Jake paced back and forth in the dark parking lot of Rudy’s. He had gone home after the event just as he had planned and grabbed his Harley. Cara wasn’t expecting him to pick her up, and she sure wasn’t expecting anything else he had planned. He blew out at a breath, and damned himself. Now was a fine time not to be a smoker, fucking cancer. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a lollipop. He stared down at the sucker and shook his head nothing like, taking the edge off with a dum-dum lollipop. He shoved it in his mouth and crossed his arms against his chest.
Maybe he should’ve planned this better. He could’ve taken her out to dinner or taken her on one of those, horse and carriage rides. He had heard people get engaged all the time in those things. He didn’t really like that idea though. The smell of horses disgusted him, how the hell could a woman think that’s romantic. He laughed at himself; he was actually contemplating on how he could romance Cara into agreeing to marry him. What a joke.
He didn’t need to be anything than what he was, she loved him flawed and all and he knew that. So him standing around second guessing how he was going to ask the one girl who meant everything to him, if she would share her life with him and be his wife, was a waste of time. He just had to be himself. Just had to be the Jake he had always been to her.
Then he went pale. What he should be worrying about, is if she said no. Imagine that. All the lollipops in the state wouldn’t get him through that one. He ran his hand over his head. Well shit, he hadn’t thought about that. The pacing continued again. What if she didn’t want to marry him, could he really blame her? He believed he was okay, that cancer was just passing through, but what if that wasn’t the case. Maybe he should’ve waited until he knew for sure. He didn’t want to bring her down in the pit of hell with him. He was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, and he was about to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him. Every dream she had for herself in the future, a home, a family, kid’s, all that he wanted to be able to give her. He wanted to be the one man that made all those dreams of hers come true.
Fuck, Jake! Cut it out, he told himself. If Cara knew he had been thinking these thoughts that would be the only reason she’d say no. All the, what if’s in the world didn’t matter, and deep in his heart he knew that. Maybe they wouldn’t have forever, but whatever time they did have, he knew no other man would love Cara the way he did. He reclaimed his confidence and grabbed his phone. Show time, he told himself as he texted his girl that he was outside.
“I’m going to take you on the ride of your life.” He said to himself as he stared at her picture on the screen of his phone.
Her phone chimed from in her back pocket. When she reached for it, she saw the text message from Jake. “I’m outside.” He had gone home, when she decided to stay behind to help with the cleanup. Cara didn’t think much of it, she figured the length of the day and all the festivities had caused him to be tired. She smiled down at the screen of her phone and looked around the bar. She bid her goodbyes to the crew finishing up and headed out the front door.
When she stepped into the parking lot she felt a sense of déjà vu. Jake was leaning against his original motorcycle. His feet were crossed at his ankles and he held a helmet dangling from the chin strap by one finger. He looked handsome as he leaned against the bike, staring at her with that crooked grin of his. It was the early hours of the morning, just around the same time when he first asked her to hop on the back of his bike and took her for a ride.
“I thought you’d be fast asleep by now.” She said as she took a few steps towards him.
He shook his head and uncrossed his feet, standing to his full height. He cocked his head and studied her. Cara swallowed harshly against the lump in her throat, he was looking at her as if it was the first time he saw her. He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and she felt as if an electric current had passed through them. She wondered if they’d always feel that pull, even when they were old and the years had passed them by.
“It felt great out there today, on the road.” He said as he kept his hand on the strand of hair he had safely tucked away. “But something was missing.”
She squinted and forced herself to try and focus on what he was saying. She was too distracted by the way the moonlight danced in his blue eyes. “What was missing?” She said, finding her voice.
“You.” He said simply before smiling softly at her. “It’s not quite as fun, as it is when you’re wrapped around me.”
She laughed, if only she was immune to his charms. He glanced down and remembered the helmet he had for her. He lifted it and slid it over her wild locks of hair. She tucked the loose strands behind her ears and he fastened the strap under her chin. He yanked it, making sure it was tight enough before bending his knees a bit to be eyelevel with her. He laced his fingers with hers and peered at her.
“Go for a ride with me?” He whispered. Cara was taken aback by the question in his voice, and the emotions in his gaze. Her tongue snaked out and ran nervously along her lower lip before she managed to nod. He processed her answer for a moment and then grinned. He leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers, in the softest of kisses.
When he straddled the bike she took her cue and climbed on behind him. She wrapped her arms around as tightly as she could, leaning into his body and breathing in his scent. He stole a quick glance at her from over his shoulder before he peeled out onto the open road.
The wind swept through them, and they became alive against the dawn of a new day. They drove and drove as they did on their first ride. The bends in the road were familiar to her, and she swayed against him, when they took a turn. She could feel his heart beat under the thin fabric of his T-shirt as her hands laid flat against his chest.
