‘Ah, well I’m really Finoula but when my brother, Paddy, was little he couldn’t manage that and called me Noola, which stuck. I’d now feel quite strange if anyone called me Finoula, although I do like the name.’
Harry looked at Androulla with undisguised interest. He gave her a warm smile.
‘Somehow I feel I know you well enough to give you a hug too – that’s if you don’t object.’
The colour returned to her cheeks and deepened.
‘Of course I don’t mind.’
Everyone started talking at once and Androulla immediately felt drawn into the heart of this delightful family. She would have expected nothing less of Bill’s relatives, especially having already experienced the kindness and sensitivity of Tommy and Isabel. The likeness between Milo and Tommy also fascinated her, for although their colouring couldn’t have been in greater contrast, their facial features were remarkably similar.
So close to Milo and so finely tuned to his every mood and feeling, it didn’t escape Noola that he found Androulla fascinating. For the first couple of days it seemed he couldn’t take his eyes off her and he concentrated all his attention on her whenever she was in the room with them: much more so than his duties as host would demand. In fact at times, if she wasn’t around, he deliberately sought her out. Noola knew she was being unreasonably bothered about it but she couldn’t help herself. However much she told herself that she knew she had first place in his heart and always would, nevertheless she fretted. So much so that in the end she had to talk to somebody and her mother was the obvious choice. She went to have a cup of tea with Maggie when she knew she would find her on her own. She talked about all sorts of things never quite able to get to the point. In the end Maggie did it for her.
‘Noola darlin’, what’s bothering you?’
‘Oh, Mammy, you always know don’t you?’
‘You’re my child, darlin’, and we’ve always been very close. And however long we both live, you’ll be my child, even if you’re an old woman yourself before I go.’
‘I know, Mammy.’ Then she told her exactly what was bothering her.
‘I’m being so silly, but I just can’t help it. I suppose if I’m honest with myself, it’s real green-eyed jealousy. Trouble is, I still love him so much. That’s never faltered and I’m frightened he might be falling for someone else – the younger woman! And I have to say, looking at her, I can’t blame him for finding her attractive. The strange thing is I was sure it would be Harry who would fall for her, but so far that doesn’t seem to have happened.’ She paused for a moment. ‘But I’ve noticed she can’t take her eyes off him, which is also understandable, given how she felt about Bill.’
Maggie looked long and hard at Noola, obviously thinking how best to respond to her worries.
‘When you and Milo became engaged to be married do you remember what I said to you?’
‘I’ve never forgotten it, Mammy. You said to remember always that marriage is no insurance policy against ever finding anyone else attractive, but that what matters is how you handle it. If the marriage has a solid foundation, based on genuine, enduring love, it will be nothing more than a passing fancy.’
‘Right! Now are you going to tell me that you’ve never looked at another fellow and thought he was a bit of all right? Because I can think of a few I thought were dishy, even “fancied” but that was as far as it went. Exactly the same happens to the men I can assure you. Now Milo may be at that sort of age but I don’t believe for a second that he’s having one of those mid-life crisis things you hear so much about. Remember, I know him almost as well as you do. From the time his natural mother died, when he was eight years old, I took the place of a mother to him.’ She paused to take a mouthful of her tea.
‘I strongly suspect what’s fascinating him is that this is the woman his son died for. He’s curious to find out what it is about her that engendered that sort of feeling in Bill. And maybe he does find her attractive, but you know perfectly well that he’s committed to you heart and soul. There was never another woman he was really in love with and there never will be. Anyhow, if he fancies her and still loves you the best, still wants you more than anyone else, that’s the biggest compliment he could pay you. Sorry about the long “give out” but I needed to say it to you and I hope it has helped.’
‘Thanks, Mammy. It’s helped a lot. I’ll just have to be so careful that I don’t give myself away and behave like a jealous wife.’
‘You won’t. May I make a suggestion?’
‘I’d love it.’
‘Go out of your way to be especially friendly to her – you’d do that anyway! Take her shopping; take her out for lunch; sightseeing; to a show: I bet she’d love to go to our famous Abbey Theatre. There’s so much to do that won’t be a problem. I can come with you for some of the outings. I’d enjoy that. The three of us could go across to Oughterard for a couple of days. The west of Ireland is always well worth a visit. And talk to Milo about her, but most important encourage him to talk about her. At least that will bring everything out into the open: let him get it out of his system.’ She paused for another mouthful of her tea, thought a minute and then went on.
‘And don’t forget the other side of this coin. I imagine Androulla desperately needs to talk about Bill. Encourage her. After all, you’re his mother. Who better for the poor girl to let her hair down to? Especially given she lost her own mother, and indeed her father, at the same time that Bill died. She really has been through it.’
* * * * *
For her part Androulla’s feelings were really confused. So much so that she wondered at the wisdom of her visit. She had felt desperately guilty about Bill’s death but, in spite of knowing she had been the cause of this, time and again she had been encouraged to visit Riverside and then welcomed with such warmth by the whole family. Milo and Noola had immediately become mother and father figures to her and she couldn’t help reflecting what wonderful parents-in-law they would have made if circumstances had been different: if it had been Harry she had met instead of Bill and they had fallen for each other in the same way.
