‘Oh, darling, oh, sweetheart…’
They hugged a big, warm exuberant hug.
‘Are you having a good time?’
‘The best!’ Cept last night. But I’m better today.’
He wriggled out of her arms and Anna let him go. She looked a little helpless for a moment, visibly daunted by her son’s increased level of independence in such a short time. But then she mastered the emotional tunnel vision she no longer wanted to feel and managed a smile. ‘You look better. You look as if Dad’s been taking care of you really well.’
‘Come and see our cabin, Mummy.’
‘Let me talk to Dad for a bit first, hey? Can you tidy up the game?’
Nick had seen Miranda. Waiting on the veranda, he met her eye and she didn’t know what to do. Again, this wasn’t professional, it was personal. As Josh’s doctor, she could stay discreetly on hand in case Anna had any more questions about last night. As the woman who loved Nick and who didn’t know whether it was going to end in happiness or tears, she should probably leave.
His face gave nothing away, gave her no answers. It looked wooden and cautious and she thought he must be far more concerned, right now, with the volcanic shift that had begun in the complex triangular relationship between himself, his ex-wife and Josh.
She would be very much in fourth place, wouldn’t she? The fourth kid, the only child latching onto a family of three siblings, playing on the beach. Carefully, she gave a finger wave in his direction and turned to go. He didn’t try to stop her.
She remembered her promise to Susie to check on Jack Havens in the boys’ dorm, and grabbed to it like a shipwreck survivor grabbing a life-raft. Something concrete to keep her afloat, at least for a while.
She walked in the direction of the dorm, where she found the twelve-year-old listless and achy, with flu-like symptoms that she could only ascribe to some kind of virus—the same one that was making Charles’s Lily ill. She prescribed fluids and bed-rest, which was all that Jack felt like anyway, and left him in Jenny’s care.
‘He’ll be fine tomorrow, I bet,’ Jenny said. ‘It’s some forty- eight-hour thing. You know what kids are like.’
‘Oh, I’m sure.’
There was not much else she was sure of right now.
Miranda had no idea what to do with herself next. The restlessness and tension crippled her and she ended up ten minutes later in her swimsuit on the beach because it was the only place she could bear to go. One of her favourite places in the whole world—sun and sand and ocean and sky, good memories, at heart—but she doubted its power to give her any answers today.
Most of the camp kids and parents were still on the rainforest outing, so the beach was quiet. The resort guests tended to stay on the beaches closer to the hotel, unless they were boating or fishing up this way. There were just a couple of boats out towards the horizon.
She went into the water without much appetite for a vigorous swim, just wanting the cool weight of the water around her body, wanting the air and light and freshness as an antidote to everything she was feeling, wanting the physical sensation to remind herself that life did and would go on.
How long would Nick and Anna need to talk? They might be pulling apart their whole marriage and divorce, for all she knew. What would it look like when they put it back together? Did he still have feelings for her? She’d been wondering about that since Tuesday night. If it was only Anna’s over-involvement with Josh that had destroyed their relationship, might it not re-kindle?
Oh, of course.
A child was always such a powerful bond.
A night of passion sometimes wasn’t.
Miranda had no idea if Nick would even come looking for her after he and Anna had finished saying what they needed to say. She had that first-day-of-the-rest-of-your-life feeling, and there was nothing joyous or new about it at all. Instead, it was a painful limbo, ambiguous and open ended and unsafe.
She’d been there before.
Had been there with Nick himself, ten years ago.
She hadn’t wanted it then, and didn’t want it now.
Ducking her whole body beneath the water, she wanted to wash this uncertainty away, but it wouldn’t leave as easily as that. When she surfaced again and let the salt and wetness stream from her face, she saw him on the beach…
Nick.
Looking for her.
Waiting for her, as she swam and waded back to the shore.
There was an inevitability about it that didn’t, all the same, mean his appearance was good news.
He picked up her towel and held it out to her. She took it when they were still at arm’s length and the moment wasn’t an intimate one, didn’t answer any questions, didn’t form a connection beyond the brief chain of hand and fabric and hand.
‘Hi,’ she said, hugging the towel in front of her body as she dried her face and hair. She let her body drip, knowing the sun would dry up the water from her skin very soon.
‘I’ve been looking for you.’ His tan had darkened this week, while there were some strands of dark gold bleached into his hair. He had his sunglasses on and she couldn’t see his eyes.
‘Hope you tried here first.’
‘Third, after your cabin and the dining room.’
‘In future, try the beach first.’ She tried to make it light, but it didn’t work, sounded more like a reproach. ‘It’s one of my favourite places in the world.’
He stepped closer. ‘See? I don’t know enough about you.’
‘No…’
‘Because my own damned life—my own problems— always seem to take precedence. Ten years ago. All through this week. And now. I’m so sorry, Miranda.’
Sorry?
Her heart lurched and sank, and her stomach felt tight and ill.
‘That sounds like the start of one of those it’s-not-you-it’s-me speeches, Nick.’ The laugh came out shaky. ‘Don’t, OK? No speeches. And especially not that one. It always rings hollow. Just tell me what happened when you and Anna talked. Are you staying on next week?’
‘Yes, down at the resort hotel, I’m moving there today. I checked, and there are rooms available. But, Miranda—’
‘So you’re moving out of the cabin?’
‘It seemed like the only solution. This is all so new, we’re both afraid that if I go back to Melbourne tomorrow, the changes we want to make will get lost in old, destructive patterns. This is our chance to cement something fresh, and to do it together. Listen, though…’
‘I’m—I’m glad,’ she made herself say, although the words felt like acid burning her mouth. ‘For Josh’s sake. Divorce is never an ideal option for kids, even when it’s the best and only option available. I’m glad Josh will have two parents, united again.’
