Third Time Lucky: And Other Stories of the Most Powerful Wizard in the World

by Tanya Huff

"...are mistress here."

  Kali ignored them both and started up the stairs. After a moment, they exchanged identical expressions of confusion and, with a minimal amount of pushing and shoving, followed.

  "The mirror is not functioning properly," Two reminded the demon as she pushed past One and entered the cupola first.

  "Yes, Mistress, it is. Ask it other than who divided you from yourself."

  "Say what?" One asked, shoving Two forward out of the doorway.

  Two folded her arms. "Kali wants us to ask it something other than who divided us."

  "Yeah, got that." One kicked a cushion aside. "But why?"

  Kali sighed and rolled her eyes. "As a test."

  "But..."

  "Ask!"

  They raised their hands in identical calming gestures ,then after a quick game of rock, leaf, lizard, fire, One stepped in front of the mirror. "Where did I leave my lavender sandals?"

  The mirror showed the sandals under a bed.

  "Whose bed is that?" Two demanded.

  One shrugged. "No idea."

  "Perhaps you had best ask questions to which you know the answer," Kali growled.

  The mirror performed flawlessly.

  "Now," she prodded, "ask it who is responsible for this division."

  One shrugged, leaned past her double, and asked.

  The mirror showed only the reflection of the two Magdelenes.

  "See?" she said, turning to the demon. "Busted."

  "No." Kali shook her head. "It is not. Think, both of you, who is strong enough to do this to the most powerful wizard in the world? You did it to yourself," she confirmed as understanding began to dawn. "The mirror has been giving you the correct answer from the beginning."

  Two reached out a trembling hand and touched the reaching fingertips of her reflection. "We did this to ourselves? But how? And when?"

  "When? We are aware it happened in the night as you slept. How?" Scaled shoulders rose and fell. "I do not know. Only you know."

  "Well, I don't know." One flopped down on the cushions.

  Two shook her head. "I'm forced to admit that I have no memory of doing any such thing."

  "But clearly, it was done. And it must be undone before the world is overrun with others of my kind who are less... nice." Kali folded her arms. "For reasons only you can know, you have brought this division upon yourself. Only you are powerful enough to undo what you have done."

  "Granted." Two turned her back on the mirror. "But we don't know what we've done."

  "It is in your heads, Mistresses. It must come out."

  "Eww." One's lip curled as she wriggled into a more comfortable position. "I have an idea, let's just stay like we are."

  "I want you back as a part of me as little as you want me in you," Two snorted, "but we have a responsibility to everyone in the world. We must save them from the encroachment of the Netherhells."

  "Why? We've been saving them from that encroachment for a very long time. I say let someone else take the responsibility so I can have some fun."

  "You've been having fun!" Two reminded her sharply, hands on her hips. "In fact, you've been having everyone who's come within twenty feet of this house, and it's got to stop."

  "Bitch."

  "Tramp."

  "Mistresses, enough. You must pull yourselves together before disaster overcomes us all. There is a man," Kali continued, shooting a warning glare toward One, who closed her mouth with a petulant snap, "a Doctor Bineeni, in Harmon, a town three days' travel inland. I have heard he attends to problems of the mind."

  "Heard from who?"

  "The baker's husband has a nephew whose friend had very good things to say about the man."

  "The baker's husband's nephew's friend?" One shook her head in disbelief. "Oh, yeah, that's a valid recommendation."

  "Do you have a better idea?" Two demanded.

  "Sure. I go on a little vacation, and the demon princes do what they want to you."

  "You think I'll let you leave?"

  One snorted. "You think you can stop me?"

  "Enough." Kali's crimson eyes glittered. "If you have no consideration for the peoples of this world, then consider this: the demon princes have vowed vengeance for the death of their brother. They will not care how many pieces you are in when they begin, but I guarantee you will both be in many more pieces when they finish. You may continue arguing and die, or go to Harmon and live."

  The only sound in the tower was the soft shunk, shunk, shunk of One stroking a silk tassel.

