But I'm in a no win situation, I know, and then I decide that I have to just try and get into an us with Kim similar to the us that Lara and I created, and just leave Abby out of the whole thing, for now at least. Which means there's going to have to be some subterfuge which I really abhor. Subterfuge in the respect that I'm going to have to just talk chitty chatty things at this event and probably subsequent events with Kim when Abby is around, and then, when she isn't, try to get emotionally close to Kim, which is contrary to my normal modus operandi of just opening my mouth and saying what I think is important, despite that everybody else is talking about their fucking bike rides.
I was starting to sense that I was on the right path. Abby was not going to play a part in this. At least not from my angle. And by the way, I just had a flash that it was pretty damn bold of Abby and Dewayne to just be there laughing and talking and carrying on about the fucking bike rides, like nothing had happened, after they had cheated on Kim and me. Another flash hit me broadside and it was that Abby probably didn't give a rat's ass if I forgave her or not, because as we have discussed, it wasn't her fucking fault in the first place, so my forgiving her was ridiculous because she had done nothing wrong. I loved her for that, if indeed that was how she views things, and I knew it was. My Abby.
So Kim and I were sitting there talking and it felt good talking to her and it really felt good that Abby was not cackling, loudly, any more, which meant that she was paying attention to me, which she rarely does, even though in this case she was paying attention to me for the wrong reason, i.e. because she was probably thinking that Kim and I were talking about her, which we weren't. The right reason for her to pay attention to me, by the way, would be that I was interesting or good looking, or very wise, or very funny, or very insightful, but that almost never happens, so I guess I should just be grateful that she was paying attention to me at all, even if for the wrong reason.
There was enough background noise even without Abby's cackling, that anything Kim and I said probably wouldn't be heard by anyone, so I was clearly able to say about anything to her that I wanted to say. However I was still unclear how to proceed because if I started trying to get into the open marriage format, it would take a while, and if we were half way through it, for example, and then Abby or Dewayne or both of them meandered over, I'd have to quickly cut it off by changing the subject abruptly, which I am quite capable of doing, but I wasn't so sure about Kim, so I didn't get into it.
I asked Kim, "How is married life," just to make some small talk and then realized that almost anything I said about married life or relationships or Dewayne or Abby might bring her some emotional pain. But what else was there to talk about?
She just answered, "fine," but then there was a pause, and then she added "so far." And we both smiled and I asked her if she wanted some more wine and she said "definitely." Definitely was a good word at this point because I interpreted it to mean a few things including that she was enjoying talking to me even though there wasn't much talking going on, and also that she needed to have some more wine to loosen up because maybe she wanted to talk about the situation.
I went to the kitchen to get the wine, and I got it, and when I turned around, I almost dropped both glasses because Abby was standing there almost blocking my path and she had this weird look on her face and I read that look immediately.
It was a combination of jealousy (i.e. she saw me talking to Kim), a touch of pride believe it or not (proud of the fact that her husband, i.e. me, was still attractive to other women, which made me feel good), a tiny bit of fear (i.e. that I might actually do something with Kim), and there was the final ingredient, which I liked best, and it was something to the effect that she would like to see me in action with another woman. She has said that, by the way, on more than one occasion, when pressed, by me, trying to get her to open up about her sexual desires.
I liked the look on her face, and I acknowledged it, in a very subtle way, by just kind of giving her a half smile, while moving kind of around her, and walking back to Kim, leaving her standing there. Alone. That felt good. Real fucking good.
There was really not much Abby could have done, at that point. I was hoping she would go back to the bike Nazis, her pride damaged just a bit, worried about us a bit. She did at least go back to them, but I was only speculating on how she was feeling. However I did get my answer about how she was feeling later that night. And it was a good answer. No, it was a spectacular answer.
By the way, Abby wanted to leave shortly after she cornered me in the kitchen, and since we always leave when Abby wants to, we did.
Sometimes when you are working on a project or a goal, things happen at a snail's pace, and other times they move along rapidly. In either scenario, you often get a breakthrough and it seems that it was really worth the effort. Abby's answer, or really my answer, was one of those breakthrough moments.
It wasn't actually an answer in the traditional sense. It was more a series of actions and words and feelings that came over a period of time. Certainly not an aha moment. Not a vivid epiphany by any stretch of the imagination.
To put it simply, Abby seemed to be communicating to me that she thought I was interested in Kim, and she was ok with that. It's not quite that simple, but that's about as close as I can put it.
Chapter 43: Abby Being Nice to Me
I'm pretty easy to please. Ribs on the grill. A nice bottle of zinfandel. Cash Cab on TV. Abby on her couch, me on mine. I truly can't imagine anything much better than that. Maybe I'm just not very imaginative. But I think it's more than that. I think I've learned, over the years, to just focus on what is in front of me and appreciate it. I'm thankful for that. Not for the zin or ribs or Cash Cab. Thankful instead that I can appreciate those things along with having Abby with me, not needing anything more.
