by Fiona Lowe
He moved into the kitchen and was greeted by the newly framed and hung painting that Amber had made at daycare. She’d insisted the bright yellow splotch of paint was Chester and the blue blob was herself. Chloe had printed the date on the bottom right-hand corner and had written in her neat handwriting, ‘Chester and Amber at the beach.’ He smiled at the bright, primary colours that dominated the otherwise empty wall, giving the kitchen heart.
A breath-sucking jolt thudded through him. This was the only painting in the house. When he’d moved in, he hadn’t cared about decorating. He frantically glanced around him, suddenly seeing the cottage with new eyes. His coffee was in labelled containers and the tea towels matched. He backtracked into the main room. A vase of cheery daisies sat on the coffee table, and a bowl filled with assorted shells and coral surrounded a scented candle that he remembered Chloe lighting one night after Amber had gone to bed. Through the window, out on the deck, he could see the shadows of the hardy, salt-resistant yucca plants in their funky containers. Chloe had suggested he buy them from the farmers’ market and use them to soften the utilitarian space.
Somewhere along the line, in the last few weeks, the cottage had gone from being a house to a home.
Chloe had changed it.
When he’d moved in, it had been just a place to live that didn’t hold haunting memories of Anna. He’d existed in it rather than lived in it. Chloe had made the cottage a space he felt comfortable in, somewhere he wanted to be—a place he belonged.
Not in the last forty-eight hours.
His gut lurched. He missed her so much.
I’m the housekeeper you get to have sex with.
No. Acid burned his stomach as his entire body rejected her statement. Chloe was so much more to him than that. The domestic help she’d given him anyone could have done. It was everything else about her he valued. She’d made him laugh, she’d challenged him, and at times she’d infuriated the hell out of him. She’d shared the highs and lows of raising Amber with him, which he’d treasured. And when she hadn’t been around, he’d thought of her constantly.
That’s love.
No, it isn’t.
He thought about Anna. How they’d loved and laughed, bickered over trivial things and had cried together when Amber was born. How he’d looked forward to coming home at the end of each working day to share his day with her and hear about hers. How he’d loved being married and having a life partner and a friend.
Chloe’s been that to you, too. You love her.
I can’t love her. I love Anna.
You love them both.
His breath stalled. There it was. Starkly simple. He’d been blessed with two amazing women in his life and he loved them both.
He’d never thought he was capable of loving another woman, he’d never thought he’d want to love someone else, but it had happened. Chloe had quietly moved into his cottage and into his heart, and in her calm and happy way had brought him back to life.
The guilt that had been plaguing him about her now made sense. For weeks he’d felt like he was having an affair, cheating on Anna and their life together. Now he could finally see that it hadn’t been anything like that.
The twinge he always got when he thought about Anna came, but it felt different. Once a throbbing pain, it was now a mellow and mild ache. His love for her would always be a part of him—she’d been his first love and the mother of his child. Death didn’t change that.
Peace settled over him, and for the first time since the car accident he no longer wanted to fight the change that had been foisted on his and Amber’s lives. He wanted to embrace it. He tugged off his wedding ring. Chloe was part of that change.
It only happens once.
Nausea rolled in his stomach. He’d told the woman he loved that he could never love her.
Urgency spun through him. He had to tell her he’d been stupid and wrong and he had to do it now. He grabbed his phone and punched in Steph’s number.
His sister answered promptly. ‘Hey, Luke, what’s up?’
‘I seriously need your help.’
‘What’s wrong? Is it Amber?’ Panic threaded through her voice.
‘No, she’s fine.’ He rubbed the stubble on his head. ‘No one’s physically hurt.’
‘You’re not reassuring me here,’ she said, sounding like she was sensing his desperation. ‘You never ask for help.’
‘It’s Chloe. I love her.’
She laughed. ‘That’s not a secret, Luke.’
He rubbed his jaw. ‘It was to me until five minutes ago.’
