by Jillian Dodd
Cush turns and looks at me. “I think you should rent out The Side Door. That place we go dancing. Get your friend to DJ, bring in some food. Invite everybody. It would rock.”
“Is that the club you go to on Thursday nights?”
“Yeah, it’s really fun. Huge. But I think for my birthday, I might just want something small. Maybe a nice dinner with the family or something.”
“What’s wrong with you lately?” Kym says. “Most girls would kill for a party like this. I’m talking dancing, rap stars, everyone cool from your school. You’re young. You’re beautiful. We need to introduce you to society.”
“You gonna marry me off for some beach property and a herd of sheep?”
“Aren’t you just hilarious? Come on, think big. What would you want?”
Cush says to Kym, “She’s having some trouble with Vanessa right now.” He turns to me. “Think about it, Keatyn. That place is huge. You wouldn’t have to invite just the popular people. You could be nice and invite everyone.”
“That’s true. I could. You’re brilliant.” I lean over and give him a kiss.
“I don’t have a man in my life right now,” Kym says flatly. “Or even a hot fling. So do not sit there and kiss in front of me. It makes me feel old.”
Cush and I stop kissing and laugh.
“You’re leaving for Grandma and Grandpa’s tomorrow, aren’t you?” Kym asks.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to see them. Their ranch is so fun. Grandma is going to teach me how to make homemade pies this year. You know, Kym, Grandma says the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Maybe you need to learn to bake.”
Kym shakes her head. “If you ever see me baking for a man, promise you will hold an intervention and send me to rehab or something, because it will mean I’ve finally lost my mind.”
Wednesday, June 1st
Picture of your world.
9:50pm
Tomorrow night I’m going back home. I’ve had a great time relaxing at my grandparents’ ranch in East Texas.
Although, relaxing is definitely the wrong word.
When I’m here, I work all day long. Feeding the horses. Riding the horses. Brushing the horses. Helping Grandma cook. Hanging the sheets to dry on the clothesline outside. Grandma’s sheets smell so good. I wish I could bottle the scent and take it home with me.
Grandpa and I are sitting on the front porch drinking spiked lemonade. Grandpa says spiked lemonade is good for the soul.
“Sometimes it’s hard being the daughter of someone famous,” I tell him. I’ve been thinking a lot about friends lately. Damian’s off in Europe. Brooklyn isn’t speaking to me. Vanessa and RiAnne haven’t spoken to me either. I wanted to make a point. I wanted to show them that I was serious about wanting to be nicer to people. I wanted them to know I was fed up with them and the way they were behaving. And in the process, I behaved worse than they ever have. If it weren’t for Cush, I wouldn’t even want to go back to school. Honestly, having a tutor sounds pretty good right now.
Grandpa sips on his lemonade and looks out over his land. When he sets his glass down and starts rocking in his chair again, he says, “You need to get a bigger picture of your world.”
“What do you mean? I have a big picture of the world. I’ve traveled the world since I was a kid.”
Grandpa shakes his head. “Well, hotshot, just cause you’ve traveled the world, doesn’t mean you know jack shit about your world.”
“My world? I’m living in my world. I don’t get it.”
“At some point in their life, every person has to strike out on their own. I was on my own at sixteen, working cattle fields in Wichita, and then on oil rigs. I was my own man. You’re beginning on your journey of becoming who you’re going to be. You’re fixing to strike out on your own. You want to stop being Abby Johnston’s daughter and start being yourself? Stop bitching about it and do it.”
“That’s pretty deep for an old cowboy,” I tease.
He gets up, ruffles my hair — which is Grandpa-speak for I love you — and tells me it’s time to hit the hay.
Friday, June 3rd
A little naughty.
10am
Back at home, I’m still unpacking when Cush rings the doorbell. The girls and Nanny are at dance class, so I’m the only one home. I open the door, and Cush rushes in. He picks me up, throws me over his shoulder, runs into my room, throws me on the bed, and attacks my face with kisses.
“Dang, what’s my greeting going to be like after I’ve been away in France for three weeks?”
Cush grins at me. “What can I say? I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“You ready to go?”
“Yeah.” I grab my bag. We decided to go back to his house, where we’ll have total privacy. We’re going to hang by the pool and order in dinner.
On the drive over, he says, “Did I tell you I’m having a party tomorrow night? Remember I promised the soccer team one to celebrate our season and to thank them for making me team captain?”
A party?
A party where Cush will have girls all over him.
“So you want to break up with me?”
“What? No? Why would I want to do that? I love you.” He grabs my hand and kisses it.
“I’ll be gone for three weeks, Cush. You’re the guy who has a different girl at every party.”
“If you’re worried about me cheating on you, don’t be. I’m crazy about you. No way I want to screw that up.”
I must not look convinced because he says, “Look at my phone.”
I read down a long list of girls that have texted him. Girls telling him how hot he is. Girls wanting to hook up. Hang out. And some are even much more descriptive in telling him all the sexual things they want to do to him.
His reply to them all makes me happy. He may not have been my dream guy, but he sure is behaving like a dream guy should.
