Love Hard

by Nalini Singh

  She laughed. “They had five children, three dogs, four cats, one other houseguest, and an honest-to-goodness goat in the backyard. I’m not sure they even noticed an extra person in the mix—they fed everyone who came to their table.”

  “You still see them?” Jake asked, thankful for that unknown family that had opened its arms to her when she’d needed a friend.

  A nod. “I drop money in the donation box at the church too. Can’t make myself go to church after how my grandparents used religion to put me down, but I know they use that money to help out others—maybe even another lost girl like I was.”

  Soft, soft Juliet.

  Esme was definitely going to make a meal of her if Jake didn’t step in.

  The idea of it made him want to cuddle them both close.

  “I ended up only staying with them for four days,” Juliet said. “Got myself into a flat with three other girls, then started applying for jobs. It took five months, and my money was just draining away, and I’d begun to panic when I applied at E. E. Designs.

  “Iris, that’s my immediate boss, took me on even though I had no experience. She said she liked my drive, but—and I’m definitely not complaining about this—I was on three months’ probation. She couldn’t risk offering me full-time work before I proved I could do it.

  “Then our landlord told us we had to move out in two weeks because he was moving relatives into the rental, and all four of us had to scramble for new housing. We were all young, didn’t know he was meant to give us a much longer period of notice.”

  Jake saw the answer to the question that had begun this entire conversation. “You met Reid when you were vulnerable.”

  Screwing up her nose, Juliet said, “I hate putting it that way, but yes. I met him one month into my probationary period and two days after the notice from the landlord. The thing with Reid is, he can be charming—in a way that I can see is superficial now, but I had no real experience with guys back then—”

  “Why not?” Jake couldn’t help but interrupt. “I have a ton of cousins in Samoa and the guys aren’t monks, and the girls haven’t taken the veil either.”

  Her shoulders shook. “Say that in front of your pastor. I dare you.”

  “My mother would clip me upside the head even if she does have to stand on a stepladder to reach.”

  Juliet’s laughter wrapped around him, and he sat there and took the delicious punishment.

  “My grandparents were elderly,” she said when she’d caught her breath. “I used to come home right after school and from the office management course—I was terrified they’d fall or something.”

  No wonder they’d left her all they had; if he had to guess, she’d have cooked for them too, done the housework, pretty much been their lifeline. He still couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive them for how they’d hurt her.

  “So I was virgin territory for Reid.” Juliet made gagging sounds. “I think it was how green I was that hooked him. He was a big man in sports at the time, but we met in an open-late supermarket of all places. He’d come hunting ice cream and I was doing my grocery shopping and he made a cheeky comment about all the vegetables in my cart, and…”

  A shrug. “He’s really good at paying attention to a person when he wants to; no one had ever before paid that much attention to me. And he was a big star. I mean, that day his face was actually on a woman’s magazine at checkout. He picked it up and made a crack about how he’d cut his face shaving when the picture was taken and could I see where they’d covered it with makeup?”

  Jake told himself to keep his lips zipped.

  “Yeah, I know, Jacob,” Juliet said pointedly. “You don’t have to give yourself a hernia holding in the commentary.”

  “Okay, Juliet. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Her laugh was utterly impenitent. But then she leaned forward and kissed him, and the taste of her went to his head. “It’s weird,” she whispered against his lips, “but I’m starting to find your grump-face kinda cute.”

  No one in his life had called Jake cute. He sat there and took it from Jules.

  “So yeah,” she said, ending the kiss even as his heart kicked, “it was all probably a line, and he picked up that magazine to make sure I knew who he was, but it worked. I was awed and flattered to have his attention—I was probably like a puppy dog to him. I came when called, was always happy to see him, was delighted when he called me his girlfriend. I showered him with adoration, and Reid is all about adoration.”

  “Seems like a perfect match.”

  “Sarcasm much?”

