by Bella Jewel
“You walk away, you lose everything.”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
He stares at me, and it seems to hit him hard because his face drops. “You’re not only taking your life, you’re taking mine.”
“No,” I say, as softly as I can over the sound of this rain. “I’m giving you a chance to have your life how you truly want to live it.”
“You walk, I’ll fight you. I’ll take your apartment; I’ll take . . .”
“Take it then,” I cry, throwing my hands up. “Take it all.”
He stiffens and straightens. “You’re making a mistake.”
I turn and walk away, not answering him further. I don’t need to; my choice is made.
~*~*~*~
“You’re not taking any of this,” he screams as I pack my suitcase.
“You can’t stop me from taking what’s mine,” I yell, throwing as much as I can in before he decides it’s all his.
“I can and I will,” he barks, lunging forward as I take my laptop off the desk.
He snatches it from my hand and I notice then that his are shaking. I got back to the apartment with a heart full of determination only to have that ripped from me when he came in after me. He’s angry. He’s desperate not to lose the company and he’ll do anything he can to make me stay.
Caffy comes trotting in and I lean down, lifting her into my arms as I glare at Jacob. “Fine, I won’t take anything. I don’t need any of this anyway.”
I close my suitcase and I walk to the front door, staring around the vast space one last time. Tears prick my eyes as the reality of the situation sinks in. I’m truly leaving, truly throwing myself out into the world with no way back. I’ll have to work; I’ll have to do everything on my own. Jacob is going to make my life hell, but it can’t be any worse than the idea of spending the rest of my life as nothing more than a stepping stone to success.
I deserve this.
“Goodbye, Jacob,” I say, staring at him.
I don’t love Jacob. I don’t even really like Jacob anymore, but there was once a time when I respected him.
I care enough about his feelings to feel some remorse as I stare at his angry face. He’s furious at me, he’ll hate me and he’ll make my life a living hell, but I’ve no doubt that some day in the future he’ll thank me for this.
Some day.
CHAPTER 18
AVERY
It’s freezing and I’m soaking wet by the time I arrive at Kelly’s place. I didn’t realize until I stepped out the door that I really have nowhere to go. My father is going to take Jacob’s side, and my brother is in a bad place – he’s also going to be left with nothing because of my decision so I’ll be working extra hard to make sure he’s okay. So, until I get myself somewhere to live, then I guess I’ll have to find someone who is willing to help me.
I don’t expect to stay at Kelly’s for long, but I need somewhere to go tonight. I’ve been crying for the last hour, not because I regret my decision, but because it still hurts. My dancing, Jacob, my father, my apartment—it’s all been my comfort now for a long time and it’s never easy to step out of your comfort zone, even if it’s for the best.
I knock on Kelly’s door. It takes him about five minutes to come to it, and by the time he swings it open, I’m shivering and must look like a drowned rat. I know my eyes are puffy and my face is red. The moment Kelly looks at me, his face becomes worried. I hear music in the background and look around him to see Max, Liam, Keanu and Nate sitting on his couch drinking and watching a game on television.
God, I’ve made a mistake; a huge mistake.
I turn and rush down the front steps, tripping and falling as I do. I land on the sand at the bottom with a thump and cry out loudly.
“Shit, Avery,” Kelly yells.
He’s by my side in a second and everyone from inside is now outside. Caffy barks and hops out of her bag, running up the stairs to Liam who she absolutely adores. I burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears, unable to stop them.
“What’s goin’ on?” Kelly asks, wrapping his arms around me. “Shit, you’re soaked, Av.”
“Avery?”
That’s Nate.
Nate.
Oh god—Nate.
“I had nowhere else to go,” I croak. “I left Jacob.”
“Aw, shit,” Kelly says, lifting me to my feet and helping me up the stairs. “Let’s get you warmed up and we can talk about it.”
As we walk past Nate, I catch a glimpse of him. He’s watching me with a deep, emotional expression. He looks like something is tormenting him, as if he’s waging a massive battle in his mind that he can no longer fight. I turn my eyes away and step into the house, shivering so hard my teeth are clattering together.
“He hurt you, Avie?” Liam asks, bringing out a towel.
“No,” I whisper. “But he’s taken everything. My apartment, all my money, everything. And he can, because Dad will let him.”
Max walks over, kneeling in front of me just after I sit on Kelly’s couch. “You okay, petal?”
“I’m okay, Maxy,” I whisper. “I just . . . I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep living this life where I was nothing more than a way for him to get to the top. He doesn’t even love me. I can’t be expected to want that.”
“You never should have been there,” Liam says gruffly. “He was never good enough for you.”
“It wasn’t about being good enough,” I say softly. “It was just about being a way to get what he wanted.”
Kelly brings me a warm cup of tea and then he takes my suitcase from my hands. I didn’t realize I was clutching it so tightly.
“Let me put what’s in here out to dry. I’ll give you a shirt to wear. You can stay here as long as you need, Av.”
I smile at him, grateful. “Thank you, Kel. I won’t be here long, though. I’ve got enough savings that dad can’t touch to get myself a place and get set up, then I’ll just have to focus on getting a full-time job.”
