“Hurry, Drake! I’m going to come!” This is it; that moment where I feel like bowing down at her feet and offering her the world. It’s the only time she’s ever completely open with me, and it fucking wrecks me. Every time.
I move inside her as fast, and as hard, and as deep as I possibly can for several thrusts before I feel her begin to shake. I wait for the sound; that small scream that forms my name before letting myself go completely. I don’t have to wait long, and the first syllable of my name in that sexy as hell voice, drives me completely over the edge.
It starts in the back of neck and rolls down my spine before exploding out of me. I lean against her and brace one hand on the wall to keep upright, as I shake from the most intense climax of my life. Lola coos sweetly into my neck, helping me come back down to earth and regain my equilibrium. I don’t even think she knows she’s doing it most of the time, but she always gets like this after we fuck.
I spin around and carry her to the bed with her arms still around my neck and her lips trailing along my jaw. I lower us both, and she doesn’t wait one second before pulling my lip between her teeth and cradling my hips with her own. “That was amazing,” she says, nibbling on my ear lobe.
“It was. Do you want to do it again?”
She pulls away from me and her sudden silence makes me wonder if she’s having another break down. I look down at her face, and to my surprise, there’s no tears, but some kind of intense look, as she meets my stare straight on.
“Drake, do you…” she trails off and bites her lip like she’s nervous about whatever she has to say, and I’ll be damned if that doesn’t make me nervous as hell too. That’s one emotion I’ve never seen in this particular woman.
“Tell me,” I say, because I’d rather get it over with than torture myself with the possibilities.
“Will you just make love to me?” She says, softly, and then quickly turns her head to stare at my arm. Holy shit. What the fuck do I do now?
I open my mouth to give some excuse. I have to go water the plants. My dog needs let out. I think my mother is calling me. Anything to get out of this situation, but before I can get a word out, she turns her head, locking eyes with me again, and all my bull shit goes right out the window. How the hell can I tell her no when she looks at me like that; like I’m her god damn hero?
I’ve never wanted to be anyone’s hero before, but something about this girl makes me stupid. I can’t seem to get rid of this need to deserve her. Some part of me, that was long forgotten, has been dug up. I want to be enough. I want to be right. I want to be good.
The bigger part of me that refuses to get attached to her won’t let me respond with words, but at that moment, the piece that Lola scooped out of my soul has control of my body. Silently, I lace my fingers with hers, and slide inside her slowly, reverently. She gasps and a single sparkling tear rolls down her cheek to land on our entwined hands. I follow the trail with my lips, until she captures my mouth with her own. It’s absolute perfection.
Fucking her wrecked me. Making love to her might just renew me.
I can’t sleep. I should be sleeping the sleep of a thoroughly replete and satisfied male, but I have this sinking feeling in my stomach and a weight on my chest. Lola is curled up to my side, and our fingers are still linked together. We stayed up half the night, eyes locked, having slow, simmering sex in-between bouts of talking and laughing about nothing and everything all at the same time.
It was like a fucking chick flick. The worst part is, it was the best sex I’ve ever had, and I loved every second of it. This isn’t the first time I’ve stayed with her after she fell asleep, but she doesn’t know that. Last time, I just couldn’t force myself to leave her, but this time, this time I didn’t even want to. You are in way over your head, Thomas. Yea, no shit.
“Drake.” Lola mumbles in her sleep. It seems so natural to press a kiss to the top of her hair. She hums deep in her throat and sighs, nuzzling my chest. “Love you.”
My eyes snap open, and I twist to stare down at her in utter shock. My mind tries to convince me I heard her wrong, but I can’t deny how clear it was. No fucking way. She can’t love me. She can’t love me! It’s not right! I’m not right. No matter how badly I wanted it to be a lie while I held her in my arms, it’s my reality.
I slowly untangle myself from her grasp, and dress as quietly as possible. Just walk out that door, and don’t look back. Keep going, don’t turn around. I get one hand on the door knob, and the back of my neck prickles. I look over my shoulder, and Lola’s eyes are wide open, a look of complete betrayal in her turquoise gaze. She lays there silently staring at me as I turn the knob and walk through the door, and out of her life.
CHAPTER 14
“The frankest and freest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.”
- Mark Twain
Lola,
I think it’s best if we end this. We both knew going in that it wouldn’t last, right? I’m not going to bull shit and say it’s not you. It is you. You’re going to end up with the right guy one day. He’s one lucky son of a bitch if you ask me. I wish I could be that man for you. If I could, I’d be him. I’m sorry I’m not.
Goodbye, Sunshine.
Yours,
Drake
I can’t stop thinking about that stupid note I left at Lo’s place. If she didn’t hate me before, she definitely does now. Despite my best efforts to push her away, the thought of her hating me in any capacity makes me want to hit something. Hard.
I knock on the front door, secretly wishing no one is home. My mother answers and I’m instantly engulfed in a hug and peppered with kisses. “Drasin! How are you? It’s so good to see you!”
My mother is one of only two people who have ever called me by my full name. It’s not that I don’t like it; it’s just that I’ve always been Drake to everyone else. “Hey, Mom. I’m good, how are things?”
