by Liwen Y. Ho
James released the heaviest breath as he hung up. He had no idea if he’d just made things better or worse, but he was sure he’d find out soon enough.
19
Lexi
Lexi wrung her hands in her lap as she sat across from her mother on the bed. After she returned from the beach yesterday, her mother had barely spoken a word, choosing to give her the silent treatment instead. Lexi assumed she was getting a guilt trip for not being by her mother’s side when she fell ill. Charlie had assured her over text though that her mother was fine and may even have been faking her fainting spell. As crazy as it sounded, the news didn’t surprise Lexi. Her mother would do almost anything to get her way. But Lexi was tired of being collateral damage. It was time she spoke her mind in a loving but firm way.
“Ma, how are you feeling?”
Mrs. Turner pressed her thin lips together in a pout. She gave Lexi a sad look and sighed. “I’m not dying yet, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you fainted,” Lexi began, keeping her tone as calm as possible, “but Charlie said—”
“Charlie is not my daughter,” her mother cut in. “I do not care about her the way I care about you. Do you not understand why I fell ill yesterday?”
“What do you mean, Ma? I’m not following.”
“When I heard from her where you had gone, it hurt me—” she pointed to her chest “—right here. I knew you were thinking with your heart and not your mind. I didn’t want to see you get hurt again.”
Lexi blinked. Were those tears she saw? She was having a hard time believing the words coming from her mother’s mouth, but there was genuine sorrow in the dark brown eyes that mirrored her own. “I appreciate your concern, Ma, but I’m okay.”
She sighed dramatically. “I want you to be more than okay. You know this is why I keep in touch with Thomas, don’t you? So I can find out what he is up to and tell you first. This way, you are never caught off guard. The worst thing is for you to hear all the news from someone else. Do you understand, Ming Zhu?”
A lump formed in Lexi’s throat, making it hard to speak. Her mother’s face blurred as hot tears seared her own eyes. Even if she could speak, she didn’t know if there were words for her to convey how she felt. She’d misunderstood her mother’s intentions all this time. Her mother hadn’t been trying to hurt her; in a strange, roundabout way, she’d actually been trying to help. Could it be that her mother had a softer heart than she imagined?
“I-I didn’t know that, Ma.” Lexi choked back a sob and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I thought you were disappointed, that somehow you cared about Thomas more than me.”
“Foolish daughter, how could you ever think that? You are my flesh and blood. Even now that you are grown, I still worry about you. I worry you will be alone. I worry you will not be happy. It is not good for my heart to worry so much, that’s why I came to see you. I just needed to see with my own eyes that you are well. Yet, I come here and find out you are not.” She narrowed her eyes at Lexi. “Why do you play pretend with James when you love him for real?”
Lexi sucked in a sharp breath. Love. That was a big word. Was that what she felt for James? “How do you know I love him?”
“How can you not love him? I saw the way he looked at you yesterday when you were sitting in his truck. He looked at you as if you are a precious gem. That is why I gave you the name Ming Zhu—bright pearl. I wanted you to know your own value, so you will find a man who knows your value. You love him because he treasures you. Am I right?”
Lexi nodded readily. She stared at her mother, feeling like she was seeing her heart for the first time. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say anything more beautiful or true, Ma.”
“I have my moments,” Mrs. Turner touted. “Now, don’t just listen to what I say and do nothing. Go find James and tell him how you feel.”
Lexi shook her head, feeling helpless. “He’s gone, Ma. He left for a job off the ranch and won’t be back for a while. The timing’s just not right for us.”
“Then call him and tell him to come back. He should be here with you.” Her mother’s cheeks darkened as she threw her shoulders back. “Once he knows how you feel, he will be back here like one of those cowboys riding a horse in the sunset. That’s how your father’s favorite movies always end.”
“That’s made up, Ma, not real life.”
“Where do you think writers get their ideas from? Real life, of course. No writer is that original.” She scoffed. “Now, where is your phone? Call that cowboy and tell him to come home.”
“I don’t …” Lexi began in protest until her mother pinned her Tiger Mom look on her. Under her watchful gaze, Lexi grabbed her phone from the side table and turned it on. To her surprise, she saw that she’d missed several texts, as well as a phone call, from James. There was also a new voicemail he’d left a few minutes ago. She held up the screen to show her mother. “He left me a message.”
“Go on,” Mrs. Turner urged her. “Find out what he wants.”
Lexi held the phone up to her ear and listened. The mere sound of James’s deep, smooth voice sent a wave of sadness through her, making her chest constrict. Oh, how she missed him already. Her heart began pounding as she heard his words. Dessert. Container. Note. When the voicemail ended, she set the phone down and turned to her mother, confused.
“What did he say?”
“I’m not sure. Something about the dessert he gave me for my birthday.”
“And? Did you eat it yet?” Her mother’s tone grew impatient. “Where is it?”
