by Linda Wells
He entered the room and closed the door. There on his desk in the centre of the blotter sat a stack of letters. “Go on man, get to it.” He said softly. He approached the desk and slowly lifted each letter, glancing at the direction, and set it aside. When he finally reached the bottom of the stack he found a letter covered in ink blotches, a certain giveaway that the author was Bingley, but any pleasure he may have felt at seeing a letter from his best friend was effectively eliminated by the complete absence of a letter from Elizabeth.
He rifled through the envelopes again, thinking that perhaps he had missed it. He rang for Mrs. Reynolds, demanding to know if any other post had arrived and been placed elsewhere. He paced the room, his eyes darting about, searching out corners, thinking the missing letter would magically appear, perhaps dropped on the floor or hidden behind a curtain. His pacing ended with his halt in front of the desk. He ran his hand through his hair. “Calm yourself, Darcy, it will be fine, the letter is simply delayed, is all. It will come tomorrow. It will be well.” He dropped heavily down into his chair and sat, his hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair. “What are you so upset about? Only yesterday you decided to have done with her. You decided to marry some heiress for Georgiana’s redemption.” He felt his chest tightening. “You tried to burn her gift, for God’s sake!”
His chin dropped and his hands came up to wipe the tears that pricked the corner of his eyes. “This is what you wanted, is it not?” He looked up and saw the blurred sight of his desk drawer. Reaching forward he opened it and drew out the slowly drying lavender cuttings, entwined the yellow ribbon through his fingers, and closed his eyes. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow all will be well, tomorrow it will come.”
“ELIZA!” John Lucas called to catch Elizabeth’s attention as her family approached the entrance to church. She turned along with Jane and waited for him to reach them. She smiled, but it was not the brilliant smile of the past, now it held some wariness. “Good Morning!” He smiled and bowed, then held out his arm. “You look particularly lovely this morning, Eliza, may I escort you inside and sit with you?”
Elizabeth immediately took a firm hold of Jane’s arm and smiled disarmingly. “Oh, Mr. Lucas, I am sure that your own family would miss you if you were to sit with the Bennets.”
John looked at her with disappointment, but dropped his arm to his side and covered the move by taking his walking stick in that hand. “Oh, of course. But perhaps I might join you on your return home?”
Elizabeth knew of no reasonable excuse to refuse him. “I am sure that Jane and I will welcome your escort.”
John felt even more disappointed to have Jane’s company, but smiled. “Yes, I would be honoured.” Jane squeezed her arm and they walked into the church.
Elizabeth whispered worriedly to her. “What am I to do? You do not think he is going to try to court me now, do you?”
Jane regarded her seriously. “Are you sure that you do not wish his addresses? After all, Lizzy, there is no guarantee that Mr. Darcy will court you when he comes.”
Elizabeth sent her a sharp look, but sighed. “How can I respect a man who sends his father to present his suit to Papa?”
Jane held her hand. “I would just proceed carefully, Lizzy, hear him out.”
Elizabeth said nothing. She stared forward at Reverend Mosby, but heard nothing of what he said. She thought instead of William. Had he received her letter yet? She hoped that it brought him comfort, he poured out his heart to her, telling her things that she was sure that he had kept locked away, and only the distance of a letter gave him the ability to tell her his pain. How could he think that I would reject him or his sister? She wondered, but then the answer was obvious, all of society had very soundly rejected them, it was not too much of a leap for him to expect the same from her. Oh, William. She thought of his eyes, staring at her, as if he was trying to see into her soul. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be fine, at least if he gave her a chance. Jane was correct, she did like him, in fact, and she more than liked him. She wondered what he felt for her. Well, I should hear from him in a few days, and then I will know. The sound of the benediction roused her from her musings and soon she was walking back home with Jane, following the rest of the noisy Bennets, when John caught up with them.
“Eliza?” He came up to her side. “May I have a word?” He looked pointedly at Jane.
