The Australian's Desire (Mills & Boon By Request)

by Marion Lennox, Lilian Darcy, Lilian Darcy

  And, of course, he had to tell her, no point in trying to hedge or soften it. Even knowing this, he said the words with slow reluctance. ‘He had a pretty major attack last night.’

  ‘Pretty major? What does that mean?’

  Her slight air of bewilderment—vertigo, she’d just called it—disappeared. She was instantly on the alert, ready to judge him and find him wanting. He could feel the sizzle of her sudden anger down the phone like electricity, and in an odd way it put both of them on more solid ground.

  Because it was so familiar.

  And because he knew, now, what he wanted instead.

  ‘How the hell could that happen with Miranda around? A pretty major attack?’ She swore. ‘How major? When? What did you do, Nick?’

  ‘Took him to the medical centre.’ There! At the hint of a suggestion that it might be his fault, he’d immediately distanced himself, withdrawn, given her the bare minimum.

  ‘You know that’s not what I mean!’ Her voice rose higher. ‘Why won’t you ever give me the details?’

  Because anything I say you turn around and use as a weapon, so I use weapons of my own—silence and withdrawal.

  He wouldn’t have said it, even though he’d started to understand it so much better, but she didn’t wait for his answer anyway.

  ‘How could you let it happen, Nick? You know his triggers, you know how fast it can get serious if he has a major exposure.’ Her tone changed again, turning wooden and cold. ‘You weren’t even there, were you?’

  ‘Look, wouldn’t you rather hear how he is now than how it happened in the first place?’

  She gave a shocked moan. ‘How he is now? You mean—?’

  ‘He’s fine,’ he cut in quickly, not really wanting to punish her to that extent. ‘He had a good night, and he’s hungry. He accidentally breathed in some fine ash from someone’s campfire. He was stirring it up with a stick and it was still warm and just flew up into his face.’

  She made another sound.

  ‘Miranda was brilliant, and so were the medical centre staff.’ He didn’t tell her how scared he’d been, couldn’t control the way his voice softened as he spoke Miranda’s name.

  ‘So he’s with you? Are you in your cabin? Dr. Carlisle’s always good, Nick, you sound as if it’s something miraculous. Josh adores her. I wouldn’t have let him go up there if she hadn’t been going. Can I speak to him?’

  ‘He’s still at the medical centre. It’s a small hospital, really, they have good equipment on hand. Brand-new, after the cyclone.’

  ‘And you’re there with him, right?’ she asked, an ominous note building again in her voice as she readied herself for raising her righteous anger by several notches. ‘Nick, even though Dr Carlisle is brilliant, she can’t give him the same attention as a parent.’

  ‘She would. Always.’

  ‘Always?’

  ‘She would.’

  ‘For heaven’s sake, I cannot believe this.’ She stopped suddenly, and sighed. ‘OK. OK. Just tell me you’re with him, that’s all!’

  Nick felt the familiar stubbornness overtaking his best intentions and didn’t answer her challenge. ‘When does your flight get in?’

  ‘Early afternoon, but I want to speak to Josh.’

  ‘What time? I can meet you at the airport.’

  ‘I want…to speak…to Josh!’ she articulated with cold precision. ‘For a man who claims to love his son—’ She broke off suddenly, and he thought he heard her sisters’ voices in the background, sounding impatient. ‘I—I—Just a minute, Nick,’ she said in a different tone, then put her hand over the phone so her words to Louise and Bron were muffled. ‘OK, OK,’ he faintly heard. ‘I do see. Yes, I can hear it. I’m not perfect. I can’t work miracles on myself. Give mea chance.’ The phone clattered and he heard, crisp and clear, ‘Sorry, Nick.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Josh and I will phone you back,’ he told her, and cut the connection because he wasn’t confident of his own ability to stay civilised and in control of himself if they kept talking.

  Enough with breakfast.

  His appetite had gone.

