“Hello,” Daddy said, and he gave me a little smile.
Mommy didn’t say anything, and Mimi said, “Hello, Jim,” and her voice sounded changed from when she was talking to Mommy. It sounded like stiff and not Mimi-like.
“Roberta?” Daddy said Mimi’s name like a question.
Mimi got up and made Daddy a plate, and Daddy took his plate and went in the dining room. I felt bad that he was sitting there all by himself, so I slid down from the barstool and carried my plate over and sat down next to Daddy. I noticed Mommy looked up from her plate and her eyes were following me. She made them very small.
Then Mommy turned back to Mimi and said, “I was thinking I could invite some of the survivors. I…that’s the only way I think it makes sense for me this year…if we have to do anything at all.”
“Oh…yeah, that might be a good idea,” Mimi said.
“Invite them for what?” Daddy asked, and Mimi and Mommy looked over at him like he was interrupting their private conversation.
“Thanksgiving,” Mommy said.
Daddy was about to put a fork with food in his mouth, but then his hand stopped and stayed there, in front of his mouth. “You want to invite…strangers? To Thanksgiving?” Daddy put the fork with the food back down on his plate.
“They are not strangers,” Mommy said, and there they were, the storm clouds, starting to grow big by the ceiling again. “These are people who are…going through what we’re going through. We’re in the same boat. We all need the support to get through these holidays,” Mommy said.
“What about family?” Daddy asked. “My mother, Mary…don’t you think the support from our own family is what we need…?”
Mommy’s face looked frozen and had a little smile that didn’t look like a smile. It looked like she was pressing her teeth together and pulling the sides of her mouth up. “I don’t think I’ll be entertaining this year,” she said.
“I can see how it might be helpful to be surrounded by other people in similar situations…,” Mimi said.
“Thank you, Roberta,” Daddy said. He was still looking at Mommy. “I think I’ll work this out with my wife if you don’t mind.”
Mommy pulled in a big breath and looked at Mimi. “Unbelievable,” she said, and she stood up and Mimi got up, too, and they both walked out of the kitchen.
Their plates were still sitting on the counter and I didn’t know why they got up and left like that, right in the middle of dinner. It was quiet for a few minutes, and Daddy and I started eating again. Then the alarm box said “Front door” again.
Mommy came back into the kitchen. Her face looked so mad, it made me get a hot bad feeling in my stomach. “If you ever talk to my mother like that again, I swear to God, Jim…,” she said in a very quiet voice.
Daddy closed his eyes for a minute, and I could see he was breathing in and out slow. The storm clouds were about to explode, and my heart was beating very fast. I didn’t want to be right in the middle of the storm, but it was like it was too late to get out of there.
“It is not how we will be celebrating Thanksgiving,” Daddy said in a very quiet voice. He opened his eyes and stared at Mommy and Boom!—here came the thunder and lightning.
“Celebrating? I’m not going to be celebrating anything!” Mommy yelled.
I put my chin down on my chest and covered my ears with my hands.
“I’m not celebrating. I’m not entertaining,” she said. “I’m going to invite some people who will help me get through the day, and maybe I can help them get through the day. Because that’s all it’s going to be about! But you go celebrate, Jim. You go hang out with your family and you guys celebrate together!”
Daddy yelled back at Mommy and his voice sounded like thunder. “But it’s not all about you, is it? And about how you get through the day. How about helping us get through the day instead?” He moved his pointer finger between me and him.
Mommy stared at Daddy, and then she turned around and walked out of the kitchen again.
“I’m sorry, bud,” Daddy said, and he leaned over and took my hands off my ears. “I’m sorry…it’s…Let’s finish dinner, OK?” But then we both just sat there and we didn’t eat anything.
I wished that I said Andy’s name last year at the table. Because that was going to be his last Thanksgiving ever, and now I didn’t have the chance to say it anymore.
[ 38 ]
Keeping It Small
THANKSGIVING CAME, and there were no decorations and no extra table and chairs.