So when those things are there and Abby is there and actually nice to me, I feel blessed. Kind of like Lou Gehrig in that famous video reel saying he was the luckiest man alive even though he had already been, I'm pretty sure, diagnosed with ALS. That's a hell of a good attitude and impossible to fake. Some people just know how to focus on the good in life. Unfortunately Abby is not one of those people.
I'm not picking on her. She would agree with me on this point. In fact, she does agree when I point it out, which is often.
We were having an argument the other day and she said something to the effect that it was my job to get her out of her bad moods. OK. I accept that job. Just don't give me so much grief when I try.
It's nice getting along with her. When she's not in her women are better than men shit, she's fun to be with. We're comfortable together. I wouldn't trade her for the most beautiful woman on the planet. To me, she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.
Last night we had a mini argument. She likes to finish my sentences. She set a record last night in the time it took from when I ended my thought and when she responded. Notice I didn't say 'ended my sentence' but rather said 'ended my thought' which comes sooner if you think about it. You can usually pretty much tell what a person is going to say before they end a sentence because the thought is already out there in the first part of the sentence. So good old Abby rarely waits for the end of the sentence, because she thinks she knows what I am going to say, which will probably be wrong in her mind, so why, she thinks, should she wait for me to finish either.
The record Abby set, i.e. the time between when I ended the thought and when she responded, could probably not even be measured by the guys who keep the official time. The Atomic clock. It was that short. We were talking about a new computer that she was going to buy. No, I'm going to buy it, I forgot. This is a combined anniversary, birthday, and Christmas present for her since it is kind of expensive and we are not doing that great, financially, at the moment. OK, but not great. Financially.
I know I'm being cheap here, and annoying, combining holidays with one present, but it's a nice computer, that she wanted.
Back to the mini argument
which consisted of her telling me about what she wanted, etc. etc. and I was going to say, "I'll ask Russ if he can get you a discount because his son works for Apple," but as soon as I hit Russ, the 'no time elapsed' response came flying at me.
She knew that I was going to say, "I'll ask Russ what he thinks about the computer you want to buy." Even though that's not what I was going to say, she knew it was, in her mind, which is all that mattered.
She knew this because she also knew that Russ had given her bum advice on the previous computer that she bought. That's not true, by the way. He did come over, after she had already bought the shitty computer to show her how to transfer pictures from a camera to the shitty computer and he brought his wife's shitty computer which was exactly the same as Abby's shitty computer because he wasn't sure we had all the right cords, etc..
So Abby, in her way of reasoning, decided, after living with her admittedly shitty computer for three years, that Russ had told her to buy the shitty thing in the first place and there was no fucking way he was going to tell her to buy another shitty computer, so she had to nip that motherfucking thought before the sentence was out there. Beside, Russ was a man. So even if she got some of the minor details wrong, it hardly mattered.
She said I over reacted when I got mad at her for ending my sentence and I told her she can never admit she was wrong, so she admitted she was wrong because she thought she knew what I was going to say, and it wasn't, and then I admitted that I over reacted, only slightly I thought but didn't say, and we both pushed the reset button and finished cocktail hour and dinner and she ended up on my couch for a brief time, and that was good.
Chapter 44: Dewayne Asks Abby to Ride, Sort of
When the bike Nazis want to ride, they all communicate via email and facebook and when one sends a message, they all respond and then it goes back and forth until enough people create a quorum of bikers, and then they do it. Dewayne initiated the message with the following email. "Looks like cloudy later in the day Saturday, so does anybody want to do thirty or forty starting about 8am? This will be a slower pace and nobody will be dropped." They all know the lingo, and Abby is teaching me, which I really don't give a shit about, but I listen politely, because she likes it when I listen and I like it when she is nice to me, because I listen. See, I'm not as dumb as you might think.
Several people said "no," I know this because I was reading her email, after she reads it, so as not to change the black to gray thus letting her know I spy on her. Abby was the only positive response, so it looked like they had a bike date, which was fine by me, and I was wondering if Kim was reading Dewayne's email too.
That original email from Dewayne was on a Wednesday and at cocktail hour that night and again on Thursday and then on Friday, I made a point of asking Abby what she was going to do on the weekend, and she said she didn't really know the first two evenings, and then on Friday she said "riding' and I didn't say "with who" because I didn't want to press her.
When Saturday rolled around, and she was doing her 'get the bike and herself ready' ritual, which usually takes at least an hour, she told me she was riding and then I broached the subject, subtly I might add, "who all is coming?," and she said "just Dewayne" and my dick started moving. Upward. Well, really not upward because I had my shorts on. But there was definitely movement. And enlargement.
I was liking the fact that she didn't try to add a lot of qualifiers like nobody else was available or someone may join us at the last minute, or any of that shit. It was 'just Dewayne' and that was pretty cool and I loved her for just moving ahead with the fact that she and Dewayne were friends and fellow bike Nazis, of course she didn't use that term, and that they were going to continue to be friends and nobody, especially me, was going to do or say anything about it.
