These girls are my family. They know me better than anyone on the planet. They have my back and I have theirs. We were not born a family, but we’ve become one, and I will not give that up. I can’t. And I can’t hurt either of them.
JESSICA
I’m standing outside, staring at Amber, who’s just said my name in such a way that has knocked me sideways. Mark and my best friend are way off down the street. And the world is coming to an end.
When I saw Mark walking into Angel’s Share, I thought I was seeing things. The next thing I thought was, Holy shit, he’s stalking me. He’s going to confront me, right here in front of Chris, ask me why I bailed on him, why I didn’t give him a chance! I had noooooooo idea he was looking at Nicole. It seemed like his focus was on me. When she said his name at the exact same time as I did, and Mark looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time, I was completely flabbergasted. I knew instantly exactly what was going on. He is the guy she’s been locked up in bed with for the past two days… the guy she cared enough about to bring him out to meet me and Amber.
Of all the people on the planet – how could it have been my Mark?
I know this is irrational. I know I’ve found someone else. I also know that Chris is amazing and that he’s my guy. But Mark did something to me, when we met. Shit, he didn’t just have sex with me… he changed my life! I mean, there was Mark, saying you’re beautiful and giving me flowers and opening up my world again – after David had closed it by breaking my fucking heart. I never thought I’d like men again, much less trust them, and Mark… well… he just can’t be dating Nicole!!! He just can’t. And there is no way she can date Mark. There is no way I could handle that. Not this soon! I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I mean… you’ve got to be kidding me. This is so not happening. When they went running out of the bar, him following her and not even looking at me – I felt so angry. Blind fury I didn’t even know I had in me came rushing out, just like when I thought James was dating my boss, and when I saw him talking to Brittany… and shit!! I mean really, holy fucking shit – this is so not fucking happening! And yes, that’s a lot of swear words, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDDING ME?!!
I jumped up and ran after them. I had to stop it. As I yelled at Mark outside, my head spun. All I was thinking was you can’t take her from me! Not from just two days of sex! I’ve known her for years! I will not let my friendship be torn to shreds by some guy.
She’s mine. She’s my friend. She’s my family.
You’re great and all. But you’re just you. Some guy. NOT my family.
And this will tear us apart.
After Amber came out and as Nicole ran down the street, I spat at him, “Did you do this to get back at me?”
Mark was shocked. “What? No – Amber, tell her. I had no idea you guys were friends. Amber introduced us and your name ever came up.”
“Oh that’s just great.”
That’s when Amber said, “Jessica!” in such a way that it knocked me sideways. She’s so good at that.
And this is where I am now.
Mark runs after Nicole and Amber walks to me, her hands out. “I didn’t know he was that guy. You never told me his name! You just said you’d slept with some guy who was in town for only one night. How could I know?”
I nod, and wrap my arms around myself. “What are the odds?”
Amber aligns herself with my side and mumbles, “I know, right?”
Together we watch fucking Mark catch up to our Nicole and turn her around.
“Amber, she can’t date him,” I whisper.
Amber pauses, thinking. She looks at me from the corner of her eyes. “I don’t blame you. Well, you know Nico – she doesn’t get attached.” She puts her hands in her jacket, pausing. “Well… except for that guy.”
I blink, turning to face her. “What guy?”
“Well, you know. Michael. She fell in love with him! And it turns out he was married.” She pauses, looking at my confused face. “Remember?”
I stare at her, bitch-slapped. “He was married? She slept with Mark and a married man? What the fuck?”
Amber’s eyes flash wide. “No! No no no. She didn’t sleep with Michael. She didn’t know he was married and the second she found out, she stopped using the studio and never saw him again!”
Why did she just tell Amber? My heart aches thinking I’m on the outside, the third wheel. I don’t want to be that. “Oh. God, married. That’s so horrible! Wait… why didn’t she want me to know?”
Amber stares at me. “She was devastated. She asked me to keep it to myself so she could get over it and never talk about it again. And you were going through what you were going through. She and I didn’t say it, but we were walking around eggshells with you for awhile.”
