“I met Aurora Lisle again today,” said Grania casually as she dried the plates.
Kathleen raised an eyebrow. “And was she out in her nightdress again, masquerading as a spirit?”
“No, she was fully clothed. She’s an odd little girl, isn’t she?”
“Well now, I wouldn’t know how she was.” Kathleen’s mouth was set in a firm, hard line.
“I said I might go up to her house and make some papier-mâché with her. She seems lonely,” Grania volunteered.
There was a pause before Kathleen said, “I’ve told you, Grania, warned you not to get involved with that family. But you’re a big girl now and I can’t stop you.”
“But, Mam, she’s simply a lonely, sweet little girl. She seems lost . . . she has no mother. Surely, it can’t do any harm to spend a couple of hours with her?”
“I’m not discussing it again with you, Grania. You’ve heard what I think and you have to make your own decisions. And that’s an end to it.”
The sound of the telephone ringing broke through the ensuing silence. Grania made no move to answer it, nor did her mother. On the seventh ring Kathleen put her hands on her hips. “You realize who that is, I’m sure.”
“No,” said Grania disingenuously, “Why should I, Mam? It could be anyone.”
“We both know who that is at this time of night, my girl, and I’m too embarrassed to be speaking to him again.”
The telephone continued to ring, the abrasive urgency of the sound in direct contrast with mother and daughter’s contrived stillness. Finally it stopped and the two women stared into the whites of each other’s eyes.
“I’ll not be having this, Grania, this rudeness under my roof. I’ve run out of things to say to him. What has that poor man done to you anyway, to deserve this kind of treatment? You’ve suffered a loss, but that’s hardly his fault, is it?”
“I’m sorry, Mam.” Grania shook her head. “But you just don’t understand.”
“Well, that’s the first thing you’ve said that I agree with. So why don’t you tell me?”
“Mam! Please! I can’t . . .” Grania wrung her hands in frustration. “I just can’t.”
“To my mind, Grania, that’s not good enough. Whatever’s happened is affecting everyone in the house and we all need to be put right on the situation. I—”
“It’s Matt, darlin’,” said her father as he strolled into the kitchen holding the phone. “We’ve had a nice chat, but I think it’s you he wants to speak to.” John grinned apologetically and offered her the handset.
Grania threw her father a killer stare and snatched the handset from him. She moved out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs toward her bedroom.
“Grania? Is that you?” The soft, familiar tones of Matt’s voice brought an immediate lump to her throat as she closed the door behind her and perched on the end of the bed.
“Matt, I asked you not to contact me.”
“I know you did, baby, but Jesus! I can’t figure out what’s going on. What have I done? Why have you left me?”
Grania ground her free hand into her jean-covered thigh to keep her calm.
“Grania? Are you still there, honey? Please, if you can explain what it is I’m meant to have done then perhaps I can defend myself.”
Still Grania did not answer.
“Grania, please, talk to me. This is Matt, the man who loves you. Who you’ve shared a life with for eight years. And I’m going insane here, not knowing why you’ve gone.”
Grania took a deep breath in. “Please don’t call me. I don’t want to speak to you. And it’s upsetting my parents, you bothering them every night.”
“Grania, please, I understand it was real hard on you losing the baby, but we can try again, surely? I love you, honey, and I’ll do anything to . . .”
“Good-bye, Matt.” Grania pressed the appropriate button to end the call, unable to hear any more. She sat where she was, staring unseeingly at the faded flowers on the wallpaper of her childhood bedroom. It was a pattern she had looked at night after night as she’d indulged in her girlish dreams of the future. In which her own Prince Charming would appear and carry her off to a life of perfect love. Matt had been all those things and more . . . she’d adored him from the first moment she’d set eyes upon him. And it had been a fairy tale.
Grania lay down on the bed and hugged her pillow. Now, her belief that love could conquer all—could leap over any boundary, reign victorious over any problem that life might present and emerge triumphant—was gone.