When she left I gave her my usual admonitions, i.e. I love you, be careful, have fun, etc. I should have added, make sure he uses a condom. But of course I didn't. And using a condom or not was really not any of my business.
She left about nine in the morning and I figured out she should be back by about eleven, or later, if they were, perchance, to engage in something other than biking. I just had a flash that I should have checked her bike odometer because I know about how fast she rides and could do the math. But it was too late for that. Damn. I'll try to remember next time, I thought.
Kim's call came at about eleven and I had just gotten back from the grocery store, since I buy the groceries on Saturday mornings. I actually like going to the grocery store, don't ask me why, and Abby hates it, so it works for both of us.
Kim said, "have you seen Dewayne," and I said no, because I hadn't, then I added, just to make sure she didn't think I was trying to mislead her once she knew that I knew they were together, "Abby went riding with him at about nine, so I'm guessing they'll be back before noon."
I could almost feel her surprise, or was it anger, in the pause, her pause, and then she said, "were they riding by themselves?," which of course they were, which I knew, but she obviously didn't, and that kind of made me sad for her, being just married and married to a guy who had already cheated on her, and now he was riding with the other cheater in the duo, i.e. my cheating wife, and he didn't tell his wife that he was alone with the other cheater, maybe thinking he could get away without her knowing.
Oops.
I said yes, they were alone and there was another long pause, and she just said ok and hung up.
Abby rolled in, literally, about noon and I again wished the fuck I had checked the odometer.
I asked her the usual questions, i.e. how was the ride, how many miles, how fast, how was Dewayne. Not that I gave a shit, about the first three at least, but she likes when I ask, which makes her nicer to me, sometimes, and sometimes is better than never.
Chapter 45: Who Told Who What and When
Recapping. Abby gets the email from Dewayne. I know because I read the email, furtively. Abby tells me about the cheater's ride, not using those exact words. It's redundant because I already know, but I don't tell her that I know. Kim calls. I tell her because I have no real choice. That brings us to the present.
Later on Saturday, Abby asks me if Kim called.
Now, this is a pretty important question if you think about it, and it reveals something potentially quite erotic. Let me lead you through my logic.
Abby and Dewayne have obviously spoken, somehow, by phone or email, i.e. the private email account I think/hope she has, or in person, after their ride.
Dewayne, cheater number one, has obviously gotten some indication that Kim knows they rode alone, and he's worried, and wants to have all the facts before he talks with Kim again, so he's contacted Abby, cheater number two, to find out from her if Kim has talked to me, and he's assuming that Abby can get that information from me about whether I have talked to Kim or not, without much of a problem, which leads me to believe that she, i.e. Abby, has told him, i.e. Dewayne, not to worry what I know or think.
This is all very clear to me. Crystal clear. I like trying to figure out what Abby and Dewayne are thinking and feeling, and here's my analysis, at this point.
Dewayne, being the man's man that he is, wants to have his cake and eat it too, literally. Why not fuck Abby as long as Kim doesn't find out? Isn't that the American way? Hell, isn't that the human way?
I'm fairly certain he thought I didn't know he was fucking her again, if indeed he was fucking her again, which I didn't know for sure at this point. He's probably like most men in thinking that as long as you get away with it without getting caught, the feelings of the husband were of absolutely no concern to him. At all. Fuck the husband, I'm sure was his internal mantra.
Abby was playing that game in her head that sex was mostly wrong, that cheating was wrong, that men were mostly wrong, that George was definitely wrong most of the time, but the sex thing sure felt good, but even better, by far, was the womanly empowerment it brought. Go girl, I envisioned, went through her brain, every time Dewayne made her toes curl,
which indeed they do, when she cums.
We've got to be fair and keep in mind that they may have only been taking a ride. If we're really going to be fair, that's almost certainly the truth. The problem, of course, is that Dewayne doesn't practice total honesty. Most likely, he didn't want to have a fight with Kim about riding with his former fuck partner, so he simply chose the path of least resistance and didn't tell her. But now he was sweating bullets because he didn't want to outright lie to her, the aforementioned omission being bad but not as bad as a commission, and he needed to know if old George had spilled the beans to Kim. Thus his call or email to or meeting with Abby, which I surmised from her question to me if Kim had called me.
I told Abby that Kim had called and I had told her that yes indeed they were riding.
End of conversation. Me not wanting to let Abby know that I knew she and Dewayne had talked, somehow, and that I knew Dewayne was worried. And Abby not wanting me, I'm speculating here, to know there was anything amiss. Doesn't lying get complicated? It almost makes you want to be honest in all circumstances just to avoid the hassle of trying to remember what you told to who, and when.
Chapter 46: A Serious Aside
I wish I had it on tape. A lady came into my office and while she talked to one of our agents in another office, her five year old twin daughters wandered out and we had a conversation. God I love kids. So smart. So open. So creative.
I'm George, mwm, 52 Page 12
