by Sarah Morgan
At first she looked surprised by the question and then she gave a little shrug. ‘Ridiculously perfect. He adores his children so much that he’s prepared to put them first and he actually enjoys spending time with them. He delights in their achievements and he wants to shield them from all harm.’ She sat back in her chair, her expression shifting from tense to dreamy. ‘And when I imagine him, he has this look in his eyes. Love, I suppose.’ She sounded so wistful that Jake felt an ache building deep inside him. Obviously she’d never known the deep, unconditional love of a parent.
‘So what would a psychologist say about your relationship with me?’
‘We don’t have a relationship.’
‘No?’ It gave him some satisfaction to see her drop the tissue. Her hand stilled.
‘Jake, I—’
‘I’m glad you told me because now I understand why you keep backing away. You don’t believe that I’ll be able to love your baby the way I love you. You don’t believe I can love unconditionally.’
‘You don’t love me. Please, stop saying that.’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘You can’t possibly love me.’
‘Why not? Because your stepfather didn’t love you? Because your mother didn’t stand up for you? That doesn’t make you unlovable, sweetheart, it just makes you unlucky. But luck can change and it’s time yours did.’
Her hands dropped and she turned to look at him. ‘Jake…’
Unable to help himself, he brought his mouth down on hers. Her lips, impossibly soft and sweet, parted under the insistent pressure of his. He felt the hot burn of arousal scorch his body but held himself back, not wanting to rush her, aware that she was still deeply upset and extremely vulnerable. If he’d stopped to think then he probably would have admitted to himself that it wasn’t the best time to kiss her, but somehow thinking seemed impossible. He slid a hand into her silky hair and kept the kiss gentle and exploratory. He tasted hesitation and fear. Sensed her reluctance. And then she slid her arms round his neck and kissed him back, her tongue touching his.
The kiss was mindless, endless, and then she pulled back slightly, her dark eyes clouded.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this.’
He stroked a hand over the smoothness of her cheek. ‘If you can give me one good reason why we should stop, I’ll give it my full consideration.’
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘That’s not a reason. You’ll have to do better than that.’ His lips brushed against hers and he felt her shiver of response.
‘My New Year’s resolution was to stop believing in romance.’ Her voice was breathy and feminine and slid over his nerve endings, increasing his arousal several notches.
‘New Year was weeks ago.’ He nibbled at her lower lip. ‘It’s time you broke your resolution.’
‘Jake…’ She groaned his name against his mouth and he felt aching, tearing claws of lust drag through his loins. He couldn’t remember feeling this desperate since he’d been a teenager and suddenly he felt his control slipping.
‘Come upstairs with me, Miranda.’ He stroked her hair away from her face and kissed her again. ‘Now.’
‘Yes.’ She rose to her feet and he scooped her up into his arms, ignoring her soft gasp of surprise and protest.
‘Put me down! You’ll slip a disc or something. I weigh a ton.’
‘You don’t weigh anything,’ Jake growled as he carried up the stairs to his bedroom. The curtains were open and moonlight shone through the windows, casting a gentle light over the room. ‘You should be heavier than this. You definitely need to eat more. I’m going to devote tomorrow to feeding you.’
Her arms tightened around his neck as he laid her in the centre of the bed. ‘What about tonight?’
‘That’s devoted to something else entirely.’ He came down next to her and brought his mouth down on hers, forcing himself to take it slowly. Part of him wanted to strip her naked and take her fast but he knew that she deserved so much more than that. She deserved to be well and truly loved. So he kept his mouth gentle and his hands slow.
He felt her body shift under his, felt the urgency of her own response and removed her top in a smooth movement. Her breasts were perfectly rounded and he lowered his head with a groan of masculine appreciation.
‘You’re so beautiful.’
‘I’m so fat.’
Even though he was aching and throbbing with need, her tiny plea for reassurance was so entirely feminine that it made him smile. ‘Sweetheart—do I need to tell you how much I want you?’
