by Karr, Kim
This time Ethan’s brows nearly hit the ceiling. As three college guys who once drank, chased tail, and fucked what we could, when we could, we had all changed, but fucking was fucking and curious minds and all that.
It was my near celibacy though that had been concerning my friends. And it was always a topic of conversation, whether it was a Friday, or a random phone call. Their concern was genuine. They adored Tricia, but they also didn’t want me to put her in saint status, which according to them, I had already done.
I got it.
She was gone.
Fuck, I lived it everyday.
That didn’t change how I felt though. I wasn’t looking for anyone. Didn’t want to get attached. Everyone I had ever loved in my life died. There was no way I was going through that again.
The person I was focusing on was my daughter.
“And,” Nick drawled.
I made a show of checking my watch. Crap, I still had thirty minutes left before I had to leave. Fuck me. “And what?”
Wisely shutting up, he tilted his head to the side as if contemplating what to say next.
Ethan, however, did not take his cue. As soon as he finished chewing his food, he leaned forward on the table. “Who was she? That hot new secretary of yours?”
I shook my head.
“Someone else from the office?” he guessed.
Again, I shook my head, no.
“A door to door saleswoman?”
“Who?” I mocked.
He shrugged, and then asked, “Mrs. Sherman?”
Nick and I both blew out a breath in horror and then assaulted him with our gazes. “What the hell?” I said. “She takes care of my daughter.”
Ethan held his hands up in surrender. “I’m out of options here. You don’t go anywhere to meet anyone unless you’re with us, and last I checked there were no hot women at the sports bar we go to.”
At first I wasn’t going to tell them anything about the Scarlett/Jonah situation, but what the hell, I had time. And besides, it might help them understand how I ended up fucking Hannah over my kitchen table in the house I once shared with Tricia.
Crossing a leg over my knee, I started with, “Monday was Scarlett’s first day of kindergarten—”
“Miss Eastling,” Ethan surmised, pumping his fist in the air like he’d scored.
I shook my head.
Nick glowered at him. “Shut the fuck up, will you?”
Covertly, Ethan shot him the bird.
That made me chuckle, but then I got serious and started talking. I went on to tell them everything from Scarlett coming home from school crying, to what was said to her, to me seeking out the parent of the then thought to be bully, to it being Hannah Michaels who opened the door.
“Oh shit,” Nick murmured.
“Hannah Michaels,” Ethan echoed in shock.
“Well, it’s Hannah Crestfall now, but yeah.”
Nick set his napkin on the table. “Are you okay?”
“I fucked her over my kitchen table last night, how do you think I am?” It was crass, but it was the truth.
“Wait! What? How the hell did a run-in over a kids disagreement lead to that?” Nick asked.
“Hannah Michaels?” Ethan said again, this time as a question.
“Yes,” Nick assured him so I wouldn’t have to.
After all it was Ethan and I that shared that part of our past. Her.
Staying on course, and answering Nick’s question, I told them the rest of what had happened, and how I felt afterward.
Both of them just stared at me, speechless.
Just then Amanda halted at our table. I realized then I hadn’t paid any attention to her since I started talking about Hannah.
Her look was frigid. “Jace,” she said in a clipped voice. “How are you?”
“Amanda,” I said tersely. “These are my friends, Nick Carrington and Ethan Miller.”
They both greeted her.
Her eyes glittered as she shook each of their hands, but the shine vanished when she noticed their wedding bands. “Anyway,” she waved a hand, “I just wanted to say hello, and that I got the invitation for the fundraiser. It’s a cause near to my heart and I’ll be there.”
“That’s fantastic,” I said.
That stare of hers was still fixed on me. “Let’s talk before then though, December is much too far away.”
I gave her a nod, but no vocal response.
“Well, I should be going. I have someone waiting for me.”
“It was good to see you,” I offered.
When she turned around on her high heels, both Nick and Ethan resumed their staring at me.
Nick broke the silence first. “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”
“I know I shouldn’t, but that doesn’t stop the fact that I do.”
“So you knew her first. It doesn’t really matter,” Ethan contributed.
“It feels like it does. It feels like it makes what I had with Tricia somehow less important. Less real.”
“It doesn’t,” Ethan told me.
“What are you going to do?” Nick asked, changing gears.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Nothing isn’t teaching her kid how to play football,” Ethan commented.
“It’s not the kid’s fault his mother and I have a past.”
“And it’s not your fault Hannah doesn’t have a husband,” Ethan huffed.
It was clear he wasn’t comfortable having her back in our lives. Not that I blamed him. It was all a cluster fuck that, to this day, I have no idea how we let it go as far as we did for as long as we did.
Nick shifted a little in his chair. “I think it’s a nice thing you’re doing, and if you want some help, I’d be happy to meet you in the park sometime. Just tell me it isn’t so you can keep seeing Hannah, though?”
I looked him directly in the eyes. “It’s because I want to do it. It’s because Scarlett will have fun. It’s because the kid doesn’t have a male role model in his life and I know what that’s like.”
The nod Nick gave me was imperceptible, but I saw it.
