To Honor and Cherish

by Kari Trumbo

  He found some ranch stationary in an old desk in the sitting room, along with a pencil. Meg was the quietest she’d been all night and he didn’t want to disturb her to let her know they’d be leaving soon. He’d told her yesterday morning of the plan to leave today, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when she woke and he was gone. Though he craved an excuse to go in and check on her, see her just one more time.

  He picked up the pencil, tapping his lips with it, and considered his words carefully. Writing wasn’t easy for him. His mother had insisted he learn to write, not only read, but he’d fought it pretty hard at the time. Now, in this moment, he wished he’d paid a little closer attention. Each word was important.

  Dear Meghan, May 20, 1900

  I did not want to wake you. I hope you are all right and that you are able to mend while the men and I are gone. I regret I did not listen to you about Mark. I realize now you do know how to run this ranch, I won’t doubt your advice in the future. We can discuss our agreement when I return.

  We are getting a late start on this drive. I expect it to take us to the end of August to make it to South Dakota. Should be quicker for the return trip, but not much. We will still have the wagon. That will slow us down. Expect us around Thanksgiving.

  Take care of yourself and Rose. Your father would be willing to move out here until the end of summer if you ask him. He will understand about the cattle, just tell him. I’d rather you not be alone.

  I will try to send a letter if anything goes wrong, but I’m not sure if our route will take us near many towns.

  Jax

  He read the letter over twice. He didn’t know how to end it, so just his name would have to do. It sounded colder than he felt, but he couldn’t tell her about his feelings. Her trust in him would be destroyed. He longed to comfort her at least in words. It wouldn’t be right to do that. He folded the letter and wrote her name on the outside, leaving it on the table for her to find.

  Jax went outside to wake his men and to get this drive over as quickly as possible. He found that, as excited as he’d been in the past week to do this, now he only wanted to stay here. He wanted to plant himself right by Meg’s front door and shoot anyone who went near her. Thinking about yesterday made him furious all over again.

  Jax threw orders at all his men one after the other and they rushed around to obey. He felt gruff and unreasonable. None of them could do the job quite right. Pete arrived a few minutes later and didn’t seem to need orders. He just started doing things that needed to get done.

  Soon they were all ready to leave. Jeff sat on the wagon and they were about to round up the cows from the front pasture to start the drive when they saw a lone horse and rider approaching. Jax’s anger burned in him and he hoped it was Mark so he could relieve some of his aggression on Mark’s face. Soon he realized that it wasn’t Mark, but Gus. It wasn’t his place to tell Gus about the drive, but Meghan wasn’t here and it would soon become apparent all of the cattle were going on this drive. He hadn’t signed on to deal with a family dispute, but it looked like he’d have to start one anyway.

  Jax flicked the reins against his thigh in agitation while he waited for Gus to arrive. Gus pulled up his horse in front of Jax and looked at each man in turn, then cleared his throat.

  “You’re one man down.” He wasn’t asking.

  “Yes, sir,” Jax replied.

  He raised a white eyebrow at Jax’s use of ‘sir’. “All right, sent a wire to my wife last night in London to go ahead and stay through Christmas. That way, I can heal after this long ride before I have to deal with her again.”

  The men around him shared a quiet laugh.

  “Won’t Meghan worry where you are?” Jax asked, thinking about the letter he’d written and wishing Gus would stay here with his daughter.

  “I left her a letter at the post. I think I can be of more help with you than sitting here worrying.”

  “All right then, are you in charge, or am I?” He clipped his words and set his jaw.

  Gus thought about that for a moment, tilted his head, and then looked Jax in the eyes.

  “Meg hired you. If she trusts you, than I trust you,” Gus replied.

  “I’ll remember you said that.” Jax smiled and clicked his tongue, turning his horse toward the opening of the pen and the restless cattle.

  “Gus, why don’t you take chuck wagon duty? You know medical care, I don’t want you getting injured.”

