“I wouldn’t say never.” Jasper’s grin fades, and good Lord, is he looking at my mouth? I think he’s looking at my mouth. “But I haven’t exactly been earning them, have I?”
I lick my lips. “Well, no. Not exactly.”
“I’m sorry. I had grand intentions of being a better man.” Jasper sets his laptop on the bed, which I try very hard to ignore.
“Had? What happened?”
He bites his lip and I swear he moves closer as he says, “You showed up and I realized I had no idea how to act around you, so I went with what I know best.”
“Brilliant dickhead?” My hand flies to my mouth as Jasper barks out a laugh. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
Jasper grins. “Don’t they say if the shoe fits?” He reaches up, lifts my hand away from my face, and doesn’t let go. “Obviously I’ve been successful in reverting to type, which is a shame.”
“Why is that?” Jasper’s thumb caresses the inside of my wrist, making it very hard to keep my voice even.
“It’s rather dashed my hopes of getting to know you better, for one thing.” Jasper looks down at his hand on my arm.
It’s either his hand on my arm or the fact he’s not looking at me – one of those reasons fuel the words coming out of my mouth. “So, that’s it? One failed experiment and you’re done?”
Jasper’s gaze flies to mine. “Well, no. I mean, not normally. But you’re hardly an experiment, are you?”
“I don’t know. You might argue there’s a certain chemistry.” I move my hand back to my lap. “Or maybe you wouldn’t.”
Jasper’s expression flickers and the corner of his mouth turns up. “Are you kidding me?”
I lick my lips again. “You tell me.”
Jasper doesn’t say anything, although his hand on the back of my neck says a lot. But it’s his lips on mine that speak volumes. His kiss is gentle and tentative at first, as if he’s not sure I’m not going to push him away, until my fingers find the front of his shirt and tug him closer. Then his hand fists in my hair, his tongue parts my lips, and I forget everything on the planet except for Jasper St Julien.
When he pulls away, I think I’m finally going to have a chance to catch my breath, except his lips flutter along my jaw and down my neck, and I can’t help but moan. It’s been months since I’ve been kissed and even longer since I’ve been kissed like this. Jasper’s mouth finds mine again and he pulls me half into his lap, and oh my God, when I feel him pressed hard against me, I grab his shoulders and pull myself up so I can straddle him and be reminded of exactly how long it’s been for everything else, too.
Judging by the way my body reacts, it’s ready to kick into overdrive, but Jasper pushes me back two minutes later and says, “God, Bea. I…”
Whoa. He’s stopping this? I lean back and put two fingers over his mouth. “If you tell me you didn’t mean for this to happen, I’ll walk out of here and never speak to you again. And trust me, I would do it.”
Jasper takes my fingers gently away from his mouth. “I have no doubt you would, but that’s not what I was going to say.” He smiles. “I was going to say, I want nothing more than to continue this and see where it leads us, but now might not be the time. Someone is going to barge in looking for one or both of us and that might be…”
“Weird.” I’m not sure what Jasper was going to say, and I’m not sure I want to know. But he’s one hundred percent right. I purse my lips and slide a few inches back on his thighs. “We need to get the whole playlist thing done and I should get back to the kitchen, honestly.”
I’m purposely looking at the cream-colored wall behind his head when he says, “Bea?” His fingers caress my jawbone until I finally look at him. “Remember the date I asked you to think about?”
I nod.
“Will you give it a go? Tonight? Meet me at the tennis court after we finish clearing up?” God, he looks so sincere I couldn’t say no even if I wanted to.
I nod again and instead of asking what kind of date we can possibly have at eleven o’clock at night, I say, “Sure. That would be great.”
“Great.” Jasper smiles wide and says, “I’m looking forward to it.”
My heart leaps in my chest and I nod because I don’t trust myself to speak. Mostly because I’m worried I’ll say something downright dumb, but partly because I’m worried I’ll say something along the lines of, well, maybe if he could not mention this to Scarlett it would be better. And if he asks me, “Better for whom?” I won’t have an answer for him. At least not an easy one.