She felt irresistibly drawn to Harry. He was Bill in every possible way – in looks identical: that was to be expected. What hadn’t occurred to her was that they would be so alike in every other way. The smile that went all the way to his eyes; the quirky grin; the way he threw back his head when he laughed; his mannerisms in general; the inflexions in his speech; the way he used his hands when explaining something. It was all Bill and it hurt. She had to keep reminding herself that this truly wasn’t Bill.
Harry had expected to feel angry and resentful towards the woman responsible for the loss of his twin. Instead he found he felt desperately sorry for her and went out of his way to be kind to her for, aside from all her close personal losses, he was aware that she must carry that awful burden of guilt. And he really respected the courage it must have taken to come here into what could have been the equivalent of the lion’s den: right into the heart of the family she was responsible for depriving of son and brother. However, regardless of his feelings of sympathy and admiration, emotionally he was still totally committed to someone else.
Yet another interesting response to Androulla’s visit, and the family’s reaction to her, was experienced by Cathy. She watched Harry’s attention to the beautiful visitor and was surprised at her own feelings about that. To her amazement she found she too was jealous. Whatever is the matter with me? She asked herself. I’m engaged to Sam and he’ll be home soon. I really love Sam . . . don’t I? Being brutally honest she had to admit that things hadn’t gone too well between them towards the end of her visit to Brazil, after she had raced home to be a witness to Harry’s innocence. She had told Sam the whole story openly and honestly but since then she had sensed a slight coolness in him. She wondered if he really believed that there had been no intimacy between her and Harry on that now famous evening they had spent together. She supposed she couldn’t blame him. He had met Harry a
nd knew he was a very attractive man.
She mused on for a long time questioning her own feelings. Why was I so desperate to race back to his rescue? Why was I so worried that he would be convicted and sentenced to a period in prison? After all, I knew perfectly well he would appeal and I could have come forward then. But no! I completely panicked, dropped everything and flew to his defence. Why? Has Androulla’s visit made me face the rather painful truth? Who it is that I really love? How would I feel if I had a letter from Sam calling it all off between us? To her astonishment she realized that she wouldn’t mind at all. Worse, she would actually be relieved. It would leave her free. Oh, Cathy, Cathy, she agonized. What’s the matter with you? Are you really so fickle?
The more she thought about it the more she realized that she had started to feel this way since that New Year’s Ball when Harry had declared his love for her. That was when the rot had really set in and maybe even before that. He had never once afterwards referred to his feelings for her by even the slightest hint. Had that disappointed her? Perhaps. But one thing was certain: he hadn’t put a foot out of place in his behaviour towards her. He couldn’t be accused of “pressing his attentions on her” as the saying went.
Then she had another thought. Had Sam sensed this change in her feelings towards him before she had herself? Quite possibly. Well, now she must do the honourable thing. She must end the engagement with Sam and find another job. There was no way she could openly declare herself free and willing to embark on a relationship with Harry. Much better she should cut her losses and go far away, preferably abroad, where she could view things rationally from a distance. One of her brothers, who was quite a bit older than her, lived in Boston and she knew he and his wife, Maura, would give her a warm welcome if she wanted to stay with them for a few weeks. At least she would know somebody there to start off with, which would make the break from home a little easier. She would write her resignation to Noola and Harry and she would ask Maura about the possibility of a job over there. She had saved enough to tide her over for a while between employments and Johnny would be well catered for within the family.
* * * * *
Noola followed her mother’s advice and made a big fuss of Androulla, so much so that a considerable bond developed between them. She became fond of the girl and was genuinely sorry when the time came to say goodbye to her. She felt she would like to give her a memento of her visit. She discussed this with Milo. He was delighted at the idea and suggested that they might give her an item from his mother’s collection of valuable jewellery. They chose an antique ruby ring, which they felt complimented Androulla’s dark colouring.
When they presented her with this on the day she was leaving, they told her it was something of a family heirloom which they wanted her to have in memory of Bill. She burst into tears.
‘This is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever been given. I will always value it because of its associations. Thank you both so much for such a generous gesture. I so wish I was a member of your family. I’ll never forget your kindness to me.’
‘But we feel you are a member of our family and we all hope you’ll come back and visit Riverside again. There’ll always be a welcome for you here.’
‘Thank you, Noola.’
Milo and Noola took her to the airport and waved her off on her journey back to Stratford-upon-Avon, where she had a partnership in a legal firm. She invited them to visit her there and enjoy the interesting town, and especially its famous theatre. She had noticed their keen interest in arts of all kinds, which was evident around the house as well as in their preferred non-sporting leisure activities. They assured her they would accept her offer. Two days later an enormous bunch of flowers arrived with a card that said: “With love and appreciation from Androulla”.