  Placing his empty coffee mug to the side, he held up his hands. “No, seriously. I know more than one guy married to his most devoted groupie. It works for them—she worships him and he basks in it.” Jake found the lack of give and take weird, but he’d grown up with parents who were partners.

  “Well, this groupie grew up,” Juliet said. “Iris and Everett began to give me more and more responsibility, and I began to understand that I was being treated with respect, my opinions valued—and I saw that Reid didn’t respect me. He put me down a lot, and at first, I let it get to me. But after a while, I began to question what he said, question him, and it was never going to work after that.”

  “Because he’s a limp-dicked washout who needs his ego massaged on a regular basis.”

  “Yep and yep.” She put her coffee down on a side table. “There you have it—the short and sordid history of Juliet Nelisi.”

  “I see tough and inspiring.”

  “Sure.” Despite the casual agreement, shutters were falling over her eyes in front of him, the moment of intimate connection drifting out of reach.

  No fucking way was he going to let that happen. He jumped into deep water to recapture it… and invited her into a place no one else had ever seen. “Sometimes I can’t remember what Calypso looked like when she laughed.”

  The words fell between them, raw and rough. Words he’d never spoken aloud to anyone, not even his brothers.

  Juliet had been about to open her laptop. Taking her hand off it, she shifted her gaze to him. “Jake.”

  Suddenly his eyes were hot, as hot as the day when the small beating sound had stopped in Calypso’s hospital room. Her parents had never liked him, but while conscious, Calypso had made them promise they wouldn’t kick him out—then or ever, and so he’d been there when she went silent.

  That promise was also why they’d allowed him to be a pallbearer.

  Swallowing hard, he looked down. His hair fell across his forehead. “I keep wondering if she’d have survived if she hadn’t given birth not that long before. Would she have been stronger? Could she have fought longer?”

  “Jake, no.” A rustle of movement, then Juliet was kneeling in front of him, her hand stroking over his hair. “Meningitis is a pitiless disease. And the strain that took Calypso was a vicious one—you know that. It was all over the papers, how the authorities were afraid it was turning into an epidemic.”

  It felt like he was turning himself inside out, and he never did that. Never. But Juliet had known Calypso, the only other person who’d really known her. She’d loved her too.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he admitted, the words stones grinding in his throat. “I know the logic of it, but Jules, if you’d seen her in that hospital bed…” It was too hard to speak now, his eyes so hot it hurt. He squeezed them shut, his hands fists.

  Juliet continued to stroke his hair, continued to murmur comforting things that he didn’t hear, but that mattered. She mattered. This strong woman who’d survived so much and yet who’d found the capacity in her to forgive, to grow.

  Raising his head, he opened his eyes, saw that hers were wet. “Jules.” A shaky word.

  Cupping the back of her head, he pressed his forehead to hers and stopped fighting the wet heat in his eyes. Her own tears fell silent and hot down her cheeks. “I missed her every single day,” she whispered. “Then I couldn’t even come to her funeral.”

 
“I read out your message,” he told her through the agony wrenching them both. “I knew she’d want that.”

  No more words, both of them too torn. They cried, and then they just sat there in that awkward position that neither of them made any move to alter. When she shifted her head slightly, he moved with her, and suddenly their lips were touching and he was tasting the salt and wet of her, and her hands were on his thighs as she arched up to taste him back.

  Wet and hot and full of need.

  It was a distant siren that brought him back to his senses. Breaking the kiss, he looked over toward the room where his daughter slept. He could just see the edge of her body; she hadn’t moved from when he’d last looked over.

  Breath harsh, he pressed his forehead to Juliet’s again. When she went to pull away, he held her to him with the hand cupping the back of her head. “This isn’t anything shallow, Jules, and we are friends.” He’d fucking cried in front of her.

  Jacob Esera never cried.

  Not even in Calypso’s room.

  Not even at her funeral.

  All those tears knotted up inside him, and it was only Juliet who’d broken the dam.