Elizabeth looked at her sister’s raised brows and nodded. “I will just walk a bit ahead of you.”
Jane stepped up her pace and John fell into step with Elizabeth. He looked over to her. “I have been hoping to speak to you alone for some time, but there always seems to be a family member about.” He smiled at her.
Elizabeth looked over to him and clasped her hands behind her back. “What would you wish to speak to me about, Mr. Lucas?”
“Mr. Lucas? What has happened to calling me John?” He smiled again.
“I think that we are too old to call each other by such informal names, sir.” She said stiffly.
He laughed at her obstinacy. “Come now, Eliza, we have been friends since we were both babies. If that does not give us the right to address each other by our Christian names, what does?”
She shook her head. “I prefer it this way.” He smiled and leaned towards her, “And I prefer to call you Eliza.”
She unconsciously moved away from him. “What did you wish to speak to me about, Mr. Lucas? Surely it is more than how to address each other properly?”
He laughed again and drew a breath. “Indeed it was. I wish to tell you that I am taking your advice and am beginning to apply myself to learning the workings of our estate.”
“That is an admirable occupation. I am happy for you and your father.” She continued looking straight ahead.
He tilted his head, watching her face. “I was hoping that it would sufficiently impress you so that you might think me mature, and worthy.”
Her natural impertinence could not be held back. “Worthy of what, sir? Managing tenants? Paying your taxes? Planting a field? What are your goals?”
“Worthy of winning your hand.” He whispered as he leaned in close to her. Elizabeth’s head came up and she looked at him in shock. He laughed. “Surely this does not come as a surprise, does it?”
Disliking his self-assurance she snapped. “Surely it does, for it is the first I have heard of it from you!” She stopped walking. “What makes you think that I would accept the suit of a man who has not the courage to speak to my father himself? A man who sends his father to do his bidding? And why was I not consulted beforehand? No sir, this is a surprise!” She turned and began walking quickly.
John regarded her with confusion for a moment and hurried to catch up. “Eliza! Have I insulted you somehow? I am sorry if my father’s speaking to yours first was seen as a slight in some way, I only wished for him to open the negotiations.”
“Negotiations!” She turned to him. “And what, pray tell were they negotiating? The terms of my surrender?” She strode off again. “No thank you sir, I am not interested in taking part in such a scheme; that is IF I had been asked in the first place!” She stopped and turned again. “And what makes you think that I was interested?” Her face was red and she was furious. John was completely taken aback. “Do you think that I have been eagerly awaiting your addresses?”
He felt as if he had been slapped. “But Eliza, do you not think that this will be the best chance of an offer of marriage you will ever receive?”
Her eyes burned with her rage. “Who are you, John Lucas, to say such a thing? What makes you such a great catch that you would insult me in this manner? You come to me, not ever once indicating your interest in anything other than friendship, send your father to do your bidding, and simply assume that I will fall at your feet at the first mention of an attachment! I have more self-respect than that! I will not marry a man I do not love! And do not dare proclaim that you love me, if you did, you would not treat me in this cavalier manner!”
She picked up her pace again.
John’s own anger at the rejection was growing. “And what are you waiting for Eliza Bennet? Do you pin your hopes on those rich men who are coming to live at Netherfield as your mother proclaimed? Do you think that if you catch their attention they will want you for anything other than a tryst in the country? I have been to St. James’s; I have heard the tales of these men and their flirtations and mistresses. I assure you, they will not be faithful simply because they are rich. Stick with your own, Eliza. Stick with the company in which you were born. Your circle is the same as mine.”
“I may be in the same circle as you, but that does not mean I am limited to it, and furthermore, simply because my mother wishes me to marry as well as possible does not mean that I do. My marriage will be one of mutual respect and love. You have shown me today that you wish for neither from me.” She moved up to Jane and took her arm.
