Here's how my somewhat deviant mind conjures up the moment when Dewayne took Abby. Notice how I say he took her, which I believe to be the case. Not that I would have minded much, if at all, if she had done the taking. I would have just been surprised because I don't think she has a high enough sex drive to have initiated it. Also, she really doesn't have that big of an ego or a huge amount of self confidence in some areas, which I find one of her most endearing qualities.
Here's what I think happened. Dwayne and Abby were riding alone, which they have done in the past. Dwayne, being a man, sees Abby as being pretty and friendly and a little older, which is very much a turn on for him, and he senses an opportunity so he plans the ride, and Abby is glad because she would much rather be a follower than a planner.
Dewayne's plan is to end near his house because they will be tired and hot and he invites her in and then he says "do you want a beer?" which he probably knows she does, and then after the beer, he gets her another one, and then he makes a move. Abby, while not particularly aggressive sexually, does respond when someone, usually me, puts the moves on her. Her inner lust kicks in, fueled by the beer and the newness of a new man after many years and she just kind of lets things happen. Dewayne is thanking his lucky stars as he kisses her and starts to take off his pants and her clothes as quickly as he can, so she won't change her mind, and he quickly slips himself inside her and the deed is done.
Chapter 9: Lara turns up the Heat
Lara is a very sexual woman. Very, very sexual. She says that if she doesn't have some sort of sex every three days, she starts to get crazy. That's why she has to arrange for a lover or lovers when the hubby is away. Lara is also bi-sexual. About 50-50 she told me. She also told me that she had been propositioned by a cute little lesbian at a local book store and she had already cleared it with the lezzy for me to join them as long as I didn't fuck her, i.e. the lezzy. That was super ok with me, because Lara had told the lezzy that I was more oral than most men, which she has learned from our ees, and the lezzy was perfectly ok with me performing oral sex on her, once again, as long as I didn't actually fuck her. Can you see why I was falling in love with Lara?
Our ees were pretty amazing. Somehow we were in tune with each other, sexually, emotionally, and intellectually. We both just threw our eroticism out there and the other one caught it and used it and magnified it and returned it in spades. Do you remember when you were in school and the science teacher struck a tuning fork and then held it up to another one with the same pitch and it started vibrating too without even being struck? That was us. How often does that happen in a person's life? In my case, almost never. So when Lara and I started vibrating at the same frequency, it just felt amazing.
She introduced me to her concept of goddess. Early on, I kept saying things like "god, this feels good" and she started saying goddess instead of god and I kind of liked that and then she said that she thought goddess was only good and not wrathful which sounded good to me and then she said that goddess was probably bi-sexual and that sounded really, really good to me.
Suffice it to say that we both, I'm sure, fell at least in lust with each other and for me it was also love. We both talked about the concept of loving more than one person at a time. I was slowly discovering that loving Lara not only didn't diminish my love for Abby, it actually, against what I thought was possible, enhanced it.
That went against everything I believed. But I was in uncharted territory here and I was loving every minute of it. In retrospect, I've become convinced that Lara and this experience was stimulating some part of my brain slash soul slash consciousness that rarely, if at all, got stimulated. And that stimulation was laying down new brain cells, for lack of a better word or analogy. And those new brain cells didn't dissipate or atrophy when she went away. They are a permanent part of me now. A good part, untainted by my disappointment of losing her.
I'm not attempting to depict our relationship, our affair, as something unique in the annals of human existence. On the contrary, I'm thinking it was a fairly ordinary affair. But that's the beauty of it. That's the magnificent part. We all, as humans, are entitled to this magnificence. It's our birthright as humans. We just have to remove all the social garbage standing in the way.
Lara did indeed introduce me to the concept of us. Sure, Abby and I have an us just like every couple does. But Lara showed me that one person can have more than one us at a time. And they can both be beautiful
Chapter 10: Back to Dewayne
When you grow up as a man in our society and our time, you quickly learn that men have to act a certain way. First, you have to be a man. You can't be a cry baby. You can't be a sissy. You can't be a pussy. You can't do a lot of touchy-feely things with other guys, and you definitely can't have a boyfriend. Contrast that with women who can do all the above. Hardly seems fair.
Another short aside. Lara asked me if Abby had any experience with women and I said that I had no clue and then Lara asked me where Abby went to college and I told her it was a Northeastern all girl's college and Lara had an aha moment and told me that there was a 99% chance that Abby learned how to kiss from a girl and not from a man.
So we have this incredible double standard in which men have to behave so much differently and much more rigidly than women.
This chapter was supposed to be about Dewayne and it will be, but first I have to lay the groundwork about how I was, and am, supposed to react and emote when I find out someone is depositing his sperm into my wife's private parts. Did you notice how I said 'my wife'? I just did. Notice that is. I didn't mean to say it that way, but it just came out, which is helpful, by the way, in making the point that men, in this society, at this particular place in time of human evolution, still, to a certain extent, consider their spouses as their possessions which is part, if not most, of the problem.
