“How so?” I thank Fern as she hands me a cappuccino.
Rylan gives her a quick kiss as he accepts a steaming hot mug. “I’ve been spending a lot of time there in the last few weeks, and the change in our people is astounding.” Putting down his coffee, he inclines toward me, excitement skittering over his face. “Some of our people have a conscience now, and the irony is that more and more of them are increasingly opposed to the way in which the conscience transfer process is being conducted and the enslavement of the humans. Calls for an alternative are becoming more commonplace, more insistent. The prince was outlining some of his ideas, and I think they need to hear it. It will help sway them to the cause. But not only that. They care about humans. Most of the Saven I’ve spoken with are very fond of their preferred earthens. I’d go as far as saying many of them are genuinely in love.” He gazes adoringly at Fern, and I get a warm, gooey feeling inside.
I kiss Logan, my heart overflowing with emotion. “I love you.” I don’t know why I felt a compelling urge to tell him that, but I did, so I told him, and I still marvel at my ability to freely express the sentiment.
“I can relate,” Logan responds to Rylan’s statement while steadfastly looking at me. Holding my face, he delicately molds his lips to mine.
“I, uh, need to use the bathroom,” Haydn says, climbing urgently to his feet. Our previous conversation resurrects in my mind. It’s so wrong that he’s not allowed to love. If we survive these next few weeks, I fully intend to address it with Logan.
“How soon can you get the meeting arranged,” Logan asks, all business-like again.
“Let me make some calls.” Rylan strides into the other room with rigorous purpose.
Fern takes his place on the couch as Neve and Alex materialize in the room. Fern shrieks again and I chuckle. “Good God,” she says, slapping a hand over her chest. “One of these days I am seriously going to have a coronary. Can you not like, ring a bell or something?”
Neve ignores Fern, heading straight for Logan. She plonks onto his lap and hugs him. I get up, walking to where the others stand, affording them some privacy. Sorrow pools in her eyes as they silently converse. “She’s been so upset since the broadcast,” Alex quietly explains. Neve is blatantly crying now, tears cascading down her face.
“Who killed him?” Fern asks in a hushed voice. Haydn steps into the room, his eyes at once finding mine.
“I’m fairly certain it was my brother,” Logan replies, picking up on her question. We all turn and face him.
“I know he’s more than capable of it, but would he actually stoop that low? It could be the Amaretti,” I gently suggest.
Neve slips off Logan’s lap and walks to Alex, linking her arm in his. I sit back down beside Logan. He fidgets with my hair as he talks. “I had contacted my father when we were escaping Saven. While he was furious with me for reneging on the marriage arrangement, he told me point blank that he was not going to replace me with Dante. He was keen to find a mutual compromise, and he’d agreed to meet me to thrash things out. There was nothing about our conversation that leads me to believe he was deceiving me. He spoke the truth.”
No one replies, because in all honesty, how can you respond to that? Knowing it was his last conversation with his father must be destroying him. I thread my fingers in his, squeezing firmly.
Rylan bounds into the room, a mass of jittery nervousness. His timing is pretty spot-on. “Okay. It’s all set up. You’re on in two hours. My contacts on the ground will round up as many of the Saven as they can.”
“What’s set up?” Neve asks, obviously confused. Haydn updates her and includes Rylan’s observation that the conscience transfer has altered the Saven’ mindset. Her gaze bounces among us. “It may be more than that.”
“More than what?” Logan asks, suddenly alert.
“Don’t freak out, okay?” She levels a look in my direction. “Not until I’ve fully explained.”
I’m figuring we’re about to be hit with another curveball, and I’m not sure how much more I can deal with. “Go ahead, but I’m making no promises.”
She rolls her eyes, and I resist the urge to throw something at her. “I don’t think sex is the key. It revolves around love. Love is the answer.” She catches a few incredulous looks. “Well, they do say love conquers all.” She aligns her shoulders defensively.
Ignoring her cheesy throwaway, I stare at Logan, remembering how we’d come to the same sort of conclusion a matter of days ago. Tilting my chin, I look up at her. “What makes you say that?”
