by Anya Nowlan
Whatever his reasons were, Dice didn’t care. While he’d given Dice back hope for a better future, he was also subsequently robbing it from him, making him give back the one person he loved the most into the hands of some of the most dangerous criminals in the world. The whole concept was sickening.
Explaining it to Meredith had been even worse.
The way her eyes welled up with tears as she realized that her hell was not over and would only continue was unbearable. His bear raged against the thought, willing him to find a way – any way – that he could take Meredith and run and never look back.
But if there was one thing Dice knew for a fact then it was that he’d never get away from Spade. If the man decided to track him down, he’d do it. Hell, considering the current levels of loyalty he had from his own team, Dice was pretty fucking sure that one of them would shoot him in the head before he got ten paces from the compound. It was simply how it worked. Kill or be killed, eat or be eaten. And these men knew it as well as he did.
It didn’t make it any easier.
“I think I’m done,” Meredith said, her voice soft.
She gave him a semblance of a smile and Dice felt compelled to return it. He stood up, wearing only his camo pants, tracking across the floor to sit on the bed beside her. He didn’t so much as look at what she’d written, simply saving it and notifying Prowler in the shared folder that he could transmit the data to command.
Closing the laptop, he put it on the counter where Meredith’s glasses had been perched while they had sex, before turning to face her.
She looked so tiny now, curled up in the blanket, looking defeated and confused. He tucked one of her dark brown locks behind her ear, loving the way her skin was so smooth against his touch. To his relief, she didn’t wince away from the touch. It would have probably killed him if she did.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he said, his voice breaking.
“You can’t do anything about this,” she answered, and he wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself.
Probably both.
“But I should be able to,” he said, his voice shaking.
It was ironic. Here he was, at the peak of his physical fitness, feeling more in touch with his beast than ever before because he had his mate by his side, and he’d have to give it all away. Knowingly and willingly, he’d have to let go of the source of his power and his calm.
It had taken him years before he could look at himself in the mirror again and see anything else other than a failure, after he’d left her alone for a year last time and she’d disappeared. And now he was doing something so much worse that his brain barely comprehended the logic, the inevitability of it.
“We’ll be together. You said they’re interested in my research, what The Arctics are doing with what I’ve been working on. I’ve been dragging my feet on it for the last few years, taking one step forward and two back for no other reason than to drag it out. But I know it’s important for The Arctics too. If I finish it, they’d have to take me to talk to some of the heads of research and that’s what you guys want, right? To get the brains, take them out as fast as possible?”
Dice nodded, amazed.
She sounded far more convincing and uplifting in her resolve to make things work, to fix their future than he could force himself to be. The strength of character on this woman was amazing. Not only had Meredith been held away from her family for five years, but she hadn’t even known how they were or what her captors intended to do with her.
Now, given a taste of freedom, she was still willing to go on with it all, in the name of a greater good.
Even if that greater good had a certain selfish undertone in the form of the two of them getting to spend the rest of their lives together, then it was still far more than Dice would be able to bear with a smile and a nod.
“I thought I was supposed to be the strong one,” he said with a chuckle, looping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his embrace.
“Well, I’ve had to grow in the last few years,” she said with a grin, her hands clasping around his abdomen and squeezing him.
“I think you’re definitely winning in that department then,” he admitted with a sigh, tightening the blanket around her shoulders before he picked her up and planted her on his lap so he could cradle her closer.
She dropped her head on his shoulder and the sweet perfume of her shampoo drifted into his nostrils. Dice would have been perfectly content simply sitting there with her forever, but as much as he wished that to be the case, he knew they were rapidly running out of time. So what’s a bear supposed to do when he has a slice of heaven in his arms and he knows he has to give it up?
Without another thought, he kissed Meredith again, trying to distill every moment into something he could hold onto forever and never forget. She purred as their tongues slicked against one another, her taste driving him wild. Without even noticing he was doing it, his hands had begun to trace her body again, exploring it and memorizing all of her as best as he could.
“I’m sorry for so much of it,” he said when they finally broke the kiss again, his eyes burning with real, honest grief. “I took things for granted. I should have never left for the mission without marrying you, you know. I was sure back then and I didn’t act on it, I thought I’d give you more time to make up your mind.”
He shook his head, wishing he could go back in time and kick his own ass. It was the least that he deserved, in his own honest opinion.
Meredith smiled weakly, sighing as she nuzzled against his neck.
“You were right, though. I did need the time. You have the bear, you can be certain in what he is telling you, but me? I only have my dumb heart and it’s not so easy for humans. We do have to be sure, we need to be certain that what we’re feeling is actually something real, that we’re not imagining it. And I was so guarded I don’t think I would have said yes if you’d asked me.”
“But you know now?” Dice asked, catching his voice shaking again.
She nodded silently and it was all he could do to keep from smashing a window, throwing her over his shoulder and making a run for it.
“I am. Six years is plenty of time to make up my mind,” Meredith said with a chuckle, the dry humor cutting right into him.
