On the other hand, I wasn't going to play the wounded spouse role and commiserate with her about how shitty life and marriage are, and how cheaters should have their dicks, or in this case, pussies reprimanded in a very harsh manner.
I took the middle ground, as I mostly do, and responded with "thanks Edith, good info, I'll think about it before I do or say anything," letting her know that I wasn't going to do anything rash, thus trying to signal to her that I was above the fray, hoping she would somehow interpret this as a nice blend of confidence, wisdom, and maturity, trying to hedge my bets of course, because Edith was still a pretty hot woman and I wouldn't be averse to a future sexual tryst with her.
If Edith witnessed the inappropriate behavior between Abby and Dewayne, then other people did too, I was guessing, but because they are a tight knit group, and because I'm not part of that group, it seemed pretty obvious to me that I wasn't going to get a flurry of phone calls or emails like the one Edith sent me. I was right.
Abby didn't say anything about her almost fucking Dewayne on the bar stool, as Edith had reported, not quite as graphically in her email to me, when she came home. She just said a bunch of people were there and Kim wasn't. She also didn't say that Dewayne had texted her to come, but I knew, of course, because she leaves her phone laying around, and I just happen to see the message as I was walking by and it was plugged in to charge, and I just happened to pick it up and see if it was fully charged and maybe my fingers slipped to the 'messages' area.
Chapter 68: Do I Want Kim or Edith More?
This whole scenario was taking some interesting twists and turns and I just decided to kind of imagine that I was on a raft in a river with no motor and no paddle and the best course of action was just to lay back and relax and enjoy the ride.
I wasn't really thinking along the lines of pursuing Edith because she's not totally my type, but she is pretty and if I was reading the signals anywhere near right, she might want some action, and since Abby had already participated in some action, why the fuck shouldn't I?
On the other hand, Kim was much more my type, and if I fucked Edith, it would get out, presumably, because Edith is part of the tight knit group, even though she betrayed two of them in the email to me, for reasons still unknown. But if Edith and I started fucking, or even did it once, someone somehow would know and then Dewayne would know and then Dewayne could and definitely would use the fact that Abby's husband, i.e. me, was cheating on her as some sort of sick excuse to Kim to defend his fucking Abby, if that ever came up again.
I know it sounds convoluted, but Dewayne isn't stupid and we know he is sneaky, so he could concoct a scenario that he was simply consoling poor Abby, whose hubby cheated on her, and it just happened. I.e. his fucking Abby, not mentioning to Kim that I fucked Edith a long fucking time after he did Abby.
The point is that if I fucked Edith, my second choice, then I might as well walk away from Kim, my first choice, because Dewayne would no doubt do his level best to paint me to Kim as a liar and a cheater and 'no good for you', although he wouldn't dare use 'no good for you', because that would imply that he thought she might cheat on him with me, and he didn't want to signal that to her, mostly because he knew very well that if he let her know that her cheating on him would hurt him, she would do it in a New York minute, since he had already hurt her. But the liar and cheater part would be ok for him to use, for sure.
And if the motherfucker had half a brain, he'd realize that Kim cheating on him would be the best thing in the world, because he could then fuck Abby, and presumably other fine ladies with no guilt, but he had obviously not even begun climbing the proverbial mountain of jealousy, and was most likely in the mindset that Kim was his possession and not a woman who needed other men, like me, for example.
I know I just contradicted myself by saying that Dewayne was smart in one paragraph and then saying he had only half a brain. Well, both are true actually. He's smart in that he knows how to play to the ladies, Abby for sure, to get between their legs and that does require some thought and planning.
However, it hasn't dawned on him that cheating and sneaking are a pretty piss poor way to live and there is a much better alternative called open marriage. He may have a bigger dick, but I'm definitely more evolved, societally speaking, not that this fact gets me laid any more. In fact it's just the opposite, I have to admit. Which makes me question a lot of things. It also depresses me. Greatly.
I made my choice, after all of my analysis, which was extensive and thorough, I assure you, that Kim was the first choice, but just to hedge my bets, as any careful person would do, I decided to continue the conversation with Edith, partly because I wanted her, no a needed her, to feed me lurid details regarding the inappropriate behavior that she had witnessed between Dewayne and Abby, and also because I could easily back off from fucking her, even if we came close to the brink, if things turned out well in my quest to enter Kim's inner sanctum. Little did I know, at that time, that this was a dangerous course of action.
Chapter 69: Players
Now don't get me wrong. I wasn't in any way going to try and become some sort of a player, even though I'm not clear what that term means. I suspect it means someone who is like a playboy used to be and now we have playgirls too and it's easier to use a non gender specific term like player. I think that must be the case now that I think about it. But calling me a playboy or player is about like calling a mouse a man. Not quite that bad, but just about.