One more aside if you will permit me. Have you noticed that I sometimes create very long sentences and on other occasions have very short ones in the mix? I think the reason for the longs one is that I get a thought going and I want to make a point and if I suddenly end the sentence, the point seems to have been made, and in reality it has not been fully established, at least in my mind, so I try and keep the sentence going until I can be assured that it is. The short ones probably come from the need, my need, to reset the brain and move on.
Now back to Dewayne and my gut, i.e. learned, response that I should hate this motherfucker for nailing my wife, and probably try to figure out a way to beat the shit out of him or hurt him physically, or at least embarrass him or somehow fuck up his life as much as I perceive he has fucked mine up. Maybe a duel? I could threaten to tell his wife, but as you know, she already knows, so that's a dead end.
There really is no model in my mind, no learned alternative to the above. So here is where is get's complicated and challenging. The little man in my brain is feeding me these alternative scenarios such as, it's pretty fucking hot that Abby is so sexually inclined that she has to go and get sex from another man, and it's pretty awesome that she is hot enough that other men will risk a lot to nail her, and what does it really matter what she does when we're not together, and I'm really glad she is independent enough to pursue her interests without having to ask my permission, and isn't it better to be in a relationship where both partners can pursue their own lust no matter who that may be with, and who am I to think that I can satisfy all of Abby's needs.
The battle going on in my mind and soul between what I have been taught to believe and feel and what I really feel is certainly, I belive, not unique. Maybe if I had more friends, close friends, male and female, I could talk about this and get some other perspectives. But as you know, or maybe I haven't made it that clear yet, Frank is my only true friend, and he has moved away and we still keep in touch by email and phone, but we don't take walks like we used to, to discuss world events and our own personal angst.
And besides Frank is gay, which is good, really good, because he can give me a male and a fema
le perspective both at the same time. Also Frank surely knows what and how I think after so many years of knowing me, and I have no reluctance to just tell him everything, well almost everything, so he can provide me with some excellent counseling, at no charge, which is a good thing.
Alright back to the battle. Dewayne is either an egregious motherfucker or he is doing me a huge favor. I watch a lot of stupid TV and Abby gives me a hard time about it. I love those programs like Maury where everyone is cheating on everyone and then who knows who the father is because the whore has slept with about thirty or forty men, or a total sleezeball man has fathered twenty kids with ten different women. And sometimes two guys have fucked the same woman and then they get jealous and one physically attacks the other and the hired strong men have to separate them.
Good clean fun watching that shit. But the point is that all the people are jealous. I guess it wouldn't make for good TV to have them come out and say, "You know, I'm glad my husband is finding solace with another woman because it makes him a more complete person and enhances our relationship." Maury doesn't invite those types on his show.
We are all prisoners of our upbringing. Upbringing by our parents, our institutions, our friends. It's hard to detach ourselves from it. And detaching myself from it is just what I'm trying to do. I'm liking, very much, very much indeed, knowing that Abby is getting her rocks off with Dewayne and it doesn't threaten me. Maybe it should. Maybe I should be scared shitless that Abby will leave me for him. But I know she won't. For a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that he is married to Kimberly.
Abby isn't going to leave me. Come on. She's comfortable with me. She knows I love her and she can pretty much say or do anything she wants and I'm not going to get bent out of shape about it. And once she learns that I am ok with her fucking Dewayne or any other man or woman, she is going to, gradually I might add, embrace the idea and it's going to get interesting and erotic. It's going to take some time because of her catholic upbringing and her sense that the norm is where she wants to reside, and the norm is definitely not what she is moving toward.
There is reason for hope along that line. Specifically, about three years ago Abby was riding her bike in the Northeast and she stopped at a house of some friends of friends. She didn't know them, nor them her, but she stopped due the mutual friend thing and this couple, in the house on a lake, after some small talk, invited her to go swimming in the lake, and she said that she didn't have a swim suit and they said no problem and they all proceeded to get naked and go swimming. Now that I'm recalling this, the little man in my head is screaming to me that maybe they all got it on, and I'm liking my little man for injecting those little lustful innuendos into my brain.
Chapter 11: The Epiphany
Lara told me, after I sent her a picture of Abby's boyfriend, that Dewayne was not her type. Too much of a jock and not enough hair, which made me feel good on a few levels. I know you are probably wondering about the boyfriend statement I just made. And here is a lot of irony about to be dumped into the equation.
If you are still with me the time sequence, when I was having my affair with Lara, I didn't know that Abby and Dewayne were doing the dirty deed. So how and why would I have sent Lara a picture of Dewayne and why would I have called him her boyfriend? Those are both good questions.
Let me try and piece this together so that it makes sense. As I said, Abby has her riding buddies and one of them is Dewayne. About a year ago, I can't remember the sequence of events that led up to it, but Abby started calling Dewayne her boyfriend. It was pretty innocuous, or so I thought at the time. I wasn't sure where it came from, but it was kind of titillating to me at the time and, of course, I encouraged her by asking her how her rides were, and how was the boyfriend.
