by Mia Taylor
Liona thought for a moment about Ashley, at home in her Brooklyn apartment with her mom. She thought about waking up every few hours to breastfeed. She thought about the agony of the last few months of her pregnancy, when she had to drag herself around, always tired, always feeling brain-dead, sleepy and forgetful, and the pain of childbirth, the hospital, the delivery, and the exhaustion afterwards, alone, with no partner except her mom, brother and sister-in-law, all of whom supported her choice to be a single mom.
She thought about her decision not to tell Carlson about her pregnancy. At first there was the embarrassment, since she swore to him that night that she was using birth control, that they had nothing to worry about, then there was the embarrassment that her birth control had failed (97 percent is good, but not infallible). She thought about the career difficulties that would have faced if everyone found out that she had an affair with someone she was investigating. She thought of the press digging into everything about her when it was discovered that she was carrying the child of this famous playboy, who was on the verge of becoming a franchise owner in the League. Everything would be a nightmare. It was better to go through it alone, she had decided. It was better to go ahead without him.
"No," she said at last. "I'm not seeing anyone." And then, with a trace of irony, she asked him the same question. "And you? Are you seeing anyone?"
Carlson smiled. "You don't read the gossip columns? Ha. Okay, well, I had been seeing Elizabeth Lear, although I regret to say that did not end well. It turned out that she had an affair with the director of her last film, and although I'm not the first person to lose a girlfriend in that particular fashion, I have to say my feeling were considerably hurt. I briefly took some solace with the author Mary Jo Walsh, but it turned out she was just using me for sex. So as of this moment, yes, I am not seeing anyone."
"You poor thing," she said in a very dry tone.
He laughed and finished his drink, raising his finger to the passing server for a refill. "Yes. Truth be told, my schedule makes it very hard for me to enjoy long-lasting relationships. I've been with some really, really spectacular women, present company included, but the relationships were never really allowed to blossom, because I'm always wrapped up with work. I don't expect that to get any easier while trying to reboot a franchise like the Corsairs."
"Well," she said, stirring the ice in her drink, "wouldn't it be convenient if you had a girlfriend right in the office so you wouldn't have to worry about not having time for one another?"
"You're teasing me," he said. "That's all right. I'm fair game. I know I've got a reputation. And as wonderful as it would be to have a relationship with a really, really gorgeous woman in the office, I would never ever hire someone simply because I was attracted to them."
"That's a relief," she said, a teasing smile lingering on her lips. "Tell me though, what if you were to hire a qualified applicant that was really, really gorgeous, and you were very attracted to them, but they weren't interested in a relationship?"
"No problem," he said. "I have no time to waste pursuing someone that's not interested in me. I would just be happy that I hired the right person so we could achieve our goals together. I'm very goal oriented."
Liona took a sip of her drink. She liked the tartness of the cranberry juice, how it accentuated the strong taste of the vodka. She felt that the conversation was slipping further into a grey area of flirtation. That wasn't necessarily what she wanted, but she was enjoying it nevertheless.
The server arrived to take their lunch order, and they both picked up their menus for the first time. He asked if they needed more time, but Carlson asked about the specials. Liona quickly scanned the menu for a salad with grilled chicken and vinaigrette, as well as another drink.
For the second time, Liona thought about Ashley, at home with her mom. What was Ashley doing now? Was she sleeping or rolling around in her playpen? Did her mom bring Ashley out for a walk in her pram, strolling around the neighborhood? Maybe stopping by the park to watch the older kids play, and maybe spending a few minutes sitting up in the grass? What would it mean to bring Ashley here, into her unknown father's sphere? What would it mean for Carlson, when he eventually learned the truth about Ashley? What would be his reaction, if he finds out that he has a daughter?
The new drink arrived. Liona took a sip and looked out of the window. This was a beautiful city. And it was a wonderful opportunity. If the same job with the same terms had been offered by any other team in the League, there would be no hesitation on her part. But this was with Carlson, the womanizing playboy whom she secretly had a baby with.
If she took this job, it would be inevitable that he would find out about Ashley. It would be inevitable that the voracious sports press would find out, and then she would be thrown into the grinding wheels of the 24 hour news cycle. Her career would suffer irreparable damage. She would have to deal with the slut-shaming and misogyny that accompanies such news in the sports world, or the business world, or anywhere for that matter. She would likely not be able to find work with any other team, or with the League office, if she had to leave the Corsairs.
The job offer was very attractive. It was also very high risk.
She took a sip and looked at Carlson. He was so damn handsome. And he was so charming. And he was trouble. Pure trouble. What would happen if she tried to have a relationship with him? A real, serious, grounded relationship? Maybe they would be together for six months, or maybe a year, and then he would dance away, and appear on the gossip websites a few weeks later with yet another supermodel. There would be the workplace awkwardness. There would be bitterness and pain, and the difficulties of explaining all of this mess to Ashley as she grew up in the toxic atmosphere of their fractured relationship…
"You look like you're very deep in thought," Carlson said with a small smile. "Are you making hard decisions? I am. The dessert menu here looks fantastic."