I catch Chris’s eyes looking at me, through the window. “Oh. I didn’t know that.” He’s staring at me from our table. I wave, weakly. He turns away.
I hear Amber saying, “Anyway…this, so soon after that. It’s going to kill her.”
I look over to see Nicole kiss Mark. My stomach lurches. A jealous splinter tears through me. This is not something I ever expected to see. Amber takes my hand.
“I’m sorry, Jess. I can’t even imagine what you guys must be feeling right now.”
I grit my teeth and look down at my feet. “We feel shitty. That’s how we feel.”
“She’s coming back. Alone.”
We both watch Nicole as she walks slowly back to us with tears in her eyes. The sight of her crying jars me. She really cares about him, it’s plain as day on her face. But a steel wall locks down in my mind. This isn’t supposed to be happening. So many emotions sweep over me.
I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“Nicole.”
“I know,” she says, as cold as ice.
“It’s just too weird.”
“It’s more than weird. It’s impossible.” Her breath catches in a sob, and Amber walks to her first. I will not let Amber rescue the day again! It hurts, but I hurry forward and take her in my arms, too, the three of us in a group-hug, our heads down.
These two are my family. Without them, I will not make it. And I won’t let some guy come between us. No way. No fucking way.
AMBER
When I watched Jess leap out of her chair after Mark who was chasing Nico, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. What a mess. But if I could get out of the mess I’d gotten Josh and I in, I felt I could help fix this, too. Especially since Mark had helped me. I feel like I owe him one. Two if you could my boyfriend punching him in the face.
So I reached across the table and grabbed Chris’s hand. “Stay here. Trust me.”
Josh – knowing the three us more than any other man on the planet (save for David, maybe) – held a supportive hand on Chris’s back and agreed with me. “Just give this a minute. Don’t react just yet.”
I agreed, looking from Josh to Chris. “Josh should know. He reacted without knowing…”
“Amber.”
“Sorry.” I looked at him thinking, I really like this new let-him-be-the-man thing. Josh has become so much sexier to me now.
Chris looked from one of us to the other, his face somber. “I’m not a child, guys.”
We both released Chris. “Sorry.” “Oh, sorry, man. I just thought...”
He nodded and put his elbows on the table, bringing his hands together in a fist-prayer position, his light brown hair falling over his forehead. “So, she didn’t date that guy. But she did…” He stopped himself and closed his eyes against the possessive jealousy that Josh and I could plainly see.
“Chris. You’re very smart, so I’m not going to lie to you. She saw Mark briefly, very briefly, but it was before you and you changed everything. You know that in your heart, right?” Chris, looking grim, blinked an affirmation. It was better than nothing. “You have nothing to worry about. What’s happening now is more between Jess and Nicole.”
Chris frowned. “And how is that?”
I raise
d my eyebrows in surprise. “Seriously? Have you ever met women?”
Chris smiled, in spite of himself. Josh took a drink of his Guinness, shaking his head. “Great, so I’ve gotta go!” Picking up a napkin I’d wiped my hands like I was going into surgery, threw it on the table and asked Josh, “You’ve got this?”
Josh raised his eyebrows. “Chris isn’t a child.”
“Right. Sorry.”
And this is where I am now.
Running out of Angel’s Share. ““Josh has Chris hostage.”
Mark and Jessica are in a childish standoff and poor Nicole is running off, looking insanely upset. “Nico!” I turn back to the anti-lovebirds. “What’s happening?”
Jessica is pissed as hell. Just like I thought. She’s jealous and this is not going to be easy. Jealousy is a terribly hard problem to fix. It was so clear how important Nico is to Mark, and that had to hurt. As soon as I stop Jessica from keeping Mark here with her anger, Mark throws me a look - can you believe this – and rushes off to talk to Nico.
I look at Jessica. I’m a little helpless here, wondering what to do. I look at her, my hands out, imploring. “I didn’t know he was that guy. You never told me his name! You just said you’d slept with some guy who was in town for only one night. How could I know?”
