To Honor and Cherish

by Kari Trumbo

“No, I’m fine. Sorry I bothered you.”

  “Good night.” She turned and fled the room, her heart pounding more than the situation warranted.

  He confounded her, first calling out to a long-lost love, then reaching for her and making jokes about her night clothes. Her face burned hot at the memory but she wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment. If her mother knew about this she’d have to listen to her talk about putting the public image first all over again. To her mother, nothing was more important than what other people thought. It would be so much easier if she could pick up the ranch and move it about two-hundred miles away. Far away from mother and everyone who knew her family. Thank goodness, mother would be heading to Europe again soon for her annual visit.

  Meg walked back to bed and vowed no matter what noises came from his room, she wasn’t going in there again until she was dressed and ready to deal with him. The dressed part would come easy, it was obvious being ready to deal with him would be more than difficult.

  ~~~

  Gus made his way back home and Little Springs was dark and quiet when he got there. He shuffled into the house, more for Lizzy than his wife. He knew his wife wouldn’t be sleeping. She loved to use situations like this to bait him into arguments, then blame him for being combative.

  Charlotte sat in their drawing room on an elaborate high-backed chair. Her back was straight and she sat on the edge of her seat. Though it was late, she still wore her clothes from the day. She clicked the locket around her neck closed. It was a timepiece he’d given her years ago. “Late again, dear? Checking on your…what do you call them? Your business investments?” she mocked in her most derisive tone.

  “Charlotte, I was at the boarding house and yes I was checking on my investments. If I want the boarding house to remain a place where people like to stay, and if I want it to continue to generate income for us, than I have to look in on it.”

  “You know very well I’m not talking about the building. I’m talking about the brat.” She scowled. “You have blood on your shirt. Were you fighting?” Her voice like steam trapped too long in the pot.

  “No, Charlotte. I heard a commotion in one of the upstairs rooms. I went to check it out and saved Meg’s new foreman from getting the life beat out of him.”

  Charlotte shot him a look full of daggers. “Why did you let Meg choose who’d work out there? She couldn’t pick a husband and obviously she can’t pick a decent foreman either. That ranch will fail and then we won’t have anything but the income from that Godforsaken boarding house. That daughter of yours will ruin it all. We will have nothing, and all because you love her more than any of us. You keep letting her fail.” Her voice got louder and piercing, covering his ears would only make the situation worse, he should know. His head pounded in his ears.

  Lizzy appeared from her room. Rubbing her eyes like a small child. In any other situation, it might have been comical. “Mother, calm down. You’re going to make yourself sick.” She rushed over and put her arm around her mother, looking at her father like he was some type of disgusting parasite.

  He knew he’d done wrong long ago, but bringing it back up over and over again made him feel like he might as well continue to sin. If he would never be forgiven, why bother trying?

  “I was going to stay out at the ranch. I’m beginning to think I should have.” He walked back to his room, alone. This life wore him down. He worked too hard to feel this much condemnation every time he walked in his own door.

  Chapter Seven

  Meg stirred right after the rooster the next morning and made sure she was dressed. She went to eat breakfast right away. Rose was already there and making some biscuits. She had flour all over her hands and a little on the tip of her nose. Meg laughed, greeting her friend. She took a corner of her apron and wiped Rose’s nose for her. Meg helped her make the remainder of breakfast, thankful she’d paid attention to Rose, and not her own mother, in the kitchen.

  They laughed and bantered back and forth until she heard Jax calling from his room. She walked down the hall to his room, and gasped finding he’d tried to get out of bed and had fallen. Meg called for Rose and they both got him back in bed. Rose didn’t ask any questions, but her gaze told Meg she’d have some later.

  “I didn’t realize how sore I’d be if I tried to get up…lost my get-go when I tried to stand. I’m, ahem, in need of the outhouse…”Jax asked through thick lips.

  Meg turned red. She hadn’t thought about that last night. The poor man must be about fit to burst.

  “Let me go outside and get Pete. He can help you out.” Rose hurried away leaving Meg and Jax alone.

  Meg thanked the Lord once again for Rose and her quick mind. Smart woman. Meg thought, placing her hands on her hips. “How’re you feeling this morning?” Meg asked.

  “Like I was trampled by a herd of cows,” he slurred, the area around his eyes had turned very black and purple. The comment and Jax’s face, so similar to Chase’s when they found him, was too much.

  Meg turned pale and her hand shook when she put it over her mouth. She fought the urge to cry. He wouldn’t understand, but it was too soon to joke about that. She left the room, tears running down her cheeks.