She lifted a hand to his face and there was uncertainty in her eyes. ‘Do you?’
‘Can’t you tell? I wanted you from the first moment I saw you sitting by that frozen lake. You looked at me and I was lost.’ He moved his body so that she could be left in no doubt as to his own state of arousal and dragged the tips of his fingers over her nipple.
She arched towards him, her mouth damp from his kisses, her dark hair tumbled around her shoulders. She was all woman and her beauty drove all words from his head.
He didn’t know how to tell her how he felt.
He only knew how to show her, so he lowered his head and his mouth touched first one breast, then the other. Then his tongue flickered out and he licked and teased before sucking her into the warmth of his mouth. He heard her soft gasp, felt her hands slide into his hair and grip.
He felt her body shift restlessly, felt the stroke of her leg against his, urging him on, but he discovered that he was no longer in a hurry. Who, in their right mind, would want to rush something so impossibly perfect?
He ignored her soft whimper and her searching hands and took his time, removing the rest of her clothes and his and then sliding his mouth down her silken skin, lingering on the curve of her abdomen before moving lower still to discover the heart of her.
He heard her faint gasp of protest turn to a moan of ecstasy as extended his voyage of discovery and pushed the boundaries of intimacy.
‘Jake, please…’ His name was a sob on her lips. ‘Please…’
He knew what she wanted—knew what she was asking for—but he wanted more from her, wanted to push her to the very edge of sanity, and he used his fingers and mouth to do exactly that, his own arousal heightened by her cries and the fierce reaction of her body as he pushed her through clouds of sexual excitement to a powerful climax that rocked her whole body.
Only when the violent spasms finally ceased did he slide up the bed and roll onto his back. He was so aroused he thought he might explode, and he lay for a moment, trying to focus on something other than Miranda. Trying to regain some semblance of control.
And she was silent, too, eyes closed, her lashes dark against her pale cheeks.
‘Miranda?’ Worried about the lengthy silence, he turned his head towards her. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I’m not sure.’ And then her eyes opened and she gave a slow, satisfied smile. Her gaze fixed on his, she slid a leg over him and then sat up, her cheeks flushed and her dark hair falling forward. ‘Is it OK to do this?’
There was a purposeful, seductive gleam in her dark eyes that he found intensely arousing. Dimly aware that she’d asked him a serious question, Jake sucked in a breath and forced himself to think like an obstetrician. ‘It’s fine,’ he groaned. ‘I’ll be gentle, I promise. Sweetheart, have I told you that you’re incredible? And beautiful?’
Despite the intimacy of their position, her smile was shy. ‘Do you need glasses?’
‘No, I need you.’ He slid his hands over her hips, positioned her carefully and felt the silken heat of her womanhood tease the tip of his arousal. Afraid that he might explode within seconds of entering her, he slowed the pace, controlling her movements, refusing to allow her the satisfaction she so clearly craved.
‘Jake—I need to…’ Her breathing shallow, she pushed his hands away impatiently and sank onto him, taking him deep inside her, destroying his plans to take her gently and carefully.
Heat exploded through
his sensitised body and he gave a harsh groan and opened his mouth to tell her to slow down, but she lowered her head and kissed him, her delicate tongue coaxing his into a dance every bit as intimate as the rest of their encounter.
Struggling to find his customary control, Jake tried to hold her hips but she grabbed his wrists and anchored them above his head, moving with a slow erotic rhythm that reduced his world to nothing but sensation.
Dimly he knew that this wasn’t how he’d intended it to happen. He’d intended to orchestrate the whole thing but somehow she’d taken the initiative.
Reluctantly her mouth left his and she sat up, her hair sliding over her bare shoulders as she moved over him with the smooth grace of a dancer. The heat in his loins reached intolerable levels and he tried to warn her that she really, really needed to slow down, but the only sound that came from his mouth was a hoarse groan of encouragement. Aware of her own soft cry of release, he felt her body spasm around his and he exploded inside her with propulsive force, driven past the point at which he might have been able to regain his slippery hold on control.