A short silence wavered on the line before a sigh broke it. ‘Oh, Luke…’
The gravity of what he’d done to Chloe forced his eyes closed for a moment. ‘Yeah. I need to talk to her. Can you come over and stay with Amber? Right now?’
‘See you in fifteen.’ The line went dead.
Chloe was flicking through a magazine. She’d tried reading a book but she couldn’t concentrate, so she’d gone for something lighter. Celebrity gossip wasn’t working either. She glanced at the clock. Nine p.m. She was on duty at seven in the morning so she should probably go to bed but really there was no point because sleep would elude her.
Chester suddenly sat up, his ears pricking up, and then he shot out of his basket, raced to the door and barked at it.
He never barked at the door. ‘Quiet, Chester,’ Chloe said, dropping the magazine onto the couch. ‘Back to your bed.’
Chester ignored her, his barking becoming louder and more frantic. Over the noise, Chloe heard knocking.
She peered through the peephole.
Luke.
She blinked and peered again, not believing the image her eye was seeing.
Luke paced back and forth outside her door.
Slipping her hand around her now frantic dog’s collar, she opened the door. Chester lunged forward, all slobbering tongue and love-me-Luke Labrador adoration, desperate for a pat from the man who’d broken her heart.
You’re a traitor, Chester.
‘This is an unexpected visit,’ she said, noticing that the dark shadows under his eyes, which had vanished in recent weeks, had returned.
Luke nodded. ‘May I come in?’
No. Yes. ‘Why?’
‘I need to talk to you,’ he said, keeping his gaze fixed on her face as he reached down and patted Chester. ‘And neither of us wants your neighbours to hear our conversation.’
Her bleeding heart dripped some more. ‘I don’t want to hear our conversation. You made yourself perfectly clear the other night.’
He flinched. ‘Chloe, please. May I come in?’
Oh, God, what if he wants to cancel my time with Amber? The thought terrified her, but as much as she didn’t want him in her apartment, because it was her Luke-free zone, she also knew she wasn’t prepared to risk losing access to Amber. Sighing, she turned away from the door. Leaving Chester with Luke, she walked back into her apartment and stood by the balcony doors.
Luke gave Chester a super-fast cuddle in the hope it would calm the dog down and then he dumped him in his basket and said, ‘Stay.’
The puppy looked up at him, all woebegone and filled with disappointment, but thankfully he obeyed the sternness in Luke’s voice.
Chloe, on the other hand, looked remote and detached. Everything about her lovely, lush body was sharp and angular, as if she was surrounded by protective steel pickets—pickets he’d put there.
‘How are you?’
Great start, Luke. Nothing like inane social chitchat after you’ve broken someone’s heart.
‘Fine.’
Her face was drawn and exhaustion clung to her. ‘You don’t look fine.’
She pressed her hands against the back of the couch. ‘Why are you here, Luke?’
‘Can we sit down?’
She shook her head.
He rubbed the back of his neck as her animosity rolled into him. He’d planned his speech out in his head and it started with both of them si
tting down and him holding her hand.
Not going to happen, pal.
‘I love you, Chloe.’
She blinked at him and then she laughed—a bitter, twisted sound that plunged deep into his heart. ‘This is very unexpected, given you told me you’re a one-woman man.’
‘I was. I am.’ He implored her to understand.
‘Oh, and that really clears things up.’
Her sarcasm whipped him. Hell, none of this was coming out how he’d rehearsed it.
‘I’ve missed you, Chloe. The house is so empty without you.’
The shards of brown in her eyes sparked like flint. ‘I think you’re confusing missing me with missing my domestic and child-rearing help.’
‘That’s ridiculous and you know it.’ But as his defensive tone hit the air, he acknowledged his culpability.
‘Do I?’ Her hands hit her hips. ‘I feel used, Luke. Like I was convenient to you for a time right up until I asked for something, and then I was discarded.’
He shook his head and a wry smile tugged at his lips. ‘You’re a lot of things, Chloe, but convenient was never one of them.’
