by Rosie Scott
“I didn't feel invincible or arrogant at all. I barely knew what I was doing,” Holter told me. “I didn't feel like it was me in my mind. I felt like I was sitting back and watching myself.” He sighed. “That doesn't make any sense, does it?”
I thought back to my first high near Whispermere. “It would make sense if it was your first high.”
“It was.”
I glanced over at him. “Truly? You knew necromancy back in the wildlands.”
Holter met my gaze. “I did, but I only used it during hunts. I would leech from one animal at a time. It was never enough to get a high.”
“Who taught you necromancy?” I asked.
“A friend of a friend,” Holter replied. “It wasn't anything special. We were all just sitting around smoking ferris and messing around.”
“Were you taught the Kilgorian Law?”
“What's that?”
I sighed. “Oh, dear. It doesn't sound like the wildlands are taking magical education very seriously.”
“The beastmen have never been ones for law and order,” Holter pointed out.
I laughed softly. “No. When I traveled through there, I taught them everything I knew. If you're going to wield the elements, you have to understand what you're doing. Magic is the most dangerous weapon of all.”
Holter was quiet a moment. “Nyx told me about the Battle of Highland Pass.”
My jaw stiffened. The gold of the bridge railing was cool on my fingers as I grasped it tightly. “I'm sure she did.”
“She told me, once, that I remind her of Jakan. I asked her why, but that's all she would say.”
My heart ached at that revelation. I'd often thought the same. I wondered if that was part of the reason Nyx had grown so attached to Holter when she rarely slept with the same man twice. “You remind me of him, too.”
I felt Holter's eyes on me, but I refused to look over as he asked, “Why?”
“Little things, really,” I murmured. “Your hair is the same length as his, and you wear it up. You reek of youthfulness. Jakan was older than us, but he always seemed like a child. He also was desperate to prove himself like you are. He was never a fighter until he met us. You were, but you want to impress us because you look up to us.”
“I'm that easy to read, huh?” Holter chuckled softly.
“I guess so.”
Holter cleared his throat. “I'm sorry I brought him up. I can tell it still bothers you.”
“Did Nyx tell you what happened?”
“She said your magic killed him.”
I swallowed hard and nodded jerkily. “That's not something you ever get over, Holter.”
“I can imagine.” His voice was low, sympathetic.
“Being a mage is dangerous. Being close to a mage is dangerous. I want to make sure you know that.”
Holter nodded. “I do.”
“Why did you bring up that battle?”
“...I'm sorry.”
“No, I'm asking you. You must have had a reason to mention it when you did.”
“Well...we were talking about me losing control. You said I had to understand what I'm doing. Nyx said you lost control in that battle, and...I don't know. I guess I wanted to know how you deal with it.”
“I don't lose control because of the highs. I lose control because of rage. How do I deal with it? I give myself into it. I let it happen. I don't know how to stop it.” I ground my teeth together, embarrassed by having to admit to someone who admired me so greatly that I didn't have all the answers. “My lineage descends from many gods, Holter. The gods of lust, war, vengeance, conflict. I have fought with myself over the years about how to think of myself. I've never had any love for the gods, but I live my life like one. The only way I've found for this not to bother me is to accept it.”
“You don't live like the gods,” Holter argued lightly. “You have many friends. You care for people. I've heard the Sentinels and Nyx and even Calder talking. They've all met gods other than you. They say you're different.” He hesitated. “Why do you think I wanted to follow you? You have immense power, and you've used it to change the world.”
“I appreciate your words of support,” I began, “but take my advice, Holter. I will be your leader. I will be your friend. But I never, ever want to be your hero.”
Holter was silent a moment. “Okay.”
“I don't mean to be harsh. I just want you to regard me as a friend, not a hero. Not a deity. I've done things in this war that people love me for. I've done things that have made people fear or loathe me. I do these things because I need to. I have a goal, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. That comes first for me. Take it or leave it. The last thing I want is for people to put me up on a pedestal that I will inevitably fall from. I am a realist, Holter. There are no heroes or villains in this game of life. Only people with different opinions and methods struggling to find purpose. I have found my purpose, and I don't have the time or desire to act a certain way just to get people to like me. I'm going to do what I need to do. I don't want you following me thinking I can do no wrong.”
There was a silence that stretched on long enough that I started to worry I'd hurt him with my frankness. I took the time to watch soldiers light oil lamps along the street, brightening up the city as the sun went to sleep.
“Can I be honest with you?” Holter finally asked, after the entire main road was glowing a soft orange.
“Please be honest with me,” I replied.
“You basically just explained why I like you.” Holter chuckled softly. “You're real. You also just proved my point. You aren't like the other gods. The other gods commit atrocities and expect the people to love them for it.”
“I commit atrocities and don't expect anyone to love me for it.”
Holter laughed. “Exactly. Whether you like it or not, some of us don't care about your reasons for doing things. Only that you've done them. You may have liberated the underground because Calder promised you allies for your war, but the fact remains that you put blood, sweat, and tears into freeing hundreds of thousands of men. And I know you take pride in that.”
“I do. I consider the Underground Liberation to be my greatest accomplishment.”
