Fresh tears welled up in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Liana shook her head and slowly approached him. She gently pushed a strand of hair away from Sofia’s face and caressed her cheek. “My sweet baby,” she cried. “Why?”
“She saved us all, Mother,” Angel said and wrapped his arms around Liana. “She gave all of herself so that we would not perish.”
Liana pressed her lips together and nodded while tears streamed down her cheeks. She swallowed her pain and said, “Let’s prepare her to properly meet our Goddess.”
Ar’ch wanted to correct her; he wanted to tell her that she was not gone, that she only slept, but he could not bring himself to give Liana false hope, no matter how much he wanted to believe it himself. He took Sofia to her room and tenderly lay her on her bed. Then, he just stood there. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t leave her.
Sarah calmly touched his arm. “Mr. Ar’ch, Liana cannot prepare her while you are in the room. She deserves to keep her dignity, wouldn’t you agree, dear?”
He looked blankly at her; he couldn’t process her words. “I can’t leave her.”
Sarah smiled sadly. “Your love is always with her, dear, but Liana needs a bit of privacy to prepare her. Why don’t you and the others come join me downstairs so that I can look at your wounds?”
He looked at Sofia and nodded, though he wasn’t really listening to what Sarah was saying. Liana opened the closet and aimlessly looked through Sofia’s clothes. He thought back to Sofia’s first meeting with the Elders and her insistence of wearing color with her shoes. He recalled how much that little act of defiance had endeared her to him. “Red. Dress her in red.”
Liana stopped and turned toward him. “You know that we must meet our Goddess in white, Ar’ch.”
“She must have red. Adorn her feet in red,” he said. Then, realizing that he had spoken forcefully, he added, “Please.”
She sighed and nodded. “I do believe our Goddess will accept her with that slight modification. I will dress her with a touch of red. For you.”
Ar’ch felt the tears coming again. He swallowed and nodded his thanks before allowing Sarah to guide him out the door. After the door shut behind him, he looked up to see his entire family staring at him, their heartache etched on their faces. They were all hurting. They were all there to show their love and support, and yet he felt utterly alone.
-o-
“Now, let’s get the lot of you downstairs so that I can fix what needs fixing,” Sarah said and shooed them toward the elevator. At everyone’s hesitation, she added, “There is nothing more any of you can do here. Unless you want to be unpresentable for Sofia’s celebration of life, I highly recommend that you listen to me.”
When Ar’ch numbly followed Sarah, Rafe went with them. He did not want to leave Sofia’s room, but he knew that if Ar’ch left, then he had no reason to stay. He couldn’t believe that both his father and sister were dead. How did everything go so terribly wrong? He should have been able to do something to save them.
He felt Angel next to him. “It’s not your fault, Rafe,” he whispered.
He knew that Angel sensed his guilt. He couldn’t even be angry at him for intruding on his emotions because the truth was that he did feel guilty. He had abandoned and betrayed his father by rescuing Sofia and taking her to the Diasodz. Maybe if he had spoken to his father and asked for his help, the two of them could have saved her and defeated Damiana without the need for war. Maybe then, they would both still be alive.
“Rafe,” Angel repeated. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”
“Yes, I can,” he said, walking more slowly and letting the others go ahead of them.
Sarah and the others entered the elevator and looked expectantly at the two of them. Angel said, “Go on without us. We will meet you there in a minute.”
The elevator door closed, and Rafe exhaled, his shoulders slumping forward now that he no longer needed to appear strong. There was no need for pretense with Angel. And if he took a moment to look inward, he would have realized that he wanted to confide in him; he needed his help to process the turmoil growing within.
“Talk to me, Rafe,” Angel pleaded.
He ran his hand through his hair, despite the dried blood and ash and sweat that decorated it. “Maybe if I would have made better choices, they would still be alive. I should have confided more in my father. I should have…”
Angel shook his head. “Rafe, you chose not to confide in him because your heart already knew that he would stop you. You knew that he would never allow you to turn Sofia over to us.”
“But maybe I wouldn’t have had to! Maybe my father and I could have saved her, and the three of us could have turned against Damiana and defeated her.”
Angel pressed his lips together. “Sofia never would have agreed to work with Drake, Rafe. She would never agree to work with someone who was against our Goddess.”
“Well, maybe Sofia and I could have shown Drake another way!” he yelled.
Angel shrugged his shoulders. “Do you remember when you first came to us?” Rafe gave him a blank look, not wanting to acknowledge what he knew he would say. “You were desperate to help save Sofia. You also hated Diasodz completely because you were led to believe that we were evil. That was the Rafe that would have asked his father for help, and that Rafe did not believe in saving the Diasodz. You would have tried to convince Sofia that she was wrong about us, and she would have fought you. Your father would have still called for war, and Sofia would still have had to make a choice. What choice do you think she would have made?”
Rafe clenched his teeth together and breathed deeply through his nose. He knew that his eyes showed the anger that he felt, but he had no reason to hide it from Angel. He hated that Angel had a point, and he didn’t want to admit it because he needed someone to blame for his losses.
When he didn’t answer, Angel continued, “Sofia would have chosen the Goddess, Rafe. You know this. And unfortunately, that choice would have led to the same outcome. It is not your fault.”
