by C. A. Harms
“Robert.” I nodded in greeting.
“Hello, Kade,” he replied, looking defeated.
I had stopped and picked up a tray of coffees without even thinking that Avery couldn’t have any, so I lifted one from the carton and held it out to him.
“Thank you,” he said as he took the cup.
I followed him to the waiting area and took a seat next to him. We sat in silence, staring at the double door that led back to the room that held both our girls. He was so detached, and my heart ached for him.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Robert’s grave voice broke the silence. I looked over at him as he lowered his coffee from his lips. “I’m in the other seat now…it’s me feeling the ache. That helplessness and lack of control.”
I stared at him in confusion.
“Go ahead and say it.” He shrugged. “I deserve it.”
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “I wasn’t going to say that.” I had hoped this conversation could wait. I had every intention of burying the anger between us, but I hadn’t planned on doing it while his wife was still unconscious in the hospital. Talking to Robert was part of my journey to let go of the past so I could move forward without regret or anger.
“No one deserves to go through what you’re going through, Robert.” I twisted my cup in my hand. “I was young, angry, and heartbroken. I held a lot of anger inside and have for all these years, and it has made me miserable. I had no idea what to do with all that anger, so reflecting it back on you was the easiest solution.”
“I’m sorry I took someone you loved. Sorry I took the life of anyone. It’s something no matter how hard you try, you can never forget.” Robert sounded so sad.
“I need to forgive you. Avery needs me to be a better man, and my child needs that too. They deserve it. I deserve it.” Admitting it was hard but true. “So I’m letting go of all the anger I’ve felt for all these years.”
Robert stared at me blankly.
I could hardly believe it myself. Only a little over three months ago, I was just barely hanging on to the edge of control. I wanted nothing more than to cause him the pain he had caused me. Now, though, I realized what an awful thought that had been
The doors that led back to the ICU clinked as they were pushed open, catching our attention, and we looked up to see Callie, Quinn, and Harper walking through them. Quinn’s eyes grew wide as she looked between Robert and me and widened more when they met mine. I winked, indicating things between Robert and me were good. We had made a step in the right direction, and in time, we would both heal.
Quinn leaned in and gave Robert a hug before pulling back and looking over at me. “Avery’s been in there for hours. She ate a little but not enough. She’s tired and barely hanging on to her sanity. It won’t be easy to convince her, but she needs a break.”
I nodded. “I’ll make it happen.”
Callie bent down and kissed my cheek. “You’re a good man, Kade. I’m proud of you,” she whispered before stepping back.
Robert and I watched as the three girls turned and walked toward the elevators.
“You ready to go see our women, Robert?” I asked.
A grin pulled at the corner of his mouth as he nodded and stood.
When we pushed open the hospital room door, my chest felt like it was burning at the sight of the scene before me.
Avery lay hunched over on the edge of her mother’s hospital bed with her arms draped over her mother’s legs and her head resting on top of them. She held her mother’s hand securely as she whispered over and over, “Please come back to me, Mom. I need you.”
“Avery,” Robert said from the door. “Sweetheart, why don’t you take a break?”
“I’m okay,” she insisted.
“I know, but I’d really like some time alone with your mom.” Robert was pulling out everything he could think of to convince her. I hoped she would listen. She was barely eating or sleeping, and I worried about the stress she was under harming both her and our baby.
“Okay.” She stood and leaned over to place a kiss on her mom’s forehead. She then walked around the bed and stopped at Robert’s side before looking up at him. “Promise me you’ll call me if anything changes?”
“You know I will,” he told her as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. “Thank you for being so strong during this entire thing. You’ve held me together, sweetheart. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
I felt like I was in invading a very private moment, so I turned away, trying to refrain from watching this father-daughter exchange.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Avery
I was beyond exhausted. Too exhausted to fight my dad when he insisted I give him some time alone with my mom. I knew it was just his way of making me take some time away from the stress, and he was right; I needed a break.
I was also too tired to argue when Kade forced me into the passenger seat of his truck and told me he was taking me to his place because it was closer.
When he started his shower and got me something to wear afterward, he left me alone to wash away the days of grime. Sleeping at the hospital had not been as easy as I had let on, and the warm water running over my sore shoulders felt amazing. Kade had one of those huge showers with multiple showerheads. The water pressure was also pretty impressive as it massaged away in all the right places.
When I had allowed my body to relax almost a little too much, I felt it was time to get out. My legs actually felt like jelly.
I dried off and slid my arms into the red t-shirt Kade had left for me and noticed it still held his scent. I wasn’t too tired to feel the effects that had on me. I stood there in the bathroom, holding his shirt up to my nose, breathing him in.
After a while, I slowly opened the bathroom door that connected to his bedroom. The door to his room was shut, allowing me privacy. I opened it and took the opportunity to look around, noticing it contained only a few simple furnishings. I sat down on the edge of his mattress and told myself I was just going to relax for a few minutes. But when I rested my head against his pillow, I felt myself drifting off.