Ethan said nothing further about it.
I got it. They weren’t hopping on the Hannah train. Not because of her, but because of me—who I had become after her. Before Tricia.
They had nothing to worry about because I wasn’t hopping on the Hannah train either.
Or that had been my intent, anyway.
What I had forgotten was that I never could resist her.
Less Than Ten Years Earlier
Hannah Michaels
THE KNOCK ON my door might have been unexpected, but the loud pounding was annoying.
Deep in thought, I was working in my dorm room and didn’t really want to be bothered.
Sitting comfortably on my bed with the lights down low, my legs were perpendicular to the mattress with my books piled all around me. I was reviewing the design base layout Jace had created for his thesis.
As a senior he had to take basic computer engineering classes along with advanced ones. With his late major declaration, he wouldn’t graduate in May beside Ethan and Nick. He had summer classes to take before he was done, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Come in,” I called as I set the laptop down I’d been staring at for almost an hour and wiped my eyes.
The knob turned but the door didn’t open, and the pounding started up again. Crap, I must have locked it.
Clearing the way, I quickly got to my feet and rushed to the door wondering if there was a fire or something.
Swinging it open wide, Jace and I nearly smacked foreheads as he came charging in like a bull. He had on a baseball cap turned backward. His faded jeans hung low and were ragged at the hems. And his ski jacket was slung over his shoulder along with his backpack.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked.
Not that I wasn’t happy to see him. I was. It was just that when he dropped me off at my room after class, he said he’d see me tomorrow. And
with Ethan’s clerkship, and all the studying he had to do around it, I hadn’t spent the night at their house all week.
Flinging his jacket and backpack on my roommate’s bed, Jace whirled around, and that’s when I saw his brooding grim expression.
My voice crackled a little when I asked, “What’s wrong?”
His mouth opened. Then shut. Jace straightened, his shoulders going impossibly broad as he put his hands on his hips. “Ethan asked me if I was going to be around tomorrow night.”
“O . . . kay,” I said, drawing the word out, not at all understanding what the problem was.
His eyes flashed in the light from the window facing the parking lot. “He asked me because he wants the three of us to fuck again.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I’d let him know later.”
I sat down on the edge of my bed feeling slightly confused. “Ethan hasn’t asked me yet, but the fact that he’s thinking about it is good, isn’t it?”
Jace’s expression grew stormy as he unzipped his backpack and then thrust some papers in my direction. “He gave me these and asked me to look them over. He thought maybe we should be more prepared next time.”
The pictures on the printed pages were pretty descriptive and left little to the imagination. Once I’d perused them, I shoved them aside and glanced up. “That looks like it might hurt.” I said it with a slight laugh because seriously there was no way I was allowing that to happen.
Jace crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not funny. It’s fucking insane is what it is. What the fuck does he think you are, a rag doll?”
The truth of what he said stung. I didn’t know what Ethan thought I was, but I knew he didn’t think of me as his girlfriend. I was fairly certain he never had. But ending things with him meant ending things with Jace, and I didn’t want that.
I got to my feet and crossed the room to stand in front of Jace. “Breathe,” I soothed, running my fingertips along his arms.
He leaned back against the door and frowned more fiercely. “I can’t fucking breathe, and I can’t fucking go through that again.”
“That’s four fucks since you got here and it hasn’t even been four minutes.”
Shaking his head, he allowed his frown to ease a little, which was almost like smiling for Jace. “Sorry, it’s just that I’m all worked up. He’s my best friend and I hate that I want to tell him to fuck off. I don’t like being in this position at all.”
The time had come to end things, and they hadn’t even really started yet. “I think I should break things off with Ethan.”
We both stood quiet for a few minutes because we knew what that meant.
I went back to sit on my bed. “He doesn’t even consider me his girlfriend anyway, it’s not like he’ll be crushed or anything.”
Jace uncrossed his arms and shoved his hands in his pockets. “That’s not true.”
The smile I gave him was weak. “Come on, Jace, he didn’t even ask me to meet his parents when they came last weekend.”
His features seemed to soften. “That’s because he’s a dufas.” And when he said it, he actually smiled. “The truth is you’re his first real girlfriend and he has no idea how to treat a girl, but he talks about you all the time. I know he really likes you, and it kills me.”
The sound of a text pinging on my phone had me getting up and going over to my desk to get it. After I read it, I glanced over at Jace. “It’s from Ethan. He wants to know if I can come over tomorrow night.”
All broody-like, he was still leaning against the door. “What are you going to tell him?”
I flopped in the chair at my desk and tied my long hair in a knot behind my head. “What do you want me to tell him?”
Jace scrubbed his face. “I don’t know, Hannah. On one hand I want you to tell him to fuck off. You’re his girlfriend and he shouldn’t want to share you with anyone, not even me. On the other hand there’s no way we can be together if you break up with him. I can’t do that to him.”
“I know,” I said softly. “But you don’t want to be with me while I’m with him either.”
He sighed and turned harsh. “That’s not fucking true.”
