by Khan, Jen
“Em? What are you doing? Here, let me help you.”
Braden rounds the bed, walking over to help me.
I glance up and study his face as he comes closer. He lifts his cap to unearth his gorgeous dark brown eyes. He seems to be growing out his goatee, which looks great on him.
Sinful.
“I have to umm…go to the bathroom.”
His eyebrows shoot up and he smiles. I roll my eyes.
“Are you going to help me or are you just going to stand there staring at me with that goofy smile on your face?”
“We’ll call the nurse.”
“No! I don’t want to call a nurse. I can do this by myself.”
“Emma, we’re calling a nurse.”
“There’s no reason to call a nurse when I am fully capable of making it to the bathroom without bothering them.”
I look away from him towards the bathroom.
I attempt to will my body to move. My body doesn’t want anything to do with it.
Move, damn it.
It damn near took everything out of me just to sit up, so of course my body is protesting.
I drop my eyes to the floor and scoot farther to the edge. I can do this. All I have to do is stand up, put one foot in front of the other, and—
Shit.
Braden’s head droops slightly to the side, studying my face as if he were sizing me up. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I lied.
He stares at me. It’s almost like he knows the battle going on inside my head.
In one quick motion, he moves the stand that links me to my IV, puts an arm behind my knees and the other at my waist, and lifts me into his arms.
He uses his body to nudge the IV stand along next to us and carries me to the bathroom, setting me down in front of the sink. He spins around and walks out the door, closing it behind him. Umm…wow!
That’s Braden. All heart and no bullshit—a straight shooter. He is a “tell it like it is” kinda man, always taking control of a situation. It isn’t always well received, but he doesn’t know how else to be. These are just a few of the reasons I fell for him to begin with. I needed a strong man if I was going to have one at all.
It helped that he is close to his family. I’ve never had much of a family, so watching him with his was a gift of its own.
Being with Braden meant being a part of his family.
They are a great family. The brothers, Olivia, and Jim stick together through thick and thin. Once you get a taste of that and they bring you in, you are a lifer.
That is, until everything goes to shit. Olivia is so close to Braden that she severed ties with me immediately after we broke up. I’ll never forget that pain. It cut me like a knife.
We were like sisters, but when I broke things off with Braden to keep her and him—as well as the rest of them—safe, well…I ceased to exist, and that hurt like hell.
I use the bathroom, which is nothing like my normal bathroom experience. This hurts like hell.
When I am done, I wash my hands and gaze at myself in the mirror. It appears that I was in a battle for my life and barely made it out. I guess that is, in a sense, what happened.
My long dark brown hair is in serious need of a brush.
I see bruises and cuts on my arms, face, and neck. My normally petite nose has definitely seen better days. There is a little bit of blood and mucus coming out of my nostril, so I wipe that up with a tissue.
My brown eyes are both black and swollen. I have a small lump with a cut on my right cheekbone and a busted lip. I don’t even look like myself.
I lift up my hospital gown to see that my knees have scrapes and bruises all over them. My midriff is killing me and I have a mother of a headache. Other areas of my body are sore, but that is not something I want to deal with right now. I know what happened. This is not the time to focus on that. Maybe later, but not now.
There is a soft knock at the door. “Em?”
I don’t respond. I study my hands, trying to tune out everything around me. Why can’t I just disappear already?
This is not only painful, but it is utterly humiliating. I can’t stand for him, or anyone for that matter, seeing me like this.
The door opens and Braden enters.
“Hey,” he says in a soft whisper.
I ignore him. What was I thinking, going to him last night?
It was last night, wasn’t it?
He scoops me up and carries me back to the bed, lays me down, and draws the covers over me.
I lie back and glare up at the ceiling. Maybe it will swallow me up if I stare at it long enough.
“Em?” God, his voice is so soft and kind.
“No,” is the only response I can muster.
“Emma, look at me, baby.”
“No.”
“Emma, we need to talk about what happened to you.”
“I. Said. No.”
Braden exhales slowly. He comes in close, our noses almost touching. I move my head feeling his warm breath on my cheek.
“When you’re ready, we are going to talk. You’re going to tell me everything that happened to you. Then you’re going to tell me who did this to you. After that, I am going to go out and find that motherfucker—“
“Braden, please. I—“
He kisses me on the side of my forehead.
“I’ll give you all the time you need. You’ve been through hell and back. I get that.”
His eyes hold mine. I am unable to break free from his pull. I am trapped. I suck my bottom lip between my teeth.
Braden’s focus moves down to my mouth before settling back on my eyes. He nodded.
“I’ll send the doctor in.” He spins around, walks to the door, and opens it. Before he closes the door, Braden turns back to me. “This time, Emma, I won’t let you push me away.”
And he is gone.
I pull the blanket up to my chin with my good arm and decide that maybe it is time for another nap. The trip to the bathroom and my exchange with Braden wore me out.
I start to drift off when the door to my room opens. I can tell that whoever is entering is trying to be quiet.
“It looks like she’s sleeping. We shouldn’t bother her,” Olivia whispers.
