her stomach had really grown since the last time he’d seen her.
“Genny’s a peach,” he said, his cheeks burning. For some reason, he was more nervous talking to her now than he’d been on the trip to Bozeman together.
She walked through the kitchen into the den and sat on the horsehair settee, her feet on the matching footstool. “You don’t mind if I put my feet up, do you?”
He shook his head and sat across from her. “Of course not.”
“If I don’t, they’ll swell to twice their size.” She sighed. “I wonder if I’ve ever been pregnant before. It’s hard to imagine that I could’ve been – everything seems like a surprise, as though it’s the first time.”
He swallowed hard. “I don’t believe you’ve been pregnant before.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Oh?”
“There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about. You know I was here when Dan and Claudine recognized you.”
“I know – they said my name is Angela, but it doesn’t stir up any memories.” She shook her head, then arched an eyebrow. “What else did they say?”
He took a deep breath. “When they met you, you were traveling in a covered wagon with your folks, headed west on the Mormon Trail to claim a homestead in Utah. And Claudine and Dan didn’t think they were the type to let an unwed daughter get herself in trouble, so they figure you must’ve gotten married since then – sometime in the past eight months you found a sweetheart … kind of sudden-like.”
Her eyes clouded over. “Is that so? That doesn’t seem to sit with me. It’s like something inside of me is fighting against your words — I don’t think I am married. Of course, I can’t be sure, but it doesn’t seem to ring true. And what about my folks?”
“We don’t know where they are, but Dan said they seemed like good people, and the three of you were happy and excited about the future. Their names are Aberdeen and Wilma Wilcox. Does that sound familiar?”
She shook her head, her eyes glistening. “No. What could’ve happened to my parents?” She looked at the ground.
He rested his hand on her arm, but she shrank from his touch. “Sorry,” he said, pulling back.
She reached for it and took it, holding it tightly between hers. “No, it’s fine … it’s not you. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I’m scared all the time. I feel like someone’s chasing me – every time I turn my back, it’s like there’s a shadow creeping up behind me and my heart races …” She hiccupped, released him and put her hands on her face, then sobbed a great heaving sob that wracked her entire body.
His hand had warmed at her touch, and he longed to hold her close and tell her that everything would be fine. Only he didn’t know that it would be, and she wouldn’t believe it even if he said it. He glanced around, looking for something to say, but couldn’t find the words.
Then, he spied a cow at the bottom of the hill walking slowly toward them. It stopped, rounded its back, then stepped forward again. “Hey … Angela? Have you ever seen a calf born?”
Angela stopped sobbing, looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and shook her head.
“It’s pretty amazing, actually. When the calf lands on the ground, it’s only a few minutes until he’s up and around. He’ll have the longest, most gangly legs you ever saw and he’s covered in muck …”
She laughed softly and wrinkled her nose.
The sound lit him up inside. “… and such big eyes, with long lashes – they’re … well, I think you’ve just got to see it.”
She nodded. “I’d like to.”
“Come on, then.”
She frowned and straightened, pushing strands of hair back from her forehead with one hand. “What – now?”
“Look there – she’s about to drop her bundle. Let’s go and watch.” He took her hand and together they walked down the long drive to the bottom of the hill where the cow labored.
They watched the birth together. The cow lay on the ground, then stood up and the calf slid out, encased in a sack of fluid. By the time his mother had gotten him out of it and cleaned him up, he was balancing on his wobbly legs. Angela giggled and covered her mouth as she studied the creature taking his first steps. Her eyes widened and she grinned. “He’s beautiful!”
Ost nodded. He never grew tired of watching a new longhorn come into the world.
They walked hand in arm back up the hill to the ranch house. She asked about his work and he told her his plans to one day become sheriff. “That sounds like a fine plan,” she said.
“I don’t know … I always thought I’d be a horse wrangler or a cowpoke. This sheriff thing kind of snuck up on me.” He shrugged, not willing to release her hand. He’d stay by her side forever if she let him. Maybe she was right and she hadn’t wed — surely she’d feel some inkling of a memory if she truly was married. He shook his head. Or maybe not.
Finally she tugged her hand free and pushed her bonnet clear of her face, loosened the string and let it fall down her back. “I think you’d make a fine sheriff.”