  "Live?" she said at last, glancing up at her double.

  "Live," Two agreed.

  * * * *

  "We have to walk?"

  Kali rolled her eyes hard enough yellow showed all around the red. "You have never been to Harmon, Mistress. You cannot go by magic to a place you have never seen."

  "What about borrowing Frenin's donkey and cart?"

  "You may not be seen in the village like this. It will cause them great distress."

  Two looked pointedly at her companion, who wore wide-legged, purple trousers, an orange vest, and yellow sandals. "I can fully understand why."

  "Ice-queen."

  "Sleaze."

  * * * *

  Kali stared up at the huge wrought iron gate suddenly over-filling the break in the coral wall and sighed. Deep and weary exhalations weren't something demons indulged in as a rule, but over the last day she'd become quite accomplished. Had she ever stopped to anticipate their current situation, she might have expected two Magdelenes would be twice as much trouble as one. She would have been wrong. Twice as much trouble was a distinct underestimate.

  "What the Netherhells have you got in that thing?" One drawled, poking a finger at her companion's carpet bag.

  "Clean handkerchiefs, water purification potion, bug repellent, extra sandal straps, desiccated dragon liver, a comb, one complete change of clothes, soap, a talisman for stomach problems... What?" Two demanded, the list having raised not one but both eyebrows to the hairline of her listener.

  "You do remember you're a wizard, right?"

  "Your point?"

  Magdelene-one held up a small belt pouch. "I have everything I need in here."

  "And if we're unable to use our powers?" Two demanded.

  "I still have everything I need."

  "There's not enough room in there for a pair of clean underwear."

  Rubbing at a rivulet of sweat, One grinned. "Good thing I don't wear them then. I still don't see why we can't take the carpet," she complained to Kali before her double could respond.

  "With your powers divided, it would take both of you working in concert to keep the carpet aloft," the demon explained again. "Should your attention wander, even for a moment, it could be fatal."

  "Three days on the road with Ms. Nettles-in-her-britches here could be fatal too."

  "No one ever died of boredom, Mistress. Or embarrassment," she added as the second Magdelene caught her eye. "And the sooner you begin, the sooner we can put all this behind us. Remember what is at stake." She all but pushed the wizards through the gate and onto the path. As they rounded the first turn, already squabbling, she sighed again and closed her eyes.

  Which was how she missed the black shadows slinking around the corner behind them.

  * * * *

  soon soon

  at their weakest

  away from home

  away from help

  soon soon

  * * * *

  Harmon was a largish town, four, maybe five times the size of the fishing village nestled under Magdelene's headland. It boasted a permanent market square, three competing inns, two town wells, a large mill, four temples, a dozen shrines, and one small theatre that had just been torched by the local Duc who'd objected to having his name and likeness appear in a recent satirical production.

  In its particular corner of the world, Harmon was about as cosmopolitan as it got.

  Which could have been why no one gave the two identical wiza
rds a second glance – although, it was more likely they passed unnoticed because no one knew they were wizards and because they weren't, after three days' travel, particularly identical.

  The shifting shadows of early evening hid the bits of darkness that entered the town on their heels.

  * * * *

  soon

  * * * *

  "Excuse me, we'd like a room."

  "Two rooms," One corrected. "A dark, narrow, uncomfortable room for her." She nodded toward her companion. "And a big, bright, comfortable room for me." Smiling her best smile, she leaned toward the barman. "With a big, bright, comfortable bed."

  Totally oblivious to the beer pouring over his hand, the barman swallowed. Hard.

  Two gestured the tap closed. "One room," she repeated, her tone having much the same effect as a bucket of cold water. "The one with the two beds at the end of the second floor hall will do, and we will not..." She shot a pointed look at her sulking double. "...be sharing it with any other travellers." As four coins of varying sizes hit the counter, she swept the common room with an expression icy enough to frost mugs and drop curious eyes down to the table tops. "First night's payment plus payment for use of the bathing room. I want the water hot and clean linens – clean, mind you, not just turned clean side out. And don't bother telling me you never do that," she cautioned, spearing the barman with a disdainful snort. "I know you do."