I keep my eyes closed in hopes that she and whoever she is talking to will leave. Besides, why is she even here?
She hasn’t spoken a nice word to me since Braden and I broke up about a year ago.
“Let’s leave and come back later. She has been through a hell of an ordeal and needs her rest,” I hear Jim respond. Then there is crying. Ugly crying. “Shhhh, princess.”
I listen to Olivia cry and her father console her.
Why is she crying? Is she okay?
After what has to be a couple of minutes, Jim says, “Let me take you home to get some rest and we’ll be back here first thing in the morning.”
“No,” Olivia chokes out through her tears. “I’m not leaving her. I’ve been downright cruel and nasty to her all year. We were best friends, Daddy, and I alienated her. I have to be here for her now. Can you understand?”
“Yes, of course, princess. I’ll bring you some breakfast and fresh clothes in the morning.”
Jim and now Olivia kiss me on the forehead before they walk out of the room.
This day is just getting weirder and weirder.
It isn’t long after they leave that I fall asleep.
*****
The first thing I see when I wake is Braden sitting in the chair watching me. He is wearing a grey Henley with dark blue jeans and his badass, ass-kicker boots. I take notice of how he is sitting. His elbows are on his knees, hands intertwined, head down, eyes burning into me as if he is deep in thought. He looks like a beautiful, tormented god.
“Braden?”
He stands up from his chair and comes to the side of the bed. I wait silently as he stalks toward me.
He doesn’t respond. Instead, he lifts my good hand to his mouth, flips it over, closes his e
yes, and kisses my palm.
I sigh.
When his eyes open again I see the pain is still there.
My heart is beating erratically and a fine sheen of sweat forms across my forehead. Great, am I really going to have a panic attack now?
In an effort to shake it off, I pull my hand from Braden’s hold and sit up to adjust my pillow.
“Here, let me get that for you,” Braden offers softly.
He adjusts my pillow higher up on the bed and lays me back.
“Is that better? He asked.
“What are you doing here?” I replied.
“Baby—“
“I am not your baby!” I snapped. “Why are you here?”
He opens his mouth to respond, but before he is able, there is a light knock at the door. In walks Olivia.
Great.
“And why the hell are you here?”
“I just thought I would come—“
“You know what? Never mind,” I interrupted. I throw back my covers with all the strength I could gather and scoot to the side of the bed. I grip the IV stand and slowly rise up off of the bed.
Damn, I hurt.
I try not to wince from the pain. I am going to try to save some of my dignity through this whole shit show that has now become my life.
“Emma, get back in bed,” Braden ordered.
The hell I will.
It takes almost everything out of me to stand up. I am not going to get back in that bed because HE said so.
I take a couple of steps—or more like shuffle—and grip tight to my IV stand. Apparently, I have a lot of faith in it to keep me on my feet.
I hold my head up and face them point my chin up in defiance.
“Both of you… Get. Out!” I demanded.
Olivia’s eyes drift towards the bed where Braden is still standing. I look at him too. He appears agitated.
“Get back in bed, Emma. You need to rest,” he says.
“I don’t take orders from you,” I spat back at him.
“Get back in bed!” he barks. “Please.”
Oh, hell no.
I shrug and hang my head to the side. “I’m going for a walk. When you two leave, I’ll get back in bed.”
I turn on my heels and wobble. Okay, maybe this was a little too much too soon.
“Whoa. Careful,” Braden whispers into my ear from behind me.
He snakes his arm around my midriff. His chest is at my back. His other hand is lightly touching my hips.
Before I know what is happening, I am being lifted into his arms. I always loved his big, strong arms. They are my favorite part of his body. Well, third favorite part of his body.
He carefully puts me back in bed and covers me with the blanket.
“Emma, we’re here—“Olivia begins.
I cut my eyes to her. “You haven’t spoken to me in almost a year. Well, except last week when I came to Holt's. We aren’t exactly friendly anymore, or have you forgotten?” I remind her.
Her eyes widen before her head drops and her eyes meet the floor.
“I tried to call you every day for a month,” I snapped.
Oh God! Here come the tears. I tried to force them back but they continue to pool in my eyes.
“You were one of my best friends!” I sobbed.
Olivia’s body jerks as if I hit her. Right now, I really wouldn't mind smacking her.
Braden’s hand combs through my hair.
I glared at him. “And you! Stop touching me and calling me baby. We aren't together, remember?”
Braden doesn’t even flinch. His eyes narrow and his face goes red. He doesn’t say a word. He just lets me finish saying what I need to say all while continuing to sift his fingers through my hair.
“Are you two here because you have some sort of guilt that you’re working through? I don’t need your guilt or pity. What I need is for you to get the fuck out of my room!”
I don’t know if I am truly this angry or if I am trying to keep from embarrassing myself with crying. I know if I start I am going to have a hell of a time reeling it back in.
I narrow my eyes at Olivia. She watches the floor, nods, and moves slowly towards the door before leaving.
I turn to Braden and begin the next stare down. I will win this one too.