  “I was hopin’ you’d ask.”

  Jeff, who’d originally been given the task, was so pleased he jumped off the rig to make room for Gus. He grabbed Gus’s horse and led it over to the others that would be needed for the drive.

  “We’re taking all the cattle with us. Are we selling the entire herd?”

  “Yes sir.” Jax nodded. “Meghan and Rose can’t watch them while we’re gone.”

  “Mmm.” He looked at the ground and flattened his lips. “I’m going to move on ahead so you don’t have to hold back for me. Giddup.” He flicked the reins and the wagon was off on the trail.

  ~~~

  Meg knew no one could see her. She was in her father’s old bedroom upstairs. It was a portion of the house she never used anymore. All the furniture was covered in white sheets and dust covered everything. Watching the scene from the window, she saw her father talking to Jax and knew what he’d chosen to do for her. Her heart went out to him, because she knew it would be a difficult trip. She hated to even think it, but her father was so much closer to the man she remembered and loved while her mother was away. She said a prayer for reconciliation in her family and thanksgiving for her father and his understanding of their needs.

  Her sight rested on Jax and a longing to see him one last time came over her. He rode like he was an extension of his horse. His movements were so natural, like the horse had been born for him and he was born to ride that horse. As soon as he was back from the drive, she had every confidence she’d chosen the right man for the work she’d planned. There would never be another cow on this property, at least not any time in the foreseeable future. This man could handle horseflesh, and that’s what mattered now.

  The drive had taken all but two of her horses in the corral. She didn’t need to wait to start on her plan. It wouldn’t be much work to add a few horses to the stable, even on her own. She wanted to breed and train Quarter horses. With the hands they had, there should be no trouble starting the operation and still have a man or two to take horses to shows and fairs. They simply had to find out when and where the next fair was.

  Her sister, Lizzy, would also love taking over something that had grabbed Meg’s heart so completely. She loved horses as well, and they were so much more cultured than cattle. It wasn’t like Lizzy would ever work, even if she did get the ranch. Lizzy was in Europe until Christmas, going to balls and parties, meeting men everywhere she went. She’d probably come back married, or at the very least promised to some rich, titled Englishman. That had been Charlotte’s ambition for her.

  Meg watched Jax until his shadow merged with the giant dusty mass of moving cattle. Realizing after they’d disappeared she hadn’t even looked at the other riders to make sure they were all there. She’d been so enthralled by watching Jax she hadn’t noticed anyone else. Holding his note in her hand, she opened it, turning away from the window to allow the early morning light to shine on the thick paper. She read it once more.

  Meg noticed his handwriting was neat and tidy. She laughed at his use of the word regret. It wasn’t quite an apology, but it was a start. The letter was short, but thoughtful. Chase had loved her, she was almost sure, but he’d always expected her to shrug things off, get back to work. Work would make you forget. She didn’t have one single note from Chase. In fact, the only gift he’d ever gotten for her was her wedding ring, a simple silver band. Lost in thought for a moment, she touched the tiny cold band, spinning it around her finger, and a pang of loneliness crept over her.

  He’d always been steady and there for her. He�
�d cared for her safety, and he’d helped her to learn many new things. They’d shared a good life and had cared for each other abundantly. She hadn’t desired him or found him particularly handsome, but they’d still been happy and close, most likely because they’d chosen each other.

  It made her feel shameful and wrong thinking about Jax. Maybe she’d talk to the Reverend alone after service next Sunday. She’d known Jax for almost a month now and would miss her conversations with him. It wasn’t right to enjoy the company of a man so quickly after losing her husband.

  Rose came a few hours later and they fell into working together. Rose didn’t talk about what had happened the day before and Meg didn’t divulge any more about it. Working out in the garden took most of the day, but busy hands kept her mind from thinking about the past or the future. Cleaning and preserving what they’d collected took the remainder of the day. It was good, hard work and made the day go by quickly. They continued a similar routine over the next few days. Finally, it was Sunday and Rose came to the house so they could ride to church together.