She blushes to the roots of her hair, and I stare at my friend like there’s an imposter in her body. One by one, the dots connect in my head. Her odd behavior around Alex. Their mutual grabby hands. Her heightened emotions. Her newly discovered sensitivity. “No way!” Her blush darkens. “How could you take such a risk?!” My eyes pop wide as I stare at Alex. “How could you let her?! Stars!” I melt into the couch, totally flabbergasted. Logan beams at me. “What?”
“For one, you just said stars.” He grins even wider. “And if Alex and Neve are in love, and they had sex, and,” he says, smirking at both of them, “they both look fine and healthy, then it means we were right in our thinking. And if that’s the case, then we can Eterno connect without any fear of you losing your conscience.” My blush now mirrors Neve’s. “But most importantly,” he adds, more solemn now, “it’s the perfect way to effect the conscience transfer without taking anyone’s freedom. We need to verify this.” He tweaks my nose and winks. I bump him with my shoulder.
“Am I the only one who’s completely lost?” Fern asks, her forehead puckered in confusion.
A flurry of chuckles echoes in the room. “Honey,” Rylan says, fighting a smile. “Alex and Neve have had sex, and he didn’t lose his conscience though she’s clearly gained one. They love each other, and that’s what matters, what’s made the difference. This could be a game-changer.” He winks suggestively, and her entire face enflames.
“Please tell me we’re done talking about my sex life …” Neve’s skin is about ten different shades of red. Another raucous round of hilarity rings out, everyone’s lips curved up in a smile.
All except one.
Haydn’s tormented gaze haunts me. The need to comfort him is overwhelming, but I can’t very well get up in the middle of all this and hug him. It would only generate inaccurate speculation. Suddenly, Logan pins me in close to his body, pressing fierce lips to my temple. It feels like a branding.
The conversation switches to the forthcoming meeting, and Rylan tries his best to explain the setup to Logan so he’s somewhat prepared. I can’t say I’m relishing the prospect of being back there, but we need to do this.
Logan goes to get ready for the meeting, and I seize the opportunity to talk to Haydn. Accosting him in the kitchen—where he’s been hiding out—I force him onto one of the stools while I make him a coffee for a change. “Talk to me.” I hand him a cup as I hoist myself up beside him. He shrugs forlornly as he takes a lengthy sip. My hand inches over the counter to his. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
He gulps. “Now’s not really the time.” He throws a cursory glance over his shoulder, clearly uncomfortable with the audience.
I jump down, taking his hand. “We can talk in the other bedroom.”
He follows me into the spare room, sitting alongside me on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on with you? You can talk to me. I promise I’ll keep it between us.”
His breath comes out harsh and ragged. “I’ve never felt more like a stranger in my own body. I don’t know who I am anymore, or what exactly I want. Well …” He lifts his chin. “That’s not entirely true. I am certain about one thing.” My eyes implore him to continue. He takes my hands in his much larger ones. “I can’t be Logan’s bodyguard anymore.”
My eyes expand in surprise. “That’s a huge decision. Are you sure you’ve given it enough consideration?”
He slowly nods. “I want more from
my life. I want to have a life. Now, I’m only existing.” He grimaces. “I know it’s shallow and selfish, but these past few weeks, I can’t think about anything else.”
“You’re one of the most selfless people I know, and it’s not wrong to want to have normal things in life. I can relate. Because all I thought about for years was the fact that I was denied the things my heart craved, like the opportunity to fall in love and have a family and the chance to finish school and find a job I enjoyed. I know everything’s up in the air, and we don’t even know if we’ll be alive in the morning, but if I was to die right now, at least I got a taste of what my life could be like. At least I could say that I grasped the opportunities when they came my way and I never stopped believing that I was worthy of the kind of life I craved. It’s not selfish to want a different life, Haydn, and I don’t think Logan would disagree either.”
“Well, it’s neither here nor there. There’s no way I’d ever leave Logan unprotected, especially not now, so I’ll have to bide my time. But it’s like, now I’ve made the decision, I’m itching to forge ahead with it, and the more I’m around you lot, the more frustrated I get. Because you are already there. Already living the kind of life I want, and I’m relegated to the sidelines. Unimportant and inconsequential.” He looks away, but not before I see the glimmer of hurt wash over his face.