Her head jerked up. ‘That’s supposed to make me feel better?’
Discarding every idea he’d come up with on the drive over, he crossed the room and kneeled on the couch so he was facing her. ‘From the moment I saw you that first day at the hospital when I was organising a nurse for Made, you’ve turned my life upside down. You’ve made me feel things I hadn’t felt in months and months. You brought me out of my fog of grief and back into my life, but as amazing and wonderful as it was, as it is, it scared the hell out of me.’
Chloe stared down into his face, matching up his words with the heartfelt feelings on his face. He was speaking the truth. ‘Why did it scare you?’
‘Because it felt like I was cheating on Anna.’
‘Oh.’ She didn’t know what else to say as she tried to absorb the unexpected information.
‘You told me the other day that you felt very appreciated by me and that was part of the problem. I didn’t understand what you meant then, but I do now. I realise I’ve been in love with you for weeks. You noticed it, Steph noticed it and probably the entire neighbourhood noticed it,’ he said drily. ‘I was too busy running from it to recognise it as love.’
She thought about how much she loved him and if that was even a tenth of how he’d felt about Anna, she now understood. ‘Because you felt like you were betraying Anna by loving me.’
Relief flooded his face. ‘Yes. That’s it exactly, but I now see that’s so very wrong. Crazy even.’
She didn’t resent Anna Stanley, but she wouldn’t be a normal woman if she didn’t have some concerns about his love for herself, given what he’d just told her. ‘You said that love could only happen once for you.’
‘I was stupid.’ He pressed his hand over hers. ‘I now see and understand how untrue that statement is. I’ve loved Anna and I love you. I’ve been blessed to know the love of two good women.’
She bit her lip. ‘I’m not Anna, Luke. I can’t be her. I can only be me.’
He nodded frantically. ‘I only ever want you to be you because that’s who I’ve fallen in love with. I loved Anna and my love for her is in our memories and the legacy of her that lives in Amber.’ He put his hand against her cheek. ‘My love for you is a living, breathing thing.
‘I know without a moment’s doubt or hesitation that I love you. Truly love you. I love waking up in the morning with your fragrance on my pillow, I love how you sing off-key in the shower, how you dance around the house with Amber and how you’ve brought so such wonder and delight to my life.’
He really does love me for me.
Her heart fired happiness into every part of her. ‘I love you, too.’
‘Thank God.’ He smiled up at her and still on his knees said, ‘Please marry me and share my and Amber’s lives?’
Joy flooded her. ‘Yes.’
His arms wrapped around her and he lifted her up and over the back of the couch until she was sitting on his lap. He kissed her—a kiss of love and commitment and filled with desire.
She sighed and snuggled in against him, feeling like she was home. ‘Luke, are you sure you’re okay with not having more children?’
Green eyes hooked hers. ‘I’m okay if you’re okay.’
‘Amber’s a joy,’ she said, thinking of her little girl.
He stroked her hair. ‘She is, and I have everything I need with the two of you in my life, but this isn’t all about me. Would you like her to have a brother or a sister?’
‘An overseas adopted brother or sister?’
‘Yes, or a biological one.’
A flicker of unease ran through her. ‘You know that can’t happen.’
He kissed her. ‘Please hear me out.’
Putting his hands on her hips, he adjusted her slightly so she was looking directly at him. His eyes shone brightly with his love for her and she knew intrinsically he’d never hurt her despite the fact she knew she couldn’t possibly have their child. ‘I’m listening.’
‘It could happen if we think outside the box. We could use IVF to have a child.’
Why was he saying this? ‘Luke, I don’t have a uterus to grow a baby in, and there’s only been one or two uterine transplants that I know of and the recipients are yet to give birth.’
He rubbed her back. ‘You don’t have a uterus but Steph does. She’s spoken to me and offered to be a surrogate.’
Short of being a surrogate… She gasped, remembering the conversation she and Steph had shared in Luke’s kitchen. ‘Your sister would do that for us?’
‘Yes, if we wanted to try for a child of our own, she would.’