He tried to hide his disappointment, his cheeks burning. “Thank you. I guess I’d better get back. It’s a long ride – it’ll be dark before I reach Bozeman as is.”
She linked her hands behind her back, meeting his gaze with her wide blue eyes. “Well, don’t be too long, will you?”
A slow smile crept over his face, and he leaned forward to kiss her cheek. “I won’t.” He nodded and headed for the barn.
Ost found Auger where he’d left him, catching him mid-roll, the horse’s legs waving around in the air. Auger shook his head and stood with a snort when he saw Ost watching him. “Don’t stop on my account, boy. Looks like you’re having a fine old time.”
The horse shook his head again, rattling pieces of straw out of his mane.
Ost laughed. When he left Paradise Ranch, he’d asked Tom if he could buy Auger to take with him, and Tom had agreed. It’d take him months to pay Tom what he owed for the horse, but he figured the animal was worth every penny. His coat shone even in the dull light of the stables, and his entire body rippled with strength. “I hope you’ve had enough rest. It’s time to head back to town. Then tomorrow, we’re going for a long ride …”
“He’s happy to be home,” said Tom, coming up behind Ost.
Ost shook Tom’s hand with a grin.
“What brings ya out to see us again so soon?” Tom asked, resting his arms on top of the stall to watch Auger bury his snout in a bucket of oats.
“I wanted to see Angela, make sure she was recovering. The doc asked me to check on her. And I had to tell her I’m heading out of town for a few days.”
“Oh? And what’d ya find – you know, for the doc’s sake?”
Ost’s cheeks flamed. “She seems to be doing well enough given the circumstances.”
“She does at that.”
“Is there something wrong?” asked Ost, one eyebrow arched. From the tone of Tom’s voice, he knew the rancher had something on his mind. He’d known him long enough to tell.
“I’m worried about you is all.”
“About me?” Ost shook his head with a frown. He was fine – it was Angela who was unwell.
“Yep. You’re lettin’ yourself feel things for Angela you shouldn’t.”
The room seemed to warm instantly, and Ost wiped his forehead. “She’s … well, she’s something special, that for sure.”
“Ost, you know she’s likely married, right?” Tom’s eyes were full of compassion, but his voice was firm.
“Of course she might be married, but she says she isn’t …”
“Might? Boy, she’s ‘bout fit to burst with a ch
ild. Her husband’s out there lookin’ for her, no doubt, and yer fillin’ yer head with fanciful ideas of courtin’. You can’t do that. Soon as the sheriff locates her husband, she’ll be headed back to him and there won’t be a thing you can do about it.”
Ost’s gut churned as he turned Tom’s words over in his mind. “You’re right. I guess I’m just hoping that doesn’t happen.”
“What yer really hopin’ is that her husband’s dead. I know that’s not like you – you’re a good man. A good man who’ll one day find the right woman to settle down with. Let Angela be – she’s not the one.”
“Dan and Claudine said she wasn’t married as well …”
“Dan and Claudine said she wasn’t married eight months ago. A lot can happen in eight months.”
He knew Tom’s words were true, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow. He’d been kidding himself, believing everything would work out between them as soon as she regained her memory. That was the one thing that would take her away from him – remembering her family and where she was from and wanting to go back there. Unless … no. He didn’t want her to go through the trauma of losing a husband. And what of her folks – where were they? If they knew what had happened to her, they’d be searching for her as well.
Ost sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know what I want to happen, but I don’t want her to lose her loved ones. I won’t stand in the way of her going home to them.”
“I didn’t think you would. I just don’t want you to get your heart set on someone you can’t have.”
Ost hung his head. He’d been so happy only moments earlier, and now he felt as though there was a lead weight in his gut. It wasn’t Tom’s fault, it was his own. He’d been living in a fantasy. It was time he got back to reality.
Ost glanced out the window of his room above the bar. The posse had begun gathering outside the brewery. He could see the men on horseback milling around in front of the covered porch. All the faces were familiar – Joe Brown the baker was there, and several carpenters, a few cowboys, even a couple bartenders from the Lucky Roan. But Sheriff Stanton hadn’t shown yet, so he still had a few minutes.
