by Adele Huxley
“You don’t know half of what you think you know,” she said in a low voice.
I groaned when I saw Noah emerge from the lodge. “Do I have a fucking asshole magnet stuck to me somewhere?” I said patting my jacket. “Did you plan this?”
He looked so out of place in his wingtip shoes and pressed shirt. Striding forward with purpose, he smirked and called out, “Thought you should know, I’m pressing charges for that little stunt you pulled last night.”
I was completely taken aback. “Charges? What, trespassing? I’m sure with your impending murder trial, it’ll be your top priority,” I answered at top volume. A few spectators turned to look.
“You trying to add slander and defamation of character, too?” Kayla laughed.
I planted my poles in the snow and leaned forward, looking at one face and then the other. With how self-involved they were, I shouldn’t have been surprised. “You don’t actually know, do you?” Their blank expressions said it all. “She died last night...your roommate? Morgan was her name, in case you didn’t know.” Finally, it sunk in. They shared a worried glance but swiftly recovered.
“Someone would’ve notified us,” Noah said confidently.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from the police soon enough,” I replied bitterly. “I can’t believe someone dies at your house, because of the drugs you probably gave her,” I said in a low whisper, “and you have the balls to talk to me about trespassing? How fucking deluded are you?”
Noah’s face contorted with childish rage. “You have no right—”
“You know what?” I held my hands up, poles dangling from my wrists. “I don’t care anymore. You all deserve each other. I told you. I’m done.” I reached up and pulled my goggles down, defiantly gliding away without another word.
“Love those skis,” she called out. I glanced back to see her fake smile and mock wave.
It’s funny, isn’t it, the things that grab our attention when we least suspect? As I climbed onto the chair lift, that last phrase looped through my mind. You all deserve each other. The thing was, I didn’t really believe it. The things that made Rick, Noah, and Kayla such horrible people, Liz simply didn’t have. I saw nothing but selfishness from the others but she had a genuine heart. Unfortunately, she was guilty by association. There was a good person in there, I knew it.
Despite my declaration, I decided I was going to give it one more go. I had to find a way to corner her, alone, and in a place she had to listen. If she still didn’t care after that, I’d walk away with my conscience clear.
____________
Later that afternoon as I was throwing my bag into the cab of my truck, I got a call from Walt.
“I’m coming, I’m coming. I’m not even late, old man,” I said with a laugh.
He grunted. “Don’t bother. Giving you the day off and you’ll have plenty more, I reckon, so get used to it. Store’s shut. Had a break-in last night. Didn’t even hear it and I live upstairs.”
“Wait, seriously?”
“As a heart attack.” The resignation in his voice was so unfamiliar. “Even if the place weren’t trashed, they took so much stock, I wouldn’t see the point in opening.”
“Jesus man, I’m sorry. I can come and help clean up.”
“Naw, don’t worry about it. Police still have to go in and do their thing.” He released a long sigh. “I haven’t allowed myself to think this yet, but talking with you...”
I climbed inside and shut the door, sitting in the cold seat. “What is it?”
“This was retribution, for what we did with you. Don’t ask me why, but I know deep in my bones this was Richards. That petty bastard just tried to cut off my balls.”
“I don’t understand why anyone has to move in at all,” Kayla pouted. “It’s not like Noah needs the money or something. Steve could just move in.”
I nearly choked on my wine. “Um, no, Steve can’t move in.” I watched the busty blonde carry her bags in through the front door. She glanced up at us and smiled nervously. I realized how aggressive we must’ve looked, perched in the kitchen watching her lug stuff in. Offering to help with her bags probably would’ve triggered the third world war. I felt guilty, but since Morgan’s death, I wasn’t really feeling much of anything. After my tears had run dry, a quiet numbness settled into my soul. I think a part of me died with her that night...I shook the thought from my mind. “Besides, the house has been really quiet this past week. Might be nice to have people around again.” I gave the girl a little wave before she disappeared down the hall.