They had ridden for a little bit less than an hour before Jake turned onto the dirt road that led to their spot. When he turned off the engine, part of her didn’t want to get off the bike. She wished they could ride forever, locked away in their bubble of happiness. Jake climbed off the bike and placed his hands on her hips, he lifted her off the seat and she swung her leg over. When he set her down on her feet, her body brushed the length of his. He smiled down at her and took one of her hands, he walked backwards not taking his eyes off of hers.
When they reached the cliff that overlooked the train tracks, he moved around her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. They took in their surroundings, and remained silent in their comfortable embrace. The sky was changing colors right before them as the sun began to peak.
“You remember the first time we came here?” He said against her ear.
She smiled as she remembered and leaned into him. “Of course I do. You declared this place ours.” Her voice was wistful as she pictured that day in her head. They had sat on those rocks to the left of where they stood now. It was the birthplace of their contingency plan.
He ran his hands down her arms, and she could feel how sweaty they were. She looked over her shoulder at him. He wasn’t sweating, and didn’t look as if he was suffering from anything other than nerves. She turned in his arms and reached up to touch his cheek.
“Are you okay?” Her eyes searched his for the answer to her question. He didn’t answer though. Instead, he blew out a strangled breath and looked down at his feet. Her fingertips traveled his jaw and tipped his chin upward. He smiled crookedly, almost sheepishly, as he met her gaze.
“What’s the matter, Jake?” Her voice cracking as her nerves began to take over. She couldn’t remember a time when she had seen him this nervous.
He licked his lips and stared at her, before he slowly took the hand she held to his face in his. He looked down at their joined hands and then back up into her eyes.
“Cara.” He began, and then he cleared his throat. When he started again, he sounded more like himself, but still his voice was raspy. “You’ve been my best friend. You’ve been my lover. And you’ve been my pillar of strength.” He exhaled sharply and smiled as she cocked her head. She did
n’t know where this was going and she was a beat away from interrupting him and rambling nonsense just to shut him up.
“I was wondering if you’d be willing to add one more thing to that list.” He said as he raised an eyebrow and was grinning like an innocent boy asking for another cookie from the cookie jar. He looked so young right then and there, so carefree and full of life. She felt the vice on her heart loosen a bit and laughed.
“You just name it.” She said and she heard the relief in her voice.
“You sure about that?” His face suddenly grew serious.
There was nothing he could ask of her that she wouldn’t be willing to give. She nodded, confidently.
“Do you even have to ask?” She tilted her head to the side and smiled at him lovingly. She fought the frown that threatened. She wished he didn’t feel the need to physically ask her anything. He should know by now that she would go to the ends of the world for him.
He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. Staring at her, he saw everything that had brought them to this moment reflected in her eyes. The friendship that was the cement of who they were, the love that overpowered anything he ever felt before in his life. The devotion that shined in her hazel eyes, made his heart heavy.
Suddenly, Jake’s lips quirked and he began to shift. Their eyes locked and he watched the shock appear in hers as he kneeled in front of her on one knee. He took her hands in his and grinned wildly at her. This was it. She was it.
“Cara, will you be my wife?” He asked and looked up at her with hope in his eyes. Please say yes, he silently prayed.
She was positive, standing there and staring at his face, that, she would die remembering how he looked at her that very moment. She gasped and sobbed at the same time. He wanted to marry her. The tears fell uncontrollably down her cheeks. She had never wanted anything more.
“You’re asking me to marry you. You’re on your knee asking me to be your wife.” She said in shock and he merely grinned at her.
“You’d make me the luckiest man in the world if you said yes.” He said and squeezed her hand reassuring her that he meant every word.
Her eyes widened as she realized this wasn’t a dream and a smile spread across her face.
“Yes.” She laughed. “Oh my God, yes!” She fell to her knees and threw her arms around him, pulling him tightly to her. She could feel the tension in his body release itself as she embraced him.
“I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making you happy.” He said into her ear as he held onto her for dear life.
They stood wrapped in each other’s arms for a while, rejoicing in their commitment to one another. Jake was the first to pull back. He cupped her face in his hands and ran his thumb along her bottom lip that still quivered from her crying.
“I love you.” He whispered. “I always have and always will. In sickness and in health, until death do we part…” He choked on the last words and she answered his vow by sealing her mouth over his.
Cara had never known love until Jake came into her life. She was just a girl when he met her, whose world was broken. He picked up the pieces of that girl and made her whole again. He taught her to love and to be loved. He allowed her to dream and now together they would chase those dreams. No words could describe what she felt, maybe just one. Complete.
Jake’s mouth broke from hers and he offered her a smile when she opened her eyes, dazed that he had ended the kiss.
“We have to make it official.” He said proudly and reached into his pocket. She watched as he pulled out a ring and took her left hand in his. He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed as he slid the diamond ring over her finger. The ring slid over the band of strength they each had tattooed to their ring fingers. They both looked at the two rings on her finger. The one of ink symbolized their past struggles and the one of platinum, the promise of a future.