“Hey.” I cup his face in my hands. “I know you’re hurting right now, but don’t ever think that, because it isn’t true.”
He moves closer, his thigh brushing mine. “Isn’t it? All you see is Logan.”
That hits a sore spot, but I cage the feeling, because this isn’t about me. “I see you too. I always see you. Don’t you know how important you are to me?” A look passes between us—one I don’t want to examine. I move to withdraw my hand, but Haydn keeps his snugly over mine. “I knew what you were feeling out there, and it hurts me that you’re hurting. Don’t think you’re inconsequential because that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Logan would say the same thing.” His eyes penetrate mine, and there’s a wild unpredictable quality to his gaze that alarms me.
“Sadie, I need to tell you something. I —”
“What the hell is going on here?” Logan asks from the doorway. He’s in his bare feet and his shirt is open, exposing a distracting strip of smooth, glistening skin. Haydn removes my hands and stands up. Logan’s in front of me in two short strides, extending his hand.
I thread my fingers through his and scramble off the bed, trying to defuse the growing tension. “We were only talking.”
His jaw pulses. “Don’t insult my intelligence. What did you say to her?” He glowers at Haydn.
“Not what you’re thinking.” Haydn’s face is impressively composed as his eyes dart to mine. “We were discussing the future and what it’s like to have options. That’s all.”
Logan’s eyes harden to stone. “Back off, I mean it.”
Haydn holds up his hands in a conciliatory gesture as he walks to the door. “We should leave shortly. You don’t want to be late.” Logan smolders and Haydn wisely steps out of the room.
Logan releases my hand and starts buttoning his shirt in silence. Tension whips through the air, and it’s the last thing we need today. We don’t have time for anyone to fall out. “I don’t know what you think is going on, but you’re mistaken. He’s my friend, like he’s your friend. And he’s going through a bit of a difficult time. It’s hard for him. His choices are limited.”
“And it’s not for me?” His fiery eyes challenge me. “You think I want any of this?” He gestures wildly with his hands. “I don’t have a choice. I’ve never had a choice.”
“At least you have me.”
“Do I?”
“How can you even ask me that?” I wrap my arms around my waist in an old protective way.
“You’ve lied to me continuously. How do I know the whole thing, ‘us,’ isn’t a Goddamned lie too!”
If he’d slapped me, the sting wouldn’t be so sharp. Fury bubbles in the pit of my stomach. “You’ve lied to me too! And I’m not the one constantly throwing it in your face!”
“People were planning on killing me and my family, and you said nothing! For weeks! And now my father’s dead.”
Tears prick my eyes at his insinuation. The door wrenches open, and Haydn storms into the room. “Enough, Logan,” he hisses. “You will not take this out on her.” There’s barely an inch between them as they glare at one another.
“Get the hell out of my face,” Logan says, shoving him back.
“Sometimes I wonder if I know you at all. If I’ve ever truly known you,” Haydn says, keeping the flame ignited.
“Yeah? Well, guess what, buddy?” He jabs his finger in Haydn’s chest. “I know you, and I know what you want, and you can’t have her!”
“You don’t deserve her,” Haydn yells. I’m horror-struck as I listen to them tearing strips off one another. Shuffling in the corridor momentarily distracts me. The others hover uncomfortably outside the door. I walk with purpose, slamming it shut. Nosy brats.
“Is this the part where you tell me you do?” Logan heckles.
“Logan, stop. You’re totally overreacting.” I stand in between them, eyeballing my Eterno. Veins bulge in his neck, and he’s on the verge of totally losing it.
“How can you be so clueless?” He shakes his head in exasperation. “I’m not overreacting, Sadie. He loves you, and he’s doing everything to steal you away from me.”
I start to laugh, because that’s the most preposterous string of words that have ever left his mouth. One look at Haydn’s staid face halts me mid-chuckle. “Haydn?” I swallow the acidic lump in my throat as I look up at him.