“I put it in the fridge.” Lexi walked over to the mini refrigerator next to the small table by her bed. She took a brown paper bag out and removed the plastic container inside. With one finger, she traced the letter L that James had written on the lid in his familiar chicken scrawl. Heart racing, she opened the box.
Her mother came up beside her, exclaiming as she peered inside the container. “Malasadas! Where did he find those in Texas? I have never seen them in that shape before.”
Lexi held up one perfectly fried golden brown donut. It, along with the three other malasadas in the box, were heart-shaped. Just like the musubi and pasta James had eaten yesterday. “James didn’t buy these; he made them.”
“A cowboy who knows how to make malasadas? Let me have a taste.”
“Here you go.” Lexi handed the box to her mother, but not before she took out the small envelope sitting on the bottom. Her shoulders rose in anticipation as she pulled out the folded card inside. She had a feeling whatever was in this note would change her and James’s relationship forever. Holding her breath, she slowly opened it.
Dear Lexi,
Happy birthday. By now, you’ll notice there’s a theme to the food I prepared for you. I wanted a fun way to tell you what’s been on my heart.
Lexi raised a brow. The pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. James had meant for her to have the heart-shaped food, but for some reason, he’d given her his portions instead. And from the way he’d fumbled through his voicemail, he had likely given her this box—and note—by mistake. But here it was, offering her a clearer message than James had ever given her. She took a breath as she continued reading.
As you know, I find it easier to cook than talk. But what I find to be even easier than cooking is being with you. You are like a ray of tropical sunshine. You can brighten my day just with one smile. I thought I enjoyed making chili, but I realize I enjoy watching you eat it even more. You are the ingredient I didn’t know was missing in my life. I hope you feel the same.
Yours,
James
Lexi’s hands trembled as she reread the last two lines. This could only mean …
“Hmm, this malasada is good! Very authentic,” Mrs. Turner cooed, her lips covered with a light sprinkling of powdered sugar. “I am pleasantly surprised.”
“Me, too, Ma.” Lexi smiled, her cheeks warming. She couldn’t have said it better herse
lf. James had managed to surprise her in the most pleasant way. He had the biggest heart, even if he didn’t know how to express everything in it. “I think James wants more than friendship. And so do I.”
“Isn’t that what I’ve been saying this whole time?” Her mother rolled her eyes. “Go on then, find him! And tell him I want this malasada recipe.”
Lexi bounced on her tiptoes, a surge of energy pumping through her veins as if she’d eaten the whole box of donuts herself. But it wasn’t a sugar high coursing through her; it was pure love. Every cell in her body ached to see James, to be near him. She threw on her boots and grabbed her purse before calling out a goodbye to her mother. Now it was her chance to surprise James.
20
James
James leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes for a moment. The noise on the tour bus had died down now that the band members were resting their voices. He knew these downtimes were few and far in between, and he made sure to take the opportunity to put his feet up when he wasn’t cooking. It was hard to sit still, however, when all he wanted to do was check his phone. He hadn’t heard back from Lexi since he left her the voicemail an hour ago. That couldn’t be a good thing. Doubts and worries flooded his mind as he wondered what she must be thinking. He clenched and unclenched his hands, debating whether to call her again. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that the distance between them was increasing mile by mile, minute by minute. There wasn’t much he could do besides waiting and hoping.
The bus suddenly slowed down and turned right, coming to a complete stop after a few seconds. James opened his eyes to see a rest stop sign through the tinted window beside him. He glanced around, curious to know why they had stopped. They were still an hour from their destination.
Toward the front of the bus, the tour manager and Adam talked in hushed voices, glancing at James from time to time. Adam finally walked over, a grin spreading across his lips.
“Is everything okay?” James asked him. “We’ve still got an hour’s drive until Houston.”
“Yeah, we’re good. Just making a pit stop so the driver can stretch his legs.” Bending over, he looked out the window as if scanning the gravel and dirt parking lot for someone. When he straightened, he fixed his eyes on James. “You feeling homesick already?”
James smirked. “You can tell?”
“You don’t have that same excitement you did the first time you came on tour with us. I get it though; your heart’s not in it. You’d rather be someplace else, with someone else,” he added with a wink.
“Yeah, I would,” he answered simply. That was the truth. He didn’t know how he was supposed to get through this next month or more without seeing Lexi. At this point, he’d settle for hearing her voice or even getting a text from her. James glanced at the phone in his hand, willing it to ring.
“I think someone else feels the same way as you,” Adam piped up, just as James’s phone rang. “I’ll let you get that.”
James looked down to see Lexi’s beautiful face appear on the screen. He immediately swiped to answer it. “Hello?”
“James!” Lexi’s sweet voice with her usual enthusiastic lilt came over the line. “I’m sorry I missed your calls and texts; my phone was off.”
“No problem. I’m glad you called. It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“Yours, too.”
“Uh, how’s your mom? Is she feeling better?”
“She’s good; we’re good. We had a talk, and I understand her better now. She cares a lot more than she lets on. She just has a funny way of showing it.”