She woke to find him watching her.
‘Good morning.’ His voice was husky and deep and he leaned forward to deliver a lingering kiss to her mouth. ‘You slept well. I’m pleased. How are you feeling?’
Unsettled by the look in his eyes, she rolled onto her back. ‘Fine.’ Shy? Embarrassed? She thought of all the things she’d told him, the things they’d done…
‘Fine? Miranda, do not, for one moment, think that you’re going to be allowed to pretend that last night didn’t happen.’
‘I know it happened.’ How could she not, when the memories were still so clear in her head?
‘And do you also know that I love you?’ He spoke softly and then raised himself up on one arm and looked down at her with a gentle smile. ‘You’re beautiful and good and I want you to be my wife. And, just in case you think I say those words to all the girls, you ought to know that I’ve never said that to anyone in my life before now.’
His wife?
Her stomach dropped and she looked into those sexy blue eyes and wished that her life wasn’t filled with mountains to conquer. No matter how much she loved him, and she did love him, she’d never be able to say yes. She owed it to the baby to refuse him.
‘No, Jake.’
‘It isn’t difficult, Miranda. All you have to do is say you love me, too, and I know you do.’
He was so confident, she thought enviously. Not arrogant, just very sure of himself.
‘I care about you,’ she said finally, her voice slow and still slightly husky from sleep. ‘Of course I do. You’ve been an amazing friend to me, Jake.’
If she confessed that she loved him, there was no way he’d take no for an answer.
‘Friend?’ One dark brow lifted as he studied her face. ‘Last night had absolutely nothing to do with friendship, Miranda.’
‘Last night should never have happened. I was tired and emotional. I told you things that I’ve never shared with anyone and I probably shouldn’t have said it to you but…’ She tried to look away from him but he caught her chin in gentle fingers so that she was forced to look at him.
‘Are you saying that I took advantage of you?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m saying that I needed comfort and you—’ She broke off and he sighed.
‘Miranda, last night wasn’t about comfort. Comfort was the box of tissues and the hug I gave you in the kitchen. Comfort was the hot chocolate that you didn’t drink before you went to bed. What we shared last night had nothing whatsoever to do with comfort. It was hot sex and you know it.’
Memories heated her body and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to block it out and return to reality. The reality of her life. ‘For goodness’ sake, Jake—’
‘Stop right there.’ He put his fingers over her mouth. ‘If this is this is the part where you remind me that you’re pregnant, I don’t want to hear it. I haven’t forgotten that fact, angel. I love the fact that you’re pregnant and I’m waiting for you to say that you’ll marry me so that I can spend the next few weeks getting used to the idea of finally being a father. I’m aiming to be that ridiculously perfect dad that you’ve always dreamed about. I’m ready to adopt the baby as my own. I’m ready to love it as my own, if you’ll let me.’
Miranda lay there, staring temptation in the face. She loved him, she knew that without a doubt. She loved him for the man he was. But nothing changed the fact that she was having another man’s child.
And she, better than anyone, understood the implications of that.
‘It would always come between us,’ she whispered, ‘if not now, then later. He or she might be naughty and you’d be fed up.’
His mouth tightened and she saw a flash of anger in his eyes. ‘Let’s get one thing straight right now—I’m not your stepfather and I never will be. Neither am I the man who fathered your baby, which I’m actually glad about because he doesn’t sound like much of a human being. I love you, Miranda, and I love the baby, too, because it’s part of you. And that love is unconditional. Family life isn’t always smooth and doesn’t come with guarantees, I know that. And all children are naughty sometimes, that’s what childhood is all about. And I’m sure that sometimes I will get fed up because I’m human just like you, but I’m never going to regret being a father to the baby, I’m not going to bail out, if that’s what worries you, and I’m not going to hit anyone. Unless someone threatens a member of my family, that isn’t my style.’