He nods. “Well, no hurry.”
Keanu walks in and sits down on the couch beside me.
“He need to be taught a lesson?”
“No,” I squeak.
“Good.”
Then he gets up and leaves. I blink a few times, then I dare to glance at Nate again. He’s sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, staring at his clenched fists. His jaw is tight and he looks as though he’s about to explode. I want to talk to him, to know what’s going on, but I can’t. Not here, anyway.
“If you don’t mind,” I say, standing, “I might just get some sleep and leave you guys to it.”
Kelly nods and points down the hall. “Room second on your left, it’s got a shower right across from it. There are fresh sheets on the bed.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head against his chest.
“Anytime, honey, anytime.”
I give everyone else a pathetic little wave and then I disappear down the hall. I find the shower first and I duck inside, locking the door behind me. I take a long, hot shower, washing my hair and trying my best to feel fresh and clean again. When I get out, I throw on Kelly’s shirt, which sits just above my knees. Then I gather my clothes in my arms and rush across to the room he directed me to.
It’s a nice room with wooden floors and walls, just like the cabin. It’s got light-blue curtains and a double bed in the middle. There are a few paintings from Kelly Lane on the walls. I smile; I’ve always liked her work. I find it bright and beautiful. Aside from the few paintings and the bed, the room is mostly plain. It’s nice; I like simple. I throw my clothes onto a chair in the corner and then I peel back the covers, sliding into the bed.
I’m exhausted even though I’ve not done anything to warrant it.
I glance over at my phone, and I can see the screen flashing with calls. I have no doubt news has travelled to my father by now and he’s desperately trying to ring to talk some sense into me. I decide to leave i
t on silent and where it is. I don’t want to read any of it right now. I settle back into the pillows and stare at the roof, wondering where I’m going to go from here. What if I can’t find a full-time job or the library won’t give me more hours? What if I can’t pay for my dancing? There are so many what ifs, and so few answers.
“Knock, knock.”
I hear Max’s voice and look up to see him standing at my door. I didn’t even hear it open. He gives me a small smile and hesitates.
“You can come in,” I say, and I notice my voice is tired and worn.
Max walks in and sits on the bed beside me, staring down at me with a worried expression. “You okay?”
“I’m all right, Max.” I smile weakly.
He narrows his eyes as if he doesn’t believe me. “It’s never easy to do what you did, even if it’s for the best.”
“I know, but I’ll be okay. I’ve had far worse.”
He nods, his eyes softening. “How did your father take it?”
“I haven’t spoken to him,” I mumble. “I don’t need his lecture right now.”
“He won’t understand?” he asks, looking a little annoyed.
“Of course he won’t. He wants this perfect life for me. But the thing is, it’s not really for me. It looks good if the company stays in the family. It looks good if Jacob is running it and I’m his wife. It’s all been a big set-up from day one, and it’s why my father has gotten me everything I ever wanted. He’s bribing me so that I won’t pull away, so that I won’t ruin his plan. But when was I ever considered in this place? When was my happiness ever taken into account?”
Max nods, reaching out and taking my hand. “You had every right to walk away, and if he doesn’t understand that then he doesn’t deserve a daughter as amazing as you.”
I feel tears well in my eyes again.
“Don’t cry, petal. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got a two-bedroom apartment. Why don’t you come and rent off me for a while, until you get on your feet?”
“Thank you, Max,” I say. “But I think I can do this one on my own.”
“You’re always welcome, you’re like a daughter to me, Petal."
I burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears and Max pulls me into his arms, making soothing sounds.
“It’s times like these I wish she were here, Max,” I croak. “I miss her so much.”
“I know honey,” he murmurs. “I know you do. We’re not your momma, but we’ll do the best we can to get you through this.”
I don’t say anything, I just cry until I feel like I’ve got no tears left, then I pull back and swipe the damp skin under my eyes. Max takes my face in his hands, staring at me with an expression filled with hope and determination. “You’ll be just fine, I promise. Come over tomorrow with your things and if there’s anything you need to get from Jacob, just let me know and I’ll go.”
“You would?” I whisper.
“Anything for you.”
I hug him again and watch as he stands and walks over to the door. “Get some sleep, honey, you look tired. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Thank you, Max.”
He flashes me a smile and then closes the door.
And I cry myself to sleep.
CHAPTER 19
NATE
I jerk the window up as quietly as I can. I’m thankful in that moment for the crashing waves that seem to drown out most sound around us. A warm breeze rushes past me and into the open space, causing the curtains to whip furiously. I use my arms to haul my body up and I swing my legs in, smoothly slipping through. I leave the window open as I throw the curtains aside and stare at the sleeping form on the bed.
Her.
Avery.
She’s curled onto her side, her eyes clenched tightly shut. She doesn’t look peaceful; she looks hurt. Her blond hair is lying over her shoulder, and her arms are tucked up under her face. I walk over and stare down at her, knowing I shouldn’t be here, knowing I should turn around and leave, but I can’t. She’s consuming me, changing everything I am.
It’s wrong.