Epilogue
Dear Cara,
I’ve decided to stop using this journal as an outlet for me during my illness. Today is the first day I will begin to fill the blank pages with letters to you. If I told you everything that was going on in my head, you’d probably beat the crap out of me. I’m too weak and the truth is I’ve seen you fight and you could probably kick my ass even if I was feeling a hundred percent.
All our plans for the future have once again been put on hold due to Cancer. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’ll say it anyway. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you’re going through this shit storm. I probably should’ve waited until I knew if the chemotherapy had worked for sure, before I asked you to marry me. But I was so sure. I guess that’s what they mean by false hope. All the medical websites I’ve been looking at, there are these testimonials from Cancer survivors, and their families. Most of the time, after you’ve received chemotherapy, your life goes back to the way it was before you were diagnosed. They say you feel like you are reclaiming your life, and that’s what I thought too. I wasn’t naïve to think I would be in remission when the PET scan results came back, but I did think that the chemo had worked a little bit. I know you were just as disappointed as I was when the doctor said it had done nothing but damage some of my organs.
I know that no matter what, even if we had just remained friends, you still would be my side. God allowed me time with the girl of my dreams and even allowed me to call her my fiancé. How could I ever complain?
I’m probably dying. I can say that on paper, but not out loud. The doctors have already told me that they cannot continue treatment with chemo, my body isn’t reacting well. Instead of it killing the cancer the drugs are killing me. The next step is a bone marrow transplant and we’re on the hunt for the donor. Luke and Sam are probably taking bets on which one of them will be the perfect match. I just hope it works. The thought of dying isn’t as scary as the thought of never seeing you again. To never see my sweet Cara go through all the milestones of life that we have been talking about.
It’s funny the, things I told myself I had my whole life to do, and procrastinated doing them, are things now I wish I had done. I want you to know I never thought I’d get married to anyone other than you, even when we were just friends. You used to tell me that you could picture your wedding but never the man you married. It was the opposite for me. I just pictured you. You’ve been asking me to marry you, not even caring what day of the week it is or if you even have your dress. The dream you had of your wedding, you’re willing to give up. You’re so hell bent on marrying my crazy ass that you’ll marry me in a hospital room. I’m flattered baby. So, fucking flattered. I keep telling you I’m going to get better and when the cancer is gone, you’ll get your wedding.
We’re not going to get married Cara. I want to explain why, so that when I die, you don’t hate me. I can’t leave this earth knowing that when I die, your future would die along with me. You’d be married to my spirit and to our past. You’d never look to fulfill your future. You wouldn’t remarry and have a family. You’d be alone, clinging to the past. You’d sit by my head stone and talk to me as if I was standing in front of you. Time would stand still for you and before you know it you’d be old and gray just waiting to be in the plot beside me. There would be no children and there would be no stories to tell your grandchildren. Don’t shake your head, I can picture you shaking your head and crying right now as you read this. Stop it. You know I’m right. I’m always right. Guess what I’m doing right now as I write this? I’m wiggling my eyebrows, because you know I’m right.
Seriously babe, I don’t want that for you. I want you to live your life. Go get married, have some kids, name one of them Jake. I’ll watch over them just like I’ll always watch over you. When your husband accidentally electrocutes himself hanging Christmas lights, know I’m even looking out for that son of a bitch too. Know that I’m happy that he’s giving my girl a chance at a good life. You’ll always be my girl, lucky for him; my mom taught me how to share.
Maybe you’ll never read these letters, but I have to write them anyway.
I want to be there for you, when I know you’ll need me the most. Just always know I love you.
Love Always & Forever Yours,
Jake
Jake stared down at the words he scribed for a moment before closing the leather bound journal. He took a deep breath, feeling the relief wash over him. It was the one thing he could do for her if he died, he’d be there to help her move on. He’d be able to go to the pearly gates with a clear conscience, knowing he took care of his girl.
“Hey, there you are.” Cara said as she stepped onto his parent’s front porch. She held out a glass of water to him.
He smiled up at her. “I’m just getting some fresh air.” He placed the glass of water on the table beside him and took her hand, pulling her onto his lap.
Cara smiled at him and held out her palm. “It’s time for your medicine.”
Jake’s eyes widened mischievously. “Why baby, are you trying to be my naughty nurse?”
She smirked but her eyes watched him warningly. He opened his mouth and she placed the pills upon his tongue. He reached for the glass of water and swallowed the pills like the perfect patient he was.
“Now that I was such a good patient, don’t you think you should reward me Nurse Cara?”
He said as he wiggled his eyebrows.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned her forehead against his. “How do you suppose I do that?” She said, mustering up a seductive voice and treated him to a kiss.
“Why don’t we go inside and see what pops up.” He suggested and cut off her laughter by kissing her sweetly. He made a mental note that in his next letter he’d have to thank her for being the best kisser. In fact, he was going to dedicate an entire letter to her mouth.
Pieces (Riverdale #1) Page 24