She knew from the dangerous gleam in his eyes that he was thinking about her landlord and something shifted inside her. He’d defended her.
‘I know it seems simple to you, but I can’t risk it, Jake.’ She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, unable to watch the pain in his eyes. She told herself that she was doing them both a favour. She was saving three people from greater hurt. ‘We should never have done what we did last night because now our relationship is awkward. I’ll move out. I should have found somewhere long ago but it was so comfortable here and…’ And she’d loved being with Jake. She left the words unspoken and rose out of bed, determined to make it to the bathroom before she made a fool of herself.
She seemed to spend her entire life crying at the moment, she reflected as she bolted the door behind her and sank down onto the edge of the bath.
She was doing the right thing, she knew she was.
But if she was doing the right thing, why did it feel so hard?
CHAPTER TEN
OVER the next week or two, the weather grew colder still and Miranda found it impossible to feel anything but tired and miserable.
She thought she’d be relieved to give up work but once she did she found that she missed the friendship of her colleagues on the labour ward. She felt as though she’d made lifetime friends. For the first time in her life she felt as though she was home.
But home was becoming a touchy subject.
She couldn’t carry on living with Jake so she’d been desperately scouring the local paper for flats. She’d found one that would have been all right, but the landlord had said that it wasn’t available until the spring and she couldn’t wait that long. She needed somewhere now.
At this rate she was going to be living with Jake when the baby arrived, she thought as she trawled through the paper once again for possibilities.
Not that he made things awkward. On the contrary, he was extremely kind to her but somehow that just made it worse.
She was drinking coffee and summoning up the energy to go and see a small flat a mile away from Jake’s house when there was a knock on the door.
She opened it to find Christy standing there with a basket in her hand.
‘I’m playing Little Red Riding Hood,’ she said cheerfully, handing Miranda the basket and walking past her into the house. ‘I was baking with my daughter Katy this morning and we thought you might like some. I remember what it was like when I was almost due. I was starving hungry
but I couldn’t summon up the energy to cook anything. There’s bread, scones, some cheese from the deli and some chutney we made last summer from the apples in our garden.’
Miranda carried the basket through to the kitchen. ‘That’s really kind of you.’
‘Not that kind.’ Christy shrugged off her coat and dropped it over the chair. ‘I actually had an ulterior motive for coming here. Can I put the kettle on?’
‘Help yourself.’ Miranda put the basket on the table and looked at her warily. ‘What’s your ulterior motive?’
For a moment Christy didn’t answer and her back was towards Miranda so it was impossible to read her face. She filled the kettle and then she turned. ‘I’m worried about Jake.’
‘You’re worried about him?’ Miranda felt a vicious stab of fear. ‘Why? What’s happened?’
Christy frowned. ‘You’ve happened. He’s in love with you and I gather it isn’t reciprocated. He’s thoroughly miserable. Crotchety and short-tempered, thoroughly unlike our easygoing Jake. ‘
Miranda bit her lip. ‘I know he thinks he’s in love with me, but—’
‘If you’re suggesting that Jake doesn’t know his own mind, maybe you don’t understand him as well as you think you do. I could help you out there.’ Christy dipped her hand into the basket and helped herself to one of her own scones. ‘Jake knows exactly what he wants in life and he’s never wrong. He doesn’t change his mind about things. He knew almost from day one that he wanted to be an obstetrician and he was right. It’s the perfect specialty for him. And it’s the same with women. He doesn’t fall in love easily.’
‘He was in love with you.’
‘Yes.’ Christy’s voice was calm as she split the scone with a knife and spread each half with butter. ‘I think he was, for a short while. And that’s one of the biggest compliments I’ve ever been paid because Jake doesn’t fall in love easily so when he does, it’s a really big thing. And he’s in love with you.’
‘Maybe he is.’ Miranda sat down on the nearest chair. ‘But I’m having another man’s baby.’
