Crap.
I walk slowly over to join them and flash a perfunctory smile. “Hey. How was London?”
Claire nods. “It was good. I’m so sorry we didn’t meet up with you. I feel terrible about this whole trip.”
“You shouldn’t.” I mentally pat myself on the back for the emphasis on the shouldn’t part of my statement. “I actually had a nice time.”
“You looked like you were enjoying yourself when I saw you,” Scarlett says, biting her lip.
I’ve thought a lot about the best way to handle this. Letting Scarlett back me into a corner is not one of them. “You were with Mr. Waring-Smith, I presume? How did it go?”
“Really well. He’s keen, so we’ll see. He’s supposed to get me a contract today and we’ll go from there.”
“Wow, that’s fantastic. What does he want you to do?” I ask.
“He’s opening a London office and wants me to work with the designers on motifs to complement the interior space,” Scarlett says.
“It sounds amazing and it’s great exposure,” Claire gushes. “I mean, you don’t have to like the guy to work with him.”
“But it would help. I think the reason he’s offering such a great package is because he knows he’s bloody hard to work with.” Scarlett glances at her watch. “Our train is probably here. We should go.”
Any conversation we’d have about Mr. Bradley Waring-Smith, Theo, or anything else is put on hold while we navigate through Euston Station. Again, the crowds are everywhere, but this time with luggage. By the time we sink down in our seats, I’m hot and frazzled.
“Oh my God. I think I’ve forgotten how to live in a city,” I say. “London is amazing, but I can’t wait to get out of here.”
Claire laughs. “It’s the height of tourist season, too, so it’s worse than normal. When I come over to meet Hannah in February, it’s dead.”
“Well, if this whole project goes through, I’ll need to be in London every other week, apparently,” Scarlett says.
“Every other week?” I furrow my brow. “How would that work?”
“I don’t know. It will be part of the negotiations. I’m not willing to even consider it until I see an initial contract,” Scarlett says. Then she turns to me. “But enough about that. It’s already giving me a huge headache, which honestly is reason enough for me to bail. Tell me about your little lunch yesterday. Or better yet, tell me what you’re going to tell Jaz about your little lunch.”
Judging by the look on Claire’s face, Scarlett already told her I met up with Theo and she’s about as impressed as Scarlett is. I sigh and close my eyes, but only to hide the way my heart leaps. Here goes nothing. “What I tell Jasper about Theo and me is none of your business.” I open my eyes. “In fact, whatever I say about my trip to London really isn’t your concern, considering you weren’t a part of it.”
Scarlett tilts her head like she heard me wrong. “As I recall, you made that choice, not me.”
I shrug and hope to God I look as cool and unaffected as I sound. “I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on that.”
“Well, I disagree your involvement with Jaz isn’t my concern,” Scarlett says. “Let’s start with the fact you deliberately kept your relationship from me. It is a relationship, isn’t it?”
“It is and I’m sorry. I should never have done that,” I start. I think about adding that I tried to tell her the other night in the hotel bar, but I know I didn’t. Not really.
“You knew Jasper and I had a difficult relationship and you knew why, yet you ignored that completely.” Scarlett leans across the table separating us. “You’re my best friend.”
“I’m not sure I am. Not in the way I’m supposed to be, anyway.” This was my decision after I saw Scarlett at Oxo Tower yesterday – total transparency. But gah, it was a lot easier to imagine than it is to do. I take a deep breath. “Jasper and I hooked up when he came to Atlanta a couple years ago. That weekend you went away, one thing led to another and we spent the weekend together. Then he went back to Cambridge and that was the end of it. Except it wasn’t.”
“For fuck’s sake, this has been going on all summer?” Scarlett’s loud enough the people two rows ahead of us turn around.
“No. It’s been complicated. I wanted to pick up where we left off, but Jasper wouldn’t. For a long time, nothing happened, but then it did.” It’s the most basic way I can describe it, but I doubt Scarlett wants the dirty details.
“Was this before or after I told you about Sam?” Scarlett’s voice is low now, caught between a sneer and a hiss.