John caught up. “I will leave you now, Eliza. You are obviously overwrought. I will speak on this again when you are calm.” He made a brief bow to the both of them and hurried off down the path to Lucas Lodge.
Jane looked at the tears tracking down her sister’s face and offered her handkerchief. Elizabeth drew out William’s instead and dried her eyes. “What did he say Lizzy? It was clear that you were arguing, but I could not make out the words. I am grateful we are so far behind the others, nobody noticed your conversation.”
“I would not care if they did. It might have made it easier to have them hear his insult.” She drew a deep breath and clutched the cloth as if it were a lifeline. “Oh Jane, he wants a marriage of convenience. I believe that he went to London and discovered how low he was in comparison to the other men at court, his father is knighted, but the truth is his fortune is from trade, and he realized that his best chances of winning a wife was here, with me.” She wiped her angry tears away. “Is it truly too much to simply want to be loved?” Jane squeezed her arm and they continued on their way. Three days, surely in three days I should hear from William. She looked down at the sodden handkerchief and willed him to write.
EIGHT MORE DAYS passed and Darcy had sunk into a depression so deep that nothing could touch him. No letter had come from Longbourn. Georgiana sent a reply two days earlier, giving in to Darcy’s demand that she wait for Danny’s return so that he could deliver it instead of relying on the post, but he could not bring himself to write to her. Not after his last letter had been so obviously rejected.
The letter he finally opened from Bingley spoke of his excitement over moving into Netherfield soon. He wrote of his anticipation to begin the path to purchase an estate and fulfil his father’s dreams. He hoped that the time at Pemberley had been healing for both Darcy and Georgiana, and looked forward to finally hosting and welcoming them into his home. He also intimated his interest in renewing his acquaintance with a certain neighbour and was sure that Darcy shared the sentiment.
Darcy read his friend’s words and thought darkly that his appearance in Hertfordshire was not to be the joyous reunion with Elizabeth he had desired, but rather a constant reminder of how far he had fallen and what he had lost. He had no doubt that Caroline Bingley would welcome him with enthusiasm, now that the Season was over and they were far from London, but that was the expected behaviour of a conniving fortune hunter. He clearly was not worthy of a good woman such as Elizabeth Bennet anymore. If he was, she would have written to him by now.
Georgiana saw his despair and thought it was over her, so she remained afraid to speak to him of her experience. What she did not know was that her brother was torn with happiness that Elizabeth’s continued friendship with his sister had such a positive impact, while he felt increasingly jealous of that same friendship. He coveted and needed it so much, and did not understand how she could accept his sister, who was guilty of the act, and reject him, who was hurt only by association. Did she blame him for it all happening? When he gave Georgiana’s reply to Danny for delivery, the young lad paused. “What is it, Danny?” Darcy said with irritation at his hovering.
Danny was confused at his abrupt address. “Sorry sir, I was just waiting for your letter.”
“There is no other letter.” He said curtly.
“Oh, sorry sir. Is there anything … “
Darcy cut in. “You have your assignment; I suggest you be on your way.”
“Yes sir.” He turned and hurried across the room, but stopped at the door and looked back at his master. He was staring at a yellow ribbon. He watched as Darcy snatched it up and slammed it into a drawer. He looked up at Danny and could not hide the pain in his eyes. Danny turned and left immediately, leaving Darcy to his sorrow.
“CHARLOTTE!” Elizabeth called upon seeing her friend enter the garden of Longbourn. Charlotte smiled and quickly joined her.
“Good morning, Eliza!” She took her hands and gave them a squeeze. “Oh, I am so happy!”
Elizabeth saw her joy and demanded immediately the cause. “What has happened? I do not remember the last time you appeared this excited!”
“Why we are to be sisters!” Charlotte exclaimed. “I will have my best friend as my sister, oh Eliza; I am so happy that you will be Mistress of Lucas Lodge someday!”
Elizabeth’s smile left her face. “I am sorry Charlotte, but I have no idea of what you are speaking. I am not engaged to your brother.”