Sorry, I have a girlfriend.
Some of the girls gave up quickly. A couple said, That sucks. He didn’t reply.
Others were more persistent, not really caring that he has a girlfriend. They tried to talk him into just hanging out. They told him they’ve missed him. Some even sent naked photos trying to prove their point.
To them, he replied again.
I have a girlfriend that I’m seriously in love with. Please don’t send me any more pictures.
It makes me feel happy.
When we get to his house, I push him onto the couch, plop on his lap, kiss him, and run my hands all over him. Basically got him all hot and bothered.
Then I decide to be a little naughty.
I get up, slowly strip off my skirt in front of him, and let it drop to the floor.
Then I run into the kitchen, strip off my shirt, and toss it on the floor.
“I like this game,” Cush yells from behind me.
“If I’m going to be gone for three weeks, I ought to make today memorable.”
I undo my bra in the game room, spin the strap around my finger, and let it fall to the ground.
He’s still on my tail.
I run out the glass doors to the deck, shedding my panties on the way, and slip into the pool being careful not to get my hair wet.
I’m floating on a raft completely naked when he bounds out the glass doors.
He grins really big and quickly strips off his clothes. Then he backs up, runs toward the pool, and does a big cannonball that completely drenches me.
I throw myself on him, like I’m mad at him.
But I’m not. I just want to kiss him. “Oh, now you’re in big trouble.”
“Speaking of big trouble,” he smirks, glancing downward at himself.
Saturday, June 4th
Whatever you want.
9:40pm
I’m on my way to the airport when I get a random text from Vanessa. We haven’t spoken or even texted since she promised to ruin me.
Vanessa: Heard you’re headed out of town. You really should stop by
Cush’s and say goodbye. He misses you.
Red flags fly and warning bells go off in my head. I’m immediately worried.
First off, what the hell is Vanessa even doing at Cush’s party? He’s only having the soccer team and their dates. Why is she there?
Secondly, if she wants me there, it’s for one reason. She was serious about ruining me. Which means she’s hooking up with Cush and wants me to see it.
She wants to crush me.
Part of me wants to ignore her text, but the other part of me has to know.
Despite all his reassurances, would Cush cheat on me? And with Vanessa? He claims to hate her. And I just spent the entire day with him. We got up late, went out for pancakes, and then hung out by the pool most of the day. He told me he’d never do anything to screw up our relationship.
That he loves me.
I decide not to text her back. I’ll just show up.
I tell the driver we need to make a quick stop on the way to the airport.
I walk in Cush’s front door. Vanessa is standing near the entry kissing on Alex.
This immediately confuses me. So I look for RiAnne. Maybe Vanessa got her to do the dirty work.
But then I spot her, sitting on the couch between two cute soccer players.
“Where’s Cush?” I say to Alex, purposely avoiding eye contact with Vanessa.
Vanessa says in a sickeningly sweet voice, “I think I saw him go up to his bedroom. He looked pretty messed up.”
Now that’s even weirder.
He locks his bedroom before every party, and he never gets drunk.
“Thanks,” I say.
I walk up the stairs, feeling like I’m walking into a trap.
I stand outside his door and listen.
My palms feel sweaty, my heart is pounding, and my stomach is tying itself in knots.
I mentally prepare myself for the worst and open the door.
And even though I thought I was prepared for the worst, I still can’t believe my eyes.
Cush is sitting in his desk chair. His shorts are down around his ankles, and Mandy is on her knees giving him head.
Now I know what Vanessa wanted me to see.
Part of me wants to close the door, walk out, leave the party, and never come back.
But I’m not really that kind of girl.
Vanessa thought I’d slink away into the darkness, and everyone would laugh about how Cush used me. They’d say how stupid I was.
I may not be able to control what he does, but I damn well can control how I react. I’m not letting them get away with it. If I’ve learned one thing from hanging out with Vanessa, it’s how to put on a happy face and hide my true feelings.
“Surprise!” I yell. “Thought I’d stop and say goodbye before I left town!”
Cush looks at me. “Key . . . ” He looks down at Mandy like he just realized she was there, and swats at her like she’s an annoying fly. “Get off me.” Then he looks back up at me and says, “I lob you.”
Mandy stops what she’s doing and shrugs her shoulders. “Sorry, Keatyn, I didn’t think you were going to be here.”
Meaning she’s not the least bit sorry.
I’m so pissed I can barely see straight. “GET OUT OF HERE!” I yell at her.
She holds up her hands. “Hey, it’s not my fault your boyfriend cheated on you before you even left town.”
Cush’s chin drops to his chest. What’s wrong with him? What did Vanessa say? That he was messed up. That doesn’t make sense. Cush never does drugs or gets drunk.
“What’s wrong with him? What did you do to him?” I ask the snake, Mandy.
She laughs. “I just put a little something in his drink to loosen him up.”
I take two big steps and pin her against Cush’s door.
“What did you give him?”
“Just some valium. He’ll be fine. He was loving it before you walked in.”
“How many?”