  Miranda would probably have come to see Josh at the medical centre by now, and he felt his pulse leap at the thought of seeing her. What time had it been when he’d said goodbye to her at her cabin steps? Three-thirty in the morning? Less than four hours ago, but it felt like a lot longer.

  He wanted to hold her in his arms, promise her the world, protect her and laugh with her and slake his doubts with their two bodies moving together. He wanted to tell her about Anna’s phone call, about the repertoire of too-familiar accusations, about the tangled layers of mistrust and miscommunication, and that odd note of bewilderment that had crept into Anna’s voice a couple of times. He wanted to hear Miranda promise him something different—faith in each other, shared understanding that happened with words and without them.

  But then as he came up the ramp to the medical centre, he saw her through the side window, laughing at something Grace had just said. Miranda tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and her nose wrinkled when she smiled. To a stranger’s eye, from this distance, she could have been little older than seventeen with her lithe build and bobbing ponytail and innocent face, free of make-up.

  Grace was laughing, too. The two women looked oddly similar for a moment, although their colouring was not in the least alike. Still, there was something—in the way they laughed, in their sensible approach. They were both the kind of woman that would be a man’s best friend, as well as his lover, and who gave too much sometimes.

  Nick wanted Miranda with his whole heart and his whole soul at that moment, but the understanding soured as soon as it formed.

  With all his baggage, with all his blocks, why on earth would she want to be a part of his life?

  CHAPTER TEN

  THERE was a buzz of anticipation in the air on Wallaby Island as the camp and medical centre’s official re-opening approached.

  With memories of last night and Nick uppermost in her mind, Miranda felt it but couldn’t fully share in it. Underlying her outward focus, there were questions that wouldn’t go away and couldn’t be answered, and she could only hope that her preoccupation didn’t show.

  All of her exchanges with him so far today had been superficial ones, or else very Josh-focused, and Nick’s body language could be translated into words of one syllable. Stay clear. Don’t try to get close. Beyond the body language, she had the definite impression there were things he wasn’t saying.

  And she’d made a decision. No matter what happened in the future, she knew she couldn’t continue as Josh’s doctor. Her personal feelings were too deeply involved. Anna—and Nick— would have to find someone else to oversee their son’s care.

  Tonight, the kids were having a disco as part of the festivities connected with the official opening of the new medical centre and rebuilt camp, and some of tomorrow’s invited guests were expected to fly in today.

  ‘Including Stella’s dad,’ Susie said to Miranda, at the medical centre after lunch. ‘She’s hoping he won’t show up until tomorrow, because she’s so desperate to get dressed up for tonight and she thinks he’ll say no.’

  ‘Will he?’ She’d just finished the paperwork relating to Josh’s admission and discharge, and hoped to head out of there soon. To the beach, with a book? Or would she drop in on Nick and Josh?

  Susie made a face. ‘I’ll be stuck in the middle of it all, if he does put his big authoritarian foot do
wn. Stella’s roped me in as her stylist!’

  ‘Woo-hoo!’

  ‘Ooh, yes, I’d be looking forward to it, if her dad didn’t sound so scary. I’m going to make her look gorgeous, and everyone will see how pretty she can be, including a certain fourteen-year-old surfer type. But listen, the reason I’m here…I’ve just done a routine physio session with Jack Havens. His chest is sounding very thick, and he feels to me as if he’s running a mild temp, says he isn’t feeling well. I think you should take a look at him.’

  ‘Where is he now?’

  ‘In the boys’ dorm, lying down. He didn’t want to go on the rainforest buggy ride.’

  ‘There’s a few of them not going, then.’

  Miranda had given Nick the go-ahead to take Josh home to their cabin half an hour ago, but she’d also given orders that they weren’t to stray too far. She wanted them back for a check-up late that afternoon, and sooner if Josh had any breathing problems at all. If this had been a big city hospital and a normal working week, she would have kept him under medical supervision, but with Nick’s cabin so close to the medical centre and having him able to give his full focus to Josh, a continuing hospital stay seemed like overkill.