Chapter Fourteen
My daydreaming about meeting Jasper later lasts for ninety seconds, tops. From the minute I come back downstairs, I’m thrown into a frenzy of activity that makes me think I must have imagined the earlier casual vibe because there’s no evidence of it anywhere I look. As I walk through the dining room, Hannah argues with Paul about taking tables outside, and I’ve barely entered the kitchen before Lou’s rattling off a list of things that needed to be done ten minutes ago. Even Scarlett, who’s usually pretty chilled out, is looking harried.
For a couple of hours, it gets worse instead of better. I put too much mustard in the potato salad and no matter what I do, I can’t make it better and finally Lou tells me throw it out and start over. Hannah comes in red faced and gets a plate of chocolate cake out the fridge, attacking it with such force, no one says anything, even after she leaves the kitchen, taking the fork with her. And Paul, who usually floats quietly in the background, seems to have his hands in everything, including my crappy potato salad, until Lou kicks him out.
By the time the party’s started, the mood among the staff is strained, to say the least. Claire and Jasper are the only ones who are even laughing, and if Jasper and I hadn’t had the kiss we’d had in his apartment, I could almost imagine he and Claire are the ones who hooked up. I nudge up next to her with a pile of plates and say, “You’re in a good mood.”
“I love the St Julien’s summer picnic,” says Claire.
“You do?” I glance around. “Why?”
“Give it twenty minutes and you’ll see. Now that all the prep is over, we get to have fun with the guests and it actually is fun. Plus, this year we’re doing Fourth of July, and the fireworks will be fab.”
“If you say so.”
And yet, sure enough, when I bring the burgers out to Paul at the grill half an hour later, the music’s started and laughter rings through the air. Scarlett dances with two little girls, Lou has a smile on her face and a glass of wine in hand, and Jasper winks as he hands Hannah and me a pitcher of Pimms and two glasses.
“Pimms isn’t very American, is it?” I ask.
“No, but it’s Mum’s favorite,” Jasper says.
Hannah nods and pours me a glass, then herself. “I don’t believe in drinking on the job, but today all the work is mostly done, so.”
She clinks her glass on mine and Jasper nods his approval as he walks away. Hannah tilts her head a little, then says, “Is this your playlist?”
Miley Cyrus plays in the background. “Yes, but I refuse to take responsibility for some of the lesser choices.”
Hannah takes a long swallow of her Pimms. “I doubt anyone will notice. But I’m glad you and Jasper have found some common ground. It’s good for him.”
“What do you mean?” I take a sip of my drink and make a face. Pimms is a sweet liqueur mixed with carbonated lemonade, then muddled with cucumber, strawberries, and mint. I’ve never had anything like it before – aside from a taste in the kitchen about an hour ago – and my verdict is definitely still out.
“Jasper can be difficult, but he’s a good egg.” Hannah takes another sip of Pimms.
I take another sip of mine. It’s too sweet, but I like the hint of cucumber. “He’s good. I mean, you’re right. He’s hard to get to know, but he seems nice.”
“He and Scarlett have some water under the bridge between them. It makes for hard going sometimes.”
&nbs
p; I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I nod because she seems to assume I would know. Should know? If I hadn’t shut Scarlett down every time she brought Jasper up after his visit two years ago, I probably would know. But a guilty conscience is ever vigilant and every time she so much as breathed his name, I changed the subject.
Much like I do now. “Do you have any siblings?”
Hannah nods. “Two sisters. One of them lives in Kendall and the other in London, but I see them both about the same.”
After that, Hannah wanders off to talk to a couple of the older guests and I play a game of croquet with two teenagers. At some point, Paul announces burgers are ready and we all line up for food. As I sink down in the grass beside Scarlett with my plate, I realize Claire was right. This is fun.
“You having a good time?” Scarlett asks.
“I am. It’s almost like a traditional July Fourth, but better because my mom isn’t here trying to get everyone to try her devilled eggs.”
“Well, good.” Scarlett leans into me. “Later we usually go into town and end the night at the pub. Will’s expecting us.”