“We’re keeping it small this time, OK, Zach?” Mommy said, and she didn’t even have to put the turkey in the oven until after the parade was over because it was so little and it wasn’t going to need a long time to cook.
Mimi came and Grandma and Aunt Mary and that was it. Daddy watched football in the family room, and I watched with him for a little while, even though watching football is mostly boring, but I just wanted to be with him.
The phone rang in the kitchen and I heard Mommy say “Hello?” and then after a little while I heard her make a very loud “Oooohh!” sound.
Daddy and I looked at each other, and Daddy put his eyebrows up high. I got up and went in the kitchen to see why Mommy made that sound. Mommy was leaning against the counter. One hand was over her mouth and the other hand was holding the phone to her ear.
“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Mommy said, and then she put the hand that was holding the phone down very slow, but she left the other hand on her mouth.
Mimi and Grandma and Aunt Mary all looked like they were frozen with different things in their hands—hand towels, a potato, and the brush for scrubbing the potatoes—and they all stared at Mommy.
“Nancy Brooks is dead,” Mommy said through her fingers. Tears started to come out of her eyes, and she kept her hand over her mouth like she wanted to keep the crying inside.
Daddy came in the kitchen and looked at Mommy. “What happened, what’s going on?” he asked.
“Nancy is dead,” Mommy said again.
Daddy stared at her like he didn’t understand what she said.
“She committed suicide last night,” Mommy said.
Daddy took a few steps back like he was falling backward, and then he grabbed the side of the counter and held on to it.
“Ricky’s mom died?” I asked.
No one answered me.
“How do you…?” Daddy said, his words came out squeaky.
“Mrs. Gray called me. She was out walking this morning. When she walked past Nancy’s house, she noticed a…smell coming from her garage, and she called the police. It was from her car. She kept it running…in there,” Mommy said.
“Good heavens,” Mimi said, and she walked over to Mommy and hugged her.
Daddy stared at Mommy and Mimi and he didn’t say anything. I saw his fingers were white from holding on to the counter so hard. He swallowed a lot of times like he had a bunch of extra spit in his mouth. Then he turned around very slow and let go of the counter carefully like he was going to maybe fall down. He started to take some slow steps toward the hallway.
When he got to the kitchen door, Mommy said, “It’s because she was going to be all alone today,” and she let out some more crying sounds. “She had no one. After Ricky died…it was just her. We should have had her here today….”
“Oh, honey, it’s not your fault,” Mimi said, and rubbed Mommy’s back.
“I know,” Mommy said, and she stopped hugging Mimi and took a step to the side and looked at Daddy. He was standing by the door, but he didn’t turn around. Mommy pointed at Daddy’s back. “It’s his.”
Grandma and Aunt Mary looked at each other, and Grandma pulled her eyebrows all the way up like how Daddy did earlier when Mommy made the loud “Oooohh!” sound. Daddy started to turn around. His face was white all over, and his bottom lip
was shaking.
“I should have invited her. I shouldn’t have listened to you,” Mommy said. She kept talking like she didn’t notice Daddy’s face or she didn’t care. “She was facing this day all by herself, and it was too much for her,” Mommy cried, but her voice sounded mad. “And because you didn’t want to invite…strangers…”
Daddy stared at Mommy for a long time with his white face and his shaking lip. Mommy stared back like they were having a staring contest, but then Mommy looked down and lost the contest. Daddy turned around and walked in the hallway and left through the front door. He never even said anything the whole time. Everyone in the kitchen looked at the place where Daddy was standing a minute ago. It was like the air was all heavy, like it was sitting on top of me, my shoulders, my head, my whole body.
“Excuse me,” Mommy said in a quiet voice, and she didn’t look at anyone. She also left the kitchen and then went upstairs.
No one said anything for a while, but then Aunt Mary started talking: “Monkey, want to help me make those Brussels sprouts?” And she helped me pull a chair up to the sink and I had to pull all the leaves off from the outside of the Brussels sprouts, and there were a lot of them and I was glad we had a job to do.