“But maybe my father would still be alive,” he said, trying to hold on to some form of self-punishment.
“Maybe,” Angel said, “and maybe not. I know you loved him, and his last choice in life showed his love for both you and Sofia. And for that, I am sorry that you have lost him, but that is not your fault. You tried to get him to call off the war, and he refused. He, and he alone, is responsible for this outcome. Please, you need to stop blaming yourself. Let go of the guilt and just feel the loss.”
Rafe shook his head rapidly while tears formed in his eyes. “No,” he said, through clenched teeth. He tried so hard to hold on to his anger because the pain of losing them was too much to bear. He squared his shoulders and balled his fists. “I can’t.” He looked at Angel with another hopeful thought. “What if Sofia is still alive? What if she just had her death day like I did? Maybe she just passed out. It’s possible, right?”
Angel pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Sofia didn’t just pass out, Rafe. She took all her life energy and sent it away from her body and soul. She should not have even had that kind of life energy because she was human, but she did, and she used it all up in her human shell. The chances of her having passed out into her death day the way you did…”
He didn’t finish the sentence; he didn’t have to. Rafe knew it had been wishful thinking, but he just couldn’t accept that she was gone forever. He swallowed hard and shook his head, tensing his body in an effort to hold his emotions together.
Angel hesitantly took a step closer to him, who stood as still as a statue. Angel’s eyes pleaded with him to trust him. “Rafe, let go. I lost her, too, and I am also hurting. Let go of your anger and guilt. Let us grieve together. Please.”
He swallowed his last attempt to appear strong. When Angel opened his arms and ever so slowly wrapped them around him, he crumbled apart. The love and acceptance that Angel offered him proved to be too much, and he
did not have the energy or desire to push him away. He wrapped his arms around Angel and felt his hesitation dissolve.
“I’m here,” Angel whispered while he cried into his shoulder.
Angel sniffled, and he knew that he was crying as well, so he held on tighter. He lost track of how long they stood there in each other’s comforting arms, but when they mutually pulled apart, Rafe felt a bit of his burden released.
He cleared his throat and licked his lips. He wiped his cheeks of his remaining tears and nodded to Angel. “Thank you,” he said and stretched his neck. A part of him thought that he should feel uncomfortable, but he realized that it was quite the opposite; he felt relieved and cared for.
“Thank you,” Angel said, and he nodded, realizing that Angel needed him as much as he needed Angel. Angel gave a cursory look over his body, focusing on the gash above his eye brow. “Your cuts aren’t too deep. Why don’t I seal them up for you so that you can go shower and change? I don’t see any reason for you to get in line downstairs.”
He nodded, grateful that he wouldn’t have to see Ar’ch’s agony right then. Angel touched first the cut on his arm, then the one on his chest, and then the cut above his brow. His blood coagulated around his cuts and healed from within. “Wow,” he said, unable to hide his admiration for Angel’s ability. “Thank you.”
Angel smiled and his eyes showed a little life again. “I’m blessed to be able to help. I should get downstairs to help Sarah with the rest of them.”
“Yeah, I’m sure she could use your skill,” he said. As Angel turned to leave, he asked, “Hey, Angel. Do you think they would allow me to make Sofia’s viewing bed or casket or whatever you call it?”
“I think that is a wonderful idea! I will let the others know.”
Rafe inhaled with pride. “I’ll be at the willow tree after I shower.”
Angel nodded and headed downstairs. With renewed energy, he went to his room and showered. When he had finished, he teleported to the silver willow tree. He felt a pang in his heart as he remembered how much Sofia loved her willow trees. Now, it made perfect sense to him. The willow needed all the elements for its survival, just like Sofia had needed all of them to strengthen her, except she didn’t survive.
She had taxed her human body to the breaking point, and it hadn’t been able to withstand the Diasodz power within her. He felt his chest tighten, and he bent over to try to focus on his breathing. She was really gone, and there had been nothing he could have done to save her. He had lost his best friend. She knew everything about him, down to his thoughts and feelings, even when he didn’t know them himself. She was his confidant, and now she would never hear his thoughts again.
She was also the sister he had always wanted but never knew he had. He hadn’t had enough time with her, and he wanted her back so desperately. Why did she have to leave him? How was he supposed to keep living without her encouragement and her laughter and her unfaltering belief in him? He doubted that he had the strength to say goodbye to her. He took a deep breath and focused on his love for her. She was gone, but he’d make sure that she knew how much he loved her by making the most precious bed to honor her.
He knew exactly how he wanted to make her resting place. He found a spot just slightly in front of the willow tree, facing the lake. He closed his eyes and took a few cleansing breaths. Then, he inwardly opened himself to share his love for Sofia with his connection to the earth. He then asked for its assistance in making her the most beautiful bed for her transition to the Goddess.
Immediately, the earth responded. Roots and vines began to twirl together to form an intricate foundation. It continued to form until it reached his waist. Then, Chinese wisteria bloomed in a delicate pattern around the edges. It was lovely, but it still missed something special.
