We did it.
September 12
“How was your day?” Detective Pearson asked as they pulled away from school. “Eli?”
He paused his music and looked up from his phone. Fine. “Fine,” he said. He’d been working on this kind of thing with Dr. Maria: small talk.
“What do you say when someone hands you something?” she would ask.
Run. “Thank you.”
“What do you say when someone seems upset?”
Hide. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you say if you feel like you need help, in any way?”
Keep quiet. “Could you please help me?”
Pearson turned onto the busy street. “Had a chance to talk to anyone yet?”
What do you do when someone talks to you?
Nothing. Don’t talk to anyone, or by God…
“Not really,” said Eli.
“Well, it takes time. I think I saw you had art today?”
“Yeah. It was good.” He’d made a pinch pot. It had ended up sort of avocado-shaped. Some of the burnt-colored clay was still under his nails.
“And your focus was okay?”
Eli shrugged. “Better.” There were still moments when all the stimuli overwhelmed him. And some stretches that he really couldn’t account for. That felt…blank.
“I finished my lunch,” he added.
She patted his shoulder. “Here’s to small victories.”
That’s not what she wants. You know what she’s really after. But there had been no new memories, today or any time this week.
Eli opened his backpack and got the little plastic bag that held his medication. Popped the afternoon pill in his mouth and swallowed it dry.
They passed Red Mill Burgers. Its neon-red sign glowed extra-bright in the misty afternoon. Lots of teens in the line snaking out the door. More of them crowded at the bar that ran along the front windows, the glass fogged. They always flocked there the moment the bell rang. Laughing, hands flapping as they talked, play-punching and wrestling. It looked like fun.
You walk home from school and you get taken.
Other kids talked about going to the mall after school.
You blow up malls.
The movies on weekends.
Movies are dark and loud and windowless.
Maybe if he had someone to go with.
“Well, it sounds like it was a good day, all in all,” said Pearson. “Nice and normal.”
“Yeah,” said Eli, putting on his headphones. Nice and normal.
Except for the note in his pocket.
That wasn’t normal at all.
The note was exactly the kind of thing he should be reporting to Pearson. That everyone all the way up to Homeland Security would want to know about.
And yet Eli breathed deep and, for the third day in a row, didn’t say a word.
He had gym twice a week, on Mondays and Fridays right before lunch, which seemed to mean that whoever had left him the note knew his schedule. Stopping by the auditorium would be no big deal on the way to lunch.
But the wolf drawing meant more than that. How had they found out who he was? He hadn’t told anyone, and he’d barely talked to anybody at school so far except this one girl Clara who he’d been paired up with a couple times in English and a teacher here or there.
Could it be from her? Maya knew who he was. He’d seen her a few times in the hall. She didn’t look so good. Also he was probably the last person she wanted to see.
Maybe it’s from him. Gabriel could have infiltrated the school somehow. Maybe he’d be waiting in the gym.
You knew I wouldn’t stay gone forever, didn’t you?
It had occurred to Eli that the anniversary of the DOL—failure—was approaching. Pearson and everyone else had asked him if October 26 was significant somehow. If Gabriel had ever said anything about it. Eli didn’t quite remember—it wasn’t like Gabriel told him anything. Except that wasn’t true. Gabriel had told him lots of things, but Dr. Maria had pointed out that all that stuff about Barons and the Purpose and Gabriel’s and Jacob’s roles in a great saga of the people was just a story. Maybe October 26 had some significance to whoever Gabriel—no one thought that was his real name—really was, but Eli didn’t know. Either way, the march of the calendar toward that date was causing worry to grow in his gut.
We’ll finish what we started.
Maybe that began this Friday, in the auditorium after gym….
And yet, even if that was the case, Eli had made up his mind. He was going, no matter who might be there, because of the note’s final line:
Let’s hang out!
There was more silence in the crowded halls and cafeterias, in the moments before and after class when everyone around him was chatting, even in this car, seeing all the normal lives through the window. Whoever this person was, Eli wouldn’t have to hide who he was. And assuming it wasn’t actually Gabriel, and they really wanted to be his friend, he wasn’t going to subject them to background checks and interviews from three branches of law enforcement. It might scare them off.
“You okay?” Pearson asked.
“What?” Eli pulled off his headphones.
“You were tapping your legs, like, really fast. Just drumming along?”
“Oh,” said Eli. He noticed his heart was racing. “Yeah.” He slid his headphones back on, jaw clenched, a surge of frustration welling up. Maybe it was time for everyone to stop watching his every move. He wasn’t going to blow up, and he didn’t remember anything!
Stay calm, Dr. Maria always said. But why? Everyone at school was always freaking out, wild swings of energy and emotion in all directions. Eli never did. Like the switches were broken. Maybe these moments were some small sign that he was getting better. It felt kinda good.
“Did you give any more thought to trying out for basketball?” Pearson asked as they turned onto his street.
