by Sandy Taylor
‘I just hate seeing you get hurt all the time,’ I said gently.
Mary came back to the bed and sat down.
‘I’m a mess where he’s concerned. Sometimes I wish he was more like Ralph.’
‘Ginger hair and all?’ I said.
‘Perhaps not the ginger hair,’ she said, smiling, ‘but you know where you are with Ralph.’
I knew what she meant. Ralph would never do that to me. I trusted him completely. I was lucky.
Mary picked up the magazine. ‘How to get the boy of your dreams,’ she read out loud. ‘It should be me reading this, not you.’
‘You could be worrying for nothing. Wait till he sees you in your new dress – you’ll bowl him over.’
Mary was still looking pretty down. I propped myself up on my elbows and blew my nose. Then I said: ‘At least you’re going to the party. I’m going to be lying here thinking about you every moment and wondering what you’re doing and thinking about how much fun you’re having. I want to hear every single detail, so come round early tomorrow and tell me.’
Mary nodded. She looked at her watch. ‘I should go; Winston’s girlfriend is coming over to do my hair.’
‘Just enjoy yourself.’
Mary looked back at me as she was going out the door and pulled a face.
‘Go on,’ I said. ‘Have fun. Once Brainless start playing you won’t even notice I’m not there.’
Ralph came round on his way to the party. He was wearing blue jeans and a purple shirt with a black stripe running through it. I thought he looked very handsome.
‘I 'm so sorry you’re going to miss the party,’ he said, sitting on the bed and reaching for my hand.
‘Don’t,’ I said, ‘it’s all hot and clammy.’
‘I’m partial to hot and clammy,’ he said, grinning.
I leaned over the bed and took a package out of the cabinet.
‘Happy birthday,’ I said, smiling at him.
He held the present in his hands and started feeling it and turning it over. ‘Can I rattle it?’ he said.
‘No you flippin’ can’t, just open it. Go on, tear off the paper.’
I wish I’d had a camera to capture the look on his face when he opened the present, because he was beaming. ‘Wow,’ he said, looking at the watch. ‘It’s great, thank you.’
‘I’m glad you like it,’ I said.
‘I love it.’
‘Good.’
‘I just wish you were coming to the party.’
‘Don’t you start.’
‘Why? Who else has started?’
‘Mary.’
‘So you want me to keep an eye on her?’
‘Yes please,’ I said, yawning.
‘For you, anything. Now get some rest and get well. I’ll call by tomorrow and tell you all about it.’
After he’d gone, I snuggled down beneath the covers. My head felt muzzy and I was hot and uncomfortable and achy. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke, it was dark outside. Nobody had come in to draw the curtains and all I could see was the blackness through the windows. I was cold now, cold and shivery. I pulled the blankets up to my chin, but they didn’t help. I felt as if my blood had turned to ice. I felt as if something dreadful was on the other side of the window glass. I felt full of dread.
The next day I was feeling a bit better but not great, I was coughing for England and was still headachy and feverish. I was bored with being in bed. I’d read the Jackie magazine from cover to cover and when I did fall asleep I had this vivid dream of Mary’s dad on stage with Brainless, dressed as Elvis Presley.
I’d been waiting all day for Ralph and Mary to come round and tell me all about the party. It wasn’t until teatime that Ralph put his head round the bedroom door.
‘How’s the invalid?’ he said.
‘Bored,’ I said, making a face. ‘Where have you been all day? And where’s Mary?’
Ralph sat down on the bed and held my hand. He seemed to have trouble looking at me.
‘Well?’ I said.
‘I had a hangover,’ he mumbled. ‘I’ve only just got up.’
‘Ralph Bennett!’ I said, giggling, which started me coughing. Ralph handed me the glass of water that was beside my bed. ‘I didn’t think you drank much.’
‘I don’t, usually,’ he said, looking sheepish.
‘Is that why Mary hasn’t come round? Did she get drunk as well?’