“Shouldn’t we have at least had a say in it?”
“It’s his house,” I reminded her as Noah entered the front door. He was carrying the tiniest bag, but it qualified as the most manual labor I’d ever seen him perform. He’d insisted on being here to welcome the new roommate, a gesture that hadn’t been offered to anyone but Busty McGee back there. Kayla’s face scrunched as he looked right past us, practically skipping down the hallway after the new girl. Rick walked in behind and spotted us immediately.
“Ladies,” he said with a smile. “Whoa there, Sin. You’re shootin’ freakin’ lasers from your eyes. What did I do?”
Kayla huffed and crossed her arms, looking away. “Nothing.”
Rick winked at me as he came closer, like a parent trying to coax a child from a bad mood. I didn’t want to conspire anything with him but to keep the peace, I smiled in return. “She’s a little put out by our new roommate.”
“That walking pile of silicon?” he laughed. I didn’t react at all but he looked up and gave a very insincere, “No offense.” He rubbed Kayla’s shoulder with one hand, stooping down to get closer. “She’s got nothing on you, sweetheart. You have more sex appeal in your pinkie toe than she could ever dream of.”
Kayla laughed a little and pushed his hand away. I hated how his compliments actually sparked a twinge of jealousy in me. I’m not sure where it came from, but the two of us had always competed for his attention and approval. Probably something he orchestrated himself, but it was there nevertheless. “Shut the hell up. She’s a walking wet dream and I know it.” She continued to pout while taking a sip of wine. “He shouldn’t flaunt it in front of me like that. Not very respectful.”
“Don’t worry about it.” The way he spoke it made it sound less like advice and more of a command.
I squinted at Rick. “Should you even be here? Isn’t it a little dangerous?”
He scoffed and shook his head. “What? ‘Cause of those redneck cops? They don’t have anything on us.”
“They took you down to the station for a couple hours though, so they at least have suspicions,” I reminded him. You aren’t as impervious as you think you are.
“Whatever,” he said with a flourish of his hand. “It’s Noah’s house and my party, would’ve questioned anyone else the same way.”
“And it’s a good thing I called Mr. Richards,” Kayla added smugly.
“I’m still not so sure about that.” He looked past her to me, sitting on the island with a chilled glass of Riesling. “You girls gonna get ready for tonight?”
“Yeah, in a few minutes.” I bit my lip in thought, wondering if should voice my concerns yet again. They weren’t going to listen the fifth time any more than the first, but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try. “Do you really think it’s a good idea? Isn’t it like we’re...profiting from her death?”
Kayla groaned as if I were saying the most ridiculous thing in the world. “It’s what she would’ve wanted, Lizzie.”
“I’m sure what she would’ve wanted was to not die,” I snapped. I looked to Rick, pleading for a shred of humanity to break through. “It just feels so morbid. It’s not too late to cancel.”
He shrugged. “People cope with death in different ways. You knew her better than I did. Do you really think she would’ve rather us sit around and cry?”
I rolled my eyes, knowing from the very start this was an argument I could never
win. Better to keep the peace and go along with it. As my father always said, “Is this the hill you want to die climbing?”
____________
If I kept my head down and didn’t stir up any trouble, I might be able to regain a little control over my life. With all the distractions, death, police, upheaval, I had a good shot at floating under the radar. For instance, Kayla was so upset about our new roommate Stella, she didn’t even comment on my lack of makeup. She’d complained the entire time she’d gotten ready, using a different tack to try and get me on her side.
“It’s just too soon, you know?” she’d said as she put her hair into an intricate braid. “It’s verging on disrespectful, and you know how I feel about being disrespected.”
“Uh huh.” I’d been sitting on my bed watching her get ready. It was like an out-of-body experience, our conversation. I looked at her and wondered, Has she always been this transparent? I know what she’s trying to do, it’s obvious. Have I just always been so easily swayed? She pushed the agenda, testing entry points to see if I’d suddenly agree with her, until we heard a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I yelled, thankful for the break.
