by Adele Huxley
Kayla nodded in sympathy. “You know that whatever he says is just going to be a way to get into your pants. Men dig virgins, especially assholes like him.”
I winced. Bryan wasn’t really like that. He might’ve been a liar and had a past, but I couldn’t believe he was like that...could I? I squeezed the water from my hair and chucked the clothes on the bed beside her. Grabbing a bottle of lotion, I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed it into my skin.
“Maybe. I was just thinking that I should at least let him talk and then maybe he’d leave me alone,” I said, finally meeting her eye.
She grew concerned. “This isn’t the first time he’s come near you?”
I shrugged. “He hasn’t come as close as today. Mostly it’s just been on the mountain or from a distance in the lodge or something.” I rubbed the lotion into my elbows, unable to put words to the tumult of emotions.
Kayla reached out and touched my knee. “Let me talk to him, okay? I really don’t think you should go near him. He’s not good news, hon.”
I couldn’t contain a scoff. “And Rick is? Seriously, just answer me straight for once. Why is Bryan such a threat and Rick isn’t?”
“I thought you two were alright now?” I still had no idea what ‘alright’ meant between the two of us.
“Yeah, we’re fine now but that doesn’t mean he’s good for me.” As I finished protecting myself from cracked skin, it occurred to me she hadn’t explained why she was playing hooky. “So, what’s going on then, Kay? You done for the day completely?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” she said bouncing to the end of the bed. “My boss is off for the day so no one is there checking up on me. I thought I’d take some time to do a little pampering before the party.”
“Ugh, another one?” I groaned. I pulled my panties on under the towel, turning my back to clip my bra. Even my best friend never saw my scars...as Bryan had.
“It’s Friday!” She said it as if I’d forgotten her birthday or something. “Come on, let’s do facials and nails and stuff. Since I can’t wear anything sexy tonight, I wanna look good.”
“Why can’t you wear anything sexy?” I padded over to my clothes and pulled on an over-sized sweatshirt and yoga pants.
“It’s a marker party.” My unimpressed face showed I had no idea what a marker party was, so she continued with a roll of her eyes. “Everyone wears a plain white shirt. There are markers everywhere and people can just write or draw on you all night.”
“Wow, sounds amazing,” I said with dripping sarcasm. I pulled my wet hair into a bun on the top of my head, straightening out my bangs with my fingers.
“Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone nice,” she said with a wink.
I paused and crossed my arms as I looked at her. “Do you promise you’ll be nice if you talk to Bryan? I don’t want him beat up or something. I just want to make sure he stops coming around. It’s hard to get over someone when they’re constantly in your face.”
She held her fingers up in a Girl Scout salute. “I swear it. Claws will be fully retracted.”
____________
I was so exhausted of the near-constant parties our cabin hosted. It’d quickly become the place in Tellure Hollow where people came to get crazy. The crowd was typically a mix of locals we saw every weekend and some of the cool tourists Kayla and Noah had grabbed from the lodge. You know the sort. Kids on vacation using mommy and daddy’s credit card, probably had a blossoming substance abuse problem, and followed directions like sheep. Lots of those around.
It wasn’t like I had anywhere to escape to, either. While my room was right on the end, it was still surrounded by the porch. Inevitably, the party would spill onto the deck and right outside my door. I’d tried to hide out as long as I could but Kayla had just pounded on my door like the freakin’ Gestapo.
“Get your ass out here!” She’d shouted as she knocked and tested the latch. “It’s no fun without you.” Apparently four hours of girlie time hadn’t satisfied her.
I glanced at my laptop longingly, wanting nothing more than the actual quiet mountain retreat I’d been promised. I had a ton of photos I wanted to edit, a series on Netflix I could binge on. Put a mini-fridge in my room and I’d never leave. But deep down I knew she wouldn’t leave me alone, so I opted to stage a peaceful protest of my own.
“Alright, I’ll be out in a minute,” I’d called.
Smoothing the wispy hairs back against my head, I checked myself out in the mirror: tight jeans and a jet black shirt. “Perfect,” I said to myself.