Me and Mimi and Grandma and Aunt Mary got all the dinner ready and we set the table in the dining room. Mimi and Grandma didn’t say anything, so Aunt Mary did all the talking, and she talked a lot, probably because when she wasn’t talking, it was too quiet and it made the air heavy again.
“Zach, we need one, two, three, four, five big forks and one little fork for you. Five knives. Which napkins do you think we should use? Yes, I like those. Let’s fold these up like this….” Aunt Mary talked to me about all the things we had to do in kind of a happy voice. I think she was trying to cheer me up, because Mommy and Daddy had another fight and Daddy left, even though it was Thanksgiving, and now it wasn’t going to be nice at all.
“I’m calling him,” Grandma said after a while and picked up our kitchen phone and called Daddy. It rang for a long time, and then Grandma pressed the “off” button. “No answer.”
“Well, the turkey has been done for a long time. It’s probably all dried out by now,” Mimi said. “I’m going upstairs to get Melissa. We should eat.” After a while Mimi came back with Mommy and we all sat down at the table.
We didn’t go around the table to say what we were thankful for. We started to eat, and mostly you could just hear the clinking sound from the forks and knives on the plates. It was like clink, clink. “The turkey isn’t as dry as I thought.” Clink-clink. “The Brussels sprouts turned out tasty, Mary.” “That’s because of the bacon. That’s my secret weapon.” Clink-clink.
I looked at Daddy’s empty seat, and I could feel tears coming in my eyes. The doorbell rang, and for a second I thought Daddy was home, but he had a key, so why would he ring the doorbell? Mommy got up to open the door and I followed her.
A policeman was standing outside. “Mrs. Taylor?” he asked.
“Yes?” Mommy said.
“May I come in for a minute?”
Mommy opened the door all the way, and the policeman came inside.
“Hey, buddy,” the policeman said, and put out his hand for a high five. I high-fived him.
Mimi and Grandma and Aunt Mary all came out of the dining room. Grandma made a sound like she was pulling in a lot of air through her mouth. “Is this about my son? Jim Taylor? Did something happen to him?” Grandma asked, and my stomach started to hurt a lot.
“Well, I was hoping to speak with Mr. Taylor. Is he not home?” the policeman asked.
“No…no, he’s not here,” Mommy said.
“Why do you think something happened to him?” the policeman asked.
“No, he just…left…a while ago, and when you came to the door, that was my first thought,” Grandma said.
“As far as I know, nothing happened to him,” the policeman said. “I had a few questions regarding…” He looked over at me and stopped talking. “Is there a place we can talk privately?” he asked Mommy, and she said sure, in the living room, and they went there together, and Grandma and Aunt Mary went, too. I wasn’t allowed to go and listen. Mimi took me back in the dining room.
The policeman wasn’t there for long. In the hallway I could hear him say to Mommy, “Please have your husband give me a call when he returns. I’m sorry to have interrupted your dinner. Good day. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Good day,” Mommy said back in a quiet voice, and then she came in the dining room. She was moving in slow motion when she sat down on her chair. Her face was white like Daddy’s face was earlier.
“Is Daddy OK, Mommy?” I asked, and I could feel the hurting in my stomach get worse.
Mommy didn’t answer me, but she looked at Mimi and said to her, “She left a note for him. It was her, Mom. It was Nancy, the woman that he…,” and she stopped in the middle of her sentence and started laughing and that was a surprise. She started out laughing a little bit, and then her laughing got louder and louder and I didn’t know what was funny. In the middle of her laughing, Mommy said, “I’m such an idiot!”
[ 39 ]
Special Surprise
THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING I went to Aunt Mary’s house for a sleepover. Daddy didn’t come back home before we left. Aunt Mary moved from their house in New Jersey to an apartment after Uncle Chip died. It was close to our house, and I went there before a couple times. The apartment was small with only a tiny kitchen that was right when you walked in, and a counter with three barstools like ours and no other table. Just a living room and Aunt Mary’s bedroom and one other bedroom, but that was full of boxes and there was no bed in it. Everything smelled funny.