“It’s true, Sadie. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
CHAPTER 21
My mouth flips open and shut. No words form. Thoughts hurl through my mind in tangled confusion. Ella saw this coming weeks ago, but I glibly dismissed her observation. Have I been unwittingly leading him on? Does he think I reciprocate his feelings? Because the blunt reality is that I don’t. Of course, I love him, but in the same way I love Jarod or Fern or Neve.
Definitely not in the way I love Logan.
Logan is the only one for me.
Even if he’s acting like a complete and utter idiot.
Logan’s shooting daggers at Haydn, itching for a fight. Haydn’s scrutinizing my face as I stare at the floor like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t know what to say, how to deal with this without hurting him.
“It’s okay, Sadie. I understand.” I reluctantly lift my chin. Haydn’s resigned expression slices me to the core. He spins around.
“Wait!” I reach out, grabbing his shirt.
Logan starts pacing the floor in visible agitation.
“I don’t share his feelings. You know I love you. Only ever you.”
“Tell him that!” he hisses.
I’m seconds away from throwing a punch. Doesn’t he understand the depth of my feelings for him at all? Where is confident, assured Logan now? “You are being a complete jerkwad!” I scream. “He’s your friend!” And it’s not like we haven’t got more pressing matters to worry about, like, oh, I don’t know, the potential end of the world?
Logan harrumphs. “He’s no friend of mine.” I stare at Logan like he’s a total stranger. I can’t believe he’s reacting like this.
Haydn huffs, shaking his head.
A hand thumps on the door. “I’m sorry for interrupting,” Rylan says, tentatively popping his head around the doorframe. “But we need to go.” He winces, not knowing where to look.
Logan snags a hand through his hair as he curtly nods. “Let me grab my shoes. Sadie.” He offers me his hand. I’m surprised he isn’t hauling me over his shoulder in an obvious “Me Tarzan, you Jane” kind of demonstration.
“We’ll talk later,” I tell Haydn as I walk to the door, studiously ignoring Logan’s outstretched hand. He deserves to stew for a bit.
> “You’re not coming with us,” Logan says in an act of extreme childishness and stupidity.
“Suits me fine,” Haydn retorts, equally as stubborn.
Rylan fixates on his feet, clearly embarrassed. I narrow my eyes at Logan. “Don’t be ridiculous. Haydn is your protector and you need him.”
“I can defend myself. And I didn’t ask for your advice.” I dig my nails into my thighs. Otherwise, I’d be tempted to tear strips off him.
Haydn throws a cursory look at me before teleporting out of the room. Logan stalks out to the living room, me following at a distance. The others are all conspicuously avoiding our gaze. On a scale of one to ten, the level of awkwardness rates about a thousand. Fern fixes on me as Rylan hugs her from behind. “Are you okay?” she mouths.
I nod, despite the concern bubbling away inside me. I’m worried about Haydn. I’ve no idea how to let him down gently, and the thought of adding to his pain upsets me enormously. Logan clicks his fingers, and I reluctantly cling to his waist. It takes monstrous self-control not to punch him in the gut. I yawn, glancing fleetingly at my watch. It’s close to midnight, and we’ve been on the go all day.
Logan tenses as he pushes the button on his comport. The room disappears, and I close my eyes as the nauseating plummeting sensation surrounds me.
Thirty seconds later, all feeling returns to my body, and my bones vibrate as my feet hit solid ground. We are in a medium-sized room that looks like it’s been spit out of a snow machine. Every surface is pristinely white, glittering and glistening under the brilliant glare of the overhead lights. I shiver even though the air is warm. The others arrive, and I acknowledge an equally disorientated Fern.
A short, squat man enters the room in a hurry, followed by two tall alien males. Rylan acknowledges the three men as the tubby human approaches Logan. The buttons on his waistcoat look close to popping over his protruding stomach. Taking a handkerchief from his pocket, he dabs at his sweat-drenched forehead. “Assistant Commissioner Gordon, Your Highness,” he says, thrusting out his clammy hand. Logan doesn’t miss a beat as he graciously accepts the handshake. “Your people are waiting for you. If you’d like to follow me.”
Saven Disclosure (The Saven Series Book 2) Page 28