  ~~~

  Pete showed up a few minutes later and helped Jax do what he needed and get back into bed. Rose brought some food in to him. Each of her movements was stiff. As if it took all of her energy to keep back what she wanted to say. Jax looked at Rose with as pointed an expression as he could muster.

  “You have a look about you that says you don’t trust me.” He held his sore ribs after his morning fall. Rose stood as tall as her small stature would allow. For such a tiny woman she had a presence about her. He felt like he was about to get a whipping from his mom.

  “I don’t trust you. You show up here after everyone has gone to bed for the day. Con your way into the house, then no more than a day later come back beaten to butter. It looks like from where I am standing you are taking advantage of a grieving widow. Give me one good reason to trust you.”

  She didn’t move. She didn’t even blink. He attempted to lift the spoon on his own to his mouth, more to delay talking to Rose than to eat. He hurt so badly, the idea of eating made him sick to his stomach and he gave up after a few tries. “I can’t give you that. I didn’t bother Meghan one bit the night I came and I certainly didn’t go near her last night. I couldn’t have even if I’d had a mind to.”

  “And do you have a mind to, cowboy?”

  “Of course not.”

  Rose’s face continued to hold disbelief but she changed the subject.

  “The team from the lumberyard are finishing up the bunkhouse today. Pete will be putting in the woodstove. Then we can move you out where you belong.”

  Jax decided to take a new tack with Rose. “I hope one of the men I hired can cook half as well as you. I’m becoming a bit spoiled.”

  “I am sure I won’t be doing it. I’ve done that before for Augustus when he was here. All I did all day was cook. His wife was very demanding and those days were some of the hardest I’ve ever had. I bought you and your men some food for your larder.” Rose looked at his plate and scowled. “You haven’t eaten, weren’t you hungry?”

  “Yes, ma’am, and thank you.” He pushed some biscuit and gravy around with his fork. “Is something the matter with Meghan? Did I say something wrong?”

  Rose’s face remained stony. “That depends, what did you say?”

  Jax explained the brief conversation and Rose told him what had happened to Chase not four weeks before. How Meg was still raw from the loss.

  “I guess I owe her an apology.”

  “You didn’t know, but if it makes you feel better, then do it. Fact is, Augustus expects a lot from her including threatening to take away her home if she doesn’t find a husband and have a son before her sister, Lizzy. It was a boneheaded move to have you out here so soon.”

  He was shocked. The Augustus he’d met seemed so level-headed. There had to be
a reason for such a strange idea.

  “Why would Gus ask her to marry someone so quickly?”

  “He didn’t. I think it comes down to two things, really. Augustus wants the ranch back for himself. He always liked this life out here, but getting his youngest daughter off his back would be just as pleasant.”

  “Is she that horrible?” he attempted to smirk, thinking she couldn’t be much different from the boss-lady.

  “That girl, Lizzy, is trouble with a capital T. I think it might be her middle name. She is in desperate need of a good whippin’, but Charlotte, Meg’s mom, would never allow such a thing. Charlotte has ruined Lizzy as surely as Augustus ruined Meg.”

  “Whoa, how did Gus ruin Meghan? She seems to be doing fine to me.”

