by BL Mute
“The namesake is to Teddy, not us,” I retort.
He rolls his eyes. “What the fuck ever, Lucas. Get over the fact she loved Teddy, and do the right thing.”
I want to hit him, but I restrain myself. “Fuck you” is all I say before pushing past him and walking through the revolving glass door of the casino.
When I walk inside, I try to keep my eyes down. If I’m lucky, no one will notice me. I only have to worry about the girls I’ve fucked around with, so I’m dodging every female I see like bullets.
Once I hit the middle of the casino, I glance behind me and see Julius just a few feet behind me. I roll my eyes and jut my chin toward the back. There is an opening in the wall that makes way to a hallway. When I make it, I stop and wait for Julius, thankful no one we know has seen us.
Once he’s beside me, I point to the right. “You go right, I’ll go this way. Try and find something we can use or take notes of anything suspicious, because this won’t be our last time here.” He nods as we split.
My shoes pad against the ugly maroon carpet as I venture further and further down the long hall. There isn’t anything special about the long stretch. Basic cream paint covers the walls with modern sconce lights every few feet. After about thirty yards, the wall turns left and leads down another long stretch before it stops at a door leading to a stairwell.
I open the door easily, surprised it isn’t locked, then start down the stairs. Two flights later, I’m met with another door. Unlike the first, this one has frosted tint over the small window and a keypad to enter a code for entry.
I wait around for a minute, about to give up and walk all the way back, when it opens and a man in a suit comes out buckling his belt. Sweat beads off his forehead, and his fat chest huffs over and over.
I stay positioned almost completely behind the door and give him a nod and sly smirk.
“Have fun in there.” He winks.
Fucking vile dick.
It takes everything in me not to snap and bash his head through the little bit of glass on the door, but I have to remember I don’t want to be seen. I can’t draw any attention to myself. I take in a deep breath, then walk inside as I exhale.
When the door closes behind me, I take a moment to study the room. I say room, but it’s more than that. There is a foyer-type opening right inside with two more hallways running alongside each wall and doors lining either side.
When I glance to my left, I see a mirror image of myself. I hurry over and grab Julius by the arm. “How’d you get in here?”
He jerks out of my hold. “I just followed the hall, then took some stairs. The door was locked, but someone walked in before me.” He points toward the door behind him.
After I look around again, I notice the place is in the shape of a U almost. The center is covered by what I’m assuming are rooms, all connected by essentially the same walls, with a hallway running beside them and more doors on the other side, leading to more rooms.
“What the fuck,” I whisper.
Slowly and quietly we stalk down one hallway. Each door has a slit of glass, giving you the smallest glimpse inside. Some rooms are empty, and some rooms are very much in use. I try to listen and see if I can hear any commotion, something that isn’t right, but all I can make out are soft moans of women and throaty grunts of men.
When we make it to the last room, I’m surprised when I don’t see an opening to look inside, but the frame of the door is replaced, leaving a thin opening along where it latches. I lean down and close one eye, doing my best to see the scene on the other side.
A blonde woman is lying on a bed with a metal frame. Both of her hands and feet are tied and bound to the bars, and there’s a gag in her mouth. She thrashes her body over and over like she’s trying to break free. It’s the woman from the picture in the file.
I place my hand on the knob, ready to walk in and save her from whatever fate she has, but then a dark figure appears from the far side of the room. He treks toward her slowly, loosening his tie and tipping his head to stretch his neck.
“What is it?” Julius asks from behind me.
I stand straight and face him. “We have to go. We can’t do anything about this right now.”
“What do you mean?” He pushes me to the side and leans down to look through the slit himself. “No, fuck that. We’re going in there!” he yells.
I push his chest hard, making him stumble away from the door, then take one last look. The man obviously heard his outburst and is hurrying to tighten his tie as he walks toward the door.
“Fuck, Julius. We can’t risk this shit right now. We’ll come back for her, but we can’t do it now. We need to stick to the fucking plan.”
He shakes his head and huffs. “Oh, I forgot you only give a fuck that a woman is being raped if it’s Charlie.”
I take one swing at his face and miss as he dodges. “You know that isn’t true. I’m just trying to look at the bigger fucking picture. I know it’s terrible, but unless you want to throw the fuck down with every security guard here, we can’t do this now. We need backup.”
“Fucking coward.” He spits before walking away.
The door behind me opens, and the man steps out. “Everything okay out here?”
I face him and bite my tongue. “Fucking dandy. Now mind your own fucking business.”
He holds up his hands and backs back into the room. “Just trying to get my money’s worth. I’ll leave you to it.”
My mouth goes dry and my ears start to pound, but I tell myself to keep my cool. I can’t do anything stupid and ruin shit before it’s even begun. I let him go back into the room and close the door, then catch up to Julius.
“We will save her and everyone else. We just have to keep our heads on. We can’t risk shit.”
He ignores me completely as we exit the hellhole and make our way back up the stairs, down the hall, and out the casino.
When we make it back to the car, I slide in and order Carl to take us to Red Eye. I probably shouldn’t, but my emotions are threatening to get the best of me. The only thing that seems to help is booze.