  ‘Well, it’s always a risk with kids like these, isn’t it?’ Susie was saying. ‘They’re magnets for every bug going around.’

  ‘I’ll take a look at him in the dorm—no sense bringing him here if he’s comfortable.’ Jack was twelve, and had come to the island without his parents. So far, he seemed to be enjoying his independence, and it would be a pity if his camp experience was spoiled by illness.

  ‘Charles’s Lily is still sick,’ Susie said, ticking off names on her fingers. ‘Robbie Henderson, one of the cerebral palsy kids from Benita’s group. Ming Tan sounded a bit snuffly at breakfast.’

  Miranda felt a faint prickle of unease, but let it go. ‘If my lot all come down with respiratory complaints, we’ll deal with it. Beth says they can get extra staff rostered out here if they need to. I’ve had the Allandale parents and Josh’s mum expressing vocal doubts about the calibre of the doctors in a place like this, so far from the city, but from what I’ve seen so far, I have to say I don’t think they have anything to worry about.’

  ‘Oh, absolutely!’ Susie said. ‘We’re very good at keeping the doctors we want and nudging out the ones who don’t fit in or pull their weight.’

  ‘Is Jack on his own in the boys’ dorm?’

  ‘No, one of the volunteer carers is with him. Jenny someone.’

  ‘Oh, I know Jenny.’

  ‘She’s been an asset this week. You don’t have to rush over this minute, just some time during the afternoon.’

  She left, and a few minutes later Miranda said to Grace, ‘I’m out of here for the moment.’

  ‘Pager turned on?’

  ‘Reluctantly, I have to admit.’

  Beach or Nick? The question nagged at her again, without an answer.

  ‘Hang on, who’s this?’ Grace murmured, looking over Miranda’s shoulder towards the entrance. ‘She’s got a suitcase…’

  Miranda turned just as the door opened, and there was Anna Devlin. The resort buggy she’d arrived in was turning to go back down the service road. She must have come straight from the airport on the south side of the island and she looked as if she wasn’t yet convinced that she was really here. As usual, she took it for granted that her needs and feelings would command Miranda’s attention at once.

  Which they did, of course…

  Because my involvement is way too personal, now.

  ‘Where is he, Miranda?’ She seemed jittery, and unused to the bright tropical light, which was making her blink, her sunglasses pushed onto the top of her dark head and forgotten.

  ‘Anna, does Nick know you’re here?’

  ‘Not yet. I managed to get on an earlier flight. This place hardly qualifies as a hospital, does it?’ Her glance took in the brand-new but compact facilities and Grace’s cheerful presence.

  ‘On the basis of size, maybe not,’ Miranda said. ‘But it’s very well equipped.’

  ‘Please, is he through here?’ Anna began walking towards the swing door that led to the hospital beds and treatment rooms.

  ‘No, Anna,’ Miranda said quickly. ‘He’s at the cabin, with Nick.’

  ‘You’ve discharged him?’ She was horrified. ‘But Nick said it was a major attack!’ She eyed Grace suspiciously. ‘Look, is there somewhere we can talk privately, Dr Carlisle?’

  Grace made a covert gesture that said she was happy to stay on hand for moral support, but Miranda shook her head. She had a few issues, too. She and Anna did need to talk.

  ‘Take the office,’ Grace said, but Anna shook her head.

  ‘I need fresh air.’

  ‘Sounds good.’

  There was a wooden bench in the shade of a huge fig tree just to the side of the medical centre. Miranda led the way there, not quite knowing what to expect. She had the impression that Anna didn’t fully know either. She wasn’t quite as hostile or emotional as she could have been. They sat on the bench for several moments in silence. As Josh’s doctor, should she take the initiative? She didn’t know.

  Anna closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sun that twinkled through the canopy of the fig tree. She remembered her sunglasses at last, and lowered them into place. ‘My sisters staged an intervention yesterday,’ she finally began, giving the phrase—deliberately borrowed from drug and alcohol-dependency counselling, Miranda understood—a light, almost self- mocking drawl. ‘This week has been so strange and different.’