Crap. I didn’t even think about Scarlett when I agreed to meet Jasper later, but I’m obviously not going to be able to do both. I know which one I’m going to choose, even if it makes me a bad friend. I also know exactly what I’m going to say now, knowing I’ll bail later.
“Sure, sounds great,” I say. “Speaking of Will, any progress with him and Claire?”
Scarlett shakes her head and sticks her bottom lip out. “Nope. But maybe she’ll meet someone tomorrow night when we go out.” She wriggles her eyebrows. “Maybe we all will. Remember? We’re finding a guy who will adore you.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I know. But I’m good. Trust me.”
“A hook up would do you a world of good. Get Theo out of your system.”
“I don’t feel like Theo’s still in my system.” I shrug. “Just saying.”
But then there’s the email I sent him a few weeks ago, which he answered. Of course. Because if there’s one thing Theo is, it’s polite. And even his, ‘I’m surprised by your message,’ was followed by, ‘If you’re in London, it would be fun to see you,’ because he’s too nice to tell me to go to hell directly.
Of course, Scarlett knows nothing about this, like she knows nothing about the fact I was making out with Jasper earlier, but I have a feeling she’d have a strong opinion about both. Suddenly the secrets I’m keeping from her taste bitter in the back of my mouth, so I wave in Lou’s direction and pretend she’s called me over, shuffling away from Scarlett, but not my guilt.
Which follows me around all afternoon like a devil perched on my shoulder. By the time Claire comes and holds out a plate of apple crumble, I jump a mile at her hand on my arm. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. You startled me.”
“I see that,” Claire says. “Are you okay? You’re not exactly yourself.”
“I’m not? Who am I?” I laugh, but it sounds high and fake. “I thought I was playing the token American quite well.”
“You are, actually. We’re expecting you to sing the “Star Spangled Banner” before fireworks. Did Hannah forget to mention that?” Claire smiles as she takes a bite of crumble. Then with her mouth still half full says, “But that’s not what I mean.”
I take a forkful of crumble, but more so I have something to do with my hands. I’m not going to eat it, not after everything else I’ve had today. Pimms is pretty low-cal, but the rolls for the burgers are white and everything combined is more calories than I can even think about. And that doesn’t include all of the tastes I had in the kitchen earlier. “Okay?”
“If there’s something bothering you…” Claire trails off and shrugs. “I know we don’t know each other very well, but I’ve been working here every summer since I was fifteen and sometimes it can feel a bit intense – like you’re caught up in the family drama, but it’s not actually your family.”
I have to laugh. “Trust me, the St Juliens have nothing on my family, drama or otherwise.”
“I thought you said your mom was great?” Claire pauses.
“She is, but she’s a single mother in the South, and in our family that’s just not done, darlin’.” I add a bit of Southern twang for emphasis. “If you met the rest of my family you’d understand.”
“I don’t have to meet them to understand.” Claire’s lips curve up, but it’s not quite a smile. “I’ve been working here since I was fifteen for a reason.”
Claire and I have lived together for weeks and this is the first she’s mentioned her family. Scarlett told me Claire grew up with her grandmother, but she didn’t say more. I’m not sure I’m supposed to ask, but I can’t help it. “To get away from home?”
“In a word, yes. When I was five my mother had to go to New York for work and my grandmother was going to look after me as a special treat. My mum’s second day in New York she was sitting in a sidewalk café wasting time before a meeting and a car jumped the sidewalk, plowing into her table and killing her instantly. The driver was an eighty-two-year-old guy who had a heart attack whilst driving and also died.” Claire’s voice is even, almost monotone. This is a story she’s told often. “My dad was never in the picture and he didn’t magically appear after my mum died, leaving my grandmother to take care of me. She did the best she could, but she’s not exactly, shall we say, maternal.”
“So you started working here?” I’m not sure how living with her grandmother led to Castle Calder, but now I’m curious.