I'm not a player, mostly, because I don't know how to, never having been taught by my buddies, assuming that is who teaches one to be a player. Or maybe it's just genetic and you are either a player or not at birth, even though it doesn't manifest itself until puberty or later. Suffice it to say that I was scared shitless of women from an early age. And scared shitless is a gross understatement.
I really don't like public speaking, I have panic attacks driving over bridges and through tunnels, but those pale in comparison as to how I was in the close presence of women. I'm not going to go into some deep analysis as to the cause of this fear, because it would take a lot of time and also, it's mostly gone by now. Notice the mostly. It still raises its ugly head on occasion, but with some concentration, some rational thought, and a good bit of alcohol, I can usually chase it away. Not for good mind you, but on a case by case basis.
So, not being a player, by any stretch of the imagination, how was I planning to go after Kim and Edith with any hope of getting one, or either, of them to spread their legs for me?
Deception. Clear and simple.
In Kim's case, it wasn't total deception, I rationalized. There were other elements involved. Like sympathy. And empathy. Things like that. I felt better about that. If you dilute deception down far enough, it becomes irrelevant.
Chapter 70: Edith Sends another Email
I wasn't expecting an email so soon in response to my response to her, but it came shortly thereafter and said, "George, I probably shouldn't have sent that original email because it's not my business. It's just that it brought back memories and I reacted too quickly without thinking. Would you please just forget that I sent it?"
I like when people say 'forget I said it', or in this case, 'sent it'. Kind of like walking up to a really muscular guy with a lot of rings on his fingers and chains around his neck, and he is with a lot of similar looking dudes and he has a stunning wife with some really revealing clothes on, and you can see her nipples and pussy lips under them and you walk right up to this mean mean motherfucker and say, "your fucking woman is so hot that I'd like to stick my dick in all three of her holes, one right after another, and if you're a good boy, I might even let you watch."
And then right after saying that, very quickly indeed, certainly before he has time to digest this, you follow with "forget what I just said" expecting him to do just that and keep on walking right past you as if you never said anything.
Come on Edith, you just can't say something and then say forget it and have them negate
each other. Geez.
I had to come up with a clever way to let Edith know that she was off the hook, so to speak, about spilling the beans to me, which of course, she didn't. My clever and creative response to her was, "Edith, don't sweat it. I totally understand and it's forgotten. Take care."
I think my response accomplished a good bit. First, I let her know that I was pretty cool about the whole situation. I liked playing that role, and as we know, I was definitely cool about the situation, but not in the way she thought. Next I let her know, with the 'understand' that I was indeed in sympathy for her plight regarding the cheating husband that she kicked to the curb, even though I was lying through my teeth on that one. Then with the 'It's forgotten' lying bullshit by me, the liar, I let her know that she had committed no sin. And then the 'take care' was a nice final touch, in my opinion, letting her know that I was a pretty cool dude to be taking all of this obvious heartache, caused by my cheating bitch wife, in stride.
It's a little scary how I've morphed into a lying mother fucker in so short a time. Of course I compound this by lying to myself that these lies are not really lies, but just different ways of looking at circumstances, and anyway, my intentions are, in this case, to help Edith understand the errors of her ways in kicking the hubby out and helping her morph, with my subtle guidance of course, into a more open and liberated human being, to the point where she would actually love her husband so much that she would want him to fully explore his sensuality no matter where that led him, and besides, if she disregarded her learned responses and gave up her fears of abandonment, she might just enjoy watching him fuck the shit out of some bimbo. Not to mention that his fucking someone else would, no doubt, lead her into her own sexual liaisons, one of which might be me.
So now that I'm clear that my lies are not technically lies, and even if they are, it's irrelevant because my intentions are so noble, I decided that I needed to arrange a meeting, face to face, with Edith.
Chapter 71: Edith and Me at the Bar
Then I had one of those aha moments. The bar that Abby and Dewayne go to, along with the bike Nazis is a fun place and they have good and cheap beer and I can walk home if, excuse me, when, I get drunk. So why not go when Abby asks me if I want to, which she does, always, knowing that I always refuse because the tight knit group sickens me, or more accurately makes me want to be part of them? Abby would probably shit in her pants if I said 'yes', because that would presumably fuck up her inappropriate time with Dewayne.
So the plan was set into motion. Next time the wife did her cursory and dismissive "honey, I'm going to meet the group for a drink, care to join us?" I was going to shock the shit out of her by saying, "good idea honey, I haven't seen the group in a month of Sundays and I'd really like to congratulate Dewayne on the tri."
Saturday night approached and Abby was prepping for her night out, alone, I know she was thinking. Little did she know I was prepping too and as she came over to kiss me goodbye, as I was sitting on my couch, and asked me if I wanted to go with her, which she always does, knowing I will say no, I sprung my response on her and I wish you could have seen her face.
There was silence as we rode the elevator down the high rise, all five floors, to the main floor and not a word was said as we walked the two blocks to the bar, and as I suspected, once we entered, she had composed herself enough to tell me to get her a beer. She looked for the tight knit group, which was all there, and then moved to the furthest possible place away from where I eventually sat. I so love my Abby.