“I think it was,” Holter agreed. “But then again, I have familial ties to the underground. Preventing the Icilic takeover of Eteri was great and all, but I didn't give one shit about Eteri until I met some of the Sentinels.”
I chuckled. “I like talking with you. We should spend more time together.”
“Okay,” Holter agreed enthusiastically, which only amused me more.
“Next time you should bring your flute and serenade me.”
Holter huffed with amusement. “Will do.”
Thirty
14th of New Moon, 428
Behind the long wooden bar were hundreds of types of ales and spirits. Many of the bottles were empty. The Alderi sure could drink, but they couldn't replicate dwarven ale, and many of the remaining dwarven brewers in Olympia still refused to work. Calder put a newly refreshed mug of ale on the bar before me and then stood back against the shelves, a look of absolute amusement on his face. A few feet away, Holter was playing an upbeat ditty with his flute.
On top of the bar, Mirrikh was dancing like it was his last night on Arrayis. A number of Alderi women hooted and hollered as they watched him, having the time of their lives. Beside me, Nyx cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “Take it off!”
“Here we go,” I breathed, taking a swig of ale.
Mirrikh happily complied with the request, pulling off his hooded shirt before swinging it around in the air. I laughed and shook my head.
Nyx threw an arm out toward the dancing Alderi. “This is why I love Mirrikh, Kai! No inhibitions! None!”
“He currently thinks he is a child, Nyx,” I retorted, barely hearing myself over the commotion.
Nyx shrugged and grinned. “Maybe, but he's not one. Look at that body! Those scars!” She shivered dramatica
lly.
A sliver of bright afternoon sunlight filtered in over the tavern as the front door opened, and I glanced back to see the new arrival. Altan was one step past the doorway, though he stopped short from going farther. His red eyes immediately found Mirrikh dancing, moved to the crazed women, and then fell on me. He raised his eyebrows in amused exasperation before he slowly backed out of the tavern and closed the door.
I laughed at the reaction and stood from my bar stool. “Here,” I told Nyx, passing the rest of my ale to her. “I have to go help Altan forget everything he just saw.”
Nyx saluted me with her mug, and I hurried out the door.
Most of the Alderi in Olympia had chosen to stay close to the harbor as if their very blood attracted them to the water. When I exited the tavern near the coast, then, many who walked through the streets were Alderi. Altan's head of bright red spiky hair stuck out like a sore thumb as he made his way to the docks, and I jogged to catch up to him.
Altan grinned over at me when he noticed my arrival. “I won't ask, woman.”
“That might be for the best.”
“Does Cerin know you're down here with crazy people?”
“He knows I went out with Nyx, so yes.”
Altan chortled. “I really meant Mirrikh, since he's the one always coming on to you when he's feeling frisky.”
“Don't worry, Cerin knows I won't be leaving him for Mirrikh. Did you see that dance? There was nothing sensual about it.”
“You sure?” Altan halted in the streets, before dramatically mocking the dance.
I burst into laughter and turned away. “Oh. Dear. Gods.”
Altan laughed boisterously and slapped me on the back. “I'll stop the torture. I'm glad you followed me out here. I went there looking for you, but I thought it was best to leave you alone after what I saw.”
“You're scarred for life.”
“Sure am.”
“Me too, friend.” I punched him in the arm, and Altan chuckled. I'd been trying to pay him back for all the times he'd hit me. “Why'd you come looking for me?”
“Today's the day,” Altan announced.
“Today?” I asked, my eyes scanning over the ocean waters. “I see no ships.”
“Not yet, maybe, but you're looking east.” Altan pointed to his left. “They'll be coming from the north.”
“Ah,” I said, understanding. “Tilda sent them to Pisces.”
“No, we sent them to Pisces,” Altan corrected. “When the ships departed from there last year, we didn't know if we'd take Olympia successfully or not. One of the griffon messengers flew down here a fortnight ago to tell me they arrived. We told 'em to root a few thousand settlers down in Pisces and Monte and send the rest here.”
“Do you know how many reinforcements were sent?” I questioned.
“Thirty thousand,” Altan replied.
I grimaced. “That barely makes up for our casualties, Altan.”
“We sent sixty percent of our fleet back, Kai,” he replied. “The ships only had room for just over fifty thousand men. The rest are settlers and sailors that have to make another trip back. It's better than nothing.”
“It's still not enough,” I insisted. “At this point, Eteri is relying on the underground to keep this campaign afloat.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” Altan retorted. “We're the ones colonizing the damn place.”
“Which only helps to make my point,” I reasoned. “Calder is picking up your slack, and he gains nothing.”
“Then tell him that,” Altan replied. “He's your ally, not ours. He's here for you. If you think he's getting the raw end of the deal, tell him to pull out of Hammerton and wait for you at the border. We'll handle this.”
I exhaled thickly. “If it weren't for my support and his, Eteri would not own Olympia right now.”
“I agree with you,” Altan admitted. “There's a reason all of our past attempts at this have failed. There's a reason Tilda requested your support. You have been invaluable to us. I've never argued otherwise, so I fail to see your point.”