  ‘It’s the first time you’ve ever been away from Josh,’ Miranda guessed aloud.

  ‘The very first. So I tried to put Mum in his place and mother her instead. The nurses looked at me strangely when I asked if they had a fold-down bed so I could stay beside her overnight. They don’t. That’s for parents with sick kids, or hospice patients, not for a reasonably robust sixty-seven-year- old with a broken leg.’

  ‘Robust?’ That wasn’t the impression Anna had given about her mother last Sunday.

  ‘After the first shock was over, she did very well. I—I was…really impressed. She did need me for the practical things, but she—’ Anna broke off and shook her head. ‘She’s not frail and, boy, did she serve me one when I tried to treat her that way! She wouldn’t let me stay overnight at the hospital. She sent me out shopping. When Lou and Bron arrived— Mum was home by then—she made us go out to dinner!’

  ‘Did you have a good time?’

  ‘We had a blast!’

  ‘Sounds like your mum staged a bit of an intervention, too.’

  ‘Oh, it was a total conspiracy! I—I couldn’t believe, when I got home, that I’d forgotten to phone Nick to tell him when I was coming up.’ She did the little head shake that Miranda was starting to recognise. It was the movement of someone waking up from a long, unexpected sleep and trying to clear their mind. ‘And then, of course, I got his voicemail and got scared.’

  ‘The intervention was about you and Josh…’

  ‘I couldn’t see it. I was too close. You tried to tell me, but I couldn’t listen. You were—oh, hell, it’s so hard to admit it!— right when you said I didn’t want Josh to have a good time here because he was having it with Nick. I hated hearing that, but I couldn’t forget it. Because it was true. I confessed that to my sisters, geared myself up to betray the darkness of my own heart, and they laughed at me for taking myself so seriously.’ She laughed herself.
‘They’re such witches. Heaven help me, it’s good for me! I’m going to make some changes. I have to be honest enough with myself and admit that it might take some time. Show me where the cabin is now, will you? I just want to see him…’

  They walked over there together. Knowing where to look, Miranda saw Nick and Josh first, when their brightly coloured holiday clothing was still half-hidden behind a jungle of foliage. They were sitting on the veranda of their cabin, playing a board game and drinking iced juice.

  Josh said, ‘Your turn…Seven! Hey! That’s my hotel!’

  ‘Oh, no!’

  ‘You’ve landed on it!’

  ‘I know I have! And I have no money!’ Nick was convincingly stricken by the prospect of his imminent financial ruin.

  ‘And it costs about a million dollars’ rent!’ Josh clapped his hands together in glee, while Anna pricked up her ears and stopped in her tracks.

  ‘Oh, wow!’ she whispered.

  Nick and Josh hadn’t seen Anna or Miranda yet. As Miranda went to move forward beyond the concealing screen of foliage, Anna held her back. ‘Can we watch? I want to see…I—I don’t trust this.’

  ‘Do you want to trust it, Anna?’

  ‘Yes. Oh, of course I do! Maybe it’s me I don’t trust. He hasn’t grown, has he?’

  ‘Not in five days, no.’

  ‘But he looks as if he has some good colour. Not burned. Lightly toasted. He must have been outside a lot.’

  ‘Always with sunscreen.’

  ‘It’s great. And Nick looks so relaxed. How long since I’ve seen him grin like that?’ She had tears in her eyes. ‘This is hard. Maybe Josh won’t even want to see me…’

  ‘Stop. You know that’s unreasonable. You’re his mother, and he loves you.’

  ‘Oh, hell, I’m scared.’

  She stepped out into the open and called her son’s name. He looked up, saw her, stood and smiled. ‘Mummee-ee!’ He came clattering down the veranda steps with his arms held wide, moving faster and more surely than any kid should who’d had such trouble breathing last night.