I leave my mom in the kitchen and head back to the foyer to pick up my bags. It’s been years since I’ve been in the cold weather and will need to go shopping. I’m hoping some of my old sweaters are still in my closet. Family photos cover the hallway walls. Climbing the steps, I stop at our most recent family photo, taken on the red carpet. My dad and Dominic are in tuxedos, while my mom and I are dressed in full-length gowns.
Stepping into my room is like walking through a time warp. Nothing has changed. Including my twin sized bed or my dollhouse style bookshelves. The same bluish / greenish dresser with a mirror is there, in the same spot, I left it. It’s funny I never upgraded my bed when I was in high school. I honestly think it was my father’s way of keeping the boys out of my room.
I stand in my front of my bookcases, looking at everything I’ve collected over the years. They used to be my favorite things in my room and as I look around now, I think they still are. My room isn’t large by any means, so my father tried to utilize the space best he could by giving me a place to, at first, store toys, which turned into trophies, photos and yearbooks.
Four books stand out the most to me. Maybe it’s because Mom and I were just talking about high school or maybe I’m feeling a bit nostalgic because I’m home. I pull out the one for my senior year and open it. The page is full of short stories, random phone numbers and well wishes from my classmates. They all promised to go watch my first movie, making me wonder if they did.
My eyes land on Aiden’s name. His handwriting was always so nice compared to other guys in our class.
Laney,
Our time was short, but sweet. I will miss your laugh, the way you tilt your head when you’re thinking too hard, and the way you smile when you see me. Love, Fish
My fingers run over the page, feeling the indent from his words. I’ve never wondered what it would’ve been like if I stayed in Ramona Falls or if I had gone away to college, and come home during breaks and summer vacations. What if Dom hadn’t been so crass about the relationship between Fish and I, would we have dated longer? Many of my classmates married their high school sweethearts. Some stayed here and started raising families, while others moved. What would my life be like if I hadn’t followed my dream of becoming an actress?
Closing the book, I set it down on my bed and head to the cabinet, which is part of my dresser. I pull the door open and drop to my knees. My mom must’ve taken the liberty of preserving my favorite sweaters because they’re all in there, sealed tightly in those plastic vacuum bags you see late night infomercials for.
I stay up in my room, unpacking. Every so often, my mom comes up to chat, telling me about the latest gossip. That’s the thing about Ramona Falls, gossip changes here like a clock changes time. Nothing gets past my mother, which is probably another reasons why I never dated seriously in high school. I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if someone told my mom they caught me making out behind the shed at the lake. It’d be so embarrassing. It’s ironic that I moved away from here to Hollywood, which is an even bigger place for juicy details. It seems I need the gossip to survive.
When I was little, I used to wait for my dad to come home from work by sitting on my knees on my mother’s “do not touch” couch with my stomach pressed to the back, trying to get as close to the window as possible. I’d wait until his car pulled into the driveway, then I’d rush to the door, eager to give him a hug. I remember he smelled like oil from working at the factory. I used to love that smell.
It wasn’t until I was in high school when he ran for mayor and won. Honestly, no one expected him to win because he lacked experience, but the margin of victory was a landslide and we went from a blue-collar family to what I call a dingy-white collar family. My mom still works at the bank. My brother’s a police officer. While I may be an actress, I’ve never forgotten my roots.
And that is why I’m sitting on my mother’s sofa, with my chin resting on my hands, watching and waiting for the headlights of my dad’s car to appear so I can run to the door and wrap my arms around his shoulders.
Six
Aiden
I wish I could say my day became increasingly better after my attempted lunch with Holly, but it didn’t. Eileen and Dominic took it upon themselves, probably with great pleasure, to decorate my locker with pictures of Delaney and left comments all over them, making it seem as if Delaney were asking for leniency with her speeding ticket. She didn’t receive a ticket, so their joke is not very funny. Although, when I saw my locker, I looked past the ridiculous words and focused on her beauty. She was a stunner back in high school, and now she’s even more gorgeous. Now that I’ve seen her in the flesh, I can’t shake her from my mind.