“I wouldn’t be any good at it.” He’d played in the Boys & Girls Club league, before. He’d only been okay at it then.
“That’s how Andrew, my oldest, talks about swim team. I said to him, how will you ever know if you don’t try?”
Maybe.
“Well, I think you should at least consider it.” Pearson stopped at the curb. “Have a good evening.”
Eli got out of the car. “You too,” he remembered to say.
As Pearson drove away, Eli looked up and down the street. No idling cars, no lone men looming toward him. He walked up the short path and let himself in the front door of their little house: three different keys for three separate locks. Mom had had the windows reinforced and a security system installed with little cameras that synced to her phone.
The TV was blaring when he entered but had paused by the time his eyes adjusted to the gloom.
Melissa sat up. She’d been lying sideways, a pillow under her head, her long legs draped over the edge of the couch. She wore workout shorts and a crimson hoodie. Hair back, chewing gum, tapping her phone, surrounded by her textbooks.
“Hey,” she said.
Hey, Eli thought to say.
Her eyes met his. What do you do when you greet someone?
Smile and say hello.
But Melissa had already turned toward the kitchen. “Mom, Eli’s home.”
How was your day?
Melissa clicked off the TV and stood, biting her lip. She gathered her books, her phone, and a bottle of some pink-colored tea.
What are you drinking? What show was that? How was that movie you went to last night?
She started toward the kitchen, then paused. “Was your day okay?”
Eli nodded.
Melissa smiled. “Two weeks down, right?”
Right.
“Okay. I’ll be in my room.”
“Please empty the dishwasher!” Mom called from down the hall.
“Ugh, right.” Melissa detoured into the kitchen.
Eli kicked off his shoes, dropped his backpack on the couch, and followed her. He grabbed a protein bar from the box on the counter. Part of his fitness plan. Unwrapped it, watching Melissa gather a stack of plates from the dishwasher.
“Stop lurking over there,” she said, turning to the cabinets. “It’s weird when you just stare like that.”
Sorry.
The thumping of the bed through the ceiling. Melissa’s screams and sobs. The time or two early on when he’d tried to talk to her, climbing onto the back of the bed frame and whispering at the ceiling. She’d never answered. And when Gabriel heard him, the punishment had been fierce.
Will you set her free if I do this?
During the hours in the DOL, surrounded by bomb technicians, Eli had cried not because of what he’d almost done but because of what he’d failed to do. If Gabriel was true to his word—he had always been painfully true to his word—then as Eli was standing there stuck with Maya, he was home punishing Melissa worse than ever before. Her screams haunted him in the ambulance, in the hospital room, as the doctors and nurses, counselors and detectives, arrived and left.
Until his mom had walked in alive—and Melissa right behind her. They’d paused at the foot of the bed, looking even more terrified of him than anyone yet…then rushed to him.
Something broke inside Eli then, when he thought there had been nothing left to break.
His mom had been alive. Melissa had been fine. All that time in the red dark…not only had he been weak and scared, he’d been stupid.
But Gabriel had shown him proof! A necklace he’d dropped at Eli’s feet: This is what your mom was wearing when I freed her. His sister’s favorite black concert T-shirt: This is what she was wearing when I brought her here.
Only later did Eli wonder: Who had really been in that room upstairs? Whose screams had those been? And was she still there?
There was no way for you to know, Dr. Maria had said.
And yet when he looked at Melissa, even a year later, it was still confusing.
Eli heard the clacking of his mom’s keyboard from her bedroom down the hall. He approached on the balls of his feet and peered around the doorframe.
She sat at the little desk by her bed. Eli just glimpsed the dialogue box arrangement on her laptop. Another chat room. He craned his neck to get a closer look.
“Oh.” She’d caught his reflection in the monitor. Her hand flashed to the touch pad. Chat room gone. Laptop closed. She swiveled and took off her glasses. “Hey.” Rubbed at her eyes. “I was just about to come out.”
Her hair was in a bun. It made the gray streaks at her temples catch the light. Made her look like Eli’s grandmother Raquel, who used to squeeze him so hard. She’d passed away while he was in the red dark.
“What are you doing?” Eli asked.
“Just work stuff,” Mom said, getting up. She’d been a nurse. Hadn’t worked at all the first year he’d been gone. Now she was part-time in a dentist office. She never had to bring work home.
“You got a snack,” she said, like she was checking it off. “Homework?” She put an arm around his shoulder and guided him back toward the kitchen.
“Not much. I had study hall.”
She moved to the counter between the sink and the refrigerator. The plunk of a cork being removed. Poured herself a glass of red wine.
“Jeez, Mom,” said Melissa, “starting early?”
“It’s happy hour somewhere.” Mom toasted them, an attempt at a smile, as if fighting weights at the corners of her mouth, and sipped. “Did you have a chance to talk to anyone today?” she said to Eli.