She wraps her arms around herself. “What are the odds?”
I stand next to her. “I know, right?”
Her brown eyes are fierce as she hisses, “Amber, she can’t date him.”
Oh, Jess. My heart breaks for you, but it breaks more for Nico. I can’t tell you that. You’re too defensive right now. How can I help you see what Nico must be feeling without divulging what happened with Michael? I promised not to tell. But Nico won’t bounce back from this. Her moods are stronger than Jess’s.
“I don’t blame you. Well you know Nico – she doesn’t get attached very often.” I take a dramatic pause. Sorry Nico… this is for you. “Well… except for that guy.”
Jess faces me, confused. “What guy?”
“Well, you know. Michael. She fell in love with him. And it turned out he was married.” Oh God… she’s upset she didn’t know. I pretend like I think she knew by adding sheepishly, “Remember?”
She stares at me, appalled. “He was married? She slept with Mark and a married man? What the fuck?”
Oh shit. “No! No no no. She didn’t sleep with Michael. She didn’t know he was married and the second she found out, she stopped using the studio and never saw him again!”
We all know how awful it would be to love a married man. Jessica's face falls, shocked into empathy. “Oh. God, married. That’s so horrible! Wait… why didn’t she want me to know?”
I think of a reason and decide just to say the truth. “She was devastated. She asked me to keep it to myself so she could get over it and never talk about it again. And you were going through what you were going through. She and I didn’t say it, but we were walking around eggshells with you for awhile.”
Jessica registers this. “Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“Anyway…this, so soon after that. It’s going to kill her.” C’mon Jess, c’mon. Try to understand where Nico is coming from, what she needs! But then I look over to see Nico kiss Mark and Jess sees it, too. Oh, shit. I sneak a sideways glance at Jessica. Awkward. She grits her teeth. This is so horrible. I’m doing the best, but I’m in over my head. I take Jess’s hand. “I’m sorry, Jess. I can’t even imagine what you guys must be feeling right now.”
Jessica sounds tired, looking down. “We feel shitty. That’s how we feel.”
Nico walks toward us. “She’s coming back.” I add “Alone,” so Jess will look up.
I can see from Nico’s face that she ended it. My heart breaks for her. She has such rotten luck with men. He was a really good guy. Why does life do things like this? I just can’t understand why this worked out this way. When Josh and I left the bar together on Friday night, seeing Nico laughing with Mark, it just made sense to me. They fit. They just… fit.
Jess chokes out, helplessly, “Nicole.”
“I know,” she says, her eyes exhausted and sad.
Jess fumbles for what to say, but she’s shocked by Nico’s tears. She mumbles only, “It’s just too weird.”
Nico pauses and just looks at her. “It’s more than weird. It’s impossible.” Her voice catches in a sob and Jess and I wrap ourselves around her in a hug.
I will always protect these two. I will always help them find happiness. I will always be here when they need me. No matter what.
NICOLE
Two Long Weeks Later
Walking up to Ella, a hip trendy bar in the East Village where I’m due to meet Jess and Amber for cocktails, my phone goes off. It’s awful how sensitive I’ve become to the ringtones, or the vibration when I’m in a place so loud I can’t hear the sound. A call or text from Mark never goes unnoticed and my heart always jumps high and fast. We’re only talking business now, but it never feels that way. My cells are still attached to ideas I can’t let myself entertain.
I stop just outside the front door of Ella and dig in my bag, disappointed by the name Jack Fleming staring back from the screen.
“Jack. Hi.”
His tone has the usual been-there, done-that quality. “Good news, Ms. Henry.”
I cover my free ear so I can hear him better. “Yeah? What’s that?”
“The R.S.V.P. list is growing exponentially. We’re going to have a packed reception.”
My stomach flips over. “Ugh.”
He chuckles. “Remember when I said…”
“Good news,” I finish for him.