• • •
Matt Connelly slumped on to the sofa, his cell phone still resting in the palm of his hand.
In the past two weeks since Grania had upped and left, Matt had racked his brains to think of any reason why she should have gone. None was forthcoming. What could he do to solve this? Grania had made it blatantly clear that she currently wanted nothing to do with him . . . seriously, was their relationship over?
“Goddammit!” Matt hurled the cell phone across the room, watching the battery splay out of the back of it. Yes, he understood how devastated she was about the miscarriage, but surely that was no reason to cut him out of her life too? Perhaps he should just get on a plane and go to her in Ireland. But what if she wouldn’t see him? What if he made it worse?
Matt stood up, coming to an instant decision. As he marched toward his laptop, he knew anything was better than the uncertainty he was suffering just now. Even if Grania told him point-blank it was all over, it had to be preferable to being in the dark.
Matt logged on and was starting to explore flights between New York and Dublin when the intercom buzzed. He ignored it. He wasn’t expecting any visitors and certainly wouldn’t welcome any either. It continued to buzz insistently until, out of sheer irritation, Matt walked across the sitting room and pressed the intercom. “Who is it?”
“Hi, hon, just passing by, thought I’d check in to make sure you’re OK.”
Matt pressed the entry button immediately. “Sorry, Charley, come up.” He left the door ajar, and went back to his perusal of flights. Charley was one of the few people he could stomach seeing. A childhood friend, she’d moved off his radar—along with many of his old buddies—when he and Grania had gotten together. Grania had felt uncomfortable with his old Connecticut group, so he’d given them a wide berth for her sake. A few days ago, Charley had called out of the blue and said she’d heard from his folks that Grania had disappeared back to Ireland. She’d come across town and taken him for a pizza. It had been good to see her.
A few minutes later, a pair of arms snaked around his shoulders and Charley planted a soft kiss on his cheek. A bottle of red wine was deposited on the desk next to his laptop.
“Thought you might need this. Shall I get us a couple of glasses?”
“That would be just great. Thanks, Charley.” Matt continued to compare and contrast timings and costs as Charley uncorked the wine and poured it into two glasses.
“What are you looking at?” she asked as she threw off her boots and curled her long legs beneath her on the sofa.
“Flights to Ireland. If Grania’s not coming back here, I gotta go to her.”
Charley raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “You think that’s sensible?”
“What the hell else am I meant to do? Hang around here, going half out of my mind while I try to figure out the problem, and hitting a blank wall time and again?”
Charley threw back her mane of glossy dark hair and took a sip of wine. “But what if she just needs some space? To get over . . . well, you know. You might make things worse, Matty. Has Grania said she wanted to see you?”
“Hell, no! I just called her and she asked me to stop contacting her.” Matt rose from the laptop, took a large slug of wine and joined Charley on the sofa. “Maybe you’re right,” he sighed. “Perhaps I should give her some more time and eventually she’ll come to her senses. Losing the baby was such a blow to her. You know how eager Mom and Dad were for the next gen
eration to make an appearance. Dad hardly did much to hide his disappointment when he showed up at the hospital after the miscarriage.”
“I can imagine.” Charley rolled her eyes. “Subtlety was never one of your dad’s qualities, now was it? Not that he’s ever offended me, but then you guys have been like family, so I’m used to him. But I suppose to an outsider like Grania it might have been hard for her to cope with.”
“Yes.” Matt rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. “Maybe I just didn’t do enough to protect her. I know how uncomfortable she’s always been about the difference in our backgrounds.”
“Matty, honey, really—you couldn’t have done more. You even put me in the garbage can when Grania came along.”
Matt looked at her and frowned. “Hey, you’re not serious, are you? That time when we dated could never have worked out long-term, could it? We both agreed on that, if you remember.”
“Sure, Matty.” Charley gave him a smile of reassurance. “It was always something that had to happen at some point, wasn’t it?”
“Sure it was.” Matt was pacified by her mirroring of his own thoughts.
