Emily listened numbly as Ricky’s grandparents listed every one of her concerns. Their points were valid, but so were her own about becoming a parent. And they wanted Ricky to have a chance for a family with other children, something she couldn’t offer him, she argued.
“Your odds are better than ours” was their reply.
Sounds like something Kevin would have said.
“Emily, Ricky has already lost his parents, and most likely we will be next. It’s just not fair of us to put him through that again. If he has another young family, they will see him through.”
She was a doctor with a sometimes demanding schedule. Kids needed time, had schedules of their own. How could she ever manage to fit more into her days?
Emily’s mind reeled long into the night. A child. Me—a mother. A single mother, just like my mom. What would I do when I had an emergency? I’d have to hire a nanny. I can’t see me with a nanny in the house.
And Kevin. This could send him running forever.
Kevin, or Ricky?
Please, God, don’t make me choose between them.
Chapter Twelve
Emily had a difficult time telling Ricky goodbye, and found her own hesitation even more disturbing. The turn of events was overwhelming.
“You knew this before we left, didn’t you, Laura.”
“I didn’t know for sure, but I suspected when they asked if I knew you, and if you could come along.”
“You could have warned me it was coming.” Emily shifted in her car seat. “I must have sounded like an idiot telling them why I shouldn’t be his guardian.”
“Knowing earlier wouldn’t have diminished the shock, just made matters worse, I would think. You would have waited all weekend for them to bring it up. And what if I had been wrong? What if they had decided to continue to raise Ricky?”
“Guess it really doesn’t matter any longer, I know now. What am I going to do?” It wasn’t a question directed at Laura, and her friend seemed to understand. Silently, Emily went through the list of arguments at least a hundred more times in the four-hour drive home.
Emily had read the will, the wording of which did allow her to “find” Ricky a good home if she decided that was “best for all parties.”
How can I know what’s best, God? You didn’t bring him to me as a baby. And why—when Kevin and I are just working things out between us? I love Kevin, Father. I want him in my life. Yet he doesn’t want a family. I’m not even sure he wants a wife. How can I even consider bringing a child into the picture?
When she arrived home, a dozen roses were waiting on the table. Scrawled on an adorable teddy bear card was a note from Kevin: I’m just a call away, any time of day. Been thinking of you. Kevin. Katarina had left that morning on a marketing trip, so Emily had the house to herself for a few days.
She pressed her lips to the card and placed it back in the flowers. “Oh, Kevin, not today. I have too much to think about without letting you muddle my emotions more.” Emily took her bag upstairs to her room.
In the silence, she tried to imagine the noise Ricky’s boisterous personality would bring to the house. She considered how different it would be having someone else to take care of, to fix meals for, to get ready for bed at night. The exhaustion from spending that one evening with the Beaumont children was fresh on her mind. Though she would only have the one, she knew it would be a major adjustment, for both of them.
Emily emptied her bags and started the laundry, then baked a batch of snickerdoodles. She called Pastor Mike and asked him to see her early the next morning.
“Sure,” Mike said. “I hoped you would call. Ricky’s grandparents made a decision already?”
“You knew, too?” She could imagine Mike’s wry smile on the other end of the connection. She and Mike had dated a few times, and had mutually decided their combined giving careers would be too draining on a relationship to make a marriage work, but the two had remained good friends.
“Yes, but I couldn’t say anything. You know that.”
“Professional confidence. I know,” Emily mumbled. They were both intense personalities and took life very seriously. Emily valued him as a sounding board when she found herself too involved with a situation. “Well, the cat’s out of the bag now, and I need to talk.”
For a second night in a row, sleep eluded Emily. She was anxious to talk to Mike. The phone rang once, and she ignored it. She couldn’t face Kevin yet. Tomorrow would be soon enough.
At six the next morning, Emily walked into the pancake house and ordered a hazelnut coffee while waiting for Pastor Mike.
“Morning. Penny for your thoughts.”