The rush of emotion hit her so hard she burst into tears.
‘Hey, hey, it’s okay,’ Luke said, kissing her tears. ‘We don’t have to try if you don’t want to. I’ll support you in any decision you make. It’s all going to be fine, no matter what.’
For years Nick had been her only family and suddenly she had a partner, a daughter, a sister and the possibility of another child. ‘I’m…not…upset…’ she sobbed out, as even more tears flowed. ‘I’m…happy.’
Luke looked utterly bewildered. ‘Really?’
‘Really.’ She sucked in a noisy breath and nodded. ‘It’s just a lot to take in.’
‘Take your time. There’s no rush to make any decisions.’ He kissed her on the nose. ‘Actually, there is one rush thing.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Getting you and Chester packed up and back to the cottage with Amber and me, where you both belong.’
She smiled at him, every part of her tingling with happiness. ‘Home.’
‘That’s right. Our home.’
She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him, pledging her love and her hopes for their future and receiving his in return.
Callie swallowed a sigh and squared her shoulders. The Gold Coast City Hospital’s annual staff picnic was in full swing and blessed by perfect Queensland sunshine. The golden sand of the beach was warm and some families were enthusiastically entering the sand-sculpture competition, buoyed by the prize of a trip to Port Douglas. The sea rolled in light but perfect waves for those taking advantage of the learn-to-surf lessons, and the lifeguards watched carefully as people played in the shallows and further out in the sea kayaks.
Up on the grassed area above the sand line—under the towering Norfolk pines—the barbeque and kids’ carnival was in full swing. With the aroma of onions and sausages on the air, little children squealed on the bouncy castle while adults and teens alike screamed on the rotor as the floor dropped away from their feet.
‘Chloe, hi!’ Callie called out rather too loudly, waving to catch the nurse’s attention. She was frantically looking for some fellow single colleagues to do an activity with. So far, the only people she’d met were busy with their children.
Chloe returned the wave and made her way over. ‘He
y, Callie. Isn’t this great?’ She positively bubbled with happiness.
‘I guess. To tell you the truth, I always find it a bit daunting with so many couples and families en masse. Us single girls have to stick together, right?’ She heard the tightness in her laugh and tried to smooth it out. ‘Do you want to try a surfing lesson with me?’
Chloe smiled apologetically. ‘Sorry, Callie, I—’
‘Clo, look me.’
Both of them turned to see Luke striding towards them with his daughter high on his shoulders. She was waving at Chloe with one hand and holding out her other arm, which had a pink helium balloon tied to it.
When Luke drew level with them, he leaned in and kissed Chloe firmly on the lips. When he broke away, he grinned and said, ‘Hey, Callie. Have you heard? Chloe’s agreed to marry me.’
The news broke over Callie with a combination of delight and dismay. The world was full of couples, and today they surrounded her. ‘That’s great news,’ she said brightly. ‘Congratulations to both of you.’
‘Thanks.’
Chloe and Luke grinned goofily at each other until Amber lurched sideways, reaching for Chloe.
‘I guess with the rug-rat you’re not up for a surfing lesson.’
‘Sorry,’ Chloe said, not looking the least bit sorry at all as she swung Amber into her arms. ‘We’re off to the petting zoo, but after that Amber’s going to her aunt’s so perhaps we can catch up with you in the bar tent?’
‘Sounds like a plan,’ Callie said, knowing that from her point of view it wasn’t a plan at all. New love and the all-encompassing happiness that went with it was particularly hard for her to cope with because it reminded her of how wonderful she’d felt when she’d married Joe and, by contrast, how it had all ended so bitterly.
Chloe’s mention of the bar tent drove the idea of surfing lessons out of her head. Suddenly she could do with a drink.
She struck a course in the direction of the refreshment tent and a couple of minutes later she walked into the large marquee. Half of it was open to the air and the other half was enclosed. As she entered the roofed section, it took her eyes a moment to adjust to the gloom after being out in the bright light.