  “That’s part of the problem. Meg is far more independent than your average woman. She shoots, her father taught her to hunt so she wouldn’t go hungry or could dispatch anything that put the cattle in danger. He made her learn the basics of medical care which means touching people, even men. She works too hard. Those are all things society says are wrong for a woman, a lady of her station, to do. In her mother’s eyes, she’s ruined.”

  “I think it’s wonderful.” He chuckled. “She’s better than any doc I’ve had before and I’ve been in some pretty serious scrapes.” He looked down at his plate, not wanting to elaborate any more with Rose.

  “You keep your thoughts about Meg all to yourself. She doesn’t need any attention from you right now. Just what, exactly, brings you out here, Jax? I’ve been honest with you, now you be truthful with me. I doubt you were reading the paper one evening and decided to take a ride so far out of town to see about a job.”

  “Guilty.” He looked sheepish and fidgeted back and forth in his seat, though it hurt. He looked up at her, then out the window. “The men who roughed me up at the boarding house have been after me for some time. I know things about them that they don’t want me to know. The only way to make me forget permanent-like is to kill me. That is what they wanted to do, until Gus came in. I’m lucky he owns the boarding house.”

  “So you thought it was okay to put us all in danger of these men who are willing to kill you?” Rose’s voice became as taught as a fiddle string.

  “All due respect, ma’am. I didn’t know there were almost no menfolk out here. I asked Meghan for the man of the house and I was about to ride away before she told me she was the one who ran the place. By then, it was too late to turn back.”

  “And now that you know we are out here with almost no protection? I have to say, I don’t like this. I don’t think you should be here. Where is your revolver?” He watched her look around the room. “I don’t think you should have it with you.”

  “I know how to keep a herd safe and I can keep Meghan safe. I don’t have my side arm anymore. It was stolen last night by the man who’s hunting me. I only have my rifle, it’s in my saddle. If it makes you feel safer, take it. But you are not who decides whether I stay or not. Meghan is.”

  “We will have to see about that. I will leave your rifle where it is since you can’t even get out of bed on your own.”

  “Rose.” He sighed. “I was hoping I could just disappear out here and they would move on looking for me elsewhere. But now they know I’m here and I’m sure they have someone telling them all about what I’m doing. I’m sorry, I’ll do my best to make sure no one gets hurt.”

  “I’m not worried about Pete and me. We can handle ourselves very well. It’s Meg who will need watching and I’ll do that as best I can. You brought this out here and you best watch out for her, too. She is too distracted right now to pay attention to anything.”