‘Wh-a-at?’ He swore under his breath. ‘Oh, hell, no! No, Miranda! No, and no, and no! Is that what you think? Is that why you think I’m here? To tell you about Anna and me? That we’re starting again? You can’t think that the two of us could ever in a million years get back together!’
‘No?’
‘No!’
‘Why? Just pretend I’m not getting any of this and explain. You just said—’
‘No, you got it wrong.’ He took an impatient pace on the sand. ‘I didn’t say that at all. And do you want all the reasons?’
‘Yes, please…’ Her voice shook.
He counted them on his fingers. ‘Because it would be much worse for our son than anything he’s experienc
ed so far. Because too much damage has been done. Because Anna is focused on fixing her relationship with Josh—and on fixing mine with him, too—not on anything between her and me. Most of all, because it was never right in the first place. Never! I never loved her the way I needed to. I chose her for exactly that reason—because she was safe, while you were so dangerous.’
‘Me? Dangerous? I—I’m not dangerous. I’m nice. Boring, even.’
‘Boring? You’re the most dangerous woman I’ve ever bloody met!’ He touched her at last, fingers light on her neck as if he didn’t know how she’d react. Oh, how could he not know? Didn’t she have her heart in her eyes, just as he’d said? ‘Because I love you. I love you. Don’t you know how dangerous that is? Feeling it? Saying it? It felt so terrifying ten years ago that I ran from it, ran into marriage with totally the wrong woman, but my feelings about you never really changed. I love you. If that counts for anything. If it’s enough, Miranda. If it’s anywhere near enough.’
‘Oh, Nick! Enough?’
‘Come here. I can’t stand not having you in my arms.’ He reached out for her and she went, as inevitably as the sun rising over the sea in the mornings.
‘Enough?’ She was laughing, shaking, happy and overwhelmed and still not quite believing what he’d said. His touch began to calm her, began to shift the universe onto the right axis, and then he kissed her hair.
‘You can’t possibly have got it so wrong…’ he whispered.
‘Oh, I did. I could. Believe me, I could. But if you love me…’
‘If I love you? If? Miranda, I love you. I…love…you! And this time around I’m enough of an adult—enough me, instead of being my father—not to be scared.’
‘Then that’s way more than enough, it’s everything!’
‘Get it right.’ He cupped her face, lifting her chin. ‘Look at me. Kiss me, and promise me you’ll never get it wrong again.’ His mouth brushed hers, clung for a moment then let go so she could speak. ‘Promise…’
‘Even this morning, Nick, after you’d talked about your father last night, you pulled away as soon as you’d said it.’
‘Oh, hell!’
‘I knew you would. I understand why you did. I told myself I wouldn’t let you do it, but it takes two, and I wasn’t sure…I just wasn’t sure.’
‘So I’d better kiss you until you are,’ he muttered.
They stood on the beach with the afternoon sun hot all around them and he kissed her as thoroughly as she’d ever been kissed in her life. He kissed away that morning’s distance, kissed an apology for all the times he’d held back, kissed a hundred promises about talking and connection and passion, kissed a million beautiful, perfect words without speaking one of them out loud, and she kissed the same things back to him until they were both breathless.
Some minutes later, he told her, ‘I’m the only one moving down to the resort hotel today. Can we get that clear?’
‘Good…’
‘Anna and Josh will stay in the cabin. Anna and I are going to start dividing up our time with him in a healthier way, and I know now that her sisters and her mother are on side and that she’s ready to listen to them, even if there are times when she can’t listen to me. I even suggested she go straight back to Melbourne tomorrow, but that was a little too overwhelming for her to think about, and I’m sure I’ll still sometimes have to fight her tendency to cling to Josh too tightly, and to shut me out.’
He was silent for a moment and she waited, knowing there was more.
‘This is going to take some time,’ he began again, slowly. ‘Miranda, are you really sure you want to be around when there are no guarantees? When I’m carrying so much baggage? How could I not pull back this morning when I asked myself that question? I’m demanding so much of you. I know it, and you don’t seem to, even now. See, you’re actually smiling…’
‘There’s only one guarantee I need, and you’ve already given it to me.’
‘I’ll give it to you again.’
‘Please…’
They stood there for so long that a wash of inch-deep water from the incoming tide crept around their feet.
‘So,’ Miranda said. ‘A room in the hotel, huh?’
‘You’re going to get cheeky about this, aren’t you?’
‘Yep. Getting pretty keen about the hotel room.’
‘Nice and anonymous,’ he agreed. ‘Full of honeymoon couples who don’t even notice anyone else.’
‘I have a feeling I might come and visit you there when I have time off, and that I won’t notice anyone else either.’
‘I have a feeling I might like that. Have a feeling we might have to keep explaining to people that we’re not actually, tech¬ nically on a honeymoon ourselves. Not this time, anyway…’
‘Not yet,’ she agreed.
‘Almost as good.’
‘Just as good.’
‘With plenty more to look forward to.’
‘Oh, yes. Oh…’
They smiled at each other, and saw the future reflected in each other’s eyes, the colour of a tropical blue sky with not a cloud in sight.
ISBN: 978-1-474-00378-0
THE AUSTRALIAN’S DESIRE
Their Lost-and-Found Family © 2007 Marion Lennox
Long-Lost Son: Brand-New Family © 2007 Lilian Darcy
A Proposal Worth Waiting For © 2008 Lilian Darcy
Published in Great Britain 2015
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited
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