She sighs and motions me inside. “I don’t know what to do with her. She won’t listen to anything I say.” I nod and hang up my coat and hat.
“Is Mark home?”
“No, he’s at work. He’s so upset over this whole thing. You know how he is with Lauren. She’s his baby girl.”
Yea, I know how she is. He was devastated when she was hurt, but he’s never been able to tell her no to anything. “Is she in her room?” I ask, already making my way down the hall. My mom nods and heads towards the kitchen.
“Dinner is in an hour, Son.”
I rap once on my sister’s door and then push inside without waiting for a response. I already know I won’t get one. “Hey, baby sister.” Lauren is sitting at her desk finishing up a letter. The only photograph in her room is of a brown haired man with his arms wrapped around her. It’s sitting directly in front of her as she writes her letter. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who she’s writing to.
“Hi. How long are you here for this time?” She asks, folding the letter and setting it aside.
“I’m not sure. A couple of days maybe.”
“Are you here to lecture me again?” She spins around in her chair with her arms crossed, and a defiant look on her face. I was so happy when she developed our mother’s feisty attitude. Unfortunately she also inherited her horrible taste in men.
“I’m just looking out for you, sis. We all want what’s best for you.”
“Nate is what’s best for me. He loves me.”
“Lauren, he beat you unconscious. How the hell is that love?”
“He feels really badly about that. Besides, I have to take my part of the blame. You know how I am sometimes. If I hadn’t bothered him, none of this would have happened.”
I stare at her in total disbelief. I should be used to it by now. When she woke up in the hospital and was angrier at us for having her boyfriend arrested then she was at him, I seriously considered having her committed. “Do you even hear yourself right now? You didn’t bother him, you caught him with another woman and he beat the shit out of you
.”
“You don’t know how it was! You weren’t there!”
“Yes, and I will regret that I wasn’t able to kill that mother fucker every day for the rest of my life.”
Lauren gasps and presses her hand to her chest. “How could you? I love him!”
“He hurt you! It’s that fucking simple!”
We’ve had this argument a thousand times, and I never can get through to her. “I don’t expect you to understand, Drake. You’ve never been in love in your entire life.”
I’ve heard this from her before, but for some reason today, her words cut through me like a knife. “You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. Some people don’t have that ability. If I did, I wouldn’t love someone who used and abused me. I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who didn’t cherish that love. I would love someone who truly loved me back. I don’t have that luxury. Don’t waste your love on someone who doesn’t deserve it, Lauren. It’s too precious for that.”
She closes her eyes at my words and tears run down her face. “I’m nothing without him,” she whispers softly and it breaks my fucking heart.
“That’s why he’s all wrong for you. If he loved you, he would make you feel like you were everything; with or without him.”
I leave her alone to process it, hoping it made a difference, knowing that it didn’t. I find my mother in the kitchen, silently crying into her apron. I’m positive she heard us, and it couldn’t have been easy on her. I walk over and wrap her in my arms. She sniffles lightly into my shoulder, and then leans back to look into my eyes.
“Thank you, Drasin. I still don’t know how you turned into such a wonderful man.”
“Mom…”
“No, hear me out. What you went through as a child is enough to break even the strongest person. I know you harbor some guilt for what happened with your father, but you were just protecting me. You have to know that. What happened doesn’t reflect on you as a man. Your father was responsible for what happened that night. Not you.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I never had it as bad as you.”
“I’ll never forgive myself for not being strong enough to leave. I’m so sorry, honey.” She grips my shirt and pulls me in for another hug. “You can love, Drasin. You have the strongest heart I know of.”
I say nothing, because I’m not sure how her words make me feel. They usually just slide right off. This time, they rattle something inside me. Could it be possible?
“She’s not going to change her mind, and we can’t stop her from going to him when he gets out.” I say, changing the subject.
“I know. I know. What are we going to do? What if he hurts her again?”
My answer is quick and unrelenting. “He won’t, I’ll kill him first.”
As I lay in bed later that night, contemplating my declaration, I realize several things at once. My sister will go back to him. That’s always been inevitable; just as I believe that he will hurt her again. People with that kind of aggression don’t just change. Those facts are why I know that leaving Lola was the right thing to do. If I’m capable of killing my own father without remorse, regardless of his crimes, then nothing will stop me from carrying out my promise. She deserves better than me; better than a killer.
I signal the bartender for another round as I tip back the last bit of whiskey. The familiar burn isn’t enough to take my mind off of today, but it helps dull the edge a bit. Today that prick gets out. Today, my little sister goes back to the monster that bruised her skin and spilled her blood. I wanted to go, but was forbidden. I guess she wanted him home in one piece. Pity.
I’ve never thought about it before, but I wonder where that little pricks family is in all of this. Why is my sister the one picking him up, helping him rent an apartment and getting him acclimated to the world again. What kinds of parents raise someone so evil? Was he abusive his entire life? Did he have siblings? Did he hurt them?