Kade’s bed was heaven.
***
When I woke up, the room was dark but for the dim light spilling in through the hallway.
Panic shot through me, and I tried to sit up only to be held back by a strong arm draped across my middle.
Looking back over my shoulder, I found Kade curled up closely behind me. He was shirtless, and the softness of his skin against my arm was soothing. He was asleep, and a gentle snore filled the silence.
I slowly but very carefully turned in his arms to face him completely. Allowing my gaze to rake over his sculpted chest and arms, I took the opportunity to place my palm just over his heart and felt it beat beneath my fingers.
His arm that still lay draped over me tightened as he stretched his hand out over my lower back. “How’d you sleep, pretty girl?” he asked. The sound of his husky voice made me close my eyes tightly.
“Good,” I whispered. “I need to get back to the hospital, though. It’s been hours.”
He opened his eyes, and they immediately connected with mine. “I called Robert. He said things are still the same. He’s going to sleep in her room tonight so you can sleep in a real bed.” I started to argue, but he interrupted me. “Your father’s orders, not mine. Even though I completely agree.”
“So, you and my dad,” I said. “I may have been tired, but don’t think I didn’t notice you two were actually within touching distance and neither of you looked angry.”
He lifted his hand and pushed my hair back away from my face. The touch of his fingertips against my cheeks sent flutters of excitement through my stomach.
“We had a much-needed conversation over a hot cup of coffee earlier,” he said. “We’re not best friends, but it’s a step in the right direction. I can’t keep living in the past. It’s time I let go of all that anger.”
I
swallowed past the emotion his words made me feel and slid my hand up until it rested on the side of his neck. “I’m proud of you,” I whispered. I knew what this step meant.
“Thank you,” he replied, then leaned in a little, closing the distance between us. “I’ve missed you, Avery. I know I haven’t always been good to you, but I need you to know you didn’t do anything wrong. The only reason I had any reservations at all when it came to you was because I knew you deserved someone better than me.”
A sense of sadness sat deep within me. I hated the fact he felt he was so unworthy of love. “You’re a good guy, Kade. I don’t understand why you can’t see that.” I pressed my lips to his before he could argue.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Kade
The feeling of her lips against mine sent shivers throughout my body. When I’d said I missed her, I meant it in the most sincere way. Avery and I were friends before things between us got complicated. She was someone I could smile and laugh with, and I hated that I took away some of her spark with my bad choices and behavior. Even if I had a hard time showing it, her happiness meant a lot to me.
When our kiss broke, we both just stared at one another, breathing a little heavier than we were before.
“I wanna try,” I confessed. “I want us to try.”
Her gaze dropped from mine, and my heart sank. “Avery?”
“I just…” She closed her eyes tightly and took in a shuddering breath. “I know you’re trying to do the right thing, Kade. And I’m grateful, but the only thing I’m asking you to do is be a good father. I can’t force you to provide anything more.”
“You’re not forcing anything, pretty girl. I wanna try.” Her resistance made my chest ache.
“I don’t want to be with someone out of pity or—”
I rolled over her and tucked her tiny body safely beneath mine. Her words stopped and her eyes grew wide.
“This is not out of pity,” I said. “I’m not saying any of this because I feel like I owe it to you. My God, Avery, you should know me better than that.” I trailed my thumb along her cheek. “Yes, I want to be there for you and our baby, but it’s more than that.” Her withdrawing from me was a new feeling. It was as if our roles had been reversed and she was the one pulling away now.
She continued to stare back at me. I knew she wanted to argue, yet she held her tongue.
“I’ve missed my friend. I’ve missed your smile.” I leaned in and kissed her, then placed my forehead against hers. “I screwed up, okay? I know that. But over the last few weeks, I’ve really tried to sort out my mind, and I know I want you. Because living without you isn’t an option.”
“Kade.” She caressed my stubble.
“I came by your apartment a few weeks ago, before I found out you left on a cruise. I wasn’t sure what I was going to offer you. I just knew I had to be near you. That was even before I knew you were pregnant,” I explained. “I was at the shop, and I got to thinking about that movie with Nicholas Cage. I immediately wanted you, so I grabbed it and a pizza and drove to your place.”
Her hand froze on my jaw, and she smiled. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling too because she was now looking back at me with a hopeful expression. “I’m healing, pretty girl. I’m working on being a better man, because you deserve to be loved, Avery. And if I’m being truthful here, the idea of any other man loving you or my baby sets a fire inside me. I can’t let that happen. I won’t.”
When Avery gripped my face and pulled me down to her, our lips did the rest. Her tongue pressing against my lips invited me to take more from her. And I did.
“I’m gonna take care of you,” I whispered between kisses. “You mean more to me than I have ever admitted. It’s time I stop running.”
She wrapped her legs around my waist and pinned me to her. “I’m scared.”