Kim and Dewayne were there, sitting next to each other at the big table that the group usually commandeered every Saturday. Edith was at the bar, where I sat. Abby was sitting across from Dewayne and Kim. Quite a happy little group I thought.
I asked Edith how she was and she said fine and we both sat there with our backs to the bar so we could talk to the group at the table. I was within hollering distance of Dewayne, so I said congratulations, gritting my teeth, for the tri and he said thanks, and I noticed Abby kind of glaring at me, still annoyed, I was sure, that I had actually accepted her insincere invitation.
Edith and I had a pretty good view of Kim and Abby and Dewayne because our bar stools were higher than the chairs at the table, and I think we were both happy to be watching the three of them. I was happy because I wanted to see and hear what they would all say, and Edith was happy, I think, because she knew that I had let her off the hook regarding being the one who told me about the inappropriate behavior the last time they were all there.
Not much was happening at first until we all started drinking beer and getting a little loose. I asked Edith "how's life?" to try and get a conversation going and she said "decent" and then I said "been on any dates?" knowing full well that she would correct me because dating is such an antiquated term and she was liberated, and besides dating is something that conventional people do and she is far from conventional.
Just as I predicted, she said "dates?" looking at me like I was a total idiot. I kind of smiled, acknowledging her consternation, and then I said, "well whatever they call it nowadays when men and women get together with the intent of having some sort of sexual liaison" and she smiled and said, "oh that."
Edith and I talk like that at bars, when we drink, and there is always kind of an undercurrent of sensuality in the conversation, initiated, always, by me, but picked up on and expanded on by her, always. I like the fact that she doesn't get offended by any of this talk, and I suspect the reason she doesn't is that I've never hit on her or made any references or suggestion as to anything sexual between us. It's always about her and her lovers or me and mine, which of course are hypothetical. Well, they were hypothetical until Lara, and still are technically since I only know Lara from the computer. I briefly considered telling Edith about Lara, but decided against it because she would just think I was bullshitting her anyway.
I kind of moved close to Edith so no one else would hear, and say to her, "notice any inappropriate behavior over there?" kind of nodding in the direction of the table and she looked a tad shocked for just a second and then said, "no, but I'm watching for it," and that little exchange kind of cleared the air even further about me not being able to forget that she said it in the email, and at the same time signaling to her that I wasn't going to tell anyone she told me, so it was our little secret, for now.
After a few beers and some other meaningless talk, I made a decision to level, totally, with Edith, about everything, for several reasons, alcohol being the most important as it had loosened up my libido and my tongue. The other reason was that Edith and I did have a certain rapport that transcended the normal male to female interaction mode.
Usually when men and women are together, one on one, there is always some sensuality going on, at least on some level. I always felt it with Edith and I suspect she did with me, because we had kissed once, many years ago at our big house, when we still lived there, at a dinner party in an upstairs bedroom where we both found ourselves unexpectedly, I can't remember why, and it was a nice sloppy wet kiss, mutually administered.
But now we just kind of bantered back and forth about sex and sexuality, but never between us, which was good, because it kept us both from moving it to the next level which would have complicated things, mostly for me and not for her, since she was divorced and could do anything she wanted.
I know this is getting to be confusing, or already is very confusing because I talked earlier about how I might want to fuck Edith, when I was talking about wanting to fuck Kim, never mentioning the kiss and our sexual chats, and now I'm basically trying to paint our relationship as platonic, almost like we are buddies or bar friends. Well, life is complicated and does not come in neat little packages and all of the emotions and feelings that I have toward Edith, as mentioned before and now here, are true, at least at the time I revealed them. And you have to throw into this already complicated mix the fact that she has some latent hostility toward all men, in my analysis, as reported earlier in the 'cut of
f his dick' episode.
Back to the bar with Edith and me in conspiracy to watch Dewayne and Abby to see if anything happens, and me to additionally watch Kim to see how she was reacting to being at the same table with her husband and the cheater whore who seduced him. I'm not sure there was a place on earth right now that I'd rather be.
As we were watching, I was doing my usual with Edith, i.e. trying to get her to talk about her sexuality and sensuality and lust with no intention of trying to seduce her, mainly because I don't know how to seduce a woman, but also because she was my second choice after Kim, and finally Edith was not seduceable in the traditional sense, I was pretty sure.
So I said, "I know you don't date in the traditional sense, since you are a modern woman, but have you been with any men in the biblical sense recently?" I could get away with talking to Edith that way, because we had established, over the years, the boundaries in our conversations, and those were none.
Even given her apparent hostility toward at least some men, due no doubt to her cheating husband, and her inability, at this time at least to consider any creative alternatives to a traditional marriage even though she was far from traditional in most aspects of her life, she seemed to like me and be willing to engage with me in sexual banter, for reasons that remain a mystery to me.
I'm George, mwm, 52 Page 18