“Yes.” He chuckles again. “This is probably normal for a first show. I wouldn’t know… I don’t give people their first shows, normally.”
I look toward a few men walking up to the bar. I step aside so they can go in, ignoring one of them who smiles at me. Don’t smile at me.
“Well, I’m more than a little freaked.”
Mashing the phone against my ear to hear him better over the bouncer’s talking, I step aside for privacy as Jack says, “Well, go have a drink and make it all go away.”
“Are you watching me?” I laugh. “I’m in front of a bar right now.”
He snorts. “Of course you are. And when you toast tonight, toast to The New Yorker.”
I choke, “The New Yorker is coming?”
“Mmmhmmm. Are you ready for greatness?”
“You know I’m not!” He laughs again and I blurt out, “Jack, you’re enjoying this too much.”
I can hear his sick little smile. “I am, aren’t I?”
“I’m hanging up now.”
He sings goodbye just as I click off the phone.
I’m beginning to really like that jerk.
I swing open the door and look toward the shiny bar for my girls, to see if they’re sitting on the stools. It’s hard to see in here at first, but I can’t see Amber’s blond hair – always an easy thing to spot in a dark room. The framed portrait of Greta Garbo hanging over the bartender’s head beckons for me to hold it together; she urges me to maintain glamorous grace and style no matter what. I flip her off.
Jess calls out through the crowd, “Nicole!” I look ahead of me, from where I’m standing by the front door, and see her and Amber waving in a red leather booth. I amble over to them and slide in next to Amber, sitting opposite Jess.
“I need a drink!” I look down at a pink martini thing that’s sitting in front of me. “What’s this?”
Amber smiles naughtily. “We ordered it for you. It’s called the Social Smoker.”
I roll my eyes. “Funny. Ha. Ha.” What they don’t know is that hearing the word smoker makes me want a cigarette. Badly. But I’m not going to tell them that. I can’t take Amber’s disappointment right now. Or a lecture.
Jess laughs and raises her cocktail. “To Nicole’s show coming up!!”
Amber raises hers fast, excited and happy for me. “To Nicole’s
show!”
I pick up the Social Smoker and say, in a flat, dry tone, looking at my glass, my eyes heavy, “To The New Yorker.”
“What?!!!” “Oh my God!!!” “You’re kidding!!” “The fucking New YORKER?!!”
I nod, emotionless. I don’t even feel scared. I just feel… nothing. “Yep. The fucking New Yorker.”
We clink glasses and I down the whole thing. I set it on the table and look at their widened stares. “What? It’s a celebration, isn’t it?”
Amber exchanges a look with Jess, but Jess just grins, ignoring my mood. To acknowledge it would mean we’d talk about the thing we haven’t talked about since that night at Angel’s Share. “Wow. This is really happening.”
I frown, circling the rim of my empty glass with my finger. “What if they hate me?”
Jessica reaches forward, her hand flat on the table. She slaps it down. “Hey! They wouldn’t be coming if you weren’t ah-mazing. I’m sure the guy who owns the gallery – what’s his name?”
“Jack Fleming.”
“I’m sure Jack Fleming wouldn’t be sullying his rep for someone he didn’t believe in.”
I shrug.
Amber nods, looking back and forth between us as she takes over. “This whole nervous thing you’ve got going on…you know what it tells me?”
I shake my head, eyeing her suspiciously. “No, what?”
“It tells me you care. You care a lot. And that’s why you’re so scared. Remember when you guys helped me paint my office?”
Jess and I both say, “Yeah.”
“Remember how nervous I was?”
Jess and I say again, “Yeah.”
“And what did you tell me?”
My mind is blank.
Jess knows the answer, because Jess is the one who said it. She has a guru side to her that surprises you when you least expect it. She hits the table again as she remembers. “I said, you’re only scared because you’re meeting up with where you’re supposed to be!”
Amber points in the air and nods dramatically. “Yep! That’s what you said.”
I Love My Chance (Nicole's Erotic Romance 3) Page 7