The door tentatively opened and Stella poked her head in, looking at us like she’d stumbled into the wrong bar in the bad part of town. “Hi, I’m so sorry to bug you, but I think I forgot to pack my straightener. Do you think I could borrow yours?”
Kayla practically hissed at her but I spoke up before she could respond. “Absolutely,” I smiled. I bounced off the bed and grabbed the pink straightener from the bathroom, handing it to her with a grin. “It runs a little hot, so be careful you don’t burn your hair. Do you need heat protection spray?”
“No, thanks. I’m such a blonde. I packed that and not the straightener!” The relief on her face was obvious. Her eyes darted to Kayla who made no move to hide her dislike. “Thank you,” she replied and ducked back out of the room.
“You don’t have to be such a bitch,” I said shaking my head.
Kayla huffed and returned to the mirror. “Disrespectful.”
____________
A couple hours later, the cabin heaved with people. The mood was bizarre, such a contrast to the hedonistic party the week before. Instead of white, everyone was dressed in black. Aside from the tourists who’d just arrived in town, most of the people had been at the party when Morgan had overdosed. They were drinking and chatting, the atmosphere somewhere between a funeral and a keger. I scanned their faces, feeling a deep bitterness. They didn’t give a shit about Morgan. They were here out of morbid curiosity, the freak show, to reaffirm they lived when she died. I’d briefly considered wearing all white in protest but again, chose not to rock the boat.
We stood around the kitchen island, not far from the spot where Morgan had stopped breathing. I couldn’t get that night out of my head, about how I seemed to be the only person left who felt the slightest bit guilty and responsible. Rick, Kayla, and Noah acted as if it were almost an everyday occurrence, someone dying in front of you, overdosing on the drugs you sold them.
“Someone’s gotta do something,” Kayla grumbled as she looked around. “It’s like a cemetery in here.”
“Seriously, Kay?” I scoffed. “You want to think about rephrasing that?”
“If people aren’t having fun, they won’t want to do drugs. If they don’t take anything now, they won’t want to buy anything later and having this party will be a complete waste of time. The season is half over and we’ll be sitting on a pretty big stock pile after this whole overdose bullshit.” Noah nodded in agreement, seeming to puff up her confidence. I bit my tongue to keep from screaming.
“She’s right,” Rick said to Noah. “Get up and say something. It’s your house, get this party going.”
Noah looked like he wanted to resist. He wasn’t used to taking directions from anyone, but when it came to their relationship, Rick definitely called the shots. He ran his fingers through his thin hair, drawing up the courage to speak. With a quick boost up, he stood on top of the island, demanding attention from the tentative crowd.
“Alright, everyone. It’s with heavy hearts we come together tonight. A week ago a very dear and wonderful friend, Megan, left us for the great party in the sky. You might not have known her, but trust me, she was a really great girl.” I tried to catch Kayla’s eye, to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind, but she willfully ignored me. Did he seriously use the wrong name?
“There’s no point being sad, though, ‘cause we all gotta go at some point. At least she went on a high, not stuck in some nursing home in her own filth.” I can’t possibly be hearing this. Is no one going to stop him? Rick? Kayla? God?
“She wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad. If there was anything Megan loved, it was a good time. So with that,” he said, stooping to gather up a big bowl at his feet, “first one’s on the house.”
Noah reached his fist into the bowl and tossed a handful of plastic baggies into the crowd, scattering the samples like seeds in a garden. I think he expected an overwhelming response, cheers, people chanting his name. I can’t speak for everyone else in the crowd, but I was too stunned by his speech to react. Instead, there was a deafening silence and the sound of the baggies hitting the floor. He looked around, confused, red spots of anger blooming on his pale cheeks.
“What?” he said turning to address everyone. “What the fuck?”
The house was deadly quiet. “Is it safe?” a faceless voice finally called out.