Noola, following Maggie’s advice again, had not by the slightest hint betrayed her anxiety to Milo. The evening Androulla left they were getting ready for bed in their big, comfortable bedroom. She had put on her most glamorous nightdress and, relaxed and happy, was looking her very best. Milo had donned his dressing gown after showering. He looked at her with a big, appreciative grin and put his arms around her.
‘Do you know something, Noola?’
‘In particular?’
‘You are still the most attractive woman I’ve ever known. Even at our great advanced ages I find you the biggest turn-on imaginable. What’s more, I’ve yet again witnessed your kindness to someone who needed sympathy and support. I love you so much I don’t quite know how to tell you.’
Her eyes filled with tears. How could she ever have doubted him?
‘Well I can assure you the feeling is absolutely mutual and I can think of one way you’ll undoubtedly try to let me know.’
‘Most certainly. But aside from that, I want to give you something. I thought I’d like to get you a special present. You deserve it so much.’
He pulled a small gift-wrapped package from his pocket and handed it to her, with a kiss.
‘That’s with so much love.’
‘Thank you, my darling.’
She unwrapped it carefully, trying so hard not to tear the attractive paper, and opened the oblong box. Inside was a dainty, gold Rolex watch, set around with diamonds and with a solid gold strap. Noola was accustomed to being given generous presents by Milo but this took her breath away. For a few seconds she was lost for words.
‘Oh, Milo. I’m not sure I really deserve this.’
‘You most certainly do and I hope you will wear it as often as possible.’
She gave him such a happy smile.
‘You need have no doubts whatsoever about that.’
Chapter 43
Cathy waited for a couple of weeks after Androulla had left and then, in late October, handed her letters of resignation to Noola and Harry. She wanted to be certain she wasn’t making a hasty decision. She had written to Sam breaking off their engagement as gently as possible. It was something of a bolt from the blue for both of her employers. They hadn’t had the slightest idea she was thinking this way. She had asked to see them together to give them the letters rather than leaving them on the hall table, where letters for posting were placed.
‘Cathy! What a surprise. Has the wedding been brought forward?’
‘No, Noola. It’s time for me to move on. Johnny will be fine. He’ll be off to school before too long and if you feel you need another nanny for him, I’ve a good friend I can recommend. I’ll stay until you get everything settled for him. You know how grateful I was for your offer of a loan so that Sam and I could buy a house, but all that’s on hold for the moment.’
‘Have you got another job to go to?’
‘No, but I’m planning to go abroad for a while. I thought I’d try Boston. I’ve a married brother living there. It would be lovely to be with someone from the family.’
Harry was really shaken. His reaction was much as his mother’s: he too assumed the wedding was being brought forward. He listened to the exchange between her and Noola and was puzzled that no real reason for her leaving was being offered.
‘Have we upset you in some way, Cathy? I hope nothing has happened to make you unhappy here.’
‘No, truly I’ve been so happy with you all from the time I first came here. I just feel it’s time for me to have a look at the rest of the world before I finally “settle down” as it were. The visit to Brazil whetted my appetite.’
That was all true. Not the real reason behind it but close enough: she must get away so as she could view everything from a distance. Harry was about to argue further but got a warning look from his mother so said no more. Noola, perceptive as ever, had a pretty fair idea what it was all about.
‘I’m really sorry you’re leaving us. But could I suggest a compromise?’
‘Of course.’
‘Why not take six months off, rather like a sabbatical? We’ll keep your flat for you and you can leave your belongings here. I know Sarah would be only too happy to take on Johnny for a w
hile. We could get some temporary help if need be. I’m sure Harry wouldn’t object to that arrangement.’
‘No, I’d be quite happy with that. Please think about it, Cathy.’
‘You’re very kind. It does sound like a good compromise.’
Truth to tell she was delighted. It seemed the perfect solution. It would allow her that break but it wouldn’t cut her off completely from the family.
Three weeks later she had it all arranged. She spent her last evening with her own family having put them in the picture, explaining that the romance between her and Sam was over and she was going to America. However, other than to her sister Noreen, she made no mention of Harry. Noreen had been more like a mother than a sister to her, since Cathy’s mother had died shortly after her birth. Cathy had shared her whole dilemma with Noreen, who had supported the idea of her going away for a while to clear her mind.
Noola manoeuvred things so that Harry took Cathy to the airport. Carrying her cabin luggage for her he walked her to the departure gate where they stopped to say goodbye. He hugged her and gave her a light kiss on the cheek.
‘I’ll miss you but I do hope everything works out for you, Cathy. If ever you find yourself footloose and fancy free, remember I do love you so much. My feelings haven’t changed since I first told you that. In fact they’ve grown stronger. I’ll always be here for you if you need me.’
‘Oh, Harry. Thank you. I’ll miss you too. In fact I’ll miss you all.’
She almost ran to the gate, afraid he would see the tears in her eyes. She turned to wave and stopped. Shoulders slumped, he had such a forlorn look. Unbelievably, Harry Butler looked almost like a lost, small boy, reminding her strongly of Johnny when he was about to cry. She walked back, put her case on the ground, reached up and, hands on his shoulders, gave him the lightest brush of a kiss on the lips.
The House by the Liffey Page 31