The only example I have is my father. My mother was who she was before she met him. He may have distorted that image for a while, but he never changed her. I was born from him. Part of me hates him for that. If he had been a better person, a better father, maybe I would’ve been different. Maybe I would’ve been better. I can’t help but think of Lola, and what if. Maybe if I was different, I could love her the way she deserves.
I down the second glass of whiskey in one large swallow, and someone steps into my peripheral. I know who it is before he speaks his first word.
“Is this seat taken?”
“You know damn well it’s not, Connor,” I say without looking at him. “So, sit down and say whatever it is you have to say.”
Connor laughs and orders a rum and coke. “How are you doing, brother? It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen you.” Two weeks and four days to be exact. Lola’s been busy planning Nina’s wedding, and I rented out a hotel room in attempt to put some space between us. I know that if she had access to me, she wouldn’t waste any time calling me out. I’ve been doing my chores at the ass crack of dawn, because I know she won’t be up that early. So far, it’s worked out just fine. Leave it to Connor to find me when I don’t want to be found.
“I’m just peachy. How’s the wedding coming?” That ridiculous look I always give him shit over immediately shows itself. Fucking love.
“It’s great. Lola has been a huge help since it’s damn near impossible to drag Nina out of bed right now. Well, even more impossible than usual anyway. Actually, that’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
Shit, here we go. “Great, let’s get this over with.”
Connor frowns and takes a swallow of his drink. “What’s your problem? You save my life and then I don’t hear jack shit from you, and now you’re acting as if you wish I would just fuck off.”
God damn it. I’m an asshole. “Sorry, man. I’m having some family drama right now. What’s up?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yea, I got it covered.”
He doesn’t look too convinced, but he doesn’t comment. “I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I think I know the kind of guy you are already, and I consider you one of my best friends.”
“Whoa, easy there fella, if you start to cry I’ll have to punch you.”
“Shut up, jackass, and hear me out.” He laughs. “Lola is obviously going to be Nina’s maid of honor, but she’s also decided she wants Toni to be a bridesmaid.”
“Ooookay, I don’t see what that has to do with me.”
“I really only have Nick. I left New York behind me, and I have no desire to reconnect with anyone else from that life. So I need one more groomsman. You’re the only other person I would even consider.”
I was totally unprepared for this. I haven’t come to terms yet with my decision to end things with Lola, and if I say yes, I know I might as well throw that right out the window. There is no way I could spend time with her every single day and not touch her. I also know that I can’t say no. There aren’t very many people in this world that I give a shit about, and I didn’t just save this one’s ass for his lady’s sake. Regardless of the circumstance, I consider him one of my best friends too.
“Do I have to wear a tux?” I ask, and Connor smiles.
“I don’t know man; do you want to be the one to tell Nina you’re wearing wranglers to her wedding?”
“Fuck. Yea… Tux it is. Just please, I’m begging you. No pink.”
Connor laughs and slaps me on the back. “The colors are sapphire and emerald, so you don’t have to worry about that.” The fuck…
“Why do women have to make shit so difficult? What the hell is wrong with plain old blue and green?”
For some reason, Connor finds this hilarious and throws his head back, roaring with laughter. He wipes a tear from his eye and slaps me on the back. “You’ll understand one day my friend.”
“I doubt it.” He looks over at me and seems to wrestle with whether or not he should speak. “Spit it out, Wright.”
> “What’s the deal with you and Lola?” He asks. I appreciate the fact that he’s waited this long to say something. I’m sure it’s not easy when he’s in love with her best friend, but he’s never pressed me for information before.”
“Do you want the honest truth?”
“Of course.”
“We were just sleeping together at first. Somewhere along the way, the lines got blurred and she started to have feelings for me. I’m not right for her, so I left.”
“So you know how she feels about you?” He asks.
I think about the night I left her, and what she said in her sleep. “Yea, I know. She doesn’t really know me though. If she did, she wouldn’t feel this way. And she sure as shit deserves better than me.”
Connor turns to face me, and leans back in his chair. “I’m not going to lecture you, you’re a grown man and you can live your own life, but I will give you something to think about. Love is never black or white. People are never wrong or right. It’s all about choices. You can choose to be with her, and be what she needs, or not. You can’t choose to love her, but you sure as hell can choose how you do it.”
His words have my mind spinning, and I don’t have the patience to think on them right now. So, I just raise my glass touch it to his and say, “To choices.”
Connor smirks and clinks his glass to mine. “To love.” That bastard.
CHAPTER 15
"...God gave me my talent and I was afraid of facing him one day if I didn't use it."
– Jack Sorenson
The bell chimes as I enter the immaculate and rose smelling boutique. A slim blonde woman plasters on a large white smile and stands as I walk past the threshold. “Welcome to Ana’s Bridal Boutique. How can I assist you?”
You can get me the fuck out of here. “I’m meeting the Wright party for a fitting.”
Her eyes widen and she looks me up and down. “Right. Of course you are. Come right this way.” She leads me to the back of the store where there is a line of dressing rooms and mirrors. “The groomsmen are in the rooms on the right and the bridesmaids are on the left.” At the sound of her voice, Nina and Connor turn around in their chairs.
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