“I know. So am I. But we’ll be scared together. We’ll do this together. Side by side, baby, I promise you got me.” Her chest shuddered against mine, and it pulled at something inside me. “You got me, baby. You have my word.”
I had never just enjoyed kissing someone. Never spent the time tasting and memorizing the feel of someone’s lips. That wasn’t the case with Avery. Everything with her just felt different, better.
***
Waking up with Avery in my arms was something I could get used to. After kissing for what felt like hours, she curled up against me and let the exhaustion take over. Her head lay upon my chest now as her hair fanned out over my arm and shoulder. Her right leg was wrapped tightly around both of mine, and her head had been in the same position for so long, her cheek felt as if it had fused to the skin of my chest. Her snores were almost inaudible, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sound.
Letting down my guard felt good for once.
When I looked at the alarm clock, it read 7:22 in the morning. I knew she would want to get back to the hospital, but for a little while longer I allowed myself to be selfish.
My phone ringing on the nightstand made her jump in surprise. When I grabbed it and saw her stepfather’s number on the screen, my heart lurched in my chest.
“Who is it?” she asked, and I held up my finger for her to wait.
With a quick swipe of my finger, I took a deep breath and answered the call. “Hello?” My voice cracked.
“Kade?” Robert’s voice was muffled.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I replied in a rush. There were only two reasons he could be calling. I was silently praying for good news as Avery sat close to my side, focusing solely on me as she waited.
“She’s awake,” he cried out, and a huge sense of relief washed over me. “Angela’s awake.”
I looked over to meet Avery’s gaze and smiled. “She’s awake, pretty girl.”
That short sentence was all it took for the floodgates to open. Avery cried joyfully as she began to move around the room in search of her things.
It was time to take my girl to see her mother.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Avery
The moment I entered my mother’s hospital room and found her smiling up at my stepfather, a deep sob ripped through me. For days I’d thought she was lost to me. I let my mind wander into some very scary territory, and my fears had been slowly taking over my heart.
I now had just a small taste of the sadness Kade had been living in for years. I squeezed his hand as he led me into the room.
“There’s my girl,” she whispered. Her voice was weak and had a tinge of a slur it hadn’t before. Not to mention the tubes and machines that still remained connected, which were monitoring her vitals. “How’s my grandbaby?”
I looked up at Kade when her eyes shifted in his direction. “They’re both good, ma’am. I’ve made sure of it,” he said.
She smiled back at him and slowly lifted her hand from the bed. “Come sit next to me, honey.”
I rushed to her side. “I was so scared I’d lost you.”
Her eyes fluttered, and she took my hand in hers. “I’m not going anywhere, sweet girl. I have a grandbaby to spoil.”
I laughed and buried my face against her shoulder.
My mother was awake.
***
Over the last week we’d watched my mom make progress in her recovery. Her voice had been permanently damaged due to the injury to her brain, and she now slurred her words slightly when she spoke. The doctors said it may get better with time, but her voice would never go back to the way it was before the accident. For the amount of trauma she’d suffered, I’d say in the end, she was lucky. It could have been a whole lot worse. She’d already begun speech therapy and would continue to meet with the therapist twice a week, even after she left the hospital.
I was getting real close to my twelve-week mark, and with everything that had gone on lately, I felt a little guilty for spending so little time concentrating on my pregnancy. I was nervous as I sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office with Kade at my side. Just the idea of Dr.
Paxton Miles and him being in the same room again while I was naked from the waist down made my stomach ache. I’d sensed Kade’s dislike of the situation on the first visit, and I knew with the way things between us had changed that he would only feel more uncomfortable this time around.
“Avery Nolan,” the familiar voice said from the far side of the room. “We’re ready for you now.”
Kade stood quickly and held his hand out to me. “Let’s go see our little bitty.”
I smiled at his comment. He had picked up on my nickname for the baby over the last week. It was actually pretty cute to hear him say it when talking to our friends.
He gripped my hand tightly and led me through the door to the back.
“Let’s get your blood pressure, and then we’ll get you set up for your sonogram,” the nurse announced.
Kade beamed from ear to ear, and his excitement made me giddy. I loved that he looked forward to seeing and hearing the heartbeat of our child again. Here was this big, solid man who looked like he could break just about anyone, yet he was a big softy through and through.
After they checked my blood pressure and said it was normal, the nurse led us to the sonogram room.
“For now, you can just roll down the waistband of your pants,” she said. “We won’t have you undress until we get you in a room.” I nodded as she stepped out the door.
“You’re fucking shitting me right now,” Kade barked. “How many times is this asshole doctor gonna have his hands buried between your legs?” His face had grown red, and I could see he was trying to control his irritation.
“Um, Kade.” I pressed my lips together tightly to control the laughter boiling inside me. Now was not the time to crack up. “You do understand this is his job, right? I mean he does this day after day. He has to deliver our baby.”