"You're a lot of fun to be around," she said.
"Thank you," he said. "And I am a really great boss. I empower people. Think how great it would be if you helped me fill my team with really awesome people, and then I empower them to be as awesome as they can be? We would win the championship every single year and make infinite money. That's the power of empowering people. Did I just say power too many times?"
She laughed. "Definitely."
He leaned forward on his elbows. "Seriously though. What are you thinking about right now?"
She shrugged. "I thinking that I'd like to work for you. Or date you. One or the other, but not both. But…"
"But?"
Liona stirred her drink. "I have a feeling that either one of them wouldn't last as long as I would like. And there would be fallout. You have to understand that I'm a successful woman in a very male-driven industry. And sometimes I have to make sacrifices because of that. There are a lot of people who immediately assume that I'm unqualified for any position in the League, simply because I don't have a penis. People wait for a woman in men's sports to fail so that they can play the I-told-you-so card. And I think taking a job with you would be very high-risk for my career."
Carlson sat back in his chair, considering her words. "If you come to work for me it will be because you're the most qualified person in the business to do the job. I'm not aware of another forensic accountant with your investigation skills in the sports world. If you don't want to be involve at a personal level, I am entirely fine with that. I brought you out here to interview for a job in my head office, not to try out as a potential girlfriend."
She nodded. "I know. But like I said, there are a lot of moving parts to this."
"I feel like there are factors which you're not disclosing."
Liona smiled and nodded. "There are."
The server arrived with their meals. Liona began to eat, but Carlson remained fixated, watching her and considering the issue. "What can I do to make this work for you?"
"Just enjoy your lunch," she said.
He picked up hi
s fork. "Well, if it will help…"
They ate in silence, except for slightly forced comments about how tasty the food was. When they were both finished, Liona sat back in her chair and regarded him carefully. "What would you say," she began, "if I told you there was no way I could accept a position with your organization?"
"Hmm. Well, I would first express my disappointment that I couldn't make things work to bring you on board."
"And then?"
He scratched his head and then laughed. "I suppose I would probably ask you if you had plans for dinner."
Liona smiled. "And what would your motivation be to do that?"
He lifted his glass. "Purely selfish. I just really enjoy watching you eat."
"You're so silly." She sighed. "All right. Take me to dinner."
"Does that mean you won't come work for the Corsairs?"
She shook her head. "I’m sorry but I think that it's not the right time for me."
“Alright, I can’t say that I am not disappointed but I trust that you have given this a lot of thought and I respect your decision.”
They spent the entire afternoon walking through the city's historic downtown area, browsing in shops and eating ice cream from a gourmet stand. Talk turned away from the team, and Liona managed to weave the conversation in such a way that she never mentioned how she had been spending the last year. She managed to say nothing about her pregnancy or how she spent the last several months with Ashley attached to her breasts around the clock, constantly feeding, day and night. Ashley was her whole life these days, and it was difficult not to talk about her, but it was also refreshing to talk about something besides being a new mommy. She felt like she was her old self again, out on a date. Out on a date with a very, very handsome man who made her feel good, who made her laugh, and who made her feel beautiful and special.
Too bad he made so many other women feel that way too. It would be fantastic if there was a way for him to settle down.
She made up her mind; she would spend this day with him, and that would be that. Tomorrow morning she would go back to New York and focus on her career with the League, focus on being a mom for Ashley.
They went back to Liona's hotel so that she could get ready for dinner. Carlson had reservations at one of the city's best restaurants. "I made the reservations ahead of time," he said. "I honestly thought that we would be celebrating you joining the team. But I guess I miscalculated, huh?"
"Well, we shouldn’t let the reservations go to waste," she said.
They entered the lobby of the hotel. "Should I wait for you down here?" he asked. "I mean, you probably don't want me right there while you're getting ready."
A tingle went through her as an impetuous thought crossed her mind. "Actually," she said. "Come on up."
They got into the elevator alone. Liona turned to him, stepped closer, and pressed her lips to his. He closed his eyes and kissed her. Carlson put his hand on her waist and held her, and they kissed all the way up to the ninth floor.
The elevator doors opened, and Liona stepped back then led him down the hallway to her room. "Okay," she said, as she swiped the security card and let him into the room. "I'll make this really clear and simple. I'm not staying here. I'm not going to work for you. I'm not going to date you after dinner tonight. This is just something I want to do."
He stepped into the room and let the door close behind him. "And what is it that you want to do?"
Liona pulled off the jacket of her suit and tossed it on the dresser. "This," she said, and she kissed him again, placing her hands on his shoulders. "I just really want to kiss you."
Carlson held her by the waist and pressed his lips to hers. "You're so beautiful," he said softly. "I didn't want to say anything, but if you're not taking the job anyway, I guess I can tell you: I missed you so much. I'm so, so glad you came out here, even if it's just for today."
"Me too."
He held her and placed kisses along the side of her neck, and she found her hands straying all over him. Tugging his suit jacket open and yanking it off his shoulders, she dropped them on the floor. She fumbled with his tie, yanking it down and pulling it off, and then began searching for the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one.