“You know,” mused Charley, “sometimes, as I watch my girlfriends go through relationship traumas like this, I thank heaven I’m still single. I hardly know anyone that’s in a good space with their partners these days, although I really thought you guys had got it right.”
“So did we,” he replied sadly. “You’re not seriously considering spinsterhood for the rest of your life, are you? Out of our Greenwich crowd, you were ‘the one most likely to’; Sorority Queen, straight-A student and the most beautiful girl in your class. Now successful magazine editor . . . hell, Charley, you know you could have anyone.”
“Yeah, and maybe that’s the problem.” Charley let out a sigh. “Maybe I’m too darned fussy and no one is good enough. Anyway, now is not the time to be discussing me. You’re the one in a real mess. What can I do to help?”
“OK . . . should I get on a plane to Ireland tomorrow to try and rescue my relationship?” he asked.
“Matty, it’s so up to you”—Charley wrinkled her nose—“but if you want my opinion, I’d give Grania some space and time. She’s obviously got stuff to work out. I’m sure she’ll come back to you when she’s ready. She’s asked you to leave her alone, hasn’t she? So why don’t you do the lady’s bidding, and then maybe think again in a couple of weeks? Besides, I thought you were up to your eyes with work.”
“I am,” breathed Matt. “And maybe you’re right. I gotta give her the space she’s asked me for.” He reached out a hand and patted Charley’s outstretched shin gently. “Thanks, li’l sis. You’re always there for me, aren’t you?”
“Yes, honey.” Charley smiled from under her lashes. “I’ll always be here for you.”
• • •
A few days later, there was another buzz on Matt’s intercom.
“Hi, sweetie, it’s Mom. Can I come up?”
“Sure.” Matt opened the front door for her, surprised at the impromptu visit. His parents rarely graced this part of town, and never unannounced.
“Darling, how are you?” Elaine kissed her son on both cheeks then followed him inside.
“I’m OK,” Matt replied, too low and tired to make more of an effort. He watched his mom shrug off her fur coat, rearrange her subtly highlighted blond hair with a quick toss of her head and sit her perfect size six body elegantly on the sofa. He quickly removed his sneakers and a couple of empty beer bottles away from her tiny, stilettoed feet. “What brings you here?”
“I was up in town at a charity lunch and you’re on the way home.” Elaine smiled. “I wanted to see how my boy is doing.”
“I’m OK,” Matt repeated. “Can I fix you anything to drink, Mom?”
“A glass of water would do fine.”
“Sure.”
Elaine watched him as he went to the refrigerator and poured the water. He looked pale and tired and his body language betrayed his unhappiness. “Thanks,” she said as he brought her the water. “So, any word from Grania?”
“I called and spoke to her briefly a few days ago, but she sure doesn’t care to speak to me.”
“Have you found out why she left?”
“No.” Matt shrugged. “I don’t know what I’ve done. Christ, Mom, that baby meant everything to her.”
“She was real quiet when we saw her that day at the hospital, looked like she’d been crying when she came out of the bathroom.”
“Yeah, and the next day I arrived to visit her after work to find she’d checked herself out. I came back here and found a note saying she’d gone home to Ireland to stay with her parents. She hasn’t opened up to me since. I know she’s hurting, but I don’t know how to reach her.”
“You must be hurting too, honey. It was your baby as well as hers,” Elaine commented, hating the sight of her precious son in pain and suffering alone.
“Yeah, it doesn’t feel too good just now. We were gonna be a family. It was, like, my dream . . . shit! Sorry, Mom.” Matt did his best to try and stem the tears. “I love her so much, and that little one, who didn’t make it, who was part of us . . . I . . .”
“Oh, honey.” Elaine stood and reached up to take her son in her arms. “I’m so, so sorry. If there’s anything I can do to help . . .”
Matt wished his mother hadn’t caught him at such a low moment. He dug deep to find the strength to pull himself back together. “I’m a big boy now, Mom. I’ll be OK, really. I only wish I knew what it is that’s made Grania run away. I just don’t understand it.”
