by Karr, Kim
The demise of B&B had hurt her financially, and she spent a lot of time avoiding her situation.
With so much time on her hands, she rejoined the ranks of the social circles of Chicago. One night she took me to a party at the mayor’s house, and when he caught me banging his daughter, he just about threw my grandmother and me out on our asses.
That was when dear old granny decided to ship me off to boarding school in New Hampshire. I was fifteen. And I hated it.
When I was expelled in my senior year for numerous instances of sexual misconduct, the final straw being allowing the school president’s daughter to blow me in the library stacks, my grandmother reluctantly brought me back to Chicago to finish high school.
After I graduated though, she promptly cut me off. She’d had enough of my wayward ways. Sure, she’d agreed to pay for a basic college education and give me a meager monthly stipend, but I was stripped of my car and credit cards. My trust wouldn’t kick in until I was twenty-four, so I was basically penniless.
By then my grandmother was almost eighty-years old, but you would have never known it. She was sharp as a tack and insisted everything she was doing was for my own good. She wanted me to learn that money didn’t buy self-respect.
She wasn’t wrong.
She also didn’t have much money left.
The amount she did have wasn’t going to bail her out. I was never going to be the man she wanted me to be.
She wasn’t wrong on that count either.
In spite of her methods which only proved to push me further down the rabbit role, by the time I turned twenty-four, I had somehow gotten my shit together. My path wasn’t something she approved of, but by then she no longer had anything to say about it.
That never stopped her from trying to mold me into what she wanted me to be. That had continued until her dying day, which happened to be the night I told her I was going to ask Tricia to marry me. She wanted me to marry within my station, as she called it. That sickened me. She’d never approved of anyone I had been with, and I accepted she was more than likely incapable of doing so.
The woman who tried to teach me money would never buy self-respect didn’t seem to truly believe that herself.
Tricia was from Lansing, Michigan, and my grandmother called her a small-town girl with a bleeding heart.
The small-town girl part was rather funny, as Tricia had grown up in the capital of Michigan. Her father was a professor of political science at Michigan State and her mother stayed at home. Tricia did, however, have a voice, and she was an advocate for many causes. In truth, I imagined she was a lot like my mother in that respect, and I think that was what scared my grandmother. I told her how I felt that night. Told her she no longer controlled me. And told her if she couldn’t accept Tricia, she was out of my life.
That very same night, my grandmother passed away in her sleep. The medical examiner found she had died of natural causes, and yet I couldn’t help but feel it was because of me. That I’d gone too far. That I should have been gentler with her. My words kinder. Then again, I always regretted my harsh words. Always. I could just never stop them from escaping my mouth.
The will she left had no provisions, like I had to marry an heiress or the President’s daughter. Everything she had left was left in full to me, her beloved grandson, as it read. I don’t think I ever knew how much I loved her until she was gone, and that was something I hated—for both her and for me.
The light knock on the door had me blinking out of the past and wondering who the hell was stopping by at nine o’clock on a Thursday night.
There was an ache in my chest as I quickly tacked the invitation that was still in my hand on the bulletin board in the kitchen. Mrs. Sherman insisted we use it to keep track of all of the household events. Once I was done, I strode past the dining room to the foyer.
A peak out the window told me a white Infinity SUV was parked in my driveway. I had no fucking clue who it was. If it was someone selling something this late, I was going to go all postal on them.
As soon as I swung the door open wide, I felt the earth shift under my bare feet. “Hannah,” I murmured in shock.
“Jace,” she said sternly. My name seemed to come out as a cautious whisper, almost as if she couldn’t believe she was standing where she was.
“What are you doing here?” I asked with a hardened expression I could feel form on my face before I could stop it.
“I was hoping to talk to you.”
The events that followed happened so fast that I hadn’t even had time to consider my actions. She stepped forward, but then again I think I might have moved aside, and then she had her hand on the doorknob.
Unlike the night before, I had a much clearer view of her. As close as she was, I took her in in a way I hadn’t been able to do the last time I saw her.
Blonde strands, perfectly smooth, and shinier than I remembered, were clipped into a messy bun. It was upswept in a way that reminded me of how she had worn it sometimes in college, and just like then it seemed to be begging for me to set it free.
Christ. I had to get a grip.
Yet, as she closed the door, I raked my eyes over her. Her body hadn’t changed. She was still slight with narrow hips and small breasts, which filled out her tight tank top nonetheless. Tall, she was taller than I remembered, but still small. Dainty. Not fragile though. She was never fragile.
When she turned to fully face me, I sucked in a breath. Her eyes. Christ, her eyes. They were the exact same as last night, and got to me in the same way they had then. Sad. Tired. Exhausted.
She cleared her throat. “I came to discuss something with you.”
Still in my white shirt and dress slacks from the day at the office, I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Go on.”
Her eyes bounced around. “Jonah admitted to teasing your daughter about her hair last night when I asked him, and after we discussed the hurtfulness of his words, he promised to apologize to Scarlett.”