I know exactly how wrong it is. I should go home and just leave Lena; I should move on and then maybe I’ll have a chance with Avery, but it’s never that easy. If I leave Lena, I’m losing Macy. Not to mention that there’s so much we’d have to go through, the legal battle would be huge. I can’t just walk away. I can’t do this. I can’t accept that this is where I’ve truly ended up but here I am, unable to walk away.
And not wanting to.
I reach down and I stroke my fingers over Avery’s cheek and she groans, rolling to her back. I keep my fingers on her soft skin, just taking a moment to stare at her and paint a picture in my memory that no one can ever take away from me. No matter what happens, I’ll always have it; it’ll always be a piece of myself that can remain unscathed.
“Wake up, sweetheart,” I murmur, running my finger over her full, sweet lips.
She turns into my touch, parting her lips just slightly. I tip her bottom lip down, feeling the warmth of her mouth on my thumb. Her eyes flutter open, and I see the moment she becomes alarmed, because her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to scream.
“Avery,” I say quickly. “It’s just me, it’s Nate.”
“Nate?” she squeaks, visibly relaxing.
I sit on the bed beside her and watch as she blinks until her vision is cleared. Then she stares up at me with that sweet, warm expression she gives me, even when she doesn’t know she’s doing it. I cup her cheek and meet her gaze, wanting her to know, wanting her to feel. I close my eyes and fight back any guilt filling my body, slowly eating away at me. I’m not doing anything wrong.
“I wanted to see if you were okay,” I say, my voice low and quiet.
Her eyes soften even more and she reaches up, wrapping her tiny fingers around my wrist. She closes her eyes and turns her cheek into my hand. God dammit. God fucking dammit.
“I’m okay,” she whispers.
“You looked like hell when you came in. I was worried about you.”
She looks away sadly. “It’s not easy, even though I don’t regret it. He meant something to me—maybe not a lot, but still something. This is going to change my whole life, and to be honest,” she swallows, “I’m scared, Nate.”
My protective instincts set in and I lean down, getting so close I can smell her. Honey and vanilla, the sweetest scent.
“I won’t let anything happen to you, Dancer. I’ll make sure you’re okay. If you are having any problems, you come to me.”
“I can’t do that, Nate,” she breathes, her lips parted, her eyes on my mouth.
“You can do that.”
She shakes her head, clenching her eyes shut, as if she’s fighting the same battle I am.
“You’re married. What are we doing here? Because this is no longer innocent. You’re asking me to go against everything I am—and the sad thing is I want to. I can’t get you out of my head, Nate. You’re in it and you’re consuming me. I don’t know how much longer I can say no, but I have to say no. Don’t you understand?” she croaks, staring into my eyes. “I have to say no, Nate. I don’t want to be that woman. I don’t want to hurt your wife. She’s a person, with feelings. I can’t be that cold.”
I stare at her and there’s so much I want to say, but I can’t get it out because she’s right. Lena, aside from all her problems, is a person, and she does have feelings. She won’t understand, and she shouldn’t have to. I close my eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath.
“I’m sorry, Dancer,” I manage to get out through gritted teeth. “I don’t know what’s happened. I don’t know when I became . . . this.”
“Oh Nate,” she says, reaching up to cup my cheek. “We all fall occasionally.”
“I’ve fallen and I’ve chained myself to the ground. I don’t want to get back up, Dancer. I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want it to fucking go away.”
She makes a soft, calming sound as she si
ts up and wraps her arms around me. I can’t help but put my arms around her too. I drop my head into her shoulder, taking a deep, trembling breath. I don’t want to walk away from her. These feelings, they’re not lust, or just a way of trying to fix a gaping hole. No, they’re real and they’re true, and that scares the absolute shit out of me.
“You’re a good man, a good dad, and you’re going to be okay.”
“You can’t know that,” I say, turning my head and inhaling her scent again. “You can’t know that I’m going to get out of this without breaking so many peoples’ hearts. You can’t tell me that if I walk now, that I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I can live with hurt, Nate,” she whispers.
I pull back, cupping her cheeks in my hands. “But you shouldn’t have to.”
“Neither should you.”
We stare at each other, powerful emotion crackling between us. God, I want to kiss her. I want to lay her down and claim her, and then I want to hold her in my arms and wrap my body around hers. I don’t want another man to have that—I don’t want to let her go. I can’t let her go. I’ve gotten in too deep. I’ve allowed myself to feel possessive over something that is not mine.
“Nate,” she says, her voice weary. “Please.”
Please what? Please don’t? Please do?
“Dancer,” I rasp, my voice ragged and thick. “You’re making this so fuckin’ hard.”
“Make your choice now, Nate,” she whimpers, her voice low and soft. “Because if you kiss me, I’m going to crumble, and there’s a very real chance I’ll end up hurt and completely heartbroken. There’s a chance if you walk away that you’ll end up the same. I can’t . . . I can’t say no to you. I don’t want to say no to you. But I don’t want you to make me that girl, so please, make a choice.”
I lean in, my lips so close to hers I can feel little puffs of air tickling my face. “Do you know what I would give to wake up beside you every morning? To feel you in my arms each night? Do you know, Dancer, what I would give?”
“Probably the same I’d give,” she says, her voice wobbling.
I swipe a tear from her cheek that slides down.
