by Karen Rispin
I leapt to my feet, stretched out my arms, and yelled, "Thanks, God! Thaaa-ank youuuu Go-od!!"
My shout disappeared into the wide space like it had been swallowed. Cool, snowy air out of the vast space around me pressed against my cheeks. I'm on top of Lenana Peak! I thought. I was smiling so wide that my cheeks ached.
Uncle Paul's big laugh brought me back down to earth. "Amen!" he said, still chuckling. A swirl of snow wrapped around us.
"We'd better get down off here before we can't see where we're going."
I turned back for one more look as we started down.
"Come on, Anika, move it. We've got to get out of this snow," Uncle Paul called. "Let's go tell your mom you made it all the way. Besides, we need to get started so we can make it back to the lodge before dark tonight."
The thought of Mom made me frown for a second, but not for long. In fact, before we'd gone very far I had myself almost convinced that the whole thing with Rick would turn out to be a big mistake—that it was all just something God did to help me get up the mountain. I couldn't stop grinning. I'd actually made it to the top of Lenana Peak.
"All right!" I yelled, watching Uncle Paul. We were back down at the top of the scree. It was still cloudy out, but the snow had stopped. Without saying a word he'd looked back at me, grinning, then taken a huge leap into space. He hit the scree about thirty feet down the steep hill, spraying gravel in all directions. He skidded to a stop, then turned and waved his arm at me to come on.
That's when I yelled. It looked like fun! I took two running steps and leaped. Wheee! I sailed way downhill over the scree and then hit, skidding on my behind, in a little avalanche of gravel. It was fun!
I hadn't gone as far as Uncle Paul. He looked up at me, grinning through his red beard.
"Just make sure you land so you don't fall forward onto your face," he called, then he leaped again.
I scrambled to my feet and followed. He waited, but it took me two more jumps to catch up because his jumps were so much longer.
"This is great!" I said, laughing. "I thought scree was almost the worst, but it's the best part coming down."
The distance seemed a lot shorter coming down than going up. Before long we were walking through the tough clumps of grass above camp.
"Anika! Anika! Did you make it?"
It was Lisa, coming up the path to us. I laughed and ran toward her. She grabbed my arm and swung me around.
"Well?" she asked, grinning.
"Yes!" I yelled. "Yes! God helped me make it all the way!"
"Way to go!" she yelled, and we spun around, laughing. "Come on, they're waiting for you with lunch."
"Good, I'm starved," Uncle Paul said right behind us. We started walking again, and he asked, "Lisa, how's your dad?"
"Oh, he's OK now. He's still got a headache, but he said it isn't as bad as it was." She paused and turned to face me. "Anika, there's this guy—you know—the one that kept bugging us. Well, he's with your mom. He came, and she left with him. It was really weird."
I stopped dead, feeling like I was choking. Then I shook my head. I was fed up with being scared and worried.
"Where are they?" I demanded. I was going to clear this up once and for all. Besides, I wanted to tell Mom I'd made it to the top.
Lisa pointed. Three people were walking down by the creek. Sandy's with them! I thought, and I headed off at a trot towards them.
"What's going on?" Lisa yelled after me.
I shrugged and kept going. Usually I would have yelled to Mom and Sandy that I'd made it, but suddenly I was scared. What was Rick doing with them? I dropped to a walk.
Mom looked up and saw me coming just before I got to them, and she gave me a big smile.
"Anika! You're back!"
"Did you make it all the way?" Sandy blurted. "Rick said you were almost there."
Rick said! I thought, and I looked at him uneasily. He was smiling and standing very close to Mom. I ducked my head away from him.
"Well?" Mom asked.
"I did, right to the top!" Saying that made me feel better. I had made it!
Mom grabbed me and hugged me. "Congratulations, my gig birl." I laughed and hugged her back for a second, then pulled away.
Sandy was jumping up and down, saying, "You did it! You did it!"
Rick thumped me on the arm. "I knew you could do it, Sis!"
"I am not your sister," I yelled.
There was a dead silence. Rick looked like I'd hit him.