As for the rest of my day, I’m currently parked outside of Shelby’s house, contemplating what I’m going to say to her when I knock on the door to retrieve Holly. I rehearse the words repeatedly, thanking her for taking her afterschool. In my mind, I reach for Holly’s hand and we beat feet to the truck before Shelby can say anything.
Every so often, I look toward her house and see her standing in her large picture window. I hope that she knows it’s me, lurking in the darkness, and isn’t about to call the police on me, not least because if she did, it’d likely be one of my colleagues who answered the call and I’ve had enough teasing from them today. It’s hard though, to get out of the truck and walk toward the door. I don’t know if it’s because when I look at her house, I envision what Heather and I had thought our living room would look like at Christmas time, with a large tree lit and decorated for our neighbors to see. Knowing that reality is so far from happening really twists the knife in my chest, yet I’m determined to make it happen for Holly.
Shelby opens the door before I have a chance to ring the doorbell. Instantly, I’m swaddled in warmth. “Come in,” she says, holding the screen door open. I do, and stand on the doormat, waiting for Holly to come rushing at me. Shelby brushes against me as she closes the door. I want to think it’s innocent, but I’m not so sure. My sister has been trying to push us together for months now. “You can come in. The girls are in the kitchen.” Shelby motions toward her kitchen, at least I’m assuming it’s where her kitchen is located.
“Do I need to take off my shoes?”
“Nah, don’t worry about them.” She motions again, and this time I follow her into her large kitchen where her daughter, Shawna, and Holly are setting the table.
“Hey, Daddy, you’re just in time for dinner.”
“Dinner?” I ask, looking from my daughter to Shelby and back again.
“The girls were hungry and I didn’t want to spoil their dinner with cookies so I made a batch of spaghetti. You’re welcomed to stay.”
By the looks of the table, they were expecting me to stay. I don’t want to be rude, but I also want to get home. Holly and I need to have a long talk about manners and respect, especially when we’re in public. However, by the look I’m getting from my daughter, leaving now isn’t an option. Yet another point I’m going to have to talk to her about.
“Thanks.” I nod at Shelby, who returns my gesture with a smile. “So where am I sitting?” I ask the girls as I make my way to the table. There are four places set, two on each side. Both girls point, opposite of where they’re standing. I have a feeling this is a set-up though, especially as they both sit across from me.
Shelby brings everything to the table and refuses to let me help her. I feel like a clod, sitting here, as if she’s supposed to serve me. I should be doing something since she slaved over the stove to prepare a meal for my daughter and me, and even though it’s only pasta, there’s still an effort needed.
After Shelby places the food on the table, I stand and dish up the plates for the girls. It’s the least I can do. Much to Holly’s displeasure, I make her a bowl of salad, knowing it’s not her favorite. She eyes me, but doesn’t say anything, which is probably for the best.
“How was work?” Shelby asks after she sits down. I pause, mid-bite and let her qu
estion sink in. I don’t know her, at least not well. We see each other at school, our girls play together, and my sister talks about her non-stop, but that’s the extent of our relationship. I suppose, sitting at her table and eating her food has moved us to a different status.
“He pulled over Delaney Du Luca,” Holly says for me, shaking her head. I do believe there’s a slight eye roll going on as well.
“I heard that, but it took me awhile to piece together why everyone was up in arms.”
I clear my throat after swallowing. “Laney’s from here,” I tell Shelby. “She’s Ramona Falls’ sweetheart. Plus, her dad is the mayor.”
Shelby nods and returns her attention to her food. I do the same and try to keep my head down.
“But other than embarrassing the actress, work went well?”
“Yeah, I mean there isn’t much happening in Ramona Falls.”