“The summer I was fifteen, I came here for a holiday with my grandmother and her then-boyfriend. My grandmother is quite a femme fatale of the geriatric set. She’s had more boyfriends than I can ever hope to.” Claire smiles, but it’s got an edge to it. “Anyway, we came here and Scarlett and I hit it off, which was a life saver because my grandmother was otherwise engaged. I helped out around the castle, doing whatever jobs needed doing so I could hang out with Scarlett and, in return, get away from my grandmother. The day before we were supposed to leave, I was talking to Scarlett, telling her I wished I could stay at Castle Calder instead of going home with my grandmother, and Hannah overheard. She asked if I’d want to stay to help out, they could keep me on the rest of the summer, blah, blah, blah.”
“And your grandmother didn’t mind?” I can’t help picturing my grandmother if a stranger asked if I could stay with them for the rest of the summer. Even if I begged, she’d never have agreed when I was only fifteen.
Claire barks out a laugh. “Are you kidding? She was thrilled. When Hannah asked her, the first thing my grandmother said was, ‘Oh, fab. Ben and I will be able to go to Italy after all.’”
“Wow. That’s pretty shitty.”
“I used to tell myself she didn’t mean it, but she did.” Claire shrugs. “She was great when I was little, especially right after my mum died. But a few years in, she realized there was no end in sight and I was either going to cramp her style or have to learn to live with it, and for her the choice was clear.”
“So do you still see her?” I ask.
“We have an obligatory family Christmas, Christmas Eve through Boxing Day, which is only bearable because my cousins are there and it’s a big extended family thing. We always meet somewhere, so she’s on neutral ground, which also helps. She can be a little precious about her things and God forbid one of the kids takes a drink into her lounge.” Claire’s smile this time is genuine, but it fades as she continues. “She used to come up here for a visit every summer, but last summer she didn’t, and so far there’s no booking for this summer either. If she doesn’t come, I’ll take the long way back to uni and meet her for lunch.”
“And that’s it? What about your other school breaks?” My mother drives me insane, but I can’t imagine only seeing her for three days per year.
“I have a flat and a job in the campus bookstore, so school breaks are an opportunity to work and catch up on life stuff. Sometimes if I know Jasper’s coming up here for a visit, I
’ll come too, and Hannah and I meet in London every February to do some shopping and see a show.” Claire levels her gaze at me. “So if you’re asking if I miss my grandmother, the short answer is no.”
“Right. So the St Juliens are sort of your fill-in family? Ish?”
“They’re my fill-in family without any of the drama. Jasper and Scarlett are like the brother and sister I never had, but seeing the way they can fight, maybe it’s better this way.” Claire grins. “Believe it or not, they’re better than they used to be. God, when we were younger, they used to go at it.”
“Now it’s more of a cold war?”
“Scarlett’s bubbly and friendly and great with people. Jasper’s super smart and really intense. I think both of them wish they were more like the other, but they’d never admit it in a million years.” Claire smiles. “But there’s a genuine affection and admiration between them too, which is good because it keeps them from killing each other.”
I laugh more loudly than I mean to, causing Jasper to look over from his chair by the barbecue. He raises his eyebrows and I feel myself start to grin before turning quickly away. Because shit, shit, shit, Claire’s right here.
And she doesn’t miss a beat. Her voice is soft when she says, “He likes you, I think.”
Shit, shit, shit. “Um, yeah. I mean, I think he likes me well enough as a friend of Scarlett’s.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
I have two choices here and both of them make me uneasy. But my response finally banishes the devil on my shoulder when I say, “I know.”
Chapter Fifteen
The world doesn’t implode after my admission to Claire. Nor does she run over to tell Scarlett straightaway. In fact, she just smiles and waves over Lou, who’s walking around with a jug of Pimms refilling glasses.
Several Pimms and an American hot dog later, it’s finally dark enough for Paul to announce the fireworks will start in the next fifteen minutes and Hannah starts passing out sparklers to everyone. Sometime in the last few hours, Scarlett, Jasper, Claire, and I created our own little circle away from the guests and Scarlett nominates Jasper and me to snag some extra sparklers and blankets. Unlike July Fourth in Atlanta, it’s gotten downright cold as the sun’s gone down.
A Brit on the Side (Castle Calder Book 1) Page 10