"Yes," Sandy whispered. "Mom said."
"No!" I yelled. "It's a mistake!"
"Anika," Mom said in a quiet voice. "Rick is your half brother. I was trying to tell you last night."
"How do you know it's him?" I said, spinning to glare at Rick again. He and Sandy were next to each other. They both had exactly the same blank, upset look on their face. Their eyes were even the same color.
I turned and ran. I just went straight ahead, not thinking about where I was going. I wanted out of there. In a minute I was stumbling and gasping with tiredness and lack of air. I dropped to a walk, but kept going.
"Aniiika! Aniiika! Stop!" I could hear Mom yelling. Sandy was yelling at me to stop too.
"No," I whispered walking fast with my head down. "No!" I shook my head. My mind was totally empty, all stirred up and empty, except for that one word, "No!"
I went over the lip of a ridge and doubled back along the top in case someone was chasing me. My legs ached. I collapsed into the grass at the base of a giant groundsel and gasped for breath. After a second I sat up and began watching the way I'd come to see if anyone would follow me.
Gradually my head started to clear. Mom had said Rick was her kid.… That meant that she had gotten pregnant before she got married. My mom had really done that. I shook my head.
Just then I saw movement along the top of the ridge. I lay flat against the base of the groundsel. The grass was wet and wiry against my face.
Uncle Paul came over the ridge about fifty yards from me. He stood still, looking, scanning the grass.
I froze. I was not ready to go back yet. Couldn't they leave me alone for a bit?
Lisa came over the ridge next to him. I could see her talking to him, but it was too windy to hear what they were saying. They split up and walked different directions along the top of the ridge. Lisa came towards me.
"Anika!" she called. "Aaanika!"
Part of me wanted to answer her, but if I did, I'd have to face Mom and everything. I pressed myself lower in the grass. She got close enough I could hear her footsteps. Suddenly she stopped.
"Anika?" she said. I could hear her coming closer really fast. She'd seen me! What if she yelled for Uncle Paul?
I sat up and frantically shushed her, and motioned her to get down. She gave me a funny look, but she came over and got down beside me.
"What's wrong with you?" she whispered.
I just shook my head. It was too hard to say right out like that. I was glad Lisa had found me, if only she wouldn't tell.
It was like she was reading my mind because she said, "I'll have to tell them I found you. Running away doesn't work, remember?"
I nodded, remembering chasing after my cousin Tianna when she'd run away from boarding school.
We were both quiet for a second, then she said, "Dad's going to start looking for me in a minute."
"Look," I blurted. "I'm not really trying to run away. I just want time to think. Mom just told me that Rick is her kid."
There. I'd said it. It was out. Lisa's reaction didn't help. She stared at me with her mouth open, then squeaked, "Her kid!"
I nodded. What Lisa said next took me by surprise.
"Wow, that'll make people talk. I wonder if they'll still let her be a missionary with an illegitimate kid. Does your dad know?"
I hadn't been thinking of anybody but me. That was the first time I even thought about how Mom felt—about people talking about her. Suddenly the times I'd heard her crying came back to me, and what sh
e'd said about worrying about Sandy and me. I felt hollow and sick. I didn't want Mom hurt. Suddenly I loved her so much. How could Rick do this to her?
"Yeah, Daddy knows," I said slowly.
"Then that's—uh-oh, there's Uncle Paul," Lisa said suddenly, interrupting herself.
I grabbed her. "Don't you dare tell!"
"He's going to find us in a minute anyway."
"Please? Really, I'm not running away."
She nodded. Then she put her hand on mine where I had hold of her arm. "It will be OK. God is strong enough for anything, remember? He got you to the top of the mountain, didn't he?"
My eyes stung like I was going to cry. Lisa got up and walked out from behind the groundsel.
After Lisa left I thought about her going back to the others. I realized I was very, very hungry and thirsty. All of a sudden I wanted to run after her, to go back with her. But if I went back everyone would look at me. It would be horrible. They would ask questions. Lisa was right; running away made things worse. I felt stupid—stupid and confused. I sat up and hugged my knees. The buckle on my fanny pack dug into my stomach. I fingered it absently, then my eyes opened wide.