  Her eyes were wide, wet, and yes, scared. “Jake.” It was a plea. “I have the tabloids following me—your family is so private. They’ll drive you insane. And… I’m messed up inside.”

  “So am I.”

  “I know.” A hand cupping his cheek. “You know how to let loose, play, I’ve seen it, but most of the time… Jake, you like things a certain way, don’t enjoy change. The steadiness in you, it draws me so much”—huge, dark eyes unshielded and open to him—“but that’s not who I am.”

  She pressed her fingers to his lips when he would’ve spoken. “I change hair colors as often as I change my nails. I’m the air and the wind to your earth and rock. I don’t know who I’ll become as the years pass, but I know I’m never going to be static. And I know I can’t and won’t live according to someone else’s rules. Not ever again.”

  Things hurt inside him as they shifted and repositioned. “But you don’t change people, Jules,” he said in a rough whisper. “You stick by your people even when they kick that soft heart of yours. I can’t think of anything better than being your number one person.”

  Her lower lip quivered.

  Jake wasn’t done fighting for her. “What if you take my hand and lead me into a life less rigid and defined by rules?” The idea of returning to the gray calm of a life without Juliet wasn’t one he was willing to contemplate. “What if I can be the steady heart of your life and you be my wings, teach me to fly past the walls I like to build? What if, Jules?”

  “Don’t call me Jules.” It was a shaky rebuff with no strength behind it. “What if we screw up?”

  “Then we live with it.” He brushed back her hair. “This is the biggest leap I’ve ever taken. Leap with me. Be my wings.”

  Scared eyes, her pupils dilated. But then she kissed him and his heart beat again. Tugging her into his lap, he held her close as he kissed her with every ounce of skill he had. He’d fight with every tool at his disposal—including the combustible chemistry between them.

  But she was the one who slayed him when she began to gently, tenderly kiss the fading remnants of tears off his cheeks. Arms locking tight around her, he sat there and took that too. Because this was Jules.

  26

  Juliet Nelisi: Explorer of an Alien World

  Juliet stared at herself in the bathroom mirror in her hotel room. She’d returned there to put herself to rights while Jake did the same in his room. He’d be waking Esme soon, and they still needed to finish their work.

  “I must’ve lost my mind,” she said, and her voice was rough from the tears she’d shed for her lost friend—and for Jake, who carried so much guilt for something he could’ve never stopped.

  Sometimes I can’t remember what Calypso looked like when she laughed.

  Her heart broke all over again. To see big, tough Jacob Esera cry… Her own eyes burned once more. Not only had he cried, he’d done so for a girl he’d loved as a boy. The man could feel and feel deep. What would it be like to have his loyalty?

  I can’t think of anything better than being your number one person.

  Things tore open inside her. She wanted what he was offering so much. Which was also why it was so terrifying. If they tried and it all crashed and burned, she’d have to give up Jake. At least now they could be friends—because he was right. They were already friends. She trusted him to keep her secrets and not use them against her. He trusted her to do the same.

  With Jake, she never had to tiptoe around anything. Their every interaction was based on honesty.

  But if she thought she could have him, only to have to give him up again…

  It was lead in her veins, scalding ice in her gut.

  Because the truth was, she was half in love with him already.

  Legs shaky, she sat down on the wide tiled ledge that surrounded the bath. “Oh, Juliet.” Talk about self-destructive. To fall for Jacob Esera? A man so far out of her reach that she might as well be clawing for the moon?

  It wasn’t only his fame or his wealth. It was his family. The Bishop-Esera name was respected in every corner of the country. Among the Samoan community, they were all but revered. While she was a screwed-up girl from the wrong side of the tracks. One who’d made good but who’d never shake her history.

  Juliet hated the idea of her notoriety dragging Jake’s family into the tabloids. The thought that Esme might have to go from a little girl who had a fairly normal life to a child who had to be wary of a camera flash, it made her want to throw up.