  Jax nodded, finished with his breakfast before he’d even started. He felt weak again, talking and eating was too much. He tried to scoot himself down into the bed. Rose helped him when he couldn’t get down far enough to lay back. She got him an extra pillow and made him as comfortable as possible. Despite her obvious dislike for him, at least she tried to make him comfortable. He fell asleep before she got all the way back to the kitchen.

  ~~~

  Meg sat at the table, looking outside at the half-tilled field. The point where Chase saw the twister and dropped what he was doing to run back to the house clearly visible. The plow still sat there and the weeds were just starting to grow on the tilled side. A tear ran down Meg’s cheek and she immediately wiped it with her hand, not wanting anyone to see weakness in her. It may have only been a month, but if she couldn’t control herself her father might take her home away.

  Rose came in from helping Jax and put her arm around Meg, giving her a squeeze. She turned her around and looked her right in the eye.

  “I think you and I both know that Jax has to go.”

  “Why? Because someone decided to beat him up? Father said last night that it wasn’t something Jax could have prevented, that he was not there by choice. I want those cattle gone and I’m not waiting to hire another man.”

  “Meg, don’t you think that’s dangerous? He himself said that”

  “No, Rose. My mind is made up.” Meg looked out at the plow, then across the table at Chase’s empty chair. She wouldn’t have to be making all of these decisions if he were here. She refused to let herself cry any more.

  “Meg, dear, don’t ever be ashamed of your pain. It makes you stronger and makes you enjoy the peace He grants more when it’s done. Don’t ever be afraid to mourn, cry, wail, shake your fist, tremble, and scream if you have to. It won’t change anything, but it’ll help you get beyond this part of the hurt. And don’t ever, ever, let anyone—,” she shook her little fist toward town, “—tell you how to mourn or how to love. If you’re not supposed to do something, He’ll let you know.” She pointed heavenward for emphasis.

  “Thank you, Rose. I’ll remember what you said about Jax. For now, I’m going to take my father’s advice though.”

  “I understand, but keep an eye on him and on his men. I am not so sure they should have Augustus’s or your trust.”

  Rose was right about her pain. Why should she follow the rules of a bunch of people who cared about her on Sundays alone and only as a topic of conversation? They weren’t here to watch or judge her. For goodness sakes, it hadn’t been long, she had every right to still cry.

  Meg pulled herself together and wiped the remaining damp from her eyes. She sighed. Two of those judgmental ladies were almost at her front door with her father. Meg’s shoulders slumped. At least she wasn’t in her dressing gown.

  Chapter Eight

  Meg went to her room to freshen up and to ask Jax if he wanted to come out to see her father. While she finished washing her face and pinching her cheeks, her father had gone in to Jax and offered him a shoulder to walk around on. Meg finished her task and followed her father and Jax’s slow pace to the sitting room across the house. They sat down to talk business.

  “Meg,” her mother said as sweet as honey, “so nice of you to see us in and glad you could join us for conversation about your ranch.” She shifted her weight and flattened her skirts with an air of being too important to even be seen in that room.

  “Thank you, Mother.” Meg bit the inside of her lip to keep from saying what she wanted to. “I was just taking care of a few things when you drove up. I wanted to finish them quickly so I could enjoy your company.” A fake smile appeared on her face, almost a grimace. “Father, you are here early. I thought you were going to wait a few more days? Pete is only just putting the stove in today.”

  “We needed to get out of the house for a trip.” Gus changed the subject. “Jax, it’s good to see you sitting up. Meg must be taking very good care of you. I told you she would.”

  “Oh, did you teach her that too, dear? To take care of men outside of marriage? Seems like something you would do.” Charlotte snipped and turned her face away, Meg reddened at the insult.

  Gus didn’t take the bait. “Have you been able to see much of the ranch yet, what do you think?”

  “Sir, I di
d a little riding around the perimeter of a few of the pastures before going in to town to find the men Meghan requested.” He smiled at her and nodded her direction when he said her name. “I was a little too preoccupied finding good help and some old trouble found me first. I never did thank you for helping me. I am much obliged, sir.”

  Ah, you don’t have to call me sir unless Meg decides she doesn’t want this place anymore. Then I would be your boss and you’d have to address me properly, but until then, call me Gus.”

  “All right, Gus. I do hope Meghan gives it a shot. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I look forward to hearing her plans for the ranch. I see they are starting on the barn today, which is good news.”

  “Yes, yes. If you were feeling better we could all go out and look at it.”

  Meg turned pallid. She saw Jax look at her with concern and she shook her head so no one else could see. He kept the conversation going and Meg breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure when he’d learned how to read her, but she was so glad he had. She wasn’t ready to have the conversation about the change forthcoming at the ranch. The barn, or stable as it were, would give it away.

  Jax told Gus about the men he’d hired and when they were coming out. Meg paid extra attention, because she wanted to hear about them, too.

  “I left my gun at the boarding house and I don’t see getting it back. I don’t have the funds right now to get another.”

  “Son, you can’t be out here without one. Chase wouldn’t let Meg carry one like I did and like I asked him to. He didn’t let her ride the ranch like I did, preferring she stay up by the house. I think going back to the old way is better and safer for everyone, and it allows Meg her freedom back.”

  Jax smiled at Meg more with his eyes, only moving his mouth subtly. She felt as if it were for her alone. Taking his 6 shooter out of his belt, Gus turned the beautiful ivory-covered handle toward Jax and handed it to him. It was handsome, with nickel plating and engraving. An expensive and extravagant piece.