Six years… It feels like forever, yet when I’m with her, it’s like we’re standing back on the base and I’m about to ship off again. Fucking hell Spade, you knew she was alive all this time…
“So tell me,” she started, her voice sounding wistful. “What are we going to do when we get out of all of this? When we can live like ‘normal’ people do?”
“I don’t think we’re ever going to be normal, baby,” Dice admitted, his tone somewhat somber.
But the way she looked at him just then, the twinkle dimming in her eyes, it made him force through his own morose mood. They could have their moment of fantasy, right? No one could take that away from them, that moment. It was starting to look like a theme for Dice, trying to build memories out of moments and cling to them. He knew he was going to need them as soon as he had to let go of Meredith again.
“Okay, so when we’re normal,” he started, stressing the word like it was somehow defected and twisted. “I think we’re definitely going to have to get a house. Big one. With a big yard somewhere out in the woods. No more deserts and no more jungles.”
“I can agree to that,” Meredith said, nodding sagely as she relaxed against him.
“And I think we’re going to get a dog. A golden retriever, not only because they’re cute as hell, but because they’re dopey enough to not get freaked out by the bear. I know, my family used to have one.”
“You never told me that,” Meredith said with a giggle, running her fingers across his chest slowly, tracing the outlines of the tattoo he wore over his heart of her name.
“I haven’t told you too many things, baby,” Dice replied, catching the tint of sadness in his tone and doing his best to get rid of it quickl
y enough. “So, anyway, house, yard, golden retriever. Oh, and I want at least three kids.”
“Two boys and a girl?” Meredith asked, perking up.
“Exactly. Did we talk about this already at some point? I don’t remember.”
“No, but it makes sense, I think,” Meredith said, grinning wide.
“Great minds think alike,” Dice said, hugging her tight.
It was at that moment that a shallow, fast knock sounded at the door. Dice and Meredith shared a look and the life and love seemed to seep out of her features. Gently, he set her down on the bed and stood up as another knock sounded, more hurried this time.
He opened the door only enough to look out, blocking the view in with his body. He didn’t want any man getting too good of a look at his woman, regardless of whether or not they were on his team.
It was Thor, standing quiet and resolute, his rifle slung over his shoulder.
“It’s time,” he said, sounding like the reaper.
“Is the car ready? Did Ryker manage to fix it up?”
“It’ll be good to go,” Thor said with a nod, his solemn stare staying squarely on Dice.
The man was unnerving in a way, certainly the most similar to Spade in certain aspects and the one guy who Dice knew he needed to keep a close eye on. The twins, both sets, were easy enough to read. They played off of one another, light and dark, loud and quiet, but the man before him was the two sides made whole, and all the more dangerous for it.
Too much like a kindred spirit, a thought crossed Dice’s mind.
“If we don’t get moving, she’ll get in too late and they’ll send someone to look for the vehicle,” Thor said, sounding impassive.
“We’ll be down in a moment,” Dice said, glowering at the sniper before closing the door.
He knew it wasn’t Thor’s fault. None of it was any of their faults, really. If there was anyone to blame at all, then it’d be Spade, playing them all like glorified puppets in his own twisted game. Dice really did feel like he was some sort of a personal guard or army for Spade, being sent where few other teams would ever venture, pitted against insane odds with an even more insane team to back him up.
He wasn’t sure that he could keep the whole train on the tracks for much longer.
But turning around and looking at Meredith’s sweet face, the corners of her mouth downturned in sadness because she knew what had to come next, he knew he was going to have to try his hardest.
For her.
Seven
Meredith
“Jesus Christ, it’s hot in here,” Prowler growled loudly, having spent most of the few hour drive complaining.
He had different headsets in both ears and Meredith had managed to count at least four different knives on his body so far and she was sure she wasn’t seeing even half of them. Price was sitting next to her in the backseat of the same armored vehicle she’d been riding in the previous night, a scant eight or so hours ago before everything had been turned upside down and she’d been shown the face of hope for one maddening, exhilarating evening.
And here she was again, heading towards an almost certainly doomed fate. The fact that she knew that Dice was somewhere close, keeping an eye on her, made it a little bit better though. Not a lot, but a little.
“Yeah, yeah, quit your yapping, pup. We’re literally in the jungle, certain elevated temperatures are to be expected,” Price huffed, yawning lazily as he deconstructed one of his guns for the tenth time during the journey.
It was like his hands couldn’t stay still, they constantly had to be doing something. He was so fast, too, that watching his movements for too long made it all seem like a slightly metal-tinted blur. After a while, Meredith had resigned herself to staring out of the window at the thick jungle foliage, sometimes catching glimpses of wildlife in the early morning.
“Oh, gee. Sorry, did I cut into your peaceful musings of the NRA and a clear, blue future of death and destruction?” Prowler asked, chuckling, though the noise was cut suddenly when he brought a hand to his ear and responded with an all clear to one of Dice’s situation checks.