I want to help get the woman out of the situation she’s in, but I don’t know her. I’d like to think I’m a decent person, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t selfish. At this moment my only worry is Charlie. She will just have to wait.
Carl slows the car in front of the club, and I’m surprised when I look up. People aren’t lining the streets like they normally do, but I guess that’s what happens when you neglect something. The neon sign displaying the name flickers, some of the letters taking longer to come back to life than the others.
“I don’t really think this is a good idea, Lucas,” Carl says.
I drag my eyes away from the building and look at him. “You know, normally I would agree. But if I’m going to fucking die just like Teddy because people want to be reckless, I’m going to do it drunk.”
I step out of the car and slam the door. I know Julius heard me loud and clear, and that’s all I wanted. I don’t know another way to make the importance of being smart more known. Of course I feel bad for the blonde, but he can’t expect us to go in there alone, guns blazing, and not get fucking killed.
When I make it to the bouncer, he lifts the velvet rope and steps to the side. Even if we haven’t been here in a while, it’s nice to know the people here remember us. I push past him and go straight to the bar. Normally, I’d immediately go upstairs, not even bothering to stop here, but shit is different now.
I shake the thoughts away, then look to the bartender. “Whiskey on the rocks.” He nods and walks to the other side of the bar.
As I wait, I look around the place. It isn’t crowded, so I’m able to see so many things I somehow missed before. The dance floor in the center is practically bare, but the booths lining the wall are filled with partygoers sipping their drinks and bobbing their head to the music. As I study all of their different faces, I’m filled with envy.
Envy because I
know no matter what, I will never be able to live a carefree life like them and actually enjoy a night out without having to watch my back because there is a target on it.
Not unless I can convince Charlie to leave once all of this is over…
I’m snapped back to reality when the bartender returns and sets my drink in front of me. “Here you go, Mr. Hale.”
I give him a nod as I take my first sip. “Keep them coming. If my glass is empty, I’m not happy.”
He nods, then steps away as I drink. Then drink some more, and then drink some more.
I’ve tried to push Lucas’s words out of my head all morning because I’m sure he didn’t intend for me to hear what he said. But over and over, they play on repeat in my mind. I was asleep, but the nightmare came just like it does almost every night. I was going to get up, try and clear my head, but when my door opened, something told me it was Lucas.
I have feelings for Lucas, more that have grown just over the past few months, but I don’t want to take that leap and be burned again. Lucas is exactly like Teddy in a lot of ways. He’s arrogant, cocky, and ruthless when it comes to things he wants. I never thought Teddy would ever do what he did to me. I thought in a way my love could change him, mold him, and I was wrong. I’m not sure if I want to take that chance with Lucas.
I’d rather love him silently and secretly before making the same mistake I did before.
I leave my room and walk into the empty living area. All of the boys left last night after Lucas basically confessed love to me and haven’t been back since. I didn’t bother calling them because I’m not sure I even want to face Lucas at this point.
I’m too ashamed to admit I love him, but I’m too ashamed to say I don’t too. I don’t see the point in dragging him along.
I pace the floor, wondering if maybe now is the time to start worrying, but just as the crazy unlikely scenarios start playing in my mind, the front door opens and Carl steps in.
“Where have you been? I have an appointment at four, and I was getting worried.”
Before he can answer, Julius breaks the threshold with Lucas tucked into his side. “Where can I put him? He’ll be fucked for a few hours at least.” He seems annoyed and angry, but I don’t ask why.
I’ve learned when it comes to the two of them, it’s better to let them work it out alone. They function on their own wavelength together. When they are in the middle of something together, their walls are impenetrable.
I can practically smell the booze on his breath from where I’m standing. I run my hand over my forehead and curse Carl and Julius both in my head for even letting this happen. “Just throw him on my bed I guess.”
As Julius pulls him further inside, then makes his way to my room, I look back to Carl. “What the fuck, Carl?”
“I’m sorry” is all he says.
“You’re sorry? Just a few months ago you were upset because he was the exact same way, and now you’re fucking enabling it?”
“I didn’t really have a choice, Charlie.”
“What does that even mean? Where have you all been?”
“We went to the casino to see if we could find more shit to offer Sebastian. The boys snuck in when we saw Emil leave and went down to the basement.”
My heart sinks when he says they went to the basement. “What did they see?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Just know it was bad enough for Lucas to want to hit Red Eye afterwards. And Julius brought up their dad. There was no stopping him.”
I release a breath and nod. I don’t know much about their dad, but I remember Julius giving me a little bit. How he used to be terrible to not only them but their mother too. How they killed him. My heart breaks for them both with just the thought. I couldn’t imagine having to live it.
But then my mind clings to where he was. Red Eye. The last time he was there, he had a bitch slobbering all over his dick. The mental image makes me angry even though I know I have no right. How can I be jealous when I’m the one holding back?
“I’ll deal with him. Run and grab some aspirin, water, and greasy food. Just whatever you think will help him sober up.”