She looked up, thankful Mike was finally here. “You may need to start charging for advice soon. This problem could bring in some big bucks.”
Mike laughed. After several minutes of small talk, the waitress took their order. Mike looked at her with his deep brown eyes. “So what’s the matter, Emily? Why do you hesitate to follow Gretchen and Jack’s wishes?”
Emily picked up the coffee cup and began turning it around in her hand. The waitress approached and offered to refill it. “Oh, no, thank you, I don’t drink coffee.” She looked at it, puzzled that she had already drunk a cup. She must be more distraught than she’d realized. Emily set the cup back in the saucer and pushed it toward the waitress to take to the kitchen, then looked back at Mike, who was looking sympathetic and waiting patiently for an answer to his question.
“I’m a single doctor, Mike.”
“That’s not my fault,” he said with a grin. “I tried to solve that ‘problem.’”
She couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry. The indecision formulated itself as a lump in her throat, and Emily paused for a drink of water.
“Sorry, Emily, I’m teasing. It’s just a wonder to me that you haven’t found someone to share your life.”
She cleared her throat. “That’s part of the problem. I have, I think. Remember the man I told you about who wouldn’t go with me to Maryland when I was accepted into Johns Hopkins?”
“The one who jilted you?”
The word sounded so much harsher now than it used to. She nodded. “He’s back. We started seeing each other again.”
He studied her, then added in his casual, jesting way, “Sounds easy enough. What’s the problem?”
She shrugged. “Kevin says he doesn’t want a family now—that our careers are too demanding. I know there must have been other things that happened after our breakup that hurt him, because he loves children. Kevin wanted a big family.”
“And you care enough about him to let that stop you from taking Ricky?”
“I’ve never stopped loving Kevin.”
Mike’s expression changed; a smile spread across his face. “Kevin…Bryan Beaumont’s best man?”
Emily blushed. “Yes. How did you…?”
Pastor Mike wiped his brow and smiled again. “He isn’t the jealous type, is he?”
“Why—?” She followed Mike’s gaze…right to Kevin. He was waiting to be seated, and simply tipped his head to her in acknowledgement. When the hostess came to seat him, he motioned toward the other side of the restaurant.
After her long, troubled night of soul-searching, the sight of Kevin made her fear all that much more real. “I can’t tell him about Ricky. Not yet.”
“You’re going to have to sometime.”
Emily moved to the edge of the booth. “Maybe Ricky’s grandparents will decide they can raise him.”
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it. They aren’t saying they don’t want him, but that they want what’s best for him. And they’ve determined their daughter and son-in-law made a sound decision in naming you guardian, Emily—”
“Will you excuse me for a minute?”
Without waiting for Mike’s answer, Emily walked up to Kevin and motioned toward the chair. “Do you mind?”
“I’ve only got a minute. I’m expecting Bryan and a couple more friends.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. It was a difficult weekend for me, and I needed time alone.”
She could see the hurt on Kevin’s face, even through his smile. “That’s fine. We’ll have to talk later—the guys are here.”
“Okay.” Emily stood up and backed away. “Morning, Bryan.”
His response was lost in the confusion of the others moving past to be seated.
When Emily returned to the booth, their meals had arrived, and Mike motioned for her to eat.
She couldn’t. Seeing how she’d hurt Kevin made her lose her appetite.
Pastor Mike finished eating a bite, then looked at her. “Emily, if I were in your shoes, I’d have the same questions, I’m sure. No decision is easy, especially when it involves the life of a child. You wouldn’t be content with your decision if you didn’t question it from all directions. That’s who you are. That’s probably the reason God led you into medicine. You don’t stop with the easy answer.”
She cut her omelette and took a small bite, wondering if that was a compliment, or a concern in this case. Should she just accept Ricky without doubts? Was she wrong to find the answer such a struggle? She felt so selfish. What kind of woman would hesitate to take in an orphaned child?