My stance was uncomfortable and I shifted from foot to foot, puffing my chest out in satisfaction. “Good then, I assume everything is settled. You could have just sent me an email though, you didn’t have to come over here.”
“Everything is not settled,” she snapped, and she was barely able to suppress her snarl of rage.
“Cool your jets.”
Her nostrils flared. “I assume your daughter didn’t tell you about her day.”
Hostility building, I narrowed my gaze. “As a matter of fact, she did.” What I left out was that she must not have told me everything.
“And you were okay with what she said to Jonah in response?”
Intense didn’t even come close to describing her at that moment. She looked like a total badass with that snarl on her lips and her hands on her hips. “Sure,” I responded but as soon as I did I wished I hadn’t. Probably would have been best to know the full story first.
Her eyes blazed with fury, and she opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it.
Alarm skated up my spine and circled my neck in a chokehold. Trying to backpedal, I was just about to ask what Scarlett had said when she opened the door to leave and glared at me with those blue eyes that suddenly appeared icy.
“I’m surprised you’re okay with the knowledge that the apple might not be falling far from the tree,” she blasted, and then forcefully closed my own door in my face.
What the fuck?
That was a shitty thing to say! I considered going after her and telling her so, but I thought knowing what was said before I did so might serve me better.
Climbing the stairs, I checked on my princess, and then went and climbed in my bed.
Alone.
The hours passed so God damn slowly as I counted them down to wake up time. Dreaming of Hannah and the way we used to be nearly caused me to get up and drink a pot of coffee to stop the onslaught of memories.
Somewhere between the hours of two and three, I finally stopped counting. The dreams however didn�
�t cease. The way her mouth used to close around my cock, the way her fingernails raked down my back, the way she called out my name when I pounded into her. The face she made when she came. They kept rotating through my mind.
It pissed me off.
Attuned to the pitter-patter of little feet, I sat up as soon as I heard them. It wasn’t quite five, so my alarm hadn’t gone off.
“Daddy,” she called in a wobbly voice.
Concerned, I hopped off the bed and leapt for her. “What is it, princess?” I asked, taking her in my arms and lifting her.
She pressed her little head into the crook of my neck and started to cry.
I sat on the bed and held her before gently pulling her back to look into her eyes. “Did you have a bad dream?”
Scarlett shook her head and her curls tickled my nose. “I don’t want to go to school today.”
Scooting backward, I kept her in my arms and leaned against the headboard. “Why? Did something happen yesterday?”
The nod she gave me was slight.
“Did you forget to tell me about it at dinner?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t forget to tell you, Daddy. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be mad.”
This was the conversation I’d been waiting to have, and now I dreaded it. I lifted her and sat her on the bed so she could look at me. “I will never be mad as long as you tell me the truth. I might be upset, but I could never be mad at you.”
Those green eyes gleamed with tears as she took a big breath. “Remember that new boy I told you about? The one who said that mean thing about my hair?”
I nodded. “I do.”
“Yesterday at recess he told me he was sorry.”
I lifted her fallen chin. “That’s good, isn’t it? Did you say thank you?”
She shook her head imperceptibly. “When Jonah said he was sorry, I told him not to worry about it because he couldn’t help it if his blonde hair made him dumb. And then he told me I was going to be in big trouble and I started to cry.”
There was no way I could stop my reaction. My eyes widened in shock and I gasped. My innocent, precious little girl called someone dumb?
And not just someone.
Never in a million years would I have believed it. She wasn’t like me. Uncaring. Fuck, the apple comment, that’s what it was about. “Scarlett, where the he—” I stopped myself from saying hell, and circled back with a bit of a lighter tone. “Scarlett,” I said again, “where did you ever hear something like that?”
The serious expression she wore worried me. “Daddy, everyone knows blondes are dumb.”
Fighting my shock, I shook my head. “No, Scarlett, that is not true.”
She pursed her lips. “Well, Max told me it was. He has blonde hair and is older than me. If anyone knows, he does. Right?”
Max was Fiona and Ethan’s son, and he wasn’t even six months older than Scarlett, although he was in the first grade. “No, he doesn’t. What you said was a really mean thing. Sure, sometimes people do say that, but they don’t really mean it. They’re repeating an old saying.” Shit, this was hard to explain.
Those pursed lips twisted in confusion. “So it isn’t true?”
It was hard not to laugh. She was so damn cute, but this required a stern and direct approach, and I had to man up and do it. “No, Scarlett, it isn’t. Hair color has nothing to do with how smart a person is.”
She just stared at me.
“And besides, I think you know better than to call anyone dumb, don’t you?”
I prayed like hell she did, and felt a rush of pride when she nodded. “That’s why I don’t want to go to school today. When I do, I’m going to be in bigggggg trouble.”
The grin I gave her I couldn’t help. I tapped her nose. “You are not going to be in any trouble as long as you understand what you said was wrong. Do you understand me?”
A tear dripped down her rosy cheek. “Yes, Daddy, I do.”
With my thumb, I wiped it away. “Then all you have to do is apologize at school today to Jonah. And never say anything like that again. Got it?”