“I don’t know, three, maybe four.”
That bitch. She drugged him? And now she’s standing there looking all smug about it. Looking at her smug face, a fierce anger boils inside me. I back a step away from her then punch her right in the nose. Hard.
There’s a loud pop and blood starts cascading down her face. I grab her nasty blonde extensions, pull her out the door, and down the stairs.
“Stop it, that hurts,” she whines, but she has no choice but to follow me. I barely notice that she’s leaving a trail of blood behind us.
Vanessa is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. She says sweetly, “Anything I can do to help?”
I push the girl toward Vanessa and reply with the same sweetness. “Could you please take out the trash?”
I survey the partygoers, who have all turned to watch, and point to Alicia. This time, I use my bitch voice. The voice you use when you’re being polite to someone but totally slamming them right to their face. “And don’t forget Alicia over there. Alicia, honey, you better come help your friend. She seems to be bleeding.”
Alicia doesn’t move.
“Now!” Vanessa says. “Or do you want to bleed too?”
Alicia quickly gathers up their purses and leads Mandy toward the door. Mandy turns around and yells, “Fuck you.”
“No, thanks,” Vanessa says as she slams the door behind them.
I run back up the stairs. Cush hasn’t moved. He’s still sitting in his desk chair with his shorts down around his ankles.
“Cush, look at me.”
He looks up and smiles. “Keat-un, I lobe you.”
His pupils are so big I can barely see the color of his eyes.
“We need to fix your pants.”
He looks down, seems confused by the fact that he has on no pants, and nods vaguely.
“Stand up, okay? I’m going to help you.”
He stands up, and I pull up his shorts.
I realize I do need Vanessa. I can’t handle this shit alone. I thought I could make my own group. A group of people that would just be friends, not have hidden agendas. I thought Mandy was sweet.
I was very wrong.
Not only that. I feel like it’s my fault. My fault that Mandy did this to Cush. Like she was trying to prove something.
I grab a glass of water from his bathroom sink. “Try to drink this. I’ll be right back.”
I hurry back downstairs and see everyone has gone back to partying.
I find Vanessa sitting on Alexander’s lap.
She sees me, kisses Alex on the cheek, and says, “Give me just a minute” and pulls me aside. “Someone is always going to want what we have, Keatyn. It’s why I work so hard to protect it.”
I look around at the party and know she’s right. “I was nice to her.”
“Whatever you want, I’ll do. I know we’ve had our differences lately, but you’re my best friend.”
“Help me get everyone out of here.”
“Like end the party?”
“Yes. Now. She drugged him. I’m really worried.”
“And what about the girl? You gonna let her get away with that?”
“I’m pretty sure I broke her nose. I didn’t let her get away with it.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
I look into her eyes. I know what she means, and for the first time in our friendship, she’s asking me for permission.
I copy Vanessa’s stance. I stand up straighter, tilt my chin in the air, and nod my head. “Do it. Destroy her.”
“And Cush?”
“It’s not his fault.”
Vanessa pulls me into a hug,
RiAnne rushes over to us. “Ohmigawd, you two made up. I’m so happy. You have no idea how much stress this caused me. If I have wrinkles at thirty, it’s your fault.” She pulls us into a group hug.
“Turn around and face the crowd, ladies,” Vanessa says. “We have an audience.”
Vanessa and RiAnne get everyone out of the house while I get Cush into the limo. As soon
as everyone’s gone, I lock the house and set the alarm.
Then I call James.
“Where are you?” he asks. “You should be in the air by now.”
“Slight change of plans. Can you let the crew know that I have to reschedule?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Cush got drugged at a party. I stopped to say goodbye. I’m scared, James.”
“Are you taking him to the hospital?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Is he responsive?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you talk to him, does he respond?”
“Kinda, I got him to drink some water and walk out to the limo.”
“Okay, do you know what he took?”
“He didn’t take anything. Someone put valium in his beer. So he probably had two beers and three or four valium.”
“Bring him here. I’ll have our doctor come to the house to check him out.”
I sigh with relief. “Thank you. I didn’t know what to do.”
“You’re doing the right thing, honey. It’ll be okay.”
I hang up the phone and start crying. Today I was supposed to get away from it all. Instead, my boyfriend’s messed up, he cheated on me, and I’m pretty sure I just made a deal with the devil.
Cush leans his head on my shoulder.
I grab his hand and rub it. “It’ll be okay, Cush. You’re gonna be okay, and we’re gonna make her pay.”
Sunday, June 5th
My life is a mess.
Noon
I stayed up all night to keep an eye on Cush.
To make sure he kept breathing.
To make sure he didn’t throw up in his sleep, suffocate, and die.
I was a nervous wreck. The doctor said he’d be okay but to keep a close eye on him.
Mostly I just sat next to him and cried.
I really don’t know how I got from I want to be popular to here.
My life is a mess.
And it’s all my fault.
I’ve been rocking the boat. Messing with Vanessa. Pretending my life is perfect when it’s not. And pretending that I’m over Brooklyn.
Which is not fair to Cush.