The door to my room opens again.
“What now?” I shout.
“The police are here to take your statement,” the nurse says quietly. She pushes the door all the way and a tall officer follows her in.
Oh my God! Please tell me this isn’t happening right now.
“NO!” I shriek and shut my eyes to try to block it all out. This cannot be happening. I knew I was going to have to relive this nightmare. I’m just not ready yet. There is nothing like the humiliation of my story, and I am going to have to tell it to this complete stranger.
I scan Braden's face, who now has a new softness in his. “Baby.”
The tears spill out of my eyes. He swipes at them with his thumb, but they are falling down my cheeks faster than he can catch them.
I shake my head. “I’m fine,” I say immediately.
He looks at me with what seems to be admiration. Could that be? I shake my head again to clear it.
“I’m fine,” I repeat, trying to convince myself more than anyone else.
“Em, talk to the officer. Tell him what happened to you so that they can go after the scumbag that did this before I find him.”
I nod. “Okay.”
He kisses the hair on top of my head, replies to my okay with a soft, “Okay,” of his own, and exits the room.
Chapter Three
The night after I was released, I am set on going to the apartment to get some things I need. Braden and my best friend Holly insist that I wait until I regain my strength. I tell them that I’m fine. I just need a few things. Shampoo, makeup, clothes—the necessities.
When we get to the apartment, there are remnants of yellow police tape on the corners of the doorframe. My breathing becomes heavier as I watch the door.
Braden’s chest is at my back. His arms circle me and encase me in his own protective cocoon.
“We should wait, Em. We can do this another time.”
I tip my head back, close my eyes, and suck in a deep breath.
“I’m okay.”
His arms tighten around me.
I step out of his arms, pull my purse from my shoulder, unzip it, and sift through the contents, searching for my keys.
I hold them out, jiggling them, and drop them to Braden’s outstretched hand, which he uses to unlock the door. Since my hands are shaking, Braden, being as attentive as he is, returns his hand to mine.
He leads me the rest of the way into the apartment, tightening his grip when my body stiffens. He pushes the door closed before he guides me through and flips on the light.
The instant I see the inside, my body trembles.
I see the overturned table that once held a lamp. That lamp now lays scattered across the floor in pieces. The mirror that was once displayed over that overturned table is also lying in a heap of its own tiny little shards. The picture frame is barely hanging on. I walk to it, straighten it, and feel the weight of Braden and Holly’s gaze, sizing me up. Braden’s eyes move to the floor near the end of the foyer. The muscle in his jaw twitches, his eyes going hard and his face becoming stone.
My eyes follow his. That’s when I see it. Dried blood stains the carpet. My dried blood, and oh my God is there a lot of it.
I wander over to it.
“Em, baby. Let’s go get what you need,” he says quietly into my ear.
I nod and step over the blood stain. I don’t want to touch it. I move to my bedroom and flip on the light.
I walk into my room, drift to my bed, and fold into a ball on top of my comforter, knees to my chest, arms wrapped around them, face into hidden. I can’t stop what happens next.
I am sobbing into my balled-up body, completely oblivious to Braden and Holly ent
ering.
“Oh my God!” Holly cries.
“Fuck,” Braden mutters.
The bed sags behind me right before Braden’s arms wrap around me. I cry harder.
“I’ll go find a bag and pack some of her things,” Holly whimpers.
Braden puts an arm under me does something strange that my mind doesn’t register. He pulls me around to face him, his arms tight around me, his hands gliding up and down my back.
I settle deeper into him, his chin on the top of my head, my face in his neck as I still sob.
His hand continues to stroke my back. “It’s okay, baby.”
Then he sings to me. He sings “Lovesong” by The Cure. He knows it is one of my favorite songs ever since I heard him sing it to a crowded bar doing his own version of it. Braden has an amazing voice.
That has a calming effect on me. My sobbing becomes silent, and it subsides, as do my tears.
“What do I do now?” I whimper into his neck.
“You’re going to pick yourself up and carry on with life, Em,” he returns as if it were just that easy.
I throw both of my arms around his neck, and hold tight.
“You’re going to pick up the pieces, let the wounds heal, and get your smile back. Your gorgeous smile melts my heart, Em. Always has. And not seeing it on your face kills me, baby. I will do anything to see that smile of yours come back.”
My heart kicks up a few beats and I whisper, “Braden, I can’t do this.“
“No, you can do this. I know you can because I saw you take on so much in the couple of years I’ve known you. Nothing ever knocked you down, Em. Nothing. I know this is different. I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through on the inside, but I can damn sure promise you that I will help you get that smile back.”
I pull back, releasing his neck, his arms tightening around me.
“Don’t back away because I just told you that I’m in this with you. For the long haul. I already told you that I’m not going to let you push me away again.” He lifts his hand to cup one side of my face, his thumb swiping the tears that are wetting my cheeks. “That’s another promise I intend to keep, beautiful.”
I shake my head. “Braden, I can’t—“
“Yes you can, baby. You can because you have me, and I’m going to help you get through this.”