“I once had my dolly stolen from my front yard. My mama called you, but you never came,” Shawna says as she sits back in her chair and crosses her arms.
I glance at Shelby, who looks mortified. I have a feeling she never called, but told Shawna she did. “I’m sure if I were working that day, I would’ve come right over and investigated.”
Shelby’s leg touches mine under the table. I’m going to take that as her silent thank you and let it go so I can enjoy the dinner she’s prepared for us. Throughout the course of the meal and dessert, the girls tell us about their day, talking about art class and how they’re having to create their own snowmen for the winter festival coming up. They tell us their artwork will be on display for everyone to see.
“We should take the girls,” Shelby suggests. I find myself tongue-tied at the suggestion, so I do the only conceivable thing I can think of, and nod.
After dinner, I help clear the table while Holly gets her stuff together. “Thank you for dinner, Shelby. You really didn’t have to do this.” I set the plates down in the sink full of water and turn to face her. Her hand rests on my bicep as she looks into my eyes.
“I wanted to, Aiden. The girls get along so well, and I just hate to think of you and Holly alone all the time.”
We’re not alone if we’re together, right? Although, there are times when I feel utterly shut off from life because of my situation. “Thanks, but we’re good. We make it work.” Shelby steps closer, closing the gap between us. I know if I step back that’ll drive the message home that I’m not interested. But maybe I am. Maybe it’s time for me to move on and start a relationship with someone. Shelby’s a good person. She’s involved with the Parent-Teacher Association, is Holly’s Girl Scout leader, and volunteers at the school when needed. She moved here about a year ago, wanting a quiet life after her divorce. “I should probably get Holly home and in bed,” I tell her. She smiles softly and follows me to the door.
“You know, Holly is welcome here whenever. I don’t mind.”
“Thanks, Shelby.” I nod and clear my throat to get Holly’s attention. “Are you ready?”
Holly begrudgingly drags herself to the door, stopping every few seconds to give Shawna a hug goodbye. Don’t they realize they’ll see each other tomorrow? As soon as the thought rushes through my head, I know tomorrows are never guaranteed. Holly and I know that better than anyone does.
“Bye, Aiden,” Shelby says after I step by her. Short of thanking her again, for dinner, I feel like I’m supposed to say or do something. Is a kiss on the cheek required here? I don’t want to send her the wrong message, but I want her to know I’m appreciative of the effort she’s put in. I muster up a smile and wave, and head to my truck with Holly dragging behind me.
“Hop in.” I give Holly a little boost into the cab of the truck and make sure she’s buckled into her booster seat before I shut the door.
“Did you have fun? I forgot to make sure you picked up the toys you played with.”
“I did,” she tells me, although I’m not sure which she’s referring to. Holly looks out the window, focused on the houses that have been decorated extensively as we drive home. “Can we put lights up?”
“Sure.” I make a mental note to ask my dad for a box of outside lights. It’s an expense I can’t justify right now. But if you had a partner, expenses would be split. I don’t know where that thought has come from, but I’m not sure I like it. Or maybe I do and it’s my subconscious telling me I need to find someone suitable for Holly and I. Young girls need a mother. “I want to talk to you about your outburst at school today.”
“I was angry.”
“I get that, Holly, but it was inappropriate and rude. You’re seven and you don’t have the right to speak to me like that, especially in front of others. If you’re angry with me over something, we can sit down and discuss it. However, when it comes to my job, you don’t have a voice in how I do my work. It doesn’t matter if I pulled over Delaney Du Luca or the President of the United States. The fact is, she was speeding, which means she’s breaking the law.”
“It’s embarrassing. All the kids were laughing at me.”
“Well, imagine how Delaney felt when she was pulled over for breaking the law. Don’t you think she was embarrassed?”
“I guess.” She sighs.
As soon as we pull into the garage, Holly hops out of the truck. She’s kind enough to turn the light on for me so I’m not blindly walking around while I close up. “I’ll start your bath as soon as I get inside.”