‘Worse than me,’ he said, ‘I had to walk her home. Her dad was waiting up for her; he wasn’t very happy about it.’
‘Well tell me about it then. Was it a great party? Were there lots of people there? Did you enjoy it? Did Mary enjoy it?’
‘I can’t remember a lot.’
‘Ralph Bennett,’ I said, pulling myself up the bed, ‘I’ve been waiting all day to hear about this party and you’re telling me that you don’t remember much about it?’
‘I don’t think Mary had a very good time. I remember that much.’
‘Mary was right then, she said she had a bad feeling about the party.’
‘Elton was flirting a bit, the way he does.’
I was feeling bad for my friend. ‘I don’t know why you go round with Elton Briggs,’ I said sharply.
‘Because he’s my friend,’ Ralph snapped back. ‘And your friend Mary’s no angel.’
I was a bit taken back. I’d moaned about Elton over the years but I’d never heard Ralph say a bad thing about Mary, or anyone else for that matter. Suddenly things felt awkward between us. I didn’t know how to make it better.
‘Look,’ Ralph said eventually. ‘We shouldn’t be arguing about Elton and Mary; they’re old enough to figure things out for themselves. We’ve got each other and that should be all that counts. I love you, Dottie, but I can’t keep apologising for the way my friend treats your friend.’
‘You’re right,’ I said, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘So am I,’ said Ralph. ‘Now give me a cuddle.’
‘But I’ve got a red nose.’
‘Didn’t I mention that red’s my favourite colour?’
Chapter Twenty
It seemed like forever, but it was actually only three days before Mary came round to see me. I was out of bed by then but the cold had really knocked me for six and I felt as weak as a baby. I was still off work.
I was helping Mum with the dinner when Mary knocked on the back door.
‘At last,’ I said, opening the door and hugging her.
‘Off you go,’ said Mum, ‘I can manage here.’
Mary and I went upstairs to my room. I took hold of her hands and pulled her on to the bed. ‘Tell me everything about the party,’ I said, ‘don’t leave anything out.’ Mary just stared at me, then she put her head in her hands and started crying. I immediately put my arms around her. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘It was awful,’ she sobbed.
‘Oh Mary, why?’
‘That girl was there, you know the one he walked into the cafe with. Elton was all over her all evening. He barely noticed I was there. How could he do that? How could he just ignore me? He just ignored me, Dottie.’
‘Ralph said…’
‘Ralph said what?’ she snapped.
‘That you didn’t have a great time,’ I said gently.
‘He was right, I didn’t.’
‘I’m really sorry.’
‘I hate him.’
‘Do you?’
‘I want to; it would be easier if I did.’
‘I wish I’d been there.’
‘I wish you’d been there. I wouldn’t have felt so stupid. I felt like a bloody groupie. The daft thing is, I expect we’ll be back together in a few days and what’s even dafter is the fact that I’ll be stupid enough to take him back.’
There was so much I wanted to say. I was so mad at Elton but I knew this wasn’t the time, and anyway, I would only be telling Mary what she already knew. I didn’t mention the getting drunk bit. She hadn’t told me, so I guess she didn’t wa
nt me to know.
‘Did he like the pendant?’ I asked.
‘I haven’t got a clue. I’m not even sure he opened it. I left it on a table.’
‘I’m really sorry, Mary.’
‘You and me both,’ she said sadly.
* * *
April was beautiful, with warm sunny days and long balmy evenings. Since deciding to get less involved in what Mary and Elton were doing, Ralph and I had time to just enjoy being together.
It was a perfect spring. A time of growing up and being in love.
One gloriously sunny day we took a picnic up onto the Downs. I just loved it there. It was so different from the narrow streets on the estate, there was room to breathe and dream and, well, just be. I liked the feeling of the breeze blowing through my hair. I liked seeing the butterflies dancing above the wild flowers and the birds wheeling in the sky. I loved watching the light on the sea in the distance, seeing Brighton all spread out below like a toytown; like somewhere a million miles away.