It made Meredith smile slightly, knowing that Dice was keeping such a keen eye on her even when he couldn’t be with her. He’d promised her as much, that he’d always be close now. She didn’t dare hope that it would truly pan out that way, but a little bit of daydreaming never hurt anyone.
This valley and the stretch of jungle were untouched by human hands, other than the bases that The Arctics had built. Or at least considering by the way the animals acted, they were not used to seeing humans there and the few times that Meredith had been flown in or out of the area, she hadn’t seen any other signs of human life. She was sure she was allowed to see the takeoffs and landings simply to drive the point home that she’d have nowhere to run here, even if she tried.
Maybe I won’t need to run. Maybe I just need to stand still and wait for Dice to come to me now, she thought, a small smile on her lips.
It was a pleasant enough thought. One that she couldn’t entertain for very long because if one thing was clear then it was that she wouldn’t be able to simply stay idle anymore. No, all of the energy that she’d been saving in the name of slowing down her work was now going to be put to use.
Paradoxically enough, her only way of getting out of this mess seemed to be to give The Arctics exactly what they wanted. Early in her career, she’d started looking into the reconstructive abilities of certain kinds of bugs, plants and bacteria. It had been little more than a hobby then but as time had passed, she’d gotten more and more into it until she could even speed up the regeneration processes in a few distinct species by a non-trivial margin.
It was that which had cost her the freedom she so wished for now. The Arctics had heard of her work, probably through one of the articles she herself had published, and the rest was history. For years now, they’d been trying to will her into figuring out a way to make shifters heal even faster than they were now, with obvious aims to better prep their supposed ‘super soldiers’ for use in whatever dastardly ways that they had.
The whole super soldier thing had been a myth among the scientists for a long time, everyone hearing something about it but no one knowing any specifics. Up until a few years ago, of course, when it had become very obvious that The Arctics were palpably close to creating the kind of beasts that couldn’t be stopped by conventional means.
It had been somewhat of a relief to everyone involved when a couple of perhaps lucky, but certainly effective attacks by The Firm’s teams – notably Shifter Squad Six, as Dice had told her – had wiped out much of the ground that The Arctics had gained. But, of course, it had made her own research all the more valuable.
And so here she was, stuck in a web with no easy way out, rattling down a bumpy road with her hands ziptied together and a pair of werewolf brothers squabbling over who knew what. Life had gone from miserable, to exciting and promising, to full-on weird and Meredith hadn’t quite adjusted to it yet.
Soon enough, the gates of the second compound loomed in the distance and the car slowed down. Price and Prowler shared a quick look amongst themselves and nodded, with Prowler removing one of the headsets and slipping it in a pocket. They were both clad in The Arctics’ uniforms and wore their weapons as well, though both had kept some of their own flair. They were the only ones who could make the drive as all of The Arctics’ agents were werewolves, though Meredith desperately wished she were sitting next to Dice right about now.
But then it’d be even harder to leave, she thought darkly, the truth of it far too glaring.
“It’s show time,” Prowler said with a grin.
“What’s going to happen after I’m transported out?” Meredith asked, morbid curiosity getting the best of her.
“We fucking exterminate them,” Price said matter-of-factly.
“Sorry, part of the road had been washed out so we had to take a detour,” Prowler said with a beaming smile as he rolled the window down outside th
e gates, one of The Arctics’ guards glaring at him darkly.
He was one of the blue-eyed blonde ones. The hint of honest disdain at Prowler’s features was immediately obvious on him. They were such purists it was bordering on disgusting even if you weren’t currently being hunted down by them.
The things I find questionable now, Meredith thought with mild amusement, though her heart beat like a jackhammer in her chest.
“You guys new? Where’s Chip and the rest of the crew?”
“Oh, bad fever, you know. They’re laid up back at the base,” Price said sagely, nodding with stern worry and having Prowler join in.
Meredith saw the little smirk Price gave the moment the guard pulled back and waved them through, though. Something inside of her told her that the werewolf twins were going to have a hell of a lot fun reducing this particular base to its chemical components, starting with that guard out there.
The heavy gates were opened and the car trundled in slowly, stopping in the middle of a parking lot holding about four matching cars. The door on Meredith’s side was pulled open and she was yanked out without much care, a tall, beefy-looking guy taking one look at her and then marching her through a gap between some buildings and towards the command tower in the distance.
She knew from earlier experience that there would be a small airplane waiting for her there and it would be a few days at minimum before she would normally be returned here. She got one more good look over her shoulder at Price and Prowler, who seemed to be casually leaning on the car and looking around as if waiting for new orders. Price gave her a private wink and Meredith stifled a smile.
It was the closest she’d gotten to feeling even a modicum of joy in one of those Arctics’ bases other than when she’d been with Dice. There just wasn’t a lot to look forward to when your life was controlled by blood-hungry terrorists, but the thought of having at least some of them brought to a swift and painful end was somewhat… uplifting. Even for someone as generally well-meaning as Meredith was.