The resting bed looked uncomfortable, with its twisted knots of vine and wood. He knew that Sofia would not feel it, but he still couldn’t bear the thought of her lying on something so bumpy. As soon as he finished the thought, the silver willow tree’s branches began swaying in his direction. He walked over to them and allowed the branches to caress against his skin. They were velvety soft and just perfect. When he embraced the branches, the willow tree detached those that he held.
He lay them upon the resting bed and smiled. Sofia would look exquisite lying on this bed, and he knew in his heart that she would be happy with her resting place. He smiled and sighed. He thanked the earth and the willow tree for honoring his fallen sister, and then he sent a silent prayer to the Goddess for gifting him with the ability to honor her so perfectly.
His eyes grew wide with the realization that he had just prayed to the Goddess for the first time. That moment made him realize that he did not hold the anger and resentment that his father had held for so many years. Though Rafe could easily have chosen to blame the Goddess for allowing both his sister and his father to die, he didn’t blame Her at all. Instead, he felt at peace with Her, even grateful for the gift She had given him.
Rafe looked at the willow tree, the lake, and the sky and smiled. He smiled until it reached his heart, because somewhere out there, his sister’s spirit was telling him, “Told you so.”
Chapter Forty
Drake opened his eyes to find himself surrounded by white nothingness. He tried to recall how he had gotten there. His last memory was of jumping in front of Damiana’s stream of electricity that was directed at his children. Drake jumped up from the floor and frantically looked around. Where was he? What had happened to his children? He needed to find them and make sure they were safe.
“Be at peace, child,” said a silky, smooth voice. It was, by far, the most elegant voice he had ever heard, but he didn’t care.
“Where am I? Where are my children?” he demanded.
“Be at peace, child,” the musical, female voice repeated.
“I am not your child! Now, show yourself and answer me!”
Before him stood a stunning, ethereal being. He couldn’t physically see Her beauty because Her form was ever-changing, but each version appeared more enthralling than the next. Her essence held beauty and love and compassion; it was too much for him to embrace, so he looked away.
“I am not your child,” he said, this time with less conviction.
“Oh, but you are, Drake. From the moment you were created, you have been mine, even when you turned away from me,” the Goddess said.
He defiantly laughed. “I turned away from you? How dare you! It was you who abandoned me. Where were you when my parents were dying? Where were you when those murderers were trying to find and kill me?”
“I was there, Drake. Despite your parents having turned away from my love, I was still there because I am love. Your mother’s love for you was where I resided. It was I who told her how to create that hideout. It was I who kept the door invisible while the murderers tried to find you. It was I who kept you safe.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You abandoned me. Lucifer protected me.”
He felt the Goddess sigh, and though he could not see Her clearly, he felt Her shoulders sag. “You were already protected before Lucifer showed himself to you, Drake. You simply made a choice to trust the darkness over love.”
He stumbled backward, shaking his head. No, it couldn’t be true. She hadn’t been there. She couldn’t have been there because that would mean that he had spent his entire life fighting on the wrong side. She was lying to him, but if that were true, why was he there?
It was now obvious to him that he had not survived Damiana’s attack, so if he were dead, where was Lucifer? Shouldn’t Lucifer be greeting him? Was this his punishment for going against Damiana?
“You’re lying!” he screamed, panic starting to override his other emotions.
He felt Her shake her head. “I can only speak the truth, my child.” He felt her extend a piece of her, perhaps her arm, toward him. Before he could pull away, She touched his mind and said, “Remember.”
He transported back in
time to when he was a terrified child, hiding in the secret compartment. He could hear the men opening the cabinets and slamming them shut in frustration. He had held his breath, certain that if he even exhaled, one of the men would hear him and find him. He knew that they were right outside of his hideaway and yet not one of them opened the passage to his secret room.
Opening his eyes, he looked at the Goddess and felt his resolve crumble. Knowing what he knew now, those men should have easily been able to locate him, but they had not. They had not seen the door that was right in front of them. The Goddess had been there, and he had turned away from Her.
Drake turned away in shame. “Did you come here to gloat? Is that it? Am I here to be punished?”
He felt Her sadness. “No, child. You are here because of love. You have allowed anger and hatred to rule your life for so long that you have forgotten what love feels like, but that did not stop you from allowing love to work through you to save your children.”
He turned back to the Goddess, fear grabbing hold of him. “Sofia, Rafe. Are they safe?”
“See for yourself,” She said.
Below his feet, an opening appeared. He stepped back in fear that he would fall through before realizing that it was simply a window of sorts to the war below him. His son fought bravely and skillfully, and his heart filled with pride for the man that he had become. And then he found his daughter, and his heart caught in his throat.
She was so beautiful and so very brave. She stood there with her back straight and her head held high and looked Damiana straight in the eyes. He had so many regrets for how he had handled things with Sofia, and he wished more than anything that he could go back and make better choices, but he knew that he couldn’t.
He watched Damiana raise her hands to strike his daughter down, and he grabbed his still heart in fear. And then the most beautiful and heart-wrenching thing happened. Sofia raised her arms and expelled a brilliant light from her chest. All his Raizyns, demons, and deminions, including Damiana, vanished in an instant.
The One Awakened Page 27