"Wow," he said. "You're in a rush, aren't you?"
"I'm not sure what you mean," Liona said with a smile, releasing him so that she could pull the curtains closed. She pulled the pins out of the tightly wound bun on the back of her head, letting her waves of black hair spill down over her shoulders. She kneeled down and undid the clasps on her shoes and kicked them off. "Oh, man, that's better."
He grinned. "They look good, but…"
"Yeah, but they hurt like hell after a few hours. Oh look, a bed," she said, and she crawled up onto the big queen-size and rolled over into the middle.
"Is it soft?" Carlson asked, strolling very casually over to the bed.
"So soft." She stretched her arms over her head and arched her back, giving her whole body a long stretch.
"Mmm, that does look comfortable," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He leaned over and kissed Liona on the mouth. She raised her hand and put it on his cheek, holding him in place while her lips worked with his, her tongue touching his lip.
"Lie down with me," she said, patting the bed next to her. Carlson slipped off his shoes and climbed onto the bed, snuggling tightly against her and pressing his lips to hers. She wanted him so badly. She'd thought of him so much during the last year, wondering what it would be like if he was at her side every step of the way, and sighing as she watched in the gossip media as he went from one temporary girlfriend to another. Their one night together had been magical, and she had fantasized about a return engagement, and now here he was, his lips on hers, his hands on her waist.
Liona slid her hand inside his half-unbuttoned shirt and rubbing her hands over his chest, feeling his pectoral muscle. He amazed her in many ways, and one of which was his ability to keep his schedule jam-packed with business meetings, dates with super-models, while still managing to work out in the gym every day. He was in terrific shape, and she enjoyed the feel of his body under her hand. She trailed her fingers across his skin to find his nipple, which she caressed with her finger tips, teasing it until they stood proud and tall. His tongue was sliding against hers, and his hand was wrapped tightly around her waist. She wanted him.
They spent a long time kissing, and slowly feeling their way around over the top of their clothes. Liona remembered this about Carlson from last time: as much as he had a reputation as a fast mover, and as a bold, aggressive businessman, he was a very patient lover, taking endless pleasure in each step, and never trying to rush ahead. When he eventually moved his hand near her breast, he looked her in the eye and to make sure that she was okay with it; her smile was enough to tell him it was.
They were tangled together when she rolled him onto his back and straddled his hips. He smiled up at her as she unbuttoned her white blouse and pulled it off, tossing it aside. Her breasts, which were still swollen with breastmilk, strained against her bra.
"You look so amazingly beautiful," he said. She smiled and reached behind her back, unhooking the bra and freeing her constrained breasts.
"I bet you say that to all the forensic accountants," she said, leaning down to kiss him, her firm breasts pressing against his chest.
"Sure I do," he laughed, rolling her over so that he was on top. He kissed down the side of her neck, pausing at her collarbone, running his lips back and forth across the smooth, sensitive skin. "So beautiful," he said in a voice barely loud enough to hear. He kissed the top of her breast and put his hands on her, stroking her skin with his smooth hands and feeling her.
"Your breasts are different," he said, kissing around the areola of her right breast. "Did you…do something?"
Of course they're different, she thought to herself. I've spent the last six months breast-feeding your child with them. They're still full of milk, even though I'm trying to
ween a baby. But you don't know that because after having sex with me, you never once followed up to see how I was doing.
"Silly man," she said. "A gentleman never asks a question like that."
He gave her nipple a succulent kiss. "I beg your forgiveness, my lady."
She worried for a moment that if he sucked her nipples too much she would begin lactating, but he quickly moved on, kissing his way back up to her neck, and then kissing her again on the lips.
"Take your shirt off," she told him, and while he finished unbuttoning his shirt, she unclasped her skirt and wriggled it down off her hips. He looked over her body, at the pair of black satin panties that covered her bottom, down to the sheer black stay-up stockings on her legs. She had always been a fit person, and proud of her body. Her post-pregnancy figure was something she struggled with, and she had been conscientious about exercising and eating well, despite her need to consume a lot of calories and fat to pass on to Ashley through her milk. She was happy with how she looked again, and the look of desire on Carlson's face told her that he approved as well.
He placed his hand on her hip and kissed her, then slowly began stroking her up and down her side, from her waist down to her thighs and back up. Liona eased herself down onto her back, pulling him down as well. He climbed on top of her and she wrapped her thighs around him, clutching his body to hers. She needed him now. She needed him so much.
Carlson kissed his way down her body, not stopping at her breasts this time, but caressing and kissing until he reached the waistband of her black panties. "May I?" he asked, hooking his thumbs under the elastic.
"Please do."
He pulled them down, exposing her body. He kissed the smooth skin of her lower belly, and she eased her legs apart. He pressed his cheek against the warm skin of her inner thigh, reveling in the softness as he moved towards her pubic area. Liona bit her lip to keep from giggling at the ticklish sensation of the five o'clock shadow on his cheek as it moved on her skin, but she sighed as he reached her vagina, where he delicately began kissing the sensitive skin of her groin and nibbling at her outer lips.