  ~~~

  The service kept Meg’s attention. Reverend Thomas stood up front in his black suit and collar. His speech and presence expressive and honest. He spoke on being humble and working hard, not only at our work, but on our attitude and to those who are needy.

  “Finally,” he raised his voice and spread his arms wide, “Jesus’ commanded us to ‘feed his sheep’ and that means those who are needy physically and spiritually.” He lifted his Bible in the air for emphasis.

  Meg sat up straight in her seat. She couldn’t believe it. Had he read her mind? It was as if that part was exactly for her. She’d tried to listen to God about Jax, and so far, He’d provided the perfect person she needed. Maybe she was the one person he needed? Maybe Jax had something to learn from her or needed from her?

  Waiting patiently, she let everyone leave while she remained seated. It took a long time for the Reverend to shake everyone’s hand and say something personal to each one. He’d always said that if he was personal with those he was shepherding, they’d be more likely to allow themselves to be herded.

  She noticed not one person looked at her as if she were the topic of gossip or said anything about her and her foreman. She didn’t notice any whispering behind hands that came with particularly good gossip. Mark must have changed his mind about ruining her. At least she could be thankful for that. She hadn’t seen Mark’s parents at the service at all. Motioning to Rose to go on out, she indicated she’d be out shortly. She didn’t want Rose, especially with how she disliked Jax, to hear this admission or would the Reverend call this a confession?

  “Meg, I’m so glad to see you back.” He gripped her hand and held it smiling at her. “Are you doing all right? You seem troubled. What can I do for you?” he sat next to her on the wooden bench, still holding her hand.

  “Reverend Thomas, I’m not even sure how to say this.” She paused and took a deep breath to gather her thoughts. “I’m struggling because I’ve been enjoying the company of my new foreman. I love our conversations together. He is good at what he does and I feel better knowing that he’s there. But, I also feel like I’m not honoring Chase.”

  “Meg,” the Reverend interrupted. “I’ve known you since you were a child. You did love Chase, and with him being taken so suddenly, part of your heart is an open wound. It will let in what you allow in. Not all those things will be bad, but some can be. For example, if you clean a wound with soap it’ll heal more quickly. Allow it to get filthy and it opens back up and becomes infected. Do you understand?”

  Meg nodded in the affirmative. “I think what you’re saying is soap is good to let in a wound, debris is not?”

  “Yes, exactly. God’s timing is much different than our own. He isn’t always going to wait the prescribed amount of time to bring someone new along to heal and cleanse the hurt. It doesn’t mean this foreman will take Chase’s place. But if he’s helping you to heal and run your ranch, I’d say that’s a gift. You can’t do it alone.”

  Meg nodded, but it still seemed a bit wrong to enjoy the company of a man and she fidgeted in her seat and looked at the floor.

  The Reverend noticed her look. “Also, I don’t know if you are concerned about having feelings for this man, but consider Ruth, Naomi’s daughter-in-law. She had lost her husband and while she still appears torn up about the loss, comes back to Naomi’s homeland where she meets Boaz. It doesn’t say she loves him, but he protects and cares for her. She doesn’t wait for a year, she’d have mourned for her husband for the 30 days the law prescribed and then found another protector.

  “Like you, the things Ruth did could’ve had dire consequences without the help and protection of Boaz. She gathered grain in fields as a stranger in a strange land, and she could’ve been attacked at any time.”

  Meg blanched and her eye’s became round. She feared for a moment that somehow the Reverend knew about what Mark had done. She didn’t want anyone to know about that. The Reverend looked confused but she had no intention of telling him. He couldn’t find out that less than a week ago, being attacked had been real and Jax had been there to rescue her.