“After.” I hear her sharp intake of breath but talk through it. “When you told me about what happened between them, Jasper and I weren’t speaking. I know it doesn’t change the fact I didn’t tell you when that changed, but I also know I’m not Sam and to hold me to this unspoken promise that I won’t go near your brother because of something that happened to someone else isn’t fair.”
“Wow, and now you sound like him. Did Jaz give you that line?”
“Of course not. Until you saw us together Tuesday morning, we never talked about you. At least not in terms of our relationship.” I realized this last night walking around Covent Garden. For how much Scarlett has fixated on Jasper, he’s barely mentioned her.
Scarlett looks surprised by this, but she recovers quickly. “And now you have a relationship. What do you think my brother would say about you having lunch with your ex? Surely you’ll tell him, since that’s what people in relationships do?”
Claire, whose face has been so expressionless I wonder if she’s even listening, leans in. I glance between her and Scarlett as I answer. “I don’t know what he’ll say, but it’s not a secret. I’m going to tell him.” I can’t resist the chance for a dig. “It was good to see Theo. Besides the tourists I asked to take my picture, I didn’t have much opportunity for conversation the past couple of days.”
Claire winces like I pinched her. “Bea, I’m so sorry.”
I cut her off. “I don’t blame you.” I make myself look at Scarlett. “And I don’t blame you. Anymore. You can bet I sure as hell blamed you at first.”
“Of course --” Scarlett starts, her tone hard.
“But it was good for me. Being by myself in a big city is something I’ve never done before, but I was fine. Better than fine. As for seeing Theo, that was fine, too. He’s dating someone new and…” I shrug. “It’s fine.”
“So everything’s fine. Good on you,” Scarlett says. She raises a hand as if she’s holding a glass. “To Bea, who’s managed to put her life back on track and only derailed one friend in the process.”
For the first time since we’ve been talking, I falter. I feel my eyes prick and my face get hot. When I speak, my voice sounds watery, even though my eyes stay dry. “It doesn’t have to be that way, Scarlett. You’re making this into an either-or scenario, but it’s not.”
When she looks at me, her expression is flat. “Maybe not. But right now, that’s what it feels like.”
The problem is, it feels like that to me too. And I know who I’ll choose if forced – the person who’s not making me pick a side.
We don’t exchange another word for the rest of the train journey.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Being back at Castle Calder is eerily quiet after the crowds and noise of London. As I walk up to the main building from the cabin, I hear a distant thwack of a tennis ball against a racquet and a couple kids laughing, but otherwise, nothing. Judging by the number of cars in the parking lot, there aren’t many people here, which is a welcome relief. I slow my pace as I come out of the shade of the trees and turn my face up to the sky. It’s genuinely warm today – I’m wearing shorts and my new Union Jack T-shirt, and I don’t even need a backup sweater.
It’s the kind of day I’d love to play hooky, although I suspect that has more to do with everything else than it does with the weather. I have no idea what I’m walking into when I step through the front
door. All I know is I haven’t felt this nervous since my first day student teaching. And my conversation with Claire as we unpacked didn’t help.
Scarlett was pissed when I left them on Tower Bridge, of course. Then she was contrite. They asked for me at the front desk at the hotel, but Baldy was true to his word and didn’t give me away. Claire said she tried to talk Scarlett around, to make her see how ridiculous she was being, and she was making progress until Scarlett saw me with Theo. After that, Claire spent most of the time trying to convince Scarlett not to call Jasper, but she’s not certain if she did or not. Because blood is thicker than friendship and, well, my meeting Theo looked bad.
As Claire explained, I tried to see it objectively and part of me understands how it might look bad. If you were looking for the bad in the situation anyway.
Now, as I pull the door open, I have to remind myself not to do the exact same thing when I see Jasper. Jasper, who I’ve been craning my neck to find since the minute the taxi pulled up. The only reason I’ve waited this long is a combination of awkwardness and apprehension – awkwardness about Scarlett and apprehension about the way we left things. Claire’s recap definitely didn’t help with the latter. Scarlett misconstrued my entire meeting with Theo. What if she called Jasper and he believed her? I don’t think he would, but as Claire said, blood is thicker than friendship, is thicker than this thing between Jasper and me.