  It won’t be the same when you’re part of Jake’s family.

  The words came from the few neurons that hadn’t drowned in the emotional storm inside her. She remembered the call from Thea Arsana. A call that had come because Jake had contacted Molly with a request for help for Juliet. Suddenly, instead of being caught in a nightmare, she’d taken control of the entire situation.

  The media against the entire Bishop-Esera clan?

  No fucking contest.

  Rolling her lips inward, she smiled and it was shaky. But it was there. Because in the memory of how they’d dealt with the scandal was hope. Having Jake at her back massively changed the equation.

  And… he’d said he needed her. To be his wings. To drag him outside the safe gray walls of his life. He’d cried in her arms. Told her things she was sure he’d told no one else. Jake, so contained and reserved that the public called him the Saint, had opened himself up and invited her in.

  Her. Bad-girl Jules. He knew her, had seen the good and the bad… and the soft. Her vulnerability hadn’t turned him off—the way he’d said it, it was as if he’d always seen past her prickly outer shell. He wasn’t inviting in a fantasy idea of her or the person he wanted her to be. No, Jake was inviting her.

  Juliet just had to be brave enough to accept the invitation.

  * * *

  Jake wasn’t sure Juliet would come back, but about fifteen minutes after she’d left, she used the keycard he’d given her to reenter his suite. He’d woken his sleepy baby girl in the interim and he currently held her very grumpy form in his lap while she rubbed her eyes and scowled. Without her glasses, her eyes were huge—she looked like a bad-tempered owl.

  “I was sleeping,” she said very precisely to him.

  “I know, Boo, but we had a deal, remember?”

  “He’s right, Esme,” Juliet said. “Also, your dad’s scared you’ll turn into a vampire if you sleep all day and are up all night, and that you’ll come attack him while he sleeps.” She made claws with her hands, bared her teeth.

  A giggle from his grumpy girl before she held out her arms toward Juliet. A minute pause… then Juliet picked her up and settled down on the other sofa. His warm, sleep-mussed daughter stayed in Juliet’s lap while Juliet opened up her laptop and began to go through their schedule for tomorrow.

  It was to be one of
the busiest days of their trip, including a couple of meet and greets with the head honchos of the new retailer, as well as shooting for both still and moving ads. Turned out he’d be strutting his stuff above Times Square, not just staring down at it.

  Juliet grinned at him when he groaned at that little bombshell.

  “The other side wanted dinner too,” she said, “but I made it clear that they were already pushing the hours they’re asking of you. Also, where you go, Esme goes.” She tugged on Esme’s messed-up ponytail.

  “Yeah,” his daughter said firmly. “Daddy go, I go!”

  “So we’re going to do the meal at lunch instead.” Juliet placed a kiss on Esme’s tousled head. “Esme can come, but sweetie, you’ll have to bring your bag with books and games so you don’t get bored. That okay with you?”

  Esme gave Juliet a solemn look, then patted her on the cheek. “I like you, Jules.” A dazzling smile. “I’m gonna put on my glasses and pack my bag now.” Tumbling off Juliet’s lap, she ran into her room to organize.

  Jake raised an eyebrow at Juliet. We still doing this? he asked silently, his entire body tense.

  “Don’t blame me when it goes down in flames.” A bad-tempered mutter.

  Good thing he knew his Jules, knew she hid fear and worry behind an armor of prickles. But even as he took his first real breath since she’d left the room, she glanced quickly over her shoulder toward Esme’s room. “Not in front of Esme though, right?”

  Jake had never introduced any of the women he’d dated to his daughter. He’d always meant to do it once the relationship got serious enough, but nothing had ever reached that point. This, with Juliet, was definitely at that point, the idea of a life without her in it no longer acceptable to Jake, but first, they had to figure this out between adults.

  “Yes,” he said. “Not in front of Esme. You understand why?” After learning how she’d been treated by her family, he never wanted Juliet to feel rejected.