Spring had been unusually warm that year and the rolling fields were covered in daisies. We spread a blanket on the exact same spot where we had had our first date. We lay side by side looking up at the clouds scudding across the blue sky. I closed my eyes and thought about how happy I was.
‘Do you know how happy I am?’ I said.
‘Let me guess,’ said Ralph, spreading his arms out wide. ‘This much?’ he said.
I squinted my eyes up against the sun. ‘More,’ I said.
‘How much more?’ said Ralph, laughing.
‘A million times more,’ I said, kneeling up and staring down into his face.
‘Is that all?’
‘A billion times more. A trillion times more!’ I shouted.
‘Enough to stay with me forever?’
‘And beyond,’ I said, brushing the hair away from his eyes.
I had been making a daisy chain, pressing my nail into the tiny stem and threading the little white flowers through, one by one.
Ralph took the daisy chain from me and started winding it round my finger. He stared at me in a very intense sort of way.
‘What?’ I said, smiling at him.
‘I’m thinking.’
‘About what?’
I had never seen Ralph look so serious. He stood up and walked a few feet away. I got up and followed him.
The view from the top of the dyke was beautiful. The rolling hills of the South Downs, the Weald and, in the distance, the shimmering waters of the English Channel.
‘There’s something on your mind, Mr Bennett,’ I said, slipping my arm through his. ‘And I demand to know what it is.’ I was joking with him, but when he turned to look at me he was still looking deadly serious.
‘Will you marry me, Dottie?’ he said.
The question seemed to come out of the blue, like he hadn’t planned to say it.
‘I haven’t got a ring yet,’ he went on, ‘but I will, and then we can make it official.’
‘I don’t mind about the ring,’ I said and I didn’t, but something was bothering me and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
He swallowed, and took a deep breath. ‘I love you, Dottie,’ he said. ‘I always have. I always will. I will always, always do my best to make you happy. I will try never to hurt you. I can’t promise that we will ever be rich, but I will take care of you and I will never let you down.’
His words came out quickly, almost pleadingly.
‘I may have done this the wrong way round,’ he continued, ‘not getting the ring first, but I don’t want to lose you.’
I reached my hand up to his face, put my palm against his cheek. He was frowning. If it hadn’t been the happiest moment of my life, I’d have almost thought he was close to tears.
‘You won‘t lose me,’ I said very gently. ‘Why would you say that? Why would you even think that?’
Ralph shrugged his shoulders. Then he put his arm around me and held me tight almost too tight.
‘Dottie...? What are you thinking?’
I smiled. ‘I’m thinking about what you just said.’
‘And?’
‘Don’t rush me,’ I said, teasing him.
He smiled then. The clouds blew away from the sun and the world lit itself up.
Then he started to tickle me. ‘Say yes, or it will be death by tickling.’
‘Okay,’ I shouted between giggles. ‘Yes, yes.’ Then I looked into his eyes and very gently said, ‘Yes, of course I’ll marry you.’
I could see the tension leave his face. We lay side by side on the blanket, our fingers entwined. I had never felt so happy. ‘I want to go home,’ I said.
‘But we haven’t had our picnic yet.’
‘I want to tell someone.’
‘Tell the sheep,’ said Ralph, laughing.
‘I’m going to be married,’ I shouted across the hillside. A few raggedy sheep looked at me and carried on snuffling away at the grass.
‘I need to tell Mum and Dad.’
‘Let’s wait till I get the ring.’
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘If that’s what you want, but I’ll have to tell Mary.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I won’t be able to keep it from her. She’ll know. We can read each other like a book.’
Ralph stared down at the ground.
‘I won’t tell anyone else,’ I said. ‘Just Mary.’
‘Of course,’ he said eventually. ‘Of course you must tell Mary.’
* * *
The next day was Sunday and I couldn’t wait to get round to Mary’s and tell her my news.