I locked the door behind me as I always did and went to find Kayla. There weren’t nearly as many people as it sounded which was both a blessing and curse. On one hand, I had room to move around, but the people I was surrounded by were going bonkers. Who knew magic markers were such an aphrodisiac?
Loud music thumped through the built-in speaker system. I wanted a bottle of water, so I pushed my way through the crowd to the kitchen. A tight group was standing around the island. As I tried to peek through the gaps and over shoulders, a hand found the small of my back. I turned, half expecting and half wanting to see Bryan’s face.
“Heya shorty,” Rick said in his deep voice. There was no open animosity between us and as far as I could tell, he considered the hatchet buried. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous around him.
I forced myself to smile. “Hey, didn’t know you were back in town.”
He nodded, taking a sip from the bottle of beer. He held it between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it to his lips rather than moving his head. “Brought some good shit in from Cali if you’re up for it. Apparently came up from Mexico, so it’s pretty damn strong.”
“No, I don’t do that shit anymore, you know that,” I said, looking away.
“Maybe you should broaden your horizons?” He playfully nudged my shoulder with his. Always with the innuendo and subtext, I thought.
I chuckled. “My horizons are plenty broad. I need to figure out a way to narrow them again.”
“You mean until the thirteenth, right?” His dark eyes twinkled. It wasn’t the promise of sex that turned him on. It was the promise of control, of my final submission. That really got him going. My stomach rolled, churned, and squeezed sickeningly. Our agreement was never far from my mind, but to have him bring it up so blatantly...I couldn’t change the subject quick enough.
“I see you had the same idea I did,” I said, nodding at his black shirt.
He smirked as he looked me up and down. “I guess we’re just a couple of black sheep, aren’t we, Beth?”
Before I had a chance to say anything, the crowd around the kitchen island cheered loudly, drowning our conversation.
“What are they doing?” I yelled to him.
He pulled me closer, his hand circling around to my side, fingers splayed across my hip. “It’s a shot ski. Do you want to try it?”
I resisted his touch and his offer. “No, I’m not really in the mood to drink. I wanted to find Kayla, show my face, and then try to get some sleep.”
“Aw, come on,” he pleaded. Not for the first time, I looked into his eyes and wondered if we might actually be suited for each other. Maybe I wasn’t as good a person as I thought I was. I mean hell, I was a drug dealer. I did sell my body for money. Just because Bryan hadn’t cringed away in horror when I told him, didn’t absolve me from what the rest of society would say. Maybe I belonged with a guy like Rick.
This is your life now, Liz...at least for now, I thought bitterly. “Yeah, alright. One shot,” I nodded.
Rick guided me to the island where they were already setting up for another round. There was a long wooden cross-country ski on the counter with five, evenly-spaced shot glasses attached on the top. Rick placed me right in the middle and stood next to me while other people elbowed their way to the front. A girl with short hair tipped a shot of vodka into each glass and gestured for us all to pick up the ski. I held it with both hands on the bottom, still unsure of w
hat we were supposed to do, and feeling all eyes on me.
Rick grinned at me as he had to squat down. “All you fucking short-asses around here,” he laughed.
“Woohoo! Go Lizzie,” Kayla whooped as she pushed her way to the front on the opposite side.
“Ready?” The girl with the short hair asked. “Three, two, one!”
Like a well-oiled machine, we tilted the ski to our mouths, simultaneously taking the shots. Well, that’s what’s supposed to happen, in theory. In practice, not so much. The girl on the end of the ski to the left was so drunk that as we lifted the drinks, she lost balance and tipped over, pulling the ski with her. I narrowly avoided getting clocked in the face with the blade but ended up with at least two shots worth of vodka down the front of my shirt.
“Booo,” Kayla yelled pointing at the girl on the floor. “Major party foul. Get this loser out of here. Again! Re-rack it.”
I pulled the wet shirt from my skin and said a little thanks that I’d decided to not wear white. “What a waste of good booze.”
“Why don’t we go get you changed?” Rick asked with a little hint of something more.