Charlotte frowned. “But, he said that you will be his bride, he returned from London determined to propose, and that was weeks ago, surely he has approached you by now? Papa spoke to your father, he said so.”
Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed. “Indeed, Sir William came and spoke to Papa about John’s desire to marry me, but Papa made it clear to him that who I marry is my choice, not his. He was not going to broker my marriage.” She frowned. “Has your brother actually been going about proclaiming that we are attached?”
Charlotte’s brow furrowed. “Well, not exactly, but he has declared that after seeing the ladies of London, there was no more doubt in his mind that his future lay in the company of a certain lady of Longbourn. And we all know how he has admired you for years.”
“Charlotte, if he has admired me for years, he has certainly maintained the information in a very secretive manner. I had no idea that we were more than good friends from childhood. Until recently, I do not believe that he made any special effort to speak to me.” She shook her head remembering their argument many days earlier. “Mama perhaps thought it was a possibility, and may have spoken to your mother about it, but I assure you, I am quite out of the negotiations, and I further assure you, it shall remain that way. I will not be pushed into a marriage with any man.”
Charlotte knew very well how obstinate Elizabeth could be if her ire was raised and tried to calm her. “Eliza, please, do not allow the well-wishes of your friends and family stop you from considering the great possibilities such a marriage would provide. You would have a home and would be safe when your father dies.”
“You know full well that I wish to marry for reasons other than that.”
“It is necessary to be practical. You are not getting any younger.”
“I am twenty!”
“And I am seven and twenty. I know how foolish I was to pass on a good offer of a secure home for romantic ideals. I do not wish to see you in the position I am in, dependent on my family forever. Although he is obligated to care for me and my mother and sister, it will be by my brother’s good will that I shall be allowed to remain at Lucas Lodge after Papa passes. With you there, I should be able to stay, and not have to go out and earn my way as a governess or companion. You would not send me away, would you Eliza?” She took her hands and looked at her imploringly.
Elizabeth pulled away. “Charlotte, I am not marrying your brother. Please do not make this harder. If he had put any effort into courting me, I might consider the possibility, but as yet, he has only made assumptions which I refuse to abide. I have made it clear to you and your brother that I will not marry a man I do not respect a
nd love deeply. John has earned neither of those emotions from me.”
“Do not be foolish, Eliza!” Charlotte admonished. “Think of your family, they would have a home when your father leaves you!”
“Yes, all of us, including your mother and sister all wedged into Lucas Lodge to live together. Do not try to convince me that is ideal.”
“And if your father died today, all of you would be living with your Aunt Philips or Aunt Gardiner, you have no security until you marry!” Charlotte closed her eyes. “John assured me that you would marry him.”
Elizabeth knew full well the reality of her situation, but it would not drive her to accept a man she did not love. “Well, that is his fantasy, and now I must speak to my father so he can set this to rights before the entire neighbourhood hears the gossip.” She thought, And before William arrives, oh why has he not written?
The voice of Mrs. Hill calling brought her attention back. “Miss Elizabeth, the messenger is here for you!” She called across the garden.
“Danny!” Elizabeth whispered with relief, a smile lit up her face. Charlotte stared. “Excuse me; I will be just a moment.”
She hurried away and Charlotte had to follow. She watched as Elizabeth was met by a dusty young man, and was handed an envelope. As she approached she heard him speak. “I am on my way back to Derbyshire, Miss. If you like, I can wait for your reply this time.”
Elizabeth looked at the lone envelope with confusion. “Is this the only letter you have for me?” She searched his eyes.
He watched her closely, seeing the acute distress. He knew there must be some misunderstanding between the master and his lady, and thought he had to do something about it. He lowered his voice. “Yes, Miss. I asked the master specifically if there was another, and he said no, but Miss, when I took another look at him, he looked as if, well, as if his whole world was ending, he looked so broken up. Do you know what is wrong?”