Now here is where it gets very interesting, thinking in retrospect. On two occasions, when we were on date night, at dinner, when she had more than one glass of wine, she came out with, "I don't care what anyone says, I think Dewayne is handsome." Of course, not only did this not bother me, it excited me. It was going, so I thought, in the right direction, of having an open marriage, even though, I knew, at that time, or I thought I knew, that it was creeping along at a snail's pace. What I didn't know, obviously, that something more concrete, much more concrete in fact, was probably happening.
If you're still with me, fast forward to the night of the encounter with Kimberly and Abby and Dewayne. In the fog that I was in, due to alcohol and shock, I was still in the observing and analyzing mode, and I suddenly figured something out. An Epiphany. I left this part about the Epiphany out before, not because I meant to, but because I had to lead up to this, trying to get you into my mind set about the conflicts I was having and still am having, although they are a lot less pressing now.
The epiphany that I had the night of the encounter, when Kimberly was telling me that her husband and my wife were sexual partners, was that Abby was signaling to me, those two nights at dinner, that she was having an affair. Signaling is not really the best word here. Signaling is usually an attempt to tell someone something by doing it in small pieces to soften the blow, perhaps.
But Abby wouldn't be trying to soften the blow to me at all. If she was having an affair with someone, knowing all the many times I have told her that I think it would be hot to be swingers, before I knew that open marriage was a more palatable term I should have been using, she would be just saying to me that she was fucking someone else and I'd better get used to it.
The problem here, for her, was not trying to spare my feelings. Not in the least. The problem was her sense that adultery or open marriage or swinging was not the norm and she desperately wanted to, and still wants to be normal. So her conflict was of her own making, but was very real for her, i.e. she was acting outside the norm, which she hated, but she loved the action.
Now back to my epiphany on the night of the encounter. Why would she have said what she said about him being handsome no matter what anyone else said? Why indeed! A major aha moment for me. Here's what happened. I am one thousand percent sure of it. She and Dewayne had been doing it for a while. She was conflicted as per above. She confided this with one of her girlfriends, not out of guilt toward me. Hardly. But out of guilt over doing something outside of the norm. Wanting to do it, loving it, no doubt, but thinking that she shouldn't be doing it, and her girlfriend, giving her some advice, let it slip, maybe not so subtly, that her analysis of the situation was, in effect, 'go girl!, but with Dewayne??'.
Now you get the drift here, I hope. Abby is proud of her boyfriend and the affair, but she is more than a little dismayed that her girlfriend doesn't share her taste in men. Thus the apparent justification at dinner, twice, about Dewayne's appearance.
I'm so fucking brilliant for figuring this out.
Isn't it interesting that, if you observe and remember and hold things in a place without prejudgment, and later try to put things together with those pieces, the pieces can just fall into place with a beautiful synchronicity?
Chapter 12: Making Sure Things Are Clear
Sometimes I stop what I'm doing and just take stock of what is going on to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. Like before I leave work to go home. Do I have the keys to the car? Do I have my hat? Do I have the bagels I bought in the morning for Abby? By the way, I buy them on the way to the office because the bagel place is on the way, and if I get them in the morning they are fresher, and if I put them in plastic bags they stay fresh. I do all of this even though Abby barely thanks me for this, and even though she gets mad when I don't do it, thinking that I should just remember it. And I know, with certainty, that she thinks wanting to get thanked is pretty childish of me.
Now I'm taking stock to make sure I have been clear about Abby and Dewayne and their affair and when it started. Specifically, did I make it sufficiently clear that I had no real inkling that she was straying until the night of encounter? Well that's the reality.
I hope this is not going to confuse things even furt
her, but I've got to inject this into the mix because it's relevant. So very relevant.
Dewayne was between marriages, I think, when Abby was blowing and fucking him. At least I think she was blowing him. His first wife was a piece of cake. A piece of shit is more like it. Suffice it to say she is out of the picture. Kimberly, the new wife, the instigator of the encounter, is just recently on the scene. Well, just recently on the scene as the wife. I think she goes back a year or two, but I'm not real clear on that. She was also divorced and she and Dewayne began dating at some point. Where Abby and Dewayne were in their relationship when Kimberly came on the scene is unknown to me. So when we had the encounter, it's anybody's guess whether Abby will still getting boned by Dewayne or not.
There are a lot of possibilities here, none of which I really give a shit about, except for my proclivity to try and figure things out.
One possibility is that Dewayne and Kimberly, in a sincere moment of honesty, in an attempt to put their past behind them, confessed to all of their previous lovers, and Kimberly filed that away in her brain. And then after they were married, as many people do when they start worrying about their partners past lovers and turn up the radar and start checking email or text messages or whatever, she found what may have been an innocuous email to or from Abby about riding. And in reality, Abby and Dewayne had long since parted ways, but Kimberly didn't know this, and she just freaked and decided to create the encounter to see if Dewayne or Abby would fess us when confronted.
Another possibility is that Dewayne and Abby were still doing it, because why would Dewayne want only one pussy when he could have two? And Kimberly caught them in the act, or maybe found Abby's panties under the bed, or maybe Dewayne actually thought he could bring Kimberly and Abby together into a threesome, and he broached the subject with Kimberly, and then she knew he was still doing Abby.
I'm George, mwm, 52 Page 4