Eli crossed his arms. Sure, because it’s so easy. All I need is a chance. “One kid,” he lied.
Mom sipped again. Half the glass already gone. “Oh yeah, who’s that?”
“Just a kid in science. I forget his name.”
“Well, that’s a start. And…rides home still going okay with Detective Pearson?”
I didn’t remember anything.
A silence passed between them all.
Mom’s gaze settled in the space between Eli and the counter. He wondered if she only drank when he was around. I know you blame yourself, he didn’t say. Not just for that day, but also because after I’d been gone a year or so, you gave up. Or maybe the drinking was because he reminded her of what they’d had. What they’d never have again.
Mom hitched like she’d remembered something. “I have laundry to change.” She refilled her glass and brushed by him, opening the door to the basement.
“She’ll be down there awhile,” said Melissa, putting the glasses away.
“What do you mean?” Eli grabbed the silverware basket from the dishwasher and opened the drawer.
“You don’t have to do that,” said Melissa.
It’s fine. He started picking out the knives.
“Haven’t you noticed that the laundry takes her at least a half hour?”
He hadn’t. “What do you think she’s doing?”
“Don’t know. The wineglass is always empty by the time she comes up.”
“She looks at weird stuff online,” said Eli.
Melissa shrugged. “She’s better than she was.”
“Did you have classes today?”
“Just two on Wednesdays.” She checked her watch and sighed. “I have to go to a study group tonight, though.” Melissa commuted to the University of Washington. She’d nearly been valedictorian of her high school class. Stanford had been her dream; she’d gotten in with a scholarship and had been there just under two months when Eli had been found. She transferred back so she could help out.
Eli finished the silverware and reached for the two wineglasses.
“Hey, I said I got it.” Melissa moved his hand away and held it tight. “I know you do this because you’re confused.”
“I’m not—”
“I saw the way you were looking at me before. It’s one of those days, I get it.”
It’s—
“I don’t know what it’s like in your head, but I need you to remember that wasn’t me in that house. The only thing I’m recovering from is losing a brother, and now he’s back and he should go do his homework. I can handle the dishes.”
Eli nodded and went to get his backpack. When he crossed the kitchen again, he didn’t look at her. Kept his gaze down—
She caught him from behind and wrapped him in a hug.
“I love you, brother.”
Eli smelled her hair.
Still heard her screaming.
“Xbox after dinner?”
“I thought you had to go.”
“I do, but I’ll have a little time.”
“Sure.”
* * *
***
Later that night, when Melissa had left and Mom had dozed off on the couch in the flicker of some detective drama, Eli made his way into the kitchen and washed his lunch bowl and spoon, dried them, and returned them to his backpack. After that, he crept into Mom’s room and woke up her computer. He’d figured out her password a while ago. And he knew that while she remembered to close browser windows, she didn’t always clear her search history.
It only took him a second to find the chat room she’d been in.
Sparklebrite.info The best place for whatever!
Mom’s screen name had been LookinforLuv. The thread was titled Meeting Place.
Rustling from the living room.
Eli skimmed quickly.
LookinforLuv: I love talking with the youngs. I’m just not sure the best place to find them.
Freaktastic7: HangSpace is good. Lots of tweens. Just pretend to be one.
Mout
hful33: Go on ChatLite. Say you’re Justin Bieber. In the meantime, I’ve got a nice young one you can suck.
Andrea_Overlord: Harder to find boys. If that’s what you’re after.
LookinforLuv: What about face to face? Any experience with setting that up? Any tips?
Puppylove: Haha nice try, cop. Why not just arrest who you want to fuck? Cuff ’em and stuff ’em!
LookingforLuv: I’m no cop. Fuck the cops. Just want to find a good spot.
Jesus, Mom. Eli’s heart raced. He could hear Gabriel laughing, stretching the garden hose. She’ll never find me this way.
The TV clicked off. Eli closed up and darted out of the room.
Mom shuffled into the kitchen, carrying her empty wineglass. Eli was there, getting some bread and butter.
“Having a snack?”
Yes. He’d never told anyone that this was what Gabriel gave him each night, but it helped him sleep.
Bread and butter could just be bread and butter.
“Get all your homework done?”
“Yeah.” Eli looked at her. Eyes heavy behind her glasses, wearing her Stanford hoodie, her hair down, all those gray ones in front like tangled springs. You need to stop, he wanted to say.
She kissed the back of his head. “I’ll check the doors and make sure the alarm is on. Good night.”
Good night.
As he headed up the stairs, he heard the wineglass filling.
In his room, he pulled his blankets and pillow off his bed and arranged them on the floor. As he took off his clothes, he removed the note from his pocket.
Let’s hang out!
He ran his finger over the words, over the wolf drawing. Then he tucked it away.
On the floor, he huddled against the side of the bed, out of the light from the window, curling up, making himself as small as he could.
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