  "You can't..."

  "I can."

  "We're the most powerful wizard in the world," One told him brightly while being dragged toward the stairs. A shower of coin hit the bar. "I'll get the first rou... OW!"

  Maintaining her grip, Two leaned in close to what should have been a familiar ear. Except that one never sees one's own ear from that angle, she reflected, momentarily nonplussed. "Don't you think we should be keeping a low profile?" she asked quietly, dropping her voice below the sudden noise of fourteen people charging toward the bar, tankards held out. "We shouldn't be letting the whole world know we're at half strength. That's just asking for trouble!"

  "You worry too much." Rolling her eyes, One pulled her arm free. "Look, you have the first bath while I hang out here. I'll be fine." She sighed at the narrowed eyes and thin lips. "What? You don't trust yourself?"

  "You are not the parts of myself that I trust!"

  * * * *

  "...so he said, Are you waiting to see the whites of his eyes? and I said, Not exactly." Magdelene's gesture made it very clear just what, exactly, she'd been waiting to see. As the crowd roared its approval of the story, she upended her tankard and finished the last three inches of beer.

  Before she could lower it, a hush fell over the room.

  By the time she set the tankard on the table, the hush had become anticipation.

  "Rumour has it, you're a wizard."

  A quick inspection proved her tankard was definitely empty. Since no one seemed inclined to fill it, she sighed and turned. There were three of them. Big guys, bare arms. Attitude. Since this particular tavern didn't cater to the "big guys with bare arms and attitude" crowd, they'd clearly dropped by to make trouble.

  "You don't look like a wizard," the leader sneered. "You don't act like a wizard." He leaned forward, nostrils flaring over the dangling ends of a moustache adorned with blue beads. "You don't smell like a wizard."

  His companions grunted agreement.

  "We wanted to see a wizard, and we get pissed right off when we don't get what we want." A booted foot kicked the end of a bench; two people toppled to the floor.

  Magdelene knew how to deal with this sort. One way or another she'd been dealing with these kinds of idiots her entire life. Unfortunately, she couldn't remember what she usually did. And the bi-coloured codpiece worn by the man on the right wasn't helping her concentration.

  * * * *

  The bath was helping. Deep, hot water to soak away the road and the indignities. How could she even consider becoming one again with that low-minded, badly dressed hussy?

  On the other hand, how could she consider allowing the Netherhells to visit death and destruction on the Midworld?

  Vigorously exfoliating an elbow, Magdelene wondered how she'd gotten herself into a situation with no viable alternatives.

  The sound of raised voices caught her attention. One of the voices sounded familiar, although the language left much to be desired and nothing at all to the imagination.

  "Oh, for the love of..." The water sluiced off skin and hair as Magdelene climbed from the tub. By the time she reached her neat pile of clean clothes, she was completely dry. Dressing quickly as the noise level from the bar rose, she opened the bathing room door, stepped out into the hall, paused, and returned to hang the mat neatly over the side of the tub. Some things a wizard had to do to retain her self-respect.

  She wasn't surprised to see herself as the centre of attention in the common room. After pushing through the crowd, she was a bit surprised to see that the man who had her double by the vest was standing on chicken legs under the multicoloured arc of a rather magnificent tail. There were two others, also half-man half-chicken, and a couple of dozen onlookers who seemed uncertain if they should be amused or appalled. Whatever her other half had done, it had only half worked.

  In the midst of being shaken, Magdelene-one caught her double's eye and croaked, "Little help here?"

  Two rolled her eyes. "Were you going up the scale or down?" she asked, pitching her voice under the roars of the chicken-man.

  "D... d... down."

  The three roosters, the largest marked with blue dots on the ends of its wattles, made a run for the door, and the wizards found themselves alone in the centre of the room. The noise rising from the surrounding crowd began to sound like an angry sea.