“Okay. Can we get a cat?” she asks from the doorway. I turn and look at her, puzzled by her question.
“Um… no.”
“Why not?”
Because I can barely afford to feed us, let alone a pet. “I’m not a fan of cats, Holly.”
“How about a puppy?”
I close the garage door and flip off the light, motioning for her to go inside. “No pets, at least not right now. Maybe over the summer we can talk about it.” Inside, the house is cold. Nothing screams I need to make a change like walking into a house and still seeing your breath.
“It’s cold,” Holly says as she uses her hands to warm up her arms.
“I’ll turn on the heat. Go start your bath, I’ll be there in a minute.” I watch as Holly makes her way to the bathroom. She closes the door and the sound of the pipes coming to life tells me she’s turned on the water. I stand there, in the dark, listening to the furnace come on and the baseboards creak. My hands clench as tears threaten to make an appearance. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I feel like I can’t provide for my daughter. It’s this house, the medical bills, and the fact that I don’t make enough to cover everything.
Someday. That’s my mantra. Someday everything is going to work out. Someday the bills will be gone and I’ll be able to do what I need to do to fix this house and give Holly the home Heather and I wanted to give her.
Seven
Delaney
I never thought I’d have to step foot again in what used to be my favorite mall. Yet, here I am among the feisty shoppers, fighting for the last prized Christmas toy, when all I want is a nice pair of boots, some thick socks, maybe a coat and a few scarves, and if I’m lucky, a pair of ice skates because the ones left over from my adolescent years have seen better days. All things I need in order to survive the harsh winter weather of Vermont.
I’m shoulder bumped, cut in front of and side swiped as I make my way toward one of my beloved stores. I have every intention of getting what I need and getting the hell out of Dodge. I’m no match for these mothers and their battle for holiday shopping greatness.
It’s been a few days since I arrived back in town. I was foolish to think everyone would drop what they’re doing to entertain me, forgetting people have lives here. Jobs, families, bills to pay, all while I’m on vacation and already bored out of my mind. I know I should use the time to relax, maybe catch up on some reading, and learn to just be me again without having my name attached to a project or whomever I’m dating. I should find myself and go back to my roots, and that’s what I’m goin
g to do.
With my hair tucked under my beanie, I meander in and out of stores. Even though I have a list, I’ve already veered off and bought a few things at Guess, Burberry, Anthropologie, and Calvin Klein, realizing I need Christmas presents for everyone.
For the past two stores though, I feel like someone has been following me. Normally, said person would have a camera stuck to their face, but not here, and each time I look over my shoulder, they turn away. I’m not naïve enough to think I won’t be noticed, but the thought did cross my mind that I’d be able to get my shopping done without anyone recognizing me.
Apparently, that’s not the case as the person has followed me out of the store. My steps become a bit faster and my head feels as if it’s on a swivel as I try to find a security guard, but the only people I spot are a group of women, both young and old, with their cell phones out and poised for action. Turning around, I realize I’m trapped and have unfortunately found myself cornered in by nothing but walls. I can’t even escape into a store to ask for help.
The women surround me, saying my name and asking me to look their way. They’ve seen one too many Entertainment Weekly red carpet broadcasts in my opinion. I frantically look everywhere but at them, hoping they comprehend that they’re scaring me, and this isn’t the way to get me, let alone anyone, to do as they demand.
Questions are tossed at me, asking me why Trey and I broke up, did I know about the baby, am I jealous, am I pregnant, and what am I doing here. Some tell me they’re my biggest fans while trying to get me to pose for a selfie. If the onslaught wasn’t so pushy, I may oblige them, but my fight or flight is kicking in and everything within is telling me to run.
They’re closing in, making their semi-circle around me even smaller and pushing me into the wall as much as possible. I don’t think I’d be able to escape, even if I tried. The mob mentality right now is ridiculous, and the people walking by have joined in.
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