  “You’re not so very different from Ruth.” He began again, confusion evident in his voice. “I suggest when you start feeling guilt over normal feelings of friendship or desiring a person to protect you, turn to the Word and see what it says about your situation. The Word trumps our own notions.” He gave her hand one last squeeze. “Was there anything else?”

  She smiled at him and felt so much better, both for his opinion and the fact that he didn’t seem to understand her shock. “No, thank you so much.”

  Meg went outside and met up with Rose. She’d take the next few months to heal from everything that had happened. It would be good for her to have some time alone and make sure she could be fine on her own. When Jax came home around Thanksgiving, she would be a better boss for having taken time to heal. Even if she did have some feelings for Jax, more than likely he thought of her as nothing more than an employer. After all, he’d had that dream about Mary. She wouldn’t stand in the way of his love for whoever Mary was.

  ~~~

  Rose sat with Meg finishing the harvest of their vegetable gardens. They had put away a lot of food for the winter. Yesterday, Rose took Meg to a nearby friend to buy a rooster from him as she had lost all of hers in the storm and chicks would be necessary next spring. They had cleaned, freshened, and arranged both of their homes from top to bottom over the last few weeks. Meg pulled a carrot, cascading dirt all over Rose’s front. Rose made a noise deep in her throat, looked at Meg and a sour expression covered her face.

  “I’m tired of doing the same things over and over. With no animals or men to tend to, I’m pent up. I just feel like I can’t control my feelings. I need a walk.”

  “Oh, that sounds wonderful. Can I join you?” Meg looked up and smiled.

  “No. I want to be alone for a while.” Rose turned and walked away brushing dirt from her colorful skirt.

  Meg tried not to look hurt. “I’ll be out in the garden if you need me.” Meg watched Rose’s back as she walked toward her own home.

  ~~~

  The weather was still warm and Meg went out to check on the progress of the squash in the garden, it was the only thing left to harvest. A few more weeks and they could be cut and cured. Rose usually helped with that, but not this year. Her friend seemed angry and snippy. Rose was usually so level and even, but Rose had been coming to visit less and less. More recently she hadn’t come at all. Meg didn’t want to push, she knew Rose hadn’t been happy about having Pete go on the drive. Neither Meg nor Rose had heard a single word from anyone since they’d left at the end of May. The men should reach the stockyards this month, then they would be able to send word if everyone was all right. Meg tried not to count the days to the end of September, and she assumed Rose did as well.

  She looked around at the empty barns and pastures. Her whole life was empty,
everyone had left her. A crow screeched off in the distance and Meg shivered. She’d never liked crows. When did her home become so uninviting? She couldn’t remember a time, not even when her mother was so cold and left her alone all day as a young girl, when her home felt so unwelcoming.

  Meg shook herself and adjusted her gun belt on her hip. Thoughts like that didn’t do any good. This was her ranch, at least for now, feelings or not. She trudged back up to the house, closing the eerie sounds of the empty farm out behind her.

  ~~~

  Jax dismounted and grabbed a fresh horse. They’d make it to the stockyard within the week. According to Jeff and Gus, they’d passed the Dakota border. He wasn’t worried so much about the cold weather reaching them on the way there as he worried about riding away from it on the way home.

  Gus had been little more than a mouth to feed and someone to drive the chuck wagon thus far. At least that left him with a man to ride instead of being one man down on a horse if Gus hadn’t come. He also kept the conversation going at night around the campfire. Despite his somewhat questionable usefulness, Jax was happy to have him with. He got to know Gus well and the more he knew, the more he liked and respected him.

  Jax rode alone through some undergrowth to retrieve a spooked cow. He heard the shot the moment he felt the searing pain in his shoulder. Grabbing for the wound, his horse took over, dodging into the brush and thick cover. He looked around and see where the shot had come from, but despite controlling his mount, he was being taken further and further from the scene and from the help of his fellow riders.

  He had to get the horse to mind or he could end up riding right into the camp of whomever just took a shot at him. The horse did everything it could to knock off Jax so it could run faster and farther.