What if I’m putting my entire friendship with Scarlett on the line over a thing with Jasper that turns out to be nothing?
Except my issue with Scarlett is more about our friendship than it is about her brother. Jasper’s simply the tipping point.
Oh my God. The voices in my head are having their own arguments now.
I turn towards the bar. I need to see him. Jasper always works the bar on a Thursday night, which means he should be doing inventory now. I pick up my pace until I’m practically jogging, but I screech to a halt when I get to the doorway. Seated at a bar stool is Scarlett, bent over a pile of papers, pen in hand. Jasper’s nowhere in sight.
I turn to go and the rubber sole of my sneaker squeaks. Scarlett straightens, but doesn’t turn around. “If you’re looking for Jaz he’s gone to get another keg. He should be back in a little while.” Scarlett’s tone isn’t exactly friendly, but it’s not contemptuous either.
I don’t know how to respond. “Okay. Thanks.”
“I told him I was mean to you, so you don’t have to.” Scarlett still doesn’t turn around.
“I probably wasn’t going to tell him that.” Until I say it, I don’t even realize it’s true.
“What were you going to tell him?”
I think back to my earlier resolve of total transparency. It hasn’t worked very well so far, but maybe I need practice. “I missed him and I’m sorry. Jasper’s been nothing but honest with me from the start and it wasn’t fair for me to call bullshit so quickly.” I bite my lip, waiting for Scarlett to respond. When she doesn’t, I continue. “I know you’re angry, but he’s a good guy. He’s not trying to hurt you.”
“That’s what he said. About you.” Now Scarlett turns. Her lips twist in what’s either a half smile or a sneer. “Do you love him?”
Love?
My instinctive “I just got out of a relationship” line feels weak. And dishonest. Never mind foolish on the heels of the whole Theo drama. I shuffle my feet. “I don’t know. I haven’t let myself really think of him that way.”
“Why not?” Now Scarlett’s mouth is a thin line and I have the inane thought that if her eyes were lasers, I’d be fried.
I press my toes into the soles of my sneakers to still my feet. “Because it feels like being with Jasper means losing you and I hate feeling like I’m going to have to choose.”
“That makes me a pretty crap friend, huh?” I can’t read Scarlett’s expression.
So I don’t even try. I shrug. “You’ve been pretty clear about how you feel.”
“I’ve been a bitch.” Scarlett smiles, but it’s gone as quickly as it came. “You can say it. Jaz had no hesitation, trust me.”
My lips turn up, even though I don’t mean them to. “I can picture that.”
“He gave me quite a speech about how people aren’t possessions and real friendship isn’t about staking a claim. He also said even if you told him to fuck off, it wouldn’t make things right between any of us.” Scarlett looks down at her hands. “He was right.”
My heart feels like Scarlett reaches in and grabs it, and when she lets go, it expands to twice its normal size. “I’m pretty sure I could love both of you. I mean, that’s what people do, right?”
Scarlett nods and when she looks up, she smiles. It’s not one hundred percent genuine, but it’s there. “I knew it. You do love him. Be honest.”
I try not to smile, but it doesn’t work. “I don’t know. Maybe?” I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them again, I say, “Speaking of honesty, you were way too pissed to suddenly be on board with this after one stern talking to.”
“I’m not completely on board, but then I think if I can’t get behind my brother with my best friend, I’m a worse person than I thought.” Scarlett turns and picks up some of the papers from the bar. “Besides, with Jaz in Atlanta in the fall, he’s going to need someone to keep in him in line.”
“Isn’t that what you do best?”
“Yes. But…” Scarlett waves the papers. “I’m not going to be there, it seems. Mr. Waring-Smith has made me an offer I can’t refuse, including an incentive to stay in the UK for the fall to work with him. And don’t fret, he’s offering to pay my rent in the US, so you won’t have to worry.”