That question alone had been enough to keep her awake all night. She’d tried to convince herself that there were thousands of people who would love to have a little boy like Ricky. That just because she wanted a child didn’t mean now was the right time. That somehow, she would find just the right couple to take care of and give their love to the adorable boy.
Mike’s authoritative voice recaptured her attention. “As you make your decision, I’d like you to think about this story I heard: There was a woman who once asked God why she hadn’t been blessed with a child of her own. And God said, ‘You were. I did bring you a little boy who had no mother and no father. And I gave you a tender heart for him. He wasn’t a baby, true enough, but he needed the care and knowledge and love that only you could give him.’”
Mike paused. “Emily, God’s children don’t approach Him in the same packaging.” He swiped his head, then continued, “Some may be bald, and some may have beautiful red hair, and some may even have a past they would rather forget than deal with. Yet God welcomes each of us. It isn’t an easy decision to become a parent, whether it be by adoption, or by birth. Having another person to be responsible for is a great gift, one worthy of much thought and consideration and prayer.”
“Thank you, Mike.”
“I’m sure you’ll come up with the best decision for you and Ricky. And Kevin.”
Monday morning had been crazy. Seemed everyone had been waiting through the weekend to call the doctor. She hadn’t had a moment to think of anything aside from the stack of files she would still have on her desk at the end of the day.
She had just returned a patient’s call and had been put on hold—
“Help! We have a man hurt.”
Emily dropped the phone into the cradle and ran toward the construction area. “What happened?”
As she reached Kevin’s crewman, he turned and led the way. The two rushed through the tarps and down the ramp as he explained. “We were lifting the window from the truck, and it slipped from my hand. It knocked the boss to the ground. He’s out cold.”
“The boss?” Emily’s heart stopped. “Kevin?”
“Yeah, Kevin.”
Emily ran faster, nearly passing the man by. Hang on, Kevin. She turned to her nurse, who was trailing behind. “Go get the COR cart.”
Kevin was motionless, laying on his back in the dried mud. Several men surrounded him; glass from the shattered window covered the ground. His skin was pale, and there were cuts all over his face.
Ignoring the glass, Emily dropped to the ground and knelt beside him. “Kevin! Can you hear me?” She placed her cheek over his mouth to feel for breathing, automatically pressing her fingers on his neck to check for a pulse.
“He’s not breathing. There is a pulse. Call an ambulance!” She wasn’t going to take any chances, and there was no way she could chance moving him without a backboard. Emily saw one man holding a bloody rag to Kevin’s head, and hoped he hadn’t already moved the victim. “Why’s he not breathing?” she shouted.
No one answered. Patti returned and dropped to her knees next to Kevin’s head, setting the kit beside her. “The ambulance should be on the way.” Patti thrust his jaw forward, and Emily checked for an obstructed airway. “Do you want the mask?”
Seeing nothing in his mouth, Emily tried to blow air into his lungs. “Didn’t go in. Try the jaw thrust again.” Emily stayed in position, ready to move when Patti was ready. “Don’t you dare die on me!” she said to Kevin.
Patti continued to hold Kevin’s head steady and to pull his jaw farther forward. “You sure you don’t want the Ambubag…?”
Ignoring her nurse, Emily blew two deep breaths into Kevin’s mouth. “Nothing.” She tore the shirt open and straddled his torso. “Oh, no, you don’t, buster. You’re not getting off this easy!” Weaving her fingers together, she straightened her arms and began abdominal thrusts, then moved back to check for an obstruction of the airway. Emily opened his mouth and looked, swept a red-and-white peppermint candy from his mouth, and resumed the position for rescue breathing.
“Got it! Let’s start over.”
Patti readjusted his jaw just before Emily’s mouth covered his. Holding his nose closed, she gave him two deep breaths, and was relieved to see his chest rise this time. She checked his pulse. The beat was rapid. She checked his breathing, then breathed into his mouth again. “Come on, Kevin, you’re not going to give up, are you?”