“No, I’m fine. It’ll help me blend in with all these sorority bitches. Come on, let’s do this again.”
The second time around went a lot smoother. The cold vodka slid down my throat, sparking a thirst for more. We gave up our spots at the shot ski, letting Kayla pull both of us over to the other side of the kitchen. Not only were two full kegs tapped, there was a full bar lined up on the counter.
“One more for good luck?” she said, setting up three shot glasses.
If I’m really honest with myself, there were alarm bells going off like a nuclear meltdown was happening in my head. Only a few weeks prior, Rick had come after me with some pretty malicious intent and here I was getting drunk with him. Despite the alarm, a much louder voice wanted me to shut up, to stop worrying about life and cut loose for once. Ever since my mother had died, I’d taken on so much responsibility, responsibility that my dad had never asked me to take on. No one had ever told me to save up that much money, to take on the huge task of paying off my medical bills, to buy my parents’ house back. For one night, I wanted to be a twenty-something again and lose my mind for a little while. I was weary of the worry.
“Make it two,” I said with a sly smile.
____________
A couple hours later, I found myself drunk and chatting with Rick in the living room. We’d settled on a sofa, my legs casually draped over his. If someone had told me two months before this would be happening, I wouldn’t have believed it. But he was being really nice, edging on the border of charming. We were sharing happy stories, reminiscing about funny things, and it felt...comfortable, somehow. I had known him for a couple years now. While exceptionally flirty, he was even remaining respectful, almost like we were on a date. Between his good behavior, the alcohol, and my sudden fuck-it attitude, I was shocked to realize I was having a pretty damn good time with him.
“So, is there anything you want for your birthday?” he asked playfully. I tried to focus on his face to see if he were implying anything untoward but he seemed genuine. He patted my leg. “No, seriously. I wanted to get you something. I’m going back out to Cali next week and thought I saw something in a store you might like.”
“Oh yeah? What is it?” I said with a breathy voice. “You can tell me.”
He leaned forward, his lips grazing the edge of my ear. Shivers rippled across my skin and I had to close my eyes to keep from shuddering. “It’s a pretty little necklace. Silver, thin. It’d look gorgeous around your neck,” he said tracing a line from my ear to my collarbone with a finger.
“Sounds pretty,” I whispered. What was the point in fighting it anymore? We both knew what was going to happen. We both knew in a matter of days I was going to finally sleep with him. That night he’d come home drunk with Noah, I’d managed to talk him down, convince him I was only scared. Rick’s protective streak was easily manipulated. Even he’d admitted he might’ve come on a little too strong.
Maybe I should just do it now and get it over with? I thought, turning to face him. My eyes fell on his lips, thin and parted in anticipation. I’m already here. It’s going to happen...why not tonight? He’s been so nice all night, at least he’ll probably be gentle.
“Beth,” he whispered, slipping his hand under my jaw and tilting my lips to his. I met his dark eyes for a brief moment before squeezing my own shut. I waited to see how I felt. If the kiss was revolting then I knew I’d at least have to drink more before giving myself over.
As our lips touched, I was surprised to feel nothing. The alcohol dulled my senses enough that I didn’t care we were kissing. On the other hand, there wasn’t any passion there, either. I’d shared such powerful kisses with Bryan, I’d come to expect the fireworks, the zinging sensation coursing through my body as our tongues met. But there was nothing...at least, on my end. When we pulled apart, Rick looked at me with a dangerous hunger and I felt ensnared. He obviously didn’t want to wait until my birthday, either.
“Rick, I’m not sure—” was all I managed to get out before his mouth once again found mine. He sucked my bottom lip, nibbling on the skin gently as his hands pawed under my vodka-soaked shirt. I pushed against them, giggling to show that the resistance was out of bashfulness, not flat-out rejection. Rick smiled at me, almost a half-snarl, and pulled me on top of his lap with one strong movement. I yelped in surprise and braced myself on his shoulders.
I was completely trapped in this position. His arms locked around my waist, pinning me against his hard body. “Jesus, I’ve wanted to feel you wrapped around my cock forever, Beth,” he growled against my neck. I closed my eyes and immediately thought of Bryan between my legs, the way the firelight had danced across his body that night in the cabin.