I had food and water! Quickly I felt for my canteen, took it off my belt, and drank. Wow, that tasted good, but there were only about three swallows left. I took the last gulp and wiped off a drip that ran down my chin. There were still about six little boxes of raisins in my fanny pack. I fished one out.
Gradually a wild idea was taking shape in my head. I could go on down the mountain and find Daddy. That way I wouldn't have to face everybody by myself. Daddy would be with me. I could do it. We were planning to hike back to the lodge today, anyway. I'd just take a head start! I'd fill my canteen in the creek. I could talk to Daddy about everything. He'd understand.
I moved to the top of the ridge and lay so only my head stuck over. I could see the camp, and the creek, and the path. If I was careful to stay on the path, I could easily get down by myself. The trouble was there was no way I could get to the creek where it crossed the path without going almost into camp. I frowned. I'd just have to wait for water.
If I stayed on the back side of the ridge until I got to where the path came over, nobody could see me. I backed off the top of the ridge and started down.
It was easier to walk once I got to the path, but I didn't feel easy in myself. I fished another box of raisins out of my fanny pack and pried it open. Would Lisa tell? She didn't know that I'd started down. I could get in big trouble.
The sweet, sticky raisins made me thirstier. I pried the last raisins off the bottom of the box and walked faster, frowning. I had to somehow tell the others what I was doing without going back. I glanced at the raisin box in my hand. It was sticky, but it would be OK for writing a note on—if I had something to write with.
I kept going, looking uneasily over my shoulder. It would be so embarrassing if the others caught up now, especially having Rick look at me.
Way down, coming around a corner towards me, were three other people. That was it! I'd get them to tell the others what I was doing. That way, maybe Mom wouldn't be too mad.
It didn't take me long to get to the people. They were three big, blond men with walking sticks and big boots. They were walking one behind the other, in step.
"Hi!" I called, coming towards them. The front one nodded at me. They kept walking. I stopped to wait for them, figuring they'd stop when they got to me. They didn't even pause.
"Um, please, could you help me?" I asked, walking along beside them. Their faces looked tired. The first man seemed to be counting under his breath. He called out something, and all the men stopped exactly together like they were soldiers.
"Now," he said in a deep, heavily accented voice, "how can I help you?"
"Um, my mom and the people I came with are still at Teleki Valley camp. Could you tell them I'm OK, and I'm going down?" It sounded dumb, even to me.
"By yourself?" one of the other men asked.
I looked at him and gave a quick nod. "I have to."
"You have to?" he asked fiercely. Suddenly they all looked about eight feet tall. They were going to make me go with them!
I spun to run off.
"Girl!" the first man called. "How will we know who to tell?"
I stopped and looked back up at them and called, "Look for a man with a big red beard."
They nodded, and the second man asked, "How far to Teleki camp?"
"You're almost there," I called back.
"Danke!" he said, and they all waved. I looked up at them, thinking that they were nice after all. The first man made a motion, the others got into step, and off they went. They looked like a huge six-legged insect all in step like that. I smiled and turned to go down.
I still felt scared about going down on my own. But it wasn't until it started raining that I realized I didn't even have my pack. I sucked in my breath. I'd forgotten all about it. How would Mom and them get an extra pack down?
"Well I'm not going back for it now!" I said to myself, scrambling around a puddle in the path.
I looked up at the sky, squinting against the fine rain. At least it wasn't raining really hard, and I had my jacket. I pulled the hood up over my head. Even without the poncho, I'll be OK, I thought, hoping that I was right.
I couldn't stop thinking about Rick. I'd always kind of wanted a brother, but not this way. He probably wasn't even a Christian. Mom had said it could wreck our family. What did she mean?
I stopped dead, jarring my sore heel, and squeaked right out loud, "Me? Acting like this?" I shook my head and licked the rainwater off my top lip. Could I wreck our family? I felt sick inside.