“Oh, gross, what stinks?” Andy said when we went there for a visit.
Aunt Mary said in a jokey voice, “I take it you are not a connoisseur of curry then, Andy? They love that stuff downstairs. Curry for breakfast, curry for lunch, and curry for dinner. Anyway, you get used to it.” I could still smell the curry smell when we walked in this time, but it didn’t bother me that much.
“How about we watch a movie and make popcorn…Oh wait, I don’t know if I have popcorn,” Aunt Mary said, and she started looking in her cabinets in the tiny kitchen. “Yeah, sorry, bud, no popcorn. But I have pretzels. You like those, right?”
I didn’t say anything because I had a big lump in my throat and I thought that if I talked I was probably going to start crying. I missed Mommy and Daddy.
I walked through the apartment and looked around. Aunt Mary had a lot of things everywhere that her and Uncle Chip brought home from when they did trips all over the world—funny-looking masks and paintings and cups and vases and stuff like that. In their old house, Uncle Chip always showed these to me and told me stories about where they were from and why they were special.
On a table next to the couch were a lot of different picture frames with pictures of Aunt Mary and Uncle Chip on their trips, and also from our family and Aunt Mary’s. One picture frame that had all kinds of different sunglasses painted on the sides had the same picture in it that Aunt Mary showed me in our photo album when her and Grandma were taking out pictures from them—the one of all of us on the cruise ship with the sombreros on. In the back behind some other picture frames I spotted a picture of Mommy and Daddy. I reached over to pick it up, and I had to be careful so I didn’t knock over the other ones in front.
I saw this picture a lot of times before. We have it in a frame also in Mommy and Daddy’s room. It’s from their wedding, and they’re both in a pool—with their wedding clothes on. Mommy looks beautiful. Her white dress is floating in the water all around her, and Daddy has his head to the side close to Mommy’s face, like he’s about to give her a kiss.
All of a sudden Aunt Mary put her hand on my shoulder and I jumped a little because I didn’t hear her come up behind me.
“I love this picture of them,” Aunt Mary said, and she took the frame from me and looked at the picture from closer up and laughed. “I still can’t believe they really jumped in. That beautiful dress!”
“They jumped in because of Grandpa, right?” I asked.
“Well, it was a really long day for them and all of us because—you know, Grandpa got sick earlier that day,” Aunt Mary said.
“Yeah, he got his heart attack,” I said.
“Yes. It was just…everyone was very emotional, and it was really hot, and we spent most of the day at the hospital….By the time we knew Grandpa was going to be OK and your mom and dad decided to have the wedding after all…boy, we really had to scramble to get ready,” Aunt Mary said. “I looked a serious hot mess, I can tell you that much. But your mom somehow managed to look breathtaking. Don’t ask me how she pulled that one off.”
“Did you jump in the pool, too?” I asked.
“I did! Almost all of the guests did. It was an amazing ending to an amazing wedding. It is still the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to. Maybe because of all the drama earlier in the day. But they were also such a gorgeous couple, your parents, so in love,” Aunt Mary said. She smiled at me, and then she put the picture frame back.
“And did you see that one here?” Aunt Mary asked. She picked up a picture frame from way in the back and it was of Mommy and Daddy again, and they were lying down together in a hospital bed with a baby in between them. They both were kissing the baby’s head at the same time.
“Is that me or Andy?” I asked.
“That is you. Can’t you tell from all that hair?” Aunt Mary laughed. “That’s why I always call you monkey, because you were hairy like a little monkey when you were born.”
“Where was Andy?” I asked.
“He was with us, your uncle and me. We took care of him for a few days so your mom and dad could be just with you,” Aunt Mary said.
Only Child Page 21