My body responded almost involuntarily, which sent Rick some dangerous mixed signals. Pressing against the growing bulge in his pants, I tried to imagine Bryan beneath me. Maybe I could get through this by pretending he was someone else? Rick sucked painfully on my neck, hard enough to leave a mark, before scooping me up in his arms and throwing me on my back. My eyes shot open and the illusion disappeared.
The party raged around us but he didn’t seem to care. For a moment, I thought he was actually going to rip my pants off right then and there, taking my virginity in front of dozens of strangers. Wouldn’t be the first time a few people had gotten carried away in the middle of one our parties. Whether or not I was getting paid for the moment, it wasn’t the way I’d ever want my first time to happen.
I pushed my hands against his firm chest as he lowered his full weight on top of me. He kicked my knees to either side and pressed his cock against my pelvis with authority. I was about to protest when a voice spoke just above our heads.
“Mind if I watch, you two?”
I looked up and behind my head to see Noah grinning down, a lecherous look on his face and a bulge in his pants. The comment actually seemed to take some of the wind from Rick’s sails. For the first time in my life, I was almost happy to see Noah.
“Maybe next time,” Rick said with a laugh. He looked back down at me and ran a finger along my cheek, almost lovingly. “This first time has to be special.”
As he leaned back and allowed me space to scoot back to a seated position, a commotion broke out beyond the kitchen. Again, a pretty common occurrence during parties like these. Even in my drunken haze, I felt like it sounded different, more frantic. There was a tangible panic in the voices.
“She’s not breathing!” someone yelled. I perked up and tried to look through the growing crowd. I was too far away.
“Get help! Someone call 911!” That sounded like Spencer, I thought. Both Rick and Noah were now looking towards the noise. I scrambled to my feet, standing on the sofa to gain a better vantage over the crowd. I couldn’t see any details, but there was a cluster of people all gathered around in the kitchen. I’m not sure how, with how
short she is, but I spotted Kayla looking around completely panicked, pushing people away from the center.
I jumped off the sofa with a wobble and rushed for her, shoving my way through the crowd. When I reached her, I saw her face was streaked with tears. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me through the throng.
“She’s not breathing,” she whispered to me harshly. Her eyes were wide as saucers as she pointed to the floor. Morgan was laying on her back, her skin already tinted blue. I looked around the circle to see scared faces, eyes all locked on the dying body of one of the nicest girls I’d ever known.
Spencer was at her side, holding her hand tightly. “Wake up, wake up,” he repeated quietly.
“Jesus, don’t just watch! Do something!” I screamed as I fell to my knees. Problem was, I didn’t even know what I was doing. I’d taken CPR when I was a little kid in Girl Scouts but couldn’t remember a thing. I mostly mimicked what I’d seen in movies and TV.
Tilting her chin up, I made sure she hadn’t thrown up or anything. I put my hand under her nose and felt no breath coming out. Shit, please don’t die. Please, I thought as I pinched her nose. The sensation of blowing air into her lungs was bizarre and largely futile. Air hissed through her lips as her lungs expelled it, no hint of life in her body.
“Do her heart,” Kayla said behind me. “The heart thing.”
“I don’t know how,” I replied as I interlaced my fingers and placed them on her chest. “Is this where I put them?”
“How am I supposed to know?” she yelled back.
“Morgan, please,” Spencer sobbed. He looked at me for a moment, his eyes pleading for me to at least do something. With stiff arms, I pressed a few times on her chest, feeling like I was probably doing more harm than good. After a few compressions, I returned to breathing.
It seemed like I was going at it forever, but I was unwilling to give up. The spectators had gone mostly silent, a few sobs and cries breaking through my awareness. Someone had turned off the music, making my panting even louder. Morgan’s skin had turned very blue but I pushed on, unwilling to be the one who gave up on her. As I cycled through yet another round of breaths and chest compressions, I heard the loud, authoritative voices yelling for the crowd to move. Two EMTs pushed through carrying large bags and a stretcher.