My hands were freezing from being wet. I dug my mittens out of my pockets.
"It's not my fault. It's Rick's!" I hissed through my teeth. "It is!"
Going down was harder than I thought it would be at first; way harder. I kept reminding myself that at least it was quicker going down than going up. My knees and thighs ached horribly from stopping myself to keep from going too fast. The blister on the back of my foot burned, and my toes hurt from hitting the end of my boots. I was sweating inside my jacket even though my face, hands, and legs were cold and wet.
I wanted to stop, just stop and rest. But I was afraid to have the others catch up because I couldn't keep going. Talk about humiliating! That fear was like a hand pushing me faster and faster.
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Chapter Ten
I clenched my teeth. I'd made it up the mountain. I could make it down! I was not going to wait and have the others catch up to me.
I stumbled and banged my sore heel on a rock.
"Ow!" I gasped, hopping on the other foot. A rock turned under my foot, and I fell down.
I sucked air through clenched teeth and held my sore foot. That's when I remembered that I hadn't made it up alone. Like those verses in Ephesians had said, God had helped me. I squirmed and got up, forcing myself not to limp. I didn't feel right about asking for God's help now. It was like my anger against Rick was in the way.
"Why did he have to show up, anyway?" I whispered furiously. "Why couldn't he just leave us alone?"
Now that I'd remembered those verses, it was like God was butting into my head. One part especially kept bugging me. The part that said, "I pray that your life will be strong in love and be built on love."
I shook my head furiously. I would not love Rick! He was barging his way into my family. I pictured Mom walking with him, Sandy and Mom and Rick walking together. My eyes stung with tears.
I frowned and walked faster. I just had to find Daddy. He'd understand. In a hurry, I lunged over an extra-big clump of grass and fell hard. My sore heel hit a rock. Waves of pain shot up my leg. I gasped and grabbed my leg. Gradually the pain went down to a bearable level.
"This is crazy," I gasped and yanked on my boot. Wow! That hurt. I gritted my teeth and pulled harder. Gradually the boot slid off. I sat there letting the pain go down again, sta
ring at my foot. My sock was bloody, right from my ankle to halfway down my foot. Gingerly I pulled the sock off, gritting my teeth when it stuck to my heel.
Gross! The whole back of my heel had no skin on it. Mom's bandage was all wadded up and stuck to my sock. There was absolutely no way I was going to put that boot back on. Even thinking about it made me cringe.
I looked around uneasily. There was no one in sight on the gray, rainy moorland. Already there were giant heather trees around.
I must be almost back down to the road, I thought. Well, I'll just have to go barefoot. I yanked off my other boot and sock, and started down again. My feet were tough—I mean, I went barefoot a lot. But this was different. Those gray rocks in the grass had sharp, jagged edges. The grass was wet, cold, and slippery.
The boots were hard to hang on to. I kept looking up the path to see if the others were catching up to me. Every time a blade of grass touched the back of my heel it stung like blazes.
Cold, gritty mud oozed between my toes. I stepped carefully around rocks and huge clumps of grass. My feet were freezing. It started raining harder. My jacket was like a heavy, wet, cold hand across my shoulders. I dropped one of my boots for about the tenth time.
I hurled the other boot down and stood there shivering. Nothing was going right! What if Daddy scolded me for running off? He probably would. He was always on Mom's side.
I glared at those stupid boots and blurted out, "I don't care what they say! I'm not carrying them any more."
I started down again, going as fast as I could. My jaw muscles ached from clenching my teeth to keep them from chattering. It started to pour. Even with my hood on, rain dripped off my bangs and into my eyes. I was so thirsty I kept licking the water off my lip.
"Hey, kid!" The voice sounded thin. It was coming from uphill. I spun to look, squinting through the rain.
Rick? Was that Rick? It was hard to tell for sure because he was still pretty far away, and it was raining so hard. I didn't wait to find out. I put my head down and ran.
Whack! I caught my foot on a tangle of tough grass and fell. Scrambling up, I skidded in the slick mud and fell again. My heel was still killing me.