Noah’s eyes hardened, searching the dozens peering up at him. “Are you kidding me? Is it—you sacks of ungrateful shit—”
Rick held his hand up, stopping whatever tirade Noah was brewing. “I think what my friend here was trying to say,” he said, gesturing for Noah to get off the counter, “was we understand your concerns. We’ve even gone so far as to purchase several testing kits so you can be sure you’re safe.” A small murmur rippled through the room but I remained shocked by their brazenness. They had no idea who was standing in the crowd yet were so confident in their safety, they just tossed illicit substances around like candy at Halloween.
Noah scowled at him, showing his true bratty colors. “Remember, tonight is a celebration of life,” Rick continued. “What happened to Morgan was a tragic accident that will haunt me for as long as I live. But, what’s the point of living if you never actually live? We are so lucky to be here, right now, in this moment. Pop your pills, drink your beer, and celebrate that you’re one of the elite. You’re young, free, healthy, and sexy as hell. Let’s share a little life together, yeah?”
There was a slight pause after Rick’s monologue and a loud cheer erupted from the crowd. Like they’d been given permission to enjoy themselves again, people all around picked up the Snowballs, diving in without testing. I couldn’t take it. The mindless sheep mentality was too much. I looked to the spot where Morgan had been sprawled blue and motionless, feeling like I was going to be sick. I didn’t know who these people were any more...who I was...what had happened to humanity?
Pushing through the crowd, I fought my way to the front door. I needed to feel the cold air in my lungs, against my skin. I pulled my black sweatshirt tight against my body as I burst through. Closing my eyes, the light snow melting on my face, I took a deep breath. I took stock. Alive, healthy, young...but not free.
I shook my head in anger. If I still had tears left in my body, I’m sure they would’ve been streaming down my face. Any sadness I’d felt at Morgan’s death, at my situation, had been cried away. All that was left was a white-hot anger. I gripped the railing, my fingernails digging into the soft, wet wood, I cursed myself. I was so consumed with my self-loathing, I didn’t hear the crunch of snow.
“You okay there, doll?” Rick asked. He rested his hands on my shoulders gently and I willed myself to not tense.
“I’m alright. It just got a little...warm in there,” I lied.
“I know this has been tough on you,” he said pressing against me. He
brushed the hair from my neck and softly kissed it. I shivered at his touch. “I don’t tell you enough how incredible you are.” His breath was hot against my skin.
Oh God, maybe I should just do it, I thought. If I just get it over with, I could finally find my freedom.
I leaned back against him, just a fraction, but it was enough encouragement for him to whip me around. His fingers dove into my hair, yanking my head back. He stared into my eyes for a moment, searching them, before his mouth pressed against mine with such urgency our teeth clanked together. My cry of surprise was muffled by his lips. His cock stirred against my thigh as the wet snow melted against my back. I still gripped the railing with my hands, bracing myself against his crazy onslaught. He’s going to be too rough...
And like some wretched guardian angel, Noah saved me yet again. “What the hell was that?” he yelled, voice cracking at the end. “You made a complete ass out of me in there.”
I watched as the lust on his face morphed into another emotion, something akin but far more deadly. The corner of his mouth twitched subconsciously as he released my shoulders, turning to face Noah. “I made an ass out of you,” he said quietly.
“You’re in my house and you have the balls to dismiss me like...like...fuck! You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me.” Noah’s pale skin had turned a lovely shade of pink, his anger less threatening and more absurd. Kayla hung back by the front door, obviously unsure where her alliance lay.
Rick slowly walked towards him, his hands outstretched in a friendly gesture. “Are you looking for gratitude, is that it? Not feeling like the man of the house? Want me to drop to my knees like every other bitch in your life?” He laughed heartily, the humor apparently lost on Noah.
“We’re partners in this,” he defended. “You can’t just throw me under the bus and expect to—” he said pointing to Rick’s chest. He stepped into Noah’s finger. Step, step, quietly forcing Noah back.