I leave him without another word and walk to my bedroom door. I tap it lightly with my knuckles before turning the knob and stepping inside. Julius is sitting next to Lucas, holding his shoulder so he stays positioned on his side. “You can go, Jules. I got him.”
“He says shit he doesn’t mean when he drinks, Charlie. I think it’s best I stay with him.”
“I’ve dealt with him before. There isn’t anything he could say to upset me right now.” It’s a lie because I’m already upset, but he doesn’t need to know that.
He gives me a skeptical look. “I don’t want you getting worked up.” He glances to my stomach.
“I said I can handle it. Now go.”
He stares at me blankly. I prop my hand on my hip. “The only thing upsetting me right now is you, Julius. Let me take care of him.”
“You won’t be able to use the baby as an excuse forever, Charlie. Once it’s here, don’t expect me to be as nice.”
I laugh. “Shut up. You know regardless of me being pregnant you’ll always be nice to me.” There is nothing but truth in my statement.
Julius and I have always had some weird connection. It isn’t the same as what he and Lucas share, and it isn’t the same as what Lucas and I share, but it’s similar. I feel safe around him.
He smiles before getting up from the bed and leaving. I take his spot and run my fingertips through Lucas’s dark hair. “Why do you do this to yourself, Luke?” I ask, not expecting a reply.
“It’s easier than feeling,” he almost whispers.
His words pain me because I know he’s right. If I had the option to drink myself into oblivion, I would have done it by now. Emotions are so damn heavy, and having to carry them all the time is exhausting. I wish I could let go, be free, and say fuck everything that makes me feel, but I just can’t. It’s more than just me now.
“Not all feelings are bad,” I say, standing from my bed and pulling the thicker curtain over the window to join my mesh one.
“Say what you want, Flower. All feelings fucking suck.”
I stare down on him for a moment before walking around the bed and crawling in beside him. This is one of the moments I feel I can be unguarded with him. I don’t have to be hard or mean even if that’s how I feel. I can just be me because he probably won’t even remember in a few hours. “No. Love isn’t that bad.”
He laughs. “Isn’t that bad? Tell me how you feel about Teddy, then. Tell me the precise moment you fell for him and the precise moment you started to hate him. I bet you don’t even know the difference anymore between love and hate.”
I want to think of a witty remark to throw back at him, but I can’t because I know he’s right. When you love someone, red flags blur to white and toxic relationships are born. “Maybe you’re right,” I finally admit.
He turns on his side and faces me. “I know I’m right. But I also know it doesn’t even matter. If you feel something strong enough, nothing fucking matters.”
I want to look at him too, but I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll see everything I’ve been craving. Love. Compassion. Acceptance. And I’m scared if I see it, I won’t be able to back away even if he hurts me. The red flags will blur to white in the depths of his eyes.
“Look at me,” he says, almost as if he knows I’m avoiding it.
“I can’t,” I sigh.
“Why not?”
I bite my lip and squeeze my eyes shut. “You’re drunk, Lucas,” I say, trying to change the subject.
“And? Look at me,” he repeats slowly, almost in a purr.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. “Because I’m not sure if I love or hate you, and I don’t feel like figuring it out right now.”
The words leave my mouth before I can think, and I feel a weight lifted of
f me. I’ve been holding back out of fear, but I’ve already admitted my love for him before. Why does this time seem so much harder?
He stays silent, and I do too. I’m not sure what Lucas and I have, but I know I don’t want it to end.
“Flower?” he questions, his hot breath hitting my cheek, breaking the silence.
I turn to finally face him and immediately regret it. His eyes burn into mine with questions and confusion. His eyebrows pull together, letting confliction wash over his face. “I don’t know what it is about you. I’ve tried to figure it out, tried to pinpoint why I’m so fucking infatuated, but I just can’t.”
“Maybe you don’t know the difference between love and hate.” I use the same words.
When I first came around, I knew Lucas didn’t like me. I was an outsider coming in and fucking up the flow of their family. And honestly, I didn’t like Lucas either. I’m not sure when that changed, but it did. His arms became my safe haven, and his words drove me forward. I was never supposed to like him, let alone love him, but it happened, and now I don’t know what to do about it.
“Maybe not, but I know whatever this is, I don’t want to fuck it up.”
It’s always been hushed whispers, secret kisses, and diluted feelings with Lucas, and now that we have the chance to change that, I’m terrified.
“I’m scared,” I say honestly.
“Scared of what?”
“That you’ll hurt me. I can’t take another heartbreak.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Charlie.” He brushes my hair behind my ear.
I stare into his eyes, trying to read whatever is dancing inside his mind, but I have no luck. Lucas is a stone. “You only say these things when you’re drunk,” I sigh.
“A drunk mind speaks sober thoughts,” he remarks.
I chuckle. “Well, if you still feel this way tomorrow when you’re sober, then maybe we can talk. But for now, I just need you to rest.”
I pat his tight stomach, feeling his rigid muscles under his shirt. He grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him, then presses his lips to mine. “I don’t need to be sober to know how I feel,” he breathes between kisses.