You wouldn’t dare die on me! Don’t you dare. She paused, then breathed for him again. Please, God. Don’t let him die. I need him.
“Breathe, Kevin, three, four…” Emily continued the cycle as the ambulance’s warbling siren grew louder, then came to a sudden halt. Kevin coughed—a weak but welcome sound.
Emily felt a surge of relief as voices ordered the crew to move back. A man at Kevin’s head offered to take over.
Emily glanced up to the EMT. “He just started breathing again after I dislodged a piece of candy.”
“We’ll take over, miss.”
“I’m a doctor, and I’m not leaving the patient. Get the backboard and cervical collars ready. A window fell on him. He could have spinal cord injuries. Possible concussion. He’s still unconscious.” One medic ran to the truck, while the other quickly wrote the vital information Emily was rattling off on a piece of white athletic tape stuck to his pant leg.
“Sorry, Doctor. How long did you say he went without breathing?”
“Two, maybe three minutes.”
“But he’s breathing on his own now? That’s a relief.” While he talked, he took a penlight from his pocket and checked Kevin’s pupils. “Good job, Doctor. It looks like you got his airway opened fast enough. The pupils are still reactive. I agree, could still be a concussion. Too early to tell for sure, isn’t it.”
Knowing that Kevin hadn’t been without oxygen long enough to cause permanent damage, Emily felt as if a huge weight had lifted from her.
The paramedic had gone on with his job without waiting for an answer. The EMT placed the oxygen mask over Kevin’s nose and mouth. Then they slipped a C-collar beneath his neck and fastened it to stabilize his head. As they rolled him to one side, a large laceration was exposed on the back of his blond head. The other paramedic placed a four-by-four gauze bandage over the cut, while they slid the backboard under him.
“Cancel my appointments, Patti. I’m going with them.”
Emily worked with the trauma unit until the ambulance reached the hospital. Once the emergency room staff began the exam, Emily emotionally stepped away from her role as a doctor and let the woman in love take over.
She backed into a far corner, out of the way, yet close enough to be assured he was okay. She couldn’t leave him. She felt chilled and started shak
ing. She blinked back tears, watching as nurses prepared him for the myriad of tests to assess the damage.
Please, Father, don’t let him leave me again.
Kevin dozed, a fuzzy image of Emily wandering around in his head. He rolled over, felt a tug on his arm, then remembered the IV leash in the back of his hand.
He flopped back and shook his head.
Don’t you dare die on me!
Kevin groaned. Must be the drugs.
He heard Emily’s voice. Felt her touch. “Emmy.”
He’d seen a bright light, then immediately felt himself being pulled away from it.
Oh, no, you don’t, buster.
Someone was squeezing his arm. “Let me go,” he growled.
The feminine voice didn’t go with the firm grip. “It’s Darleen, your nurse. I’m just taking your blood pressure.”
He blinked his eyes open, surprised to see a woman standing beside him. The room was dim, machines beeped, and something was pinching his finger.
“You feeling okay?” Darleen asked.
He closed his eyes again.
Don’t you dare die on me!
He grumbled, then stretched his neck from side to side. “I must have been dreaming. What happened? I’m okay, aren’t I?”
“You’re looking better every minute.”
“Likewise.” He opened his eyes again to see the brunette leaving the room. “Hey, you’re not going to leave me all alone, are you?”
Darleen smiled. “You’re not alone,” she said, and continued out the door.
“You never stop, do you?” There was a welcome familiarity in that voice. He turned, greeted by Emily’s smile. “Much as I hesitate to admit it, it’s good to see you return to normal, even if you are flirting with someone else. How are you feeling?”
“I only flirt with my doctor. You should know that.” He blinked sleepily. “What happened?”
She told him about the accident. “It was quite a head injury. I thought I’d lost you again.”
“That why my head hurts?”
She nodded.
Second Time Around Page 12