“Got it, Daddy,” she said, flinging her little arms around my neck.
Holding her tight, I laid us both down and then kissed her forehead. “Come on, let’s go back to sleep for an hour and then how about I take you to school today and help you apologize to Jonah?”
Her little palm caressed my cheek. “Daddy, really?”
I nodded. “Really.”
She closed her eyes, and with a smile on her face that I could have eaten up, she fell fast asleep.
Me, on the other hand, I stared wide-eyed at the ceiling and tried to figure out how the hell I was going to go through the school year knowing Hannah was both so close . . . and so far away.
Less Than Ten Years Earlier
Hannah Michaels
CHRISTMAS BREAK CAME on the heels of Thanksgiving break, and it was real downer.
Not because I missed Ethan, but because I missed Jace. Whereas Ethan and I talked every other day on the phone, Jace and I talked every other hour, or so it seemed.
Both of us had little to do at home, so we spent the time chatting with each other. Ethan was busy helping his father turn their basement into a rec room, but Jace and I had no family obligations. We did have each other, though.
The band, My Chemical Romance, was playing in Detroit on New Year’s Eve, and Jace invited both Ethan and me to go. Ethan couldn’t, he had to finish the basement, but he was cool with me meeting Jace, so I did.
The concert was the best I’d ever been to, and spending time with Jace outside of the school setting was even more fun than it had been at school. I think it was more being alone with him because Ethan was nowhere around that had lowered the few inhibitions that still existed between us.
Since Jace and I had both taken a bus to Detroit, going home after the concert wasn’t an option. We scrounged enough money together to pay for a cheap hotel room. With what was left, he purchased some beer and I bought us a pizza. There were two beds, but we sat on the same one. That was no big deal. I always sat on his bed at school.
The big deal came when we flipped through television channels and started to talk about sex in movies. Jace insisted there was a difference between erotic movies and pornography. I disagreed, telling him I’d watched more than my share of pornos with Ethan.
“Do tell!” he demanded.
So surprised he was unaware of his friend’s predilection that I snapped my mouth shut.
Jace would have none of that. He wrestled me onto my back and held my hands over my head while he tickled me until I spilled the beans, or in this case, the porno habits.
Once I’d told him everything, he stared down at me as if learning Ethan liked to watch threesomes had opened a whole new world for him. And in a way, it had.
Looking up at him, at those long lashes and gray eyes, I forgot to breathe.
The tickling had stopped, but his fingers had not moved from the place on my bare belly where my t-shirt had lifted. “I really want to kiss you right now,” he said, his lips parting on a lustful groan.
Remembering to breathe, I inhaled and said, “I really want you to kiss me right now.”
A pained look crossed his handsome face. “We can’t, not while you’re with Ethan.”
I shook my head. “I know we can’t, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”
He sat up and ran a hand through his dark hair in clear frustration. Sadness had taken over his entire body, and I hated to see him like that. “Jace,” I said, sitting up and putting my chin on his shoulder, “breathe, don’t forget to breathe.”
Turning his head, he pressed his cheek to mine and held it that way for the longest time. Like that, he breathed. Inhaling and exhaling over an over until the wave of sadness seemed to pass.
That night we fell asleep in each other’s arms. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t take our clothes off, and we didn’t have sex.
That didn’t mean we didn
’t want to.
Present Day
Jace Bennett
I WAS NOT a man easily impressed.
Scarlett however was one of only three women I had known in my life who somehow managed to knock me on my ass without me ever seeing it coming.
Before her there had been her mother, and before her, there had been Hannah, who was the first.
Holy fuck, but from the first time I met her I’d felt turned inside out. Before her, women where something I used to distract myself from the lonely existence I’d been living. She made me see I didn’t have to be alone if I would just let someone in.
She taught me that.
Watching the way my daughter interacted with her son at school right now, a surge of fatherly pride overtook me. This little person had a kindness I could only wish I possessed. In her case, the apple had fallen very far from the tree.
No more than five feet away from me, she glanced over her shoulder for reassurance.
I gave her a nod, and mouthed, “You can do it.”
With her hands folded in front of her, I watched as Scarlett stood before Jonah. She spoke softly, apologizing for what she had said, and explaining to him that she had been misinformed about what made people smart. Big words for such a small child.
Jonah gave her a shrug. “It’s okay, Scarlett. I forgive you. And I didn’t tell Miss Eastling about it.”
Boys would always be boys.
“Thank you for not telling on me,” Scarlett said, practically beaming that she wasn’t going to get in trouble.
He shrugged again. “Want to know what I heard?”
“Sure,” she smiled.
“That blondes have more fun.”
Scarlett didn’t like that and put her hands on her hips. “Red heads are fun too, you know.”
I burst out in laughter. I couldn’t help it, but I bit my lip to stop when Scarlett looked over her shoulder at me. “Is that true, Daddy?”
Just then, Miss Eastling came walking over. “Is what true, Scarlett?” she asked.
I cleared my throat. “Kid talk,” I glossed over. “So how about those Bears,” I tossed in there to change the subject.