“How about you coming to stay with us for a while? I don’t like to think of you all alone here.”
“Thanks, Mom, but I’ve got a heap of work. I just gotta believe that Grania will come back in her own time, once she’s licked her wounds. She’s always been a law unto herself. I guess that’s why I love her the way I do.”
“She’s certainly unusual,” agreed Elaine. “And doesn’t seem to care for the rules most of us abide by.”
“That’s maybe because she wasn’t brought up with them,” countered Matt, not in the mood for any snide parental comments or “I told you so’s” about his choice of love.
“Oh no, Matt, you got me wrong,” Elaine said hastily. “I really admire Grania, and the two of you, for stepping outside the box and being together simply because you love each other. Maybe more of us should follow our heart, rather than our upbringing.” Elaine sighed. “I’ve got to be getting back. Your father has his golfing buddies coming round for their annual winter dinner.”
Matt duly collected then held out Elaine’s fur coat for her to put on. “Thanks for coming, Mom. I appreciate it.”
“It was good to see you, Matt.” She kissed him on the cheek. “You know I’m proud of you, don’t you? And anytime you want to talk, I’m there for you, honey, really. I understand . . . how you must feel.” A hint of sadness appeared in her eyes, then disappeared as quickly as it had come. “Bye, Matty.”
Matt closed the door behind her, sensing that she really did empathize with him. And, loving her for it, he realized for the first time how little he knew of the woman beneath the shiny veneer of perfect Connecticut wife and mother.
4
Once Kathleen had left for Clonakilty to do the weekly shopping the following morning, Grania walked to the barn where the old newspapers were stored and collected a pile of them. She rooted through her father’s chaotic workshop and came out triumphantly with a mildewed box of wallpaper paste. Putting them in a carrier bag, Grania set off down the lane and headed up toward the cliffs. If Aurora didn’t appear—and as no specific time had been set yesterday for them to meet, it was likely—she would simply come back home.
As she walked, Grania pondered on the numbness inside her. It felt as if her life was happening to somebody else, as if she was walking through treacle and couldn’t reach her own feelings. She simply couldn’t cry or bring herself to confront Matt, or
work out whether her reaction had been rational. That would mean contending with the pain, and the safest and best solution was to shut down. What was done, was done, and couldn’t be erased.
Grania sat down on the rock overlooking the sea at the top of the cliffs and sighed. She’d really believed, as the two of them had watched their friends’ relationships fall by the wayside, that they were different. Grania blushed in embarrassment for all the smug conversations the two of them had shared. The “it’ll never happen to us” and the “aren’t we lucky, poor old them” comments burned in her memory. They too had fallen prey to the complex, ever-changing maelstrom; the state of male and female trying to live in harmony together.
Grania stared out at the cold, gray sea and suddenly knew huge respect for her own parents. Somehow they had managed to do the impossible—to compromise, accept and, most important, remain happy for thirty-four years.
Perhaps it was simply because, these days, expectations were so high. The hierarchy of needs had moved on. No longer did a couple have to worry about providing enough food to feed their children, or where the next penny was coming from. Or whether, in fact, their infants would survive through a dangerous childhood disease. Now the concern was not so much to do with keeping one’s body warm through a long winter, but what designer label one should wear to do the job. These days, few women in Western society had to kiss their husbands good-bye not knowing when or if they would see them again, as they went off to fight. The bottom line was they were past the business of simple survival.
“Now we demand happiness. We believe we deserve it.” Grania spoke the words out loud, envying rather than pitying the acceptance and stoicism of her parents. They had little in the way of material possessions, and their horizons were narrow. Inconsequential things made them smile, but that smile was shared in mutual understanding of each other and their lot. Their world was small, but at least it was secure within its boundaries and gave them a bond. Whereas she and Matt lived in a wide-open metropolis, where the sky was the limit for both of them and there were dangerously few limitations.
The Girl on the Cliff Page 3