I knocked on the back door and went into the little kitchen. I could hardly believe what I saw. Mary was standing beside her mum, up to her elbows in cake mix.
‘Can you believe this?’ said Mary’s mum.
‘Not really,’ I said, grinning.
‘Mum said the way to a man’s stomach is through his heart,’ said Mary.
‘Sounds painful,’ I said, laughing.
‘The other way round,’ said Mary, giggling.
‘Well, that’s a relief,’ I said.
‘You look happy,’ said Mary’s mum.
‘I am,’ I said.
‘I can finish this off,’ she said to Mary.
‘Fancy going for a walk?’ I said.
Mary washed her hands, took her coat down from a hook behind the door and we headed for the seafront. Most of the shops in West Street were closed but we gazed into the windows at all the new fashions. Mary had her eye on a red checked miniskirt and black roll-neck jumper that was on one of the models in Hannington’s window.
We walked down to the pier. There were loads of people around, even though it was a bit of a dull day that was threatening rain. We made our way onto the beach and sat on the pebbles with our backs leaning against the old stone wall. The sun was beginning to filter through the clouds. I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of it on my face.
I was bursting to tell Mary my news, but I suddenly felt uneasy about it.
‘Well, spit it out then,’ she said.
‘Spit what out?’ I said. I picked up some pebbles and let them fall through my hand.
‘Whatever it is you want to tell me,’ she said.
‘How do you know I want to tell you anything?’ I asked, playing for time.
‘Because I can read your mind, Dottie Perks, now spill.’
‘Ralph has asked me to marry him,’ I said.
‘Oh!’ Mary looked at me. I couldn’t read her expression but it certainly wasn’t delight on her face. ‘Oh,’ she said again. Then she pushed herself up and stalked off down the beach. I ran after her. I caught up with her beside the groyne.
‘Mary,’ I pleaded, ‘don’t be like that.’
Her face was red and cross-looking.
‘Like what?’
I stared at her. ‘Like this.’ I felt desperate and disappointed and… angry. ‘I had a feeling you’d be like this,’ I shouted.
‘Why bother tel
ling me then?’ she shouted back.
‘Because you’re my best friend, that’s why. Because I want to share it with you. Because I want us to look through wedding magazines together. Because I want you to be my bridesmaid. That’s why.’
I left Mary leaning against the groyne and walked down to the water’s edge.
There were two little girls running into the cold sea, shrieking and giggling.
Suddenly Mary was beside me.
‘They remind me of us,’ she said.
I smiled and linked my arm through hers.
‘It seems like yesterday,’ I said.
‘Sometimes I wish it was.’
‘Really?’
‘Sometimes.’
We stood arm in arm watching the children playing, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
Mary nodded towards the little girls. ‘They think it’s going to be like that forever, don’t they? Playing on the beach all day, then going home for their tea. No worries, no regrets.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Life was simpler then, wasn’t it?’
‘You’re not going to lose me, you know. If that’s what this is all about? Because if it is, you couldn’t be more wrong. Marrying Ralph doesn’t mean the end of our friendship.’
‘You say that now.’
‘I’ll say that forever, because however much I love Ralph, I wouldn’t be me without you.’
‘Really?’
‘Absolutely, always, forever, infinitely.’
‘I’m a cow aren’t I?’
‘Yes, but you’re my cow, Mary Pickles.’
Mary’s Diary
Dear Diary,
Ralph asked Dottie to marry him and instead of being happy for her I was angry, like really angry. She forgave me, she always does. Dottie is a better person that I am. I don’t like myself at the moment.
Mary Pickles (bad, bad, friend)
Aged eighteen.
Chapter Twenty-One
June was glorious. The days were long and warm. Ralph and I spent a lot of time down on the beach. We’d spread a blanket over the pebbles and just sit quietly watching the tide chasing pebbles and seaweed backwards and forwards over the stones. I used to lay back with my arms behind my head and close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my face and Ralph beside me.