Whoa. How did I miss what a big deal this was? I ask the only question I can think of. “Um, what about school?”
“Apparently he’s going to pay my tuition, too, to keep me enrolled.” Scarlett waves the papers again. “It’s all spelled out and it’s pretty fucking generous, I must say. He’s thought of everything.”
“Wow. Wow.” I take a tentative step towards Scarlett. “Are you happy about this? Because I’m not sure you seem happy.”
“I’m cautiously optimistic this will be good for my career. Bradley Waring-Smith’s endorsement will guarantee me more work than I can handle, and I’m getting practical design experience, which will keep the starving out of starving artist, if nothing else.” Scarlett’s never sounded businesslike about her art before, but she does now.
“And you’re positive you’re doing this?” I ask.
“Pending a contract review with the lawyer, yes. I’m going to do my due diligence, but from what I know of Mr. Waring-Smith, I doubt he would do anything that wasn’t completely above board.”
“Wow.” I step close enough to Scarlett that I can reach out and grip her arm. “I’m thrilled for you. I think? I mean, I’m super excited for you, but I’m not sure you’re excited for you.”
Scarlett smiles and covers my hand with hers. “I’m cautiously optimistic until I’ve got a signed contract in hand. Then, pop the bloody champagne and keep it coming.”
Okay. That’s the Scarlett I know and love. I grin. “Absolutely.” Then my face falls. “But who am I going to drink margaritas with on Two-For Tuesday?”
She purses her lips and points behind me. “I can think of someone.”
I’m almost afraid to turn around because I know she’s looking at Jasper. But I make myself do it, even though my shoulders crawl up as I turn.
But then I see him and they drop. He’s disheveled with his shirt untucked and rumpled shorts, his glasses slightly askew on his nose, but I can say for sure, he’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.
I don’t realize I’ve even crossed the room until we’re standing toe to toe. My pulse beats in my chest like bats in a cage and when I speak my voice sounds uneven and weird. “Hi. I’m sorry. I was a jerk and I’m sorry.”
Jasper doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me. And looks at me. The bats in my chest swarm like someone turned stadium light
s on them. I try to swallow, but the bats seem to have landed in my throat too. Finally, I croak out, “Can you say something please?”
Jasper shakes his head. His gaze doesn’t waver. But the next minute I’m in his arms and his lips are on mine, his hands tangled in my hair. As a low moan is about to escape my throat I hear Scarlett clear hers behind me. Loudly.
Shit.
It’s one thing to declare an uneasy truce. It’s another to flaunt it right in front of her. I break away and turn to Scarlett, who’s leaning back against the bar, eyebrows raised. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“No, no. You two carry on. Don’t let me interfere with your happy reunion.” Is there an edge to Scarlett’s tone or am I looking for one? I can’t tell.
Jasper’s hand slides around my waist. “We agreed no more passive aggressive animosity, remember?”
Scarlett slides off the stool. “That was not animosity. It was more amazement.” She shakes her head a little. “You two really do like each other.”
“Scarlett, Lou is absolutely swamped in the kitchen and I still haven’t seen --” Hannah calls from the hallway. She stops short as she reaches the door. “--Bea. Oh, there you are.”
“I’m sorry, I was --” I start.
Hannah’s eyes travel to Jasper’s arm around my waist. “I see. Well, Lou needs you when you’re free. Scarlett, darling, can you come with me and check the arrangement in the library? We’ve got a group in there tonight.”
Scarlett nods and heads for the door. “AKA, let’s give the lovebirds a little privacy? On it.”
Hannah doesn’t confirm or deny her intention, but I’m glad she’s taken Scarlett with her nonetheless. After the slap of Scarlett’s sandals on the tile fades, I turn to Jasper. “I saw Theo. He was in London. It’s a long story, but I want you to know because I don’t want it to be a thing between us.” I blurt this out and keep going. “It was fine. He was fine. But it was nothing. He has a new girlfriend and I’m happy for him. And I’m sorry I acted the way I did when I left. I was a jerk and I’m sorry.”
A Brit on the Side (Castle Calder Book 1) Page 23