  In Magdelene's experience, crowds became mobs very quickly.

  Familiar fingers interlocked, left hand to right.

  One voice from two mouths murmured, "Forget."

  * * * *

  "Why roosters?" Two asked as they climbed the stairs.

  One rubbed at a beer stain on her trousers. "Well, all three were acting like pricks and pricks are another word for co..."

  "I get it. You have to be more careful. Just because it's on your body, doesn't mean I want some over-muscled idiot rearranging my face. The world can be a nasty, brutal place and you must be prepared for that at all times."

  "I don't think I want to live in your world," One snorted, pushing open the door to their room and slouching inside.

  Two glared down at the hand-print on her double's right cheek. "I know I don't want to live in yours." Closing the door with more force than was necessary, she walked over to the window, and reached out for one of the shutters. Frowning, she stared down into the inn yard. "The shadows are roiling."

  "Yeah, yeah, whatever that means."

  "They're excited about something."

  One dropped onto the nearest bed and belched. "Probably not the beer."

  * * * *

  together

  not now

  not when together

  when apart

  * * * *

  "You Doctor Bineeni?"

  The elderly man slumped over the scroll jerked erect so quickly his glasses slid down to the end of his nose. Half turning, he glared at the chestnut-haired woman standing in the door to his inner sanctum. "Here now, you can't just barge in unannounced!"

  A second woman joined the first. "That's what I said, but she never listens to me."

  One jerked a finger toward her companion. "Thinks she's my better half. What a laugh, eh?"

  Pushing his glasses back into position, Doctor Bineeni stared. "Twins? But at your age even identical twins would be less than identical. Differing experiences would write differing histories on the face."

  "At our age?" Two bristled.

  "You look..." He frowned. "But you're not young."

  One sighed. "You don't know the half of it, sweet cheeks. We're the most powerful wizard in the world."

  His
eyes widened, strengthening his resemblance to a startled lizard. "You're Magdelene?"

  Waving a bundle of dried herbs over onto the top of a wobbly pile across the room, One dropped into a chair. "He's heard of us."

  "That should make this easier," Two agreed. She ran her finger along the edge of a shelf and clucked her tongue at the accumulated dust.

  "But... you're a legend. You don't really exist."

  "Oh, I exist. You can touch me if you like. Ow!" Shooting a steaming look at Two, she muttered. "I meant he could touch my hand."

  "Sure you did."

  Wide-eyed, the doctor looked from one to the other. "You are the most powerful wizard in the world?"

  "Yes."

  "Both of you?"

  "That's correct."

  "There should only be one of you."

  "Also correct." Two dusted off her hands, tucking them into the sleeves of her robe. "It appears that in the split, we both got half the power..."

  "And she got the really shitty bits of the personality."

  "...and we need you to put us back together before the Netherhells make another try for the stairs."

  "The stairs?" Dr. Bineeni asked, looking from one to the other.

  "Yes, the flight of stairs in my house that descends into the Netherhells."

  He smiled and raised an ink-stained finger, shaking it in their general direction. "Almost you had me, ladies. I can help with your delusion, but you'll need to make an appointment."

  "Under other circumstances, I'd be more than willing to follow protocol, but we need to see you now."

  "Ladies, I'm sorry...."

  "Not as sorry as you will be if Ter'Poe gets up those stairs," One snorted. "We're not leaving until you help us."

  The smile gone, Dr. Bineeni turned toward a back door. "Evan. Petre."

  Two burly young men pushed their way into the room past the piles of books.

  "Not bad." One fluffed out her hair and undid the top fastener on her vest. "One each."

  Two stared at her in disbelief. "Is that all you ever think about?"

  "No!" One's brows dipped in. "Well..."

  "Slattern!"

  "Anal-retentive!"

  Evan, or possibly Petre, reached for Two's arm.

  "Oh, go to sleep!" she snapped.

  Both men fell to the ground.

  "Horizontal. Very nice."