“My point is that Tilda is sending almost as many colonizers as soldiers because she knows the underground is making up for it. She will run our soldiers and supplies into the ground while I spend all this time being invaluable to you. By the time we reach Chairel's border, she might claim she needs her remaining people here and leave me weakened and without your support.”
Altan stopped in his tracks again, and his eyes were exasperated when they fell to mine. “Kai. For the love of the gods, if you really think that, do as I said. Get Calder to pull his support until he only helps you.”
“That would be stupid, Altan. The more men and options we have, the fewer casualties we're likely to suffer.”
“Okay.” Altan shrugged impatiently. “Then don't get Calder to pull out. What are we arguing for?” He stalked forward again.
I groaned and grabbed at my head in frustration as I followed. “I don't know, Altan. You don't listen to me.”
“I am listening to you.”
“Like you listened to me when the dwarves attacked Olympia?” I retorted angrily. “What about then? When you and Kirek marched right out there and left the city wide open to attack instead of listening to my concerns? Uriel's?”
Altan skidded to a stop again and spun to me, his nostrils flared with frustration. “Is that what this is really about, Kai? You want to yell I-told-you-so's in my face until you turn blue? Go ahead.” He crossed his bronzed arms over his chest.
“I don't want to yell that. That's my point. I want you to listen to me the first time I express my concerns. Listen to Cyrus and Uriel and the other Sentinels. Avoid the I-told-you-so's in the first place. I need your support in Chairel, Altan. I need it desperately. Give me fewer reasons to worry that I'll have it for sure. The better you do here in Hammerton, the more likely you'll be in Chairel with me.”
Altan was quiet, but the anger and frustration seemed to melt out of his eyes when he thought over my desperate plea. “I'm a stubborn old man, Kai,” he finally said, “but I'll do my best. My impatience gets the better of me sometimes.”
“That's an understatement.”
Altan huffed dryly. He stared at me a moment as if fighting for words.
“You look like you're holding something back,” I said, mostly as an encouragement.
Altan ground his teeth together. “No, I'm not going to hold it back. I trust you enough to tell you. The messenger brought back a letter for me. Tilda's convinced you're trying to kill her, Kai.”
I hoped the jolt I felt in my heart at that information didn't reach the expression on my face. “Okay, and right now I'm convinced she's trying to drive me to an early grave. What's your point?”
Altan sighed. “I don't really know. I guess I thought that if I blurted it out to you, I'd get honesty.”
“Have Nyx use her illusion magic on me, if you'd like.”
The Sentinel shook his head. “That's sneaky bullshit, Kai. I'd never do that to you.”
Considering the circumstances, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt at that. “I hate to say it, friend, but I don't think your queen is well-loved around the world. There could be any number of people who want her dead.”
Altan nodded. “I told her that in my return correspondence.”
I snorted a laugh. “Truly?”
Altan grinned. “In nicer words, but yes. All manner of people hire the Alderi to do their dirty work. Tilda thinks it's you since you got two of 'em hanging around you at all times, but your father was always throwing gold underground to hurt us. Edrys, too.”
“Sirius,” I corrected him. “My father is dead, Altan.”
“Yeah, well, if we're lucky, this one'll be dead before long, too.” Altan snorted in amusement. “Anyway, the assassination attempts have ramped up over the past year. Tilda says they've caught no less than seven.”
Seven. Calder had told me there'd only been two in High Star, which would have been ar
ound the time Tilda had sent her letter. The discrepancy was large. Of course, we were relying on Calder's messenger for intel, and information could get lost in translation.
“Chairel and Hammerton are desperate now that we're here,” I said.
“That's what I said,” Altan agreed. “I've asked Calder if he can't figure out who's hiring them. He told me he'd try, but that the assassin's guilds take privacy really seriously.” He glanced back at the tavern we'd come from teasingly. “Hard to believe they take anything seriously, though.”
I chuckled. When Altan finally started walking to the coast again, I felt relieved. I hadn't outright lied to Altan at any point in our conversation, but keeping things from him at all still bothered me. If it weren't for the fact that this whole ordeal had brought me closer to Cyrus and Uriel, I would have cursed Cicero for bringing me into this mess. I had to wonder if the inner turmoil I felt over having this knowledge was feeding the other god's powers wherever he was at.
The early New Moon sunshine massaged my exposed skin as Altan and I stopped to wait on Olympia's harbor facing north. All of the giant battleships floated closest to the coast on either side of the river, and the galleons were lined along the southeastern edge of Hammerton. The warships had been repaired and restocked since their last battle so they would be ready to board in the case Hammerton sent ships from Hallmar. It was an unlikely event since it would be time-consuming and costly to use vessels rather than send their armies directly over land, but we had to be prepared for it nonetheless.
“There they are, Kai,” Altan said, grinning as he used binoculars to peer out over the northern Servis. He handed them to me, and I pulled the tool up to my eyes.
The Eteri Navy was impressive. Dozens of galleons were spread out over the sparkling waters, their bright yellow sails rippling in the light breeze. The warships weren't bringing as many reinforcements as I'd wanted, but at least they were bringing men at all. On top of that, they were on time.