James scoffed softly. It seemed he and Lexi’s mother had more in common than he thought. “I get that. It’s not always easy to express how you feel for someone.”
“Yes, I’m seeing that. Oh, she really enjoyed your malasadas. That was really sweet of you to make them for me, James. Thank you.”
“So you, uh, opened the box?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer. It was easier to state the obvious than to tackle the real questions on his mind.
“Of course, I opened it, James.” She chuckled. “Friends don’t let friends throw away good food.”
“Yeah, of course.” James waited, hoping Lexi would volunteer more information. His mouth grew dry as he anticipated her response. When she didn’t elaborate, he took a deep breath and asked, “Did you see the note?”
“Yes.” Her tone grew soft and breathy. “I read the note word for word.”
“Humph,” James murmured an indiscernible sound. He had no idea what to say now. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the muscles tensing there. Was it time to lay all the cards on the table? He had to if he wanted a future with Lexi. “So, what did you think?”
“I thought it was beautiful,” Lexi began, a smile in her voice. “It was so heartfelt and sweet, everything you wrote.”
James released the breath he’d been holding. “I-I’m glad you thought so. I meant every word.”
“I know, James. That’s why I had to come give you my reply … in person.”
“In person?” James shook his head, not believing her words. When he lifted his head, his jaw dropped. Standing outside his window, in a pair of jeans and a white tank top, was Lexi. A flush in her cheeks made her creamy complexion even more beautiful in contrast to her dark hair. She greeted him with a bright smile that made his whole body warm. He turned off his phone and ran off the bus as quickly as his feet would take him, straight to her side. “How did you find us?”
Lexi put her phone away in her pocket and smiled. “I have connections. Sharon gave me the number you left her for emergencies, and I talked to Lana, your tour manager. Turns out she and the band thought you could use a visit from a friend.”
“A friend—right.” James swallowed hard as he blinked against the midday sun. There were so many emotions running through his body, he had a hard time thinking. But one thing he knew he wanted to make clear was the fact that he wanted more than friendship. “I wish I’d said this months ago, or even yesterday …”
“What is it, James?”
“Lexi, I know we’re good at playing pretend and fooling people into thinking we’re dating, but the thing is, I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
“You don’t want to pretend anymore,” she repeated, her voice breathless. “What do you want, James?”
He brought a hand to Lexi’s cheek and caressed her soft skin with his thumb. She leaned against his palm, the warmth from her cheek heating his entire body. The tenderness in her eyes urged him to speak honestly. “I want to be real. I want to be the one who cooks you chili every day. I want to be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, and the one who steps on your feet when we dance. I want all the highs and the lows, and I want them with you. Does this make any sense?”
“It makes perfect sense.” She nodded. “You want to be us.”
“Us—yes, that’s it. I want to be us.” He smiled, happy and relieved to finally be able to express himself. Now that she understood his heart, he wanted to understand hers. “What about you, Lex? What do you want?”
Biting her lower lip, she stepped nearer, closing the space between them. Her dark brown eyes twinkled with hope. “It’s simple. I want to be someone who finally knows what she wants and goes after it. I want to start living without regrets. Most of all, I want to be the beach bum who fell for the handsome cowboy she met on her first day in Texas. I want us, too, James.”
James didn’t need to think twice. He took her into his arms, holding her close as he buried his face in her soft hair. The moment couldn’t have been better, except for one thing. “I think you and I both left something out.”
She pulled back, amusement flickering across her face. “What else is there?”
“Here, I’ll show you.” James tilted Lexi’s chin up and leaned in. He claimed her mouth with his, gently and passionately pouring the emotions welling in his chest. She gasped softly as he pulled her against him, her soft curves melding into his firm tors
o. She tasted as sweet and wonderful as he’d imagined, like milk and honey on a warm spring day. As he deepened the kiss, she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers played with the ends of his hair until they pulled apart at the sound of cheers and whistles coming through the open bus doors.
Lexi laughed. “I think everyone got that message loud and clear.”
James smiled, feeling his cheeks redden. “I probably won’t hear the end of this from the guys.” He paused, a bittersweet feeling settling in his chest. “If only we’d figured things out before I took this job. I wish I didn’t have to be away from Sage Valley, from you.”
“What if you don’t have to be?” Lexi asked, her eyes wide. “From me, at least, for a little while? Sharon and Bucky offered to let me take a vacation before summer starts. And Lana said I could work for room and board by being the behind-the-scenes tour photographer for the band’s social media accounts. I’ll be on the road with you guys for the next two weeks—if that’s okay with you?”
“That’s more than okay.” James pulled Lexi close to place another kiss on her pink lips. “I could use some help in the kitchen, too, from someone who’s familiar with chili.”
Lexi beamed. “I know the perfect person for that job.”
James couldn’t agree more. He took Lexi’s hands in his, ready and eager to embark on their new journey together.
Epilogue
________
One month later
LEXI