My breath hitched on his words. “You just told me you don’t want to do what we did last week again.”
“God dammit, Hannah, that’s not what I meant at all.”
Everything about him seduced me, and I couldn’t look away. “Tell me what to do, Jace? I’ll do whatever you want.”
For the first time in our conversation, he dropped his gaze.
“Jace?”
Those gray eyes burned when they lifted. “Tell him you’ll be there.”
“And you’ll join us?”
He nodded.
“You promise?”
He nodded again.
“Okay,” I said.
“Come here,” he ordered.
If I thought about not doing as he commanded, I don’t remember. I was on my feet and moving closer to him within seconds. We’d spent the week together, the days anyway, and hadn’t so much as touched. I think we were both afraid to. It was wrong to want him the way I did.
Hesitantly, I put my hand on his chest. The muscles beneath his shirt were hard and firm, and when I pressed a little deeper, I felt the fast beating of his heart.
When he leaned closer, I didn’t step back. If he tried to kiss me, I already knew I was going to let him.
It was wrong.
He was forbidden.
Off-limits.
My boyfriend’s best friend.
But he had also become my lover.
He spoke instead, and his tone was soft. “Tell me what you want, Hannah?”
“You, Jace, I want you.”
Much to my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. “I know,” he whispered.
Whether he didn’t want to say it back, didn’t feel it, or couldn’t say it, I knew I would never know.
That was why I preferred to stay light around Jace, because the heavy was almost too much to bear. So, light it was. I stepped out of his hold and pointed to the pages of sexual positions he had brought. “That is never happening,” I said.
“Throw that shit away,” he hissed.
Grabbing my laptop, I turned it around. “Speaking of shit.”
Like a lion after his prey, Jace strode my way and took the computer from my hands. Then he stepped closer and started to tickle me. I stepped back. He stepped closer still and went into full out tickle mode until I fell back on my bed.
I snorted softly. “What are you doing?”
He leaned down closer, his gray eyes intense and smoldering. “Did you just call my design, shit?”
I pushed at his shoulders when I thought he was going to kiss me. It’s not that I didn’t want him to grab me and pull me to him, I did, but I knew he’d hate himself after, and eventually hate me. So instead, I cleared my throat and then pinched my fingers together. “The test plan could use a little work.”
Flopping on the bed, he tossed his baseball hat to the floor. His hair was a sexy mess as he rested his back against the wall and pulled the laptop over to him. “Show me.”
The energy that flowed between us when he talked platforms and interfaces was the only thing that could help alleviate the sexual tension between us, and we both thrived on it.
I sat up and scooted beside him. “Right there,” I pointed. “I think the AB variations could be stronger.”
One eyebrow lifted and amusement twisted his lips. “Do you now?”
Squaring my shoulders, I sat up even straighter. “As a matter of fact I do.”
Something primal entered his eyes. It made me feel extremely vulnerable, and I tried to shake the sensation off.
I never could.
Present Day
Jace Bennett
SCARLETT WAS MY kryptonite.
She was also a little girl with a big attitude. In her Bears t-shirt and jeans, she stood beside Jona
h, who was wearing another one of her Bears t-shirts, and put her tiny hands on her hips.
“Okay, listen,” she said, looking toward Jonah. “A football team has eleven players. The team who has the ball, that’s a football in case you didn’t know, is the team trying to score. They are called ofsent.”
“Offense,” I corrected, sucking in a breath to keep from laughing.
She eyed me. “Offense, that’s what I said. Anyway, the other team that has to try to stop the ofsent is called defent.”
“Defense,” I muttered.
Scarlett drew in a breath, and ignored me. “The ofsent tries to score by running or passing the ball to someone as they run down the field.”
I kept my mouth shut that time. She had the gist of it. And I think Jonah did too.
“Wanta try?” she asked him.
Jonah nodded.
“Okay,” Scarlett said. “I’ll be the qwartback and throw you the ball. You catch it and run as far as you can before my daddy tackles you.”
Wait?
What?
I have to be the entire other team?
“Got it?” she asked, looking up at me.
I bent down and put my hands on my jeans. “I got it.”
“Jonah, you stand over there,” she pointed a bit away.
Picking up the ball, Scarlett looked at me, and then at Jonah before taking her stance. “Red 24! Red 24! Hut! Hut! Hike!”
I burst out laughing. She’d been to some games where I played with the guys, and watched just as much football on television as I did, but I had no idea she knew any of the lingo. And where the hell had she picked up the Red 24 thing?
Lucky for me, she didn’t catch my outburst.
Jonah caught the ball and started to run—the wrong way.
“Time out!” Scarlett yelled, but Jonah kept going.
I did nothing.
When she glared at me, I shrugged. “Touchdown?”
Those hands went to those little hips again. “That is not a touchdown, Daddy. He went the wrong way!”
I shrugged. “Okay, try again, but this time how about you tell him what direction to run in.”
Jonah stopped where I’d made the goal line and shouted, “Homerun.”
Scarlett fluttered her lips and blew her hair from her eyes. “Oh, brother, do we have a lot of